Re: Friendships for my mildly retarded adult daughter IQ 69

[Guest guest]

Jean

I hope there are some folks out there on IPADDU who have a similar situation. I

think they would need to know in which part of the state you live and even more

specifically, what town.

Ellen

Ellen Garber Bronfeld

egskb@...

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[Guest guest]

Jean

I hope there are some folks out there on IPADDU who have a similar situation. I

think they would need to know in which part of the state you live and even more

specifically, what town.

Ellen

Ellen Garber Bronfeld

egskb@...

Reply to sender | Reply to group

Messages in this topic (1)

Recent Activity: a.. New Members 2 a.. New Files 1

Visit Your Group Start a New Topic

MARKETPLACE

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[Guest guest]

Hi

How old is your daughter, where does she live, and what does she enjoy doing

(hobbies, interests, talents, etc). Thanks for sharing your story.

L.

Friendships for my mildly retarded adult daughter IQ 69

My daughter is a high functioning, mildly retarded individual and does not

recieve services from any agency. She was in special ed. all of her school

years.

I am most interested in how to begin a circle of friends group for others who

have fallen through the cracks and are drifting around, alone, lonely and

frustrated with their lives.

Because of my position with a park district and she worked part time for may

years and then full time as a preschool aide and functioned at a high enough

level to hold that job. Later she became full time in maintenance. I was her

boss. I retired three years ago. New administration took over with corporate

ideas. Since that time she has been very unhappy and wants to do something else.

She has been moved to full time 3:30 to midnight shift which worries me greatly.

She is the only one on the premisis from 9 p.m. to midnight. She dreams of

changing jobs and 'get on with her life', as she puts it, however, we keep

reaching dead ends. Department of rehab. did nothing for her other than to say

she was already gainfully employed.

She has expressed a strong desire to take a class in early childhood at the

community college, however, the chances of their special needs offerings are

limited and not available on weekends and often are dropped due not filling.

She lives independently and reclusively in her house and has 2 cats. She

drives back and forth to work and to her sister's house. We live in Illinois

with few services for adults. She longs for friends, but is unable to reach out

for fear she will be'found out'. She does not recieve any services from any

agency. Our family, which is small, is her only recreation. She has always

denied her disability and on appearance you would not guess there was any kind

of delay.

I know there are many other adults like her screaming for friendships. My goal

this year is to find these people and help them create a network of frindhips

and activities with others of like needs. I need some guidelines in order to

proceed.

I am at wits end and don't know where to turn to better her life.

Do you have any directives or ideas of what my first steps should be?

[Guest guest]

Hi

How old is your daughter, where does she live, and what does she enjoy doing

(hobbies, interests, talents, etc). Thanks for sharing your story.

L.

Friendships for my mildly retarded adult daughter IQ 69

My daughter is a high functioning, mildly retarded individual and does not

recieve services from any agency. She was in special ed. all of her school

years.

I am most interested in how to begin a circle of friends group for others who

have fallen through the cracks and are drifting around, alone, lonely and

frustrated with their lives.

Because of my position with a park district and she worked part time for may

years and then full time as a preschool aide and functioned at a high enough

level to hold that job. Later she became full time in maintenance. I was her

boss. I retired three years ago. New administration took over with corporate

ideas. Since that time she has been very unhappy and wants to do something else.

She has been moved to full time 3:30 to midnight shift which worries me greatly.

She is the only one on the premisis from 9 p.m. to midnight. She dreams of

changing jobs and 'get on with her life', as she puts it, however, we keep

reaching dead ends. Department of rehab. did nothing for her other than to say

she was already gainfully employed.

She has expressed a strong desire to take a class in early childhood at the

community college, however, the chances of their special needs offerings are

limited and not available on weekends and often are dropped due not filling.

She lives independently and reclusively in her house and has 2 cats. She

drives back and forth to work and to her sister's house. We live in Illinois

with few services for adults. She longs for friends, but is unable to reach out

for fear she will be'found out'. She does not recieve any services from any

agency. Our family, which is small, is her only recreation. She has always

denied her disability and on appearance you would not guess there was any kind

of delay.

I know there are many other adults like her screaming for friendships. My goal

this year is to find these people and help them create a network of frindhips

and activities with others of like needs. I need some guidelines in order to

proceed.

I am at wits end and don't know where to turn to better her life.

Do you have any directives or ideas of what my first steps should be?

[Guest guest]

Hi again

First off, thanks for asking the question about how to get started helping your

daughter find new friends. I think a lot of adults, typical and otherwise, are

lonely and in need of friendships or at least companionship. The best advice I

ever got in terms of how to find people is pretty simple: If you were new in

town and didn't know anyone, how would YOU go about getting to know folks? I

think the answer for our kids is pretty much the same as it is for us, albiet a

little tricker when you throw in the whole disability part. Here are some

thoughts:

1) Start with what written resources your town has, and look for clubs,

activities, or just places where people congregate who have certain interests

that might be interesting to your daughter, too. I did a quick search for

Winthrop Harbor and found your online quarterly village newsletter -- there are

lots of things listed there, from walking clubs at a local rec center to garden

clubs, wildlife clubs, etc. Perhaps that's a good place to start with your

daughter. The link to the newsletter is

http://www.whpd.org/village/newsletters/v13-i4.pdf.

2) I'm sure you also have a listing somewhere of area civic group chapters

(Rotary, Lions, Church groups, etc). Maybe in your local newspaper they list

volunteer opps or non-profits looking for volunteers or wishlists?

Volunteering, particularly if your daughter drives, could be very rewarding and

another way to meet people.

These are just some ideas. Perhaps you've tried these already, if so pls let us

know. Sometimes it's hard to make the first call (I know it was for me) and

there are varying opinions as to whether you disclose the disability up front or

not. I don't know what the right answer is. I'll be doing more of this same

thing this year for my own daughter who has autism and who will be aging out of

her school-district provided walking partners this year. Really I should be

the one walking with her (we both need the exercise) but she prefers to walk

with a friend over me any day. Which I guess is the way it should be.

Your daughter sounds like she's already achieved many of the things most of our

adult kids only wish they had: Drivers license, her own house, a job. Good for

her! You should feel really proud of her and of yourself for helping her get

this far.

Anyone else have other suggestions for Jean?

Laurie

Friendships for my mildly retarded adult daughter IQ 69

My daughter is a high functioning, mildly retarded individual and does not

recieve services from any agency. She was in special ed. all of her school

years.

I am most interested in how to begin a circle of friends group for others who

have fallen through the cracks and are drifting around, alone, lonely and

frustrated with their lives.

Because of my position with a park district and she worked part time for may

years and then full time as a preschool aide and functioned at a high enough

level to hold that job. Later she became full time in maintenance. I was her

boss. I retired three years ago. New administration took over with corporate

ideas. Since that time she has been very unhappy and wants to do something else.

She has been moved to full time 3:30 to midnight shift which worries me greatly.

She is the only one on the premisis from 9 p.m. to midnight. She dreams of

changing jobs and 'get on with her life', as she puts it, however, we keep

reaching dead ends. Department of rehab. did nothing for her other than to say

she was already gainfully employed.

She has expressed a strong desire to take a class in early childhood at the

community college, however, the chances of their special needs offerings are

limited and not available on weekends and often are dropped due not filling.

She lives independently and reclusively in her house and has 2 cats. She

drives back and forth to work and to her sister's house. We live in Illinois

with few services for adults. She longs for friends, but is unable to reach out

for fear she will be'found out'. She does not recieve any services from any

agency. Our family, which is small, is her only recreation. She has always

denied her disability and on appearance you would not guess there was any kind

of delay.

I know there are many other adults like her screaming for friendships. My goal

this year is to find these people and help them create a network of frindhips

and activities with others of like needs. I need some guidelines in order to

proceed.

I am at wits end and don't know where to turn to better her life.

Do you have any directives or ideas of what my first steps should be?

[Guest guest]

Hi again

First off, thanks for asking the question about how to get started helping your

daughter find new friends. I think a lot of adults, typical and otherwise, are

lonely and in need of friendships or at least companionship. The best advice I

ever got in terms of how to find people is pretty simple: If you were new in

town and didn't know anyone, how would YOU go about getting to know folks? I

think the answer for our kids is pretty much the same as it is for us, albiet a

little tricker when you throw in the whole disability part. Here are some

thoughts:

1) Start with what written resources your town has, and look for clubs,

activities, or just places where people congregate who have certain interests

that might be interesting to your daughter, too. I did a quick search for

Winthrop Harbor and found your online quarterly village newsletter -- there are

lots of things listed there, from walking clubs at a local rec center to garden

clubs, wildlife clubs, etc. Perhaps that's a good place to start with your

daughter. The link to the newsletter is

http://www.whpd.org/village/newsletters/v13-i4.pdf.

2) I'm sure you also have a listing somewhere of area civic group chapters

(Rotary, Lions, Church groups, etc). Maybe in your local newspaper they list

volunteer opps or non-profits looking for volunteers or wishlists?

Volunteering, particularly if your daughter drives, could be very rewarding and

another way to meet people.

These are just some ideas. Perhaps you've tried these already, if so pls let us

know. Sometimes it's hard to make the first call (I know it was for me) and

there are varying opinions as to whether you disclose the disability up front or

not. I don't know what the right answer is. I'll be doing more of this same

thing this year for my own daughter who has autism and who will be aging out of

her school-district provided walking partners this year. Really I should be

the one walking with her (we both need the exercise) but she prefers to walk

with a friend over me any day. Which I guess is the way it should be.

Your daughter sounds like she's already achieved many of the things most of our

adult kids only wish they had: Drivers license, her own house, a job. Good for

her! You should feel really proud of her and of yourself for helping her get

this far.

Anyone else have other suggestions for Jean?

Laurie

Friendships for my mildly retarded adult daughter IQ 69

My daughter is a high functioning, mildly retarded individual and does not

recieve services from any agency. She was in special ed. all of her school

years.

I am most interested in how to begin a circle of friends group for others who

have fallen through the cracks and are drifting around, alone, lonely and

frustrated with their lives.

Because of my position with a park district and she worked part time for may

years and then full time as a preschool aide and functioned at a high enough

level to hold that job. Later she became full time in maintenance. I was her

boss. I retired three years ago. New administration took over with corporate

ideas. Since that time she has been very unhappy and wants to do something else.

She has been moved to full time 3:30 to midnight shift which worries me greatly.

She is the only one on the premisis from 9 p.m. to midnight. She dreams of

changing jobs and 'get on with her life', as she puts it, however, we keep

reaching dead ends. Department of rehab. did nothing for her other than to say

she was already gainfully employed.

She has expressed a strong desire to take a class in early childhood at the

community college, however, the chances of their special needs offerings are

limited and not available on weekends and often are dropped due not filling.

She lives independently and reclusively in her house and has 2 cats. She

drives back and forth to work and to her sister's house. We live in Illinois

with few services for adults. She longs for friends, but is unable to reach out

for fear she will be'found out'. She does not recieve any services from any

agency. Our family, which is small, is her only recreation. She has always

denied her disability and on appearance you would not guess there was any kind

of delay.

I know there are many other adults like her screaming for friendships. My goal

this year is to find these people and help them create a network of frindhips

and activities with others of like needs. I need some guidelines in order to

proceed.

I am at wits end and don't know where to turn to better her life.

Do you have any directives or ideas of what my first steps should be?

[Guest guest]

Unlike your daughter, my sons are quite impaired. Without outside programs,

they would also only have family. We live in Chicago which has good special

recreation programs. My sons are, by far, the lowest functioning of the people

at their park, and I have seen very few who are are like them. Truthfully, if

there hadn't been a very inclusive rec leader when we joined, I think we would

have been discouraged from ever being part of the programs.

My point is that most of the athletes (park's term) are quite high functioning.

I witnessed a discussion with one woman who asked how her cousin could be part

of Special Olympics. The rec leader answered that the cousin needed to have a

physical or mental disability and answered that she didn't have one so why

did her cousin have to have a disability to participate in Special Olympics? So

there are other people in denial. ( definitely has a cognitive disability.)

These programs are often the only social outlet for the athletes. Some of the

athletes are very social, with lots of friendships with each other. Some are

more like my sons, who do the activities but aren't able - or willing - to do

anything else.

At one point, I hired a young man to " play " with one of my sons, but was

much younger at the time. Finding a volunteer friend might be as easy as

putting a notice in a church bulletin - it doesn't have to be your church.

There is a young woman with a disability who sings in our church choir.

Like people without disabilities, your daughter may make friends by taking a

class for fun: crafts, exercise, etc or by volunteering somewhere. If she is

interested in working with children, perhaps she could volunteer with Girl

Scouts or a local after-school program.

I don't mean to sound like it is easy. It is the greatest frustration in my

life that my sons have no one except their parents and paid caregivers who

really know them and can help them when they are trying to communicate. I make

do with giving them lots of activities to keep them busy, but it doesn't replace

relationships.

Best,

Pam/Chicago

T

>

> My daughter is a high functioning, mildly retarded individual and does not

recieve services from any agency. She was in special ed. all of her school

years.

>

> I am most interested in how to begin a circle of friends group for others who

have fallen through the cracks and are drifting around, alone, lonely and

frustrated with their lives.

>

> Because of my position with a park district and she worked part time for may

years and then full time as a preschool aide and functioned at a high enough

level to hold that job. Later she became full time in maintenance. I was her

boss. I retired three years ago. New administration took over with corporate

ideas. Since that time she has been very unhappy and wants to do something else.

She has been moved to full time 3:30 to midnight shift which worries me greatly.

She is the only one on the premisis from 9 p.m. to midnight. She dreams of

changing jobs and 'get on with her life', as she puts it, however, we keep

reaching dead ends. Department of rehab. did nothing for her other than to say

she was already gainfully employed.

>

> She has expressed a strong desire to take a class in early childhood at the

community college, however, the chances of their special needs offerings are

limited and not available on weekends and often are dropped due not filling.

>

> She lives independently and reclusively in her house and has 2 cats. She

drives back and forth to work and to her sister's house. We live in Illinois

with few services for adults. She longs for friends, but is unable to reach out

for fear she will be'found out'. She does not recieve any services from any

agency. Our family, which is small, is her only recreation. She has always

denied her disability and on appearance you would not guess there was any kind

of delay.

>

> I know there are many other adults like her screaming for friendships. My goal

this year is to find these people and help them create a network of frindhips

and activities with others of like needs. I need some guidelines in order to

proceed.

>

> I am at wits end and don't know where to turn to better her life.

>

> Do you have any directives or ideas of what my first steps should be?

>

[Guest guest]

Unlike your daughter, my sons are quite impaired. Without outside programs,

they would also only have family. We live in Chicago which has good special

recreation programs. My sons are, by far, the lowest functioning of the people

at their park, and I have seen very few who are are like them. Truthfully, if

there hadn't been a very inclusive rec leader when we joined, I think we would

have been discouraged from ever being part of the programs.

My point is that most of the athletes (park's term) are quite high functioning.

I witnessed a discussion with one woman who asked how her cousin could be part

of Special Olympics. The rec leader answered that the cousin needed to have a

physical or mental disability and answered that she didn't have one so why

did her cousin have to have a disability to participate in Special Olympics? So

there are other people in denial. ( definitely has a cognitive disability.)

These programs are often the only social outlet for the athletes. Some of the

athletes are very social, with lots of friendships with each other. Some are

more like my sons, who do the activities but aren't able - or willing - to do

anything else.

At one point, I hired a young man to " play " with one of my sons, but was

much younger at the time. Finding a volunteer friend might be as easy as

putting a notice in a church bulletin - it doesn't have to be your church.

There is a young woman with a disability who sings in our church choir.

Like people without disabilities, your daughter may make friends by taking a

class for fun: crafts, exercise, etc or by volunteering somewhere. If she is

interested in working with children, perhaps she could volunteer with Girl

Scouts or a local after-school program.

I don't mean to sound like it is easy. It is the greatest frustration in my

life that my sons have no one except their parents and paid caregivers who

really know them and can help them when they are trying to communicate. I make

do with giving them lots of activities to keep them busy, but it doesn't replace

relationships.

Best,

Pam/Chicago

T

>

> My daughter is a high functioning, mildly retarded individual and does not

recieve services from any agency. She was in special ed. all of her school

years.

>

> I am most interested in how to begin a circle of friends group for others who

have fallen through the cracks and are drifting around, alone, lonely and

frustrated with their lives.

>

> Because of my position with a park district and she worked part time for may

years and then full time as a preschool aide and functioned at a high enough

level to hold that job. Later she became full time in maintenance. I was her

boss. I retired three years ago. New administration took over with corporate

ideas. Since that time she has been very unhappy and wants to do something else.

She has been moved to full time 3:30 to midnight shift which worries me greatly.

She is the only one on the premisis from 9 p.m. to midnight. She dreams of

changing jobs and 'get on with her life', as she puts it, however, we keep

reaching dead ends. Department of rehab. did nothing for her other than to say

she was already gainfully employed.

>

> She has expressed a strong desire to take a class in early childhood at the

community college, however, the chances of their special needs offerings are

limited and not available on weekends and often are dropped due not filling.

>

> She lives independently and reclusively in her house and has 2 cats. She

drives back and forth to work and to her sister's house. We live in Illinois

with few services for adults. She longs for friends, but is unable to reach out

for fear she will be'found out'. She does not recieve any services from any

agency. Our family, which is small, is her only recreation. She has always

denied her disability and on appearance you would not guess there was any kind

of delay.

>

> I know there are many other adults like her screaming for friendships. My goal

this year is to find these people and help them create a network of frindhips

and activities with others of like needs. I need some guidelines in order to

proceed.

>

> I am at wits end and don't know where to turn to better her life.

>

> Do you have any directives or ideas of what my first steps should be?

>