our choice not to have surgery

November 23, 2006

I love this web site. I am a mother and grandmother of BPES Type II

children. My son and daughter both have this trait, and my

daughter's two girls have this trait also. When I married

their father, who passed on the trait, we decided that if our

children were born with BPES we would foster self esteem rather than

opt for surgery. We did not know much about it at

that time and thought it was related to their ancestry, Alaskan

Indian. We never thought of it as a defect. My daughter and her

husband feel the same about thier girls. My daughter is 33 years old

now and does not regret not having surgery. She is confident and

successful as an elementary school teacher, and working on her

Masters in Education. We talk openly with family, friends and others

about their small eyes. We see them as beautiful and exotic

looking. We all have our differences and learning to accept

yourself as you are can be a very positive thing. I remember when

my son was a baby and my dad was holding him in the store. Someone

asked if my son was bilnd and my dad did not know how to respond. I

spoke up and said (in a friendly tone with a smile on my face) " No,

he isn't blind. He just has very small eyes. Isn't he unique? " I

could tell my dad was very uncomfortable with the stranger making

such a comment. However I was used to it and determined not to be

annoyed or rude to others who had never seen anyone with BPES. I

understood why they were currious and always made an attempt to be

friendly and sincere. It was then that my dad asked me why I did

not want to have him operated on. My loving reply was this, " Dad,

you have very big ears that stick out. Why did you not have them

operated on? " To me, it is the same thing. How I respond sets an

example for my family, my children and others. And it carries over

to my grandchildren.

My daughter is outgoing and has always had many good friends. I

expect it will be the same for my grandchildren. So, if anyone out

there needs some loving advice, or is considering not to have

surgery, I would be glad to give many other examples of how we made

it through tuff times, (and we had our share of them), write back.

Love and huggs to all of you who strive to be the best you can be.

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