Re: Back to Kathy

[Guest guest]

Dorothy...

WOW, you have such a wonderful, talented set of grandkids......that is

AWESOME!!!!!!!!

I can her your pride all over your emial...that is truly beautiful, Dorothy.

As I read your post about keeping it inside and the hole in your heart, I

ached for you. If you want to vent to someone...someone who will NEVER tell

another living soul, my email is _Kgavi@..._ (mailto:Kgavi@...) and my

cell is 215 783-9066.

I remember when I had RSD only in my knee...and I wore the brace under my

pants, and just like you said...I looked normal...nothing was wrong...so I

would just smile and laugh it away. Now, that I look like the amazing swollen

woman...lol, people know that there is a problem with me....I hate that!

But...I can say that I have met wonderful caring folks....as simple as holding

a

door for you up to chatting a few kind words.

I really mean about me being here for you, Dorothy. You are always trying

to help others.....so let others help you too.

Love,

Kathy G

**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

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[Guest guest]

,

No, life isn't fair, but it could be a lot worse. You don't have to look far to

find someone a lot worse off than you are. Look at your son inlaw. Was what

happened to him " fair " ? In todays economy some of your classmates may have lost

their jobs, their homes or whatever. Some may be in the throes of depression.

Some may have their health but have lost someone they dearly loved, a child,

grandchild, etc.

Just because you don't drink and can't dance doesn't mean you can't put a smile

on your face and mingle with old friends and thoroughly enjoy your evening and

possibly put a smile on someone elses face.

Just because you don't know of anyone else in your class who has chronic pain

doesn't mean that they are all free of problems.

Even though I have chronic pain I know that I am a lot better off than some of

my classmates, I am alive and not all of them are. Some are suffering from

terminal cancer and their pain is not considered chronic.

Dorothy

[Guest guest]

Thank you Kathy. Your email really did make me feel better. And you're right.

They ARE saying, " Oh, you'll have a great time, once you get there, have a

drink, you'll feel great, forget any pains you're having. It'll be the best

medicine for you. " THAT is their mentality!!! I mean, we're not in HS

anymore, we are all 53/54. I don't drink.....couldn't if I wanted to because of

my meds. Just because they are all fortunate enough to still have their health

and not have ONE single thing wrong, they think they can magically make me

forget my problems. You CAN'T forget PAIN!!!!! AND since my email, they're

talking about wanting to go to Schlitterbaun (a waterpark) during the reunion.

They really just don't have a clue. They're just like my so-called friends I

had here before I got sick. Once I was sick, they kept asking me to go out and

do things I knew I couldn't do, and finally they just faded away.

I have handicap plates on my car, and I'm supposed to use a cane because with my

knee problems, numbness in my legs/feet, I fall a lot. So I'm supposed to

always use a cane. But I'm one of those people if I don't use my cane, you

would look at me and think " You Don't Look Sick " . That might be the problem.

But you can't see back pain, knee pain, fibro pain, pain from sjogrens, etc.

etc. It's just so frustrating.

Thanks for the cyber hug, I really needed it. It's so good to have people to

talk to that understand pain, real chronic pain.

Take Care,

B. in TEXAS

________________________________

From: " KGAVI@... " <KGAVI@...>

Stimulator

Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 10:11:33 AM

Subject: Re: back to Kathy

Hey ,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. And you are right....folks

don't " really " understand.. ..and when they say...Life isn't fair sometimes...

I

just want to STRANGLE them and their first born..LOL But seriously, I do

really get where you are coming from....and it is ok to have a pity party for

yourself...we have real, life-altering, excruciating painful problems. God

knows that I can be considered the " queen of that ball...the pity party

ball..that is. LOL We just have to be careful not to stay at the party too

long.

If we stay at the party too long, then the depression stays with us

also...you know. What makes it harder for you, I would think, is that no one

in your

gang of pals from your school have ANY pain issues. Due to this, they are

ignorant to how you feel and think that you really can come. They may say

things like;; " Oh how bad can it be..you'll have fun? " When I say " ignorant " ,

I

don't mean in a mean way....just the way that alot of folks are when we try

to tell them that we really cannot do certain things that they can do, and

no matter how many times they ask us to do those things, we STILL cannot!

Thanks for the kinds words that I am usually an upbeat person for the group.

I do try my best to be postive, but sometimes, you just have let go and

have your frustration and pain be know. and there is really NO better place

to

doe this besides this group of lovely, caring and kind people.

You hang in, .

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Please receive this big, gentle hug!

Love,

kathy G.

Group Co-owner

************ **A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

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[Guest guest]

Kathy,

I didn't mean that didn't have a right to vent, it is good for all of us

at times. Just don't want her to miss her class reunion because she is having a

pity party. I guess that since the loss of my 17 y/o g'daughter 10 years ago I

tend to look at things differently. I smile a lot on the outside and even act

like everything is fine but inside I hurt. Sitting at a table, I look perfectly

normal. Nobody looking at me can tell I have RSD or this empty hole in my heart.

I have 18 living grandchildren and they are all doing great. School occupies the

majority of their time. My oldest is going to college and working full time, she

hopes to graduate next Fall. The next one will be graduating next year. ,

who lives with me, is looking into taking night courses in computer science.

Dan, just finished his courses at the technical school and is looking for work,

he majored in Marine mechanics and unfortunately now isn't the best time to find

work working on boats. The 12 y/o just won a scholarship to help defray the cost

of her travel expenses to participate with the math competitions held around the

State. The 11 y/o is now reading adult paperback books because his reading level

is unable to be determined. They just know it is somewhere beyond the first year

of college. One of the 10 y/o's won his local Science Fair. The other 3 10 y/o's

are all in advanced (gifted) classes. So far, the 8 y/o, 7y/o's, the 5 and 3

y/o's are just normal kids.

Fortunately, thank the Lord, I haven't had any problems with neuropathy so I

can't be of any help to you there.

I haven't written in recently because my own support group has been very active

and all of my attention has been centered there although I have been reading all

of your mail.

Dorothy

Re: back to Kathy

Hi, Dorothy

you're absolutely right...and usually I am always upbeat ...but

sometimes....you need to talk to someone who does understand. Sometimes you

need to

vent.....and as long as you vent, get it out...and then move on with your life

and realize the gifts that God has given you ...then I think that you are on

the right track...but I don' t think that someone can be happy all the

time....with what we go through...I, myself tell people not very close to me

that I

am doing great. They tell me that they don't understand how I am so happy all

the time. I tell them that I am blessed...with my family, and the love and

their support. and this is very, very TRUE, but...on rare occasions when the

pain is just really so bad, and I can't stand that I can't do this, or I

can't do that...I will tell my close friends, family or members in this group

my

frustrations.....and there is nothing wrong with that. I think that it is

healthy.

I do agree with you that a person can go to a party and not have a drink or

dance to have fun. I do it all the time with my family parties and friends

weddings etc...I " table dance " (and I don't mean on top of the table....lol..I

mean sitting at the table tapping on it or tapping your foot to the music,

or just singing a great song with your family or friends)...which is fun if

that is all you can do....but maybe someone is sick and tired of doing that

and

really, truly misses dancing or whatever.....no one has the right to tell

them that their feelings or need to vent is wrong.

How have your grandkids been? I know that you have alot....how many do you

have again...I forget.

By any chance....do you have peripheral neuropathy? I know some about

it...but I was recently diagnosed with it in my right leg. It is not really

painful....just a twinge hear and there. I am having moderate numbness in my

toes

and bottom of my foot. I tried taking meds for it....but they made me

horribly ill...G.I. problems...so I can't take any of them again. I really

would

like to prevent it from getting any worse..if I do decide to do the BKA. Any

thoughts?

Haven't heard from you in a while. Everything ok? Hope so.

Take care

gentle hugs to you and all,

Kathy G.

Group Co-Owner

**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

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[Guest guest]

Kathy,

I am extremely proud of all of my g'children, even the ones who are just normal

kids. My beloved Aleisa was my first grandchild and my sons only child.

had raised her as a single parent from the time she was 6 y/o. He had never

remarried and therefore there was only the 2 of them. When I talk of the hole in

my heart it is the size of a teaspoon compared to the hole in my sons heart.

and I talk about her often and he knows that by now he would have

probably been a grandfather, something that he knows he now will never have the

privilege of being. He tends to spoil all of his nieces and nephews and that may

be why I am so protective of all of my g'children. You never know how long you

may have them.

Thank you for your offer to talk but there really isn't much to say, other than

that I miss her.

Dorothy

[Guest guest]

Oh Kathy, your email brought tears to my eyes. Your " friend " was so vicious.

You are so right. We don't need people like that in our lives. Some people

just can't help themselves, the way they act. And some people are just users.

I guess what hurts me the most, all my life (even with my back problems since

20), I always helped anyone I could. I had people/old friends, my daughters

friends come stay at our house when they didn't have anywhere else to go. Our

door was a revolving door!!! I always thought was goes around comes

around.....well, I'm still waiting!!!! lol

I know without a doubt, if I go to that reunion, I would spend the entire night

saying " No " to them constantly trying to get me to do something " just one

time " !!!! And I would rather stay friends through email/phone calls than have

to be there and cause problems. I don't want to be the party pooper. To be

honest, after they've knocked back a few, they won't even miss me.

Thank you for helping me deal with this issue. It's amazing how much more

support we can get from our cyber friends than the friends in our life!!!!

You're great!!!

Take Care,

B. in TEXAS

________________________________

From: " KGAVI@... " <KGAVI@...>

Stimulator

Sent: Monday, March 16, 2009 2:06:40 PM

Subject: Re: back to Kathy

...

Beleive me, love. I do understand.

I have had " friends " like that too...with friends like that...you sure as

hell don't need enemies! I had a friend a best friend for over 15 years. When

my RSD got even worse than it was, she stopped calling me, stopped returning

my calls, acted as if I didn't exist. She was the God mother to my

daughter...and she dropped her too. When she responded to a letter that I

wrote to

her and told me that there is too much drama in my life, that she is tired of

helping me do everything and that I need to get up off my " lazy ass " and do

things for myself, and that she didn't blame my ex husband for leaving me

since I have nothing left to give him or anyone else. She called me about five

years later and told me that her mom was dying of cancer. I really felt so

bad for her. so I met her at her house. She said she couldn't believe how bad

my legs got and she was so sorry for all that she said and did. I forgave

her. Her mom died about 7 weeks later. After the funeral, going to the

cemetary on crutches, staying with her all day and night, she dropped me again

about 2 weeks later. She said that she just got done taking care of one

cripple

and has no intentions of doing it again. She told me to leave her house and

don't look back. You can only imagine my anger and how much I was hurt.

Some folks just do NOT understand how it feels when you are truly disabled.

To her....I feel bad for her now. I was SO ANGRY at her for a while, then I

realized..you know what, ( insert female dog's name here) this is your loss.

I am a loyal, dependable, loving caring and compassionate woman. I am like

a puppy dog to my friends and family...as they put it...I am so loyal. That

cracks me up!!! This is all her loss...and when she is lonely, or needs

something..she will call me up one day. and God forgive me...but I will not

help her or talk to her again...what is that saying...fool me once, shame on

you, fool me twice, shame on me. I was always brought up by my parents that

you

always help those in need...no questions. My mom even told me that if

Ihelped her again, spoke to her again, I would be a doormat that she walks on.

Those " friends " of yous are just being selfish. They don't want to know

your situation... since it makes them feel uncomfortable. ...and partying is

such

an easy way to stop thinking about ugly things like pain, illnesses and the

such...but we can't party like they do...and I am not sure that I would want

to be so superficial to do so either!

So...YOU HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE BIGGER PERSON, DID

NOTHING WRONG, AND MOVE ON, CINDY!!!

The thing oh,,,, just have a drink, you will feel better..sums it up....they

don't care enough to beleive what you say.....so see ya later....I am sure a

person as sweet as you has other friends that are good for you, and are true

friends...you have one here on line right now, hon.

You hang in.

Lots of love, admiration and hugs,

Kathy G

Group Co-Owner

************ **A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

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[Guest guest]

Hey ...your kind words really touched me. You are the great

one....you have dealt with this situation with grace and dignity. You will

still have

their frienships online...without any regrets on either side. This way, you

can still " keep in touch " with them and not have a life long friendship die.

I am so proud of you...and you should be VERY proud of yourself..for

sticking up for yourself and for knowing what YOU needed to do..and then doing

it

for yourself...

you go, girl!!

You know what your body can do....and I think that you are so right....if

you went there...it would be oh...come on....live a little. But they would not

be feeling the major consequences of " living a little " all they would be

facing is a wicked hangover.....right? Folks like us with chronic pain issues

would be dealing with a hell of alot more than a hang over.....we would be in

the hospital on a pain drip for intractable pain.

and Yes, I do agree with you....alot of times you become more friendly with

those online...especially when you share in something like we do...we

understand what eachtoher means.

You are very brave, and I applaud you!

I feel the same way about you....a friend.

Lots of love and gentle hugs,

Kathy G.

Co-Owner

**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

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[Guest guest]

Dorothy,

You have my love, respect and friendship.

Love and gentle hugs,

Kathy G

**************A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

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[Guest guest]

Thank you Kathy. You are so sweet. You go above and beyond in this group.

Wow! I can't believe you actually did that for me. You definitely make this a

special group! Thank you again.

All of this discussion reminded me of when I was looking for an apartment. I

considered Assisted Living or Senior Living apts. But I couldn't find any I

could afford. My mother insisted that they had to have some right here locally

that took your SSD. She is really stubborn and kept sending me emails of

agencies to contact. I finally forwarded her an email I received from an agency

here and it listed the local housing and the prices. There was one in Fort

Worth (I'm sure in Dallas also, but I told them No to Dallas) who would take my

SSD and leave me $100.00 a month. I would have to purchase my own toiletries,

provide my own breakfast, in other words, even that place would not have worked.

Take Care,

B. in TEXAS

" I would teach children music, physics, and philosophy; but most importantly

music, for in the patterns of music and all the arts are the keys of learning. "

-Plato

________________________________

From: " KGAVI@... " <KGAVI@...>

Stimulator

Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 5:06:12 PM

Subject: (no subject)

Hey ...

I have left several messages on the voice mails of human services for

PA....I am hoping that they can direct me to help you out.

We will see...keep your fingers crossed, my frieind.

love,

kathy g

Group co-Owenr

************ **A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy

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