Re: husbands - !

[Guest guest]

,

Forgive me but....why are you still with him?! I am sorry and I send you lots of

hugs :-) but I think he needs to be somewhere else to sort himself out. You

can support him if you want to, he doesnt have to be with you and the

children.........

When someone is behaving like this, I believe strongly that it is better for the

children not to be around this kind of person and indeed better for the partner

too! I mean, from your email, it sounds like he has alot of issues. That kind of

behaviour is extreme and is certainly not acceptable around the children. And

you were not put on this earth to be his doormat. You are worth much more. It is

not acceptable for him to treat you this way either.

As I mentioned, it doesnt mean the relationship has to end if you dont want it

to. You can still support him from a distance. At least you and the children

will be more relaxed and not witness or be a part of the destructive and

potentially damaging behaviour........and when things start to improve you can

be a family again if thats what you all want.

This is just my opinion of course and I wanted to send it to you as I am

concerned for you and your children. From one woman to another with

love...............:-)

SUE

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/10/01 5:16:12 PM GTB Daylight Time,

Resume@... writes:

<< I'll get an Order of Protection so he can't come around. I'll stop

worrying about keeping his business going and let it go (which is hard

because I've put a lot of effort into his business) but I don't think he

appreciates what I've done anyway and I can't get him to call back his

customers or anything anyway, so he deserves to let it fail.

>>

You need to move to where he can not find you.My mom got one of those

*protection orders*and my dad tried to hire someone to kill her and then one

night he broke into the house to kill her.Thankfully we got away.

sara

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sue, and to everyone who has been offering support. I'm glad to know I'm

not crazy - he's just driving me there.

Sue, I would like to have a " separation " but he won't leave when he's not mad -

says he has no place to go (and he doesn't). However, when he gets mad and

leaves on his own, sometimes I don't let him back in for a while. Last time he

spent a good week in his truck. He kept saying " I don't have a place to go and I

can't take sleeping in the truck anymore " I would answer " It's not my problem. "

(That's what they told me to say in counseling, to let him take on his own

consequences of his actions). He threatened to just go live at the motel - we

don't have money for that - and this last time I said " go ahead then. " He ended

up breaking into his parent's house since they were out of town (and they didn't

give him a key anymore because they don't want him staying there) and he slept

there. Well, he couldn't really sleep because he would wake up with every little

creek, thinking his sister was there and would catch him. I think it serves him

right.

I guess the best thing is the next time he leaves (especially if he gets

physical with me) I'll get an Order of Protection so he can't come around. I'll

stop worrying about keeping his business going and let it go (which is hard

because I've put a lot of effort into his business) but I don't think he

appreciates what I've done anyway and I can't get him to call back his customers

or anything anyway, so he deserves to let it fail.

Thanks again for the support. I know that I need to do whatever I can to take

care of myself and my beautiful baby son Jordan.

Re: husbands - !

,

Forgive me but....why are you still with him?! I am sorry and I send you lots

of hugs :-) but I think he needs to be somewhere else to sort himself out. You

can support him if you want to, he doesnt have to be with you and the

children.........

When someone is behaving like this, I believe strongly that it is better for

the children not to be around this kind of person and indeed better for the

partner too! I mean, from your email, it sounds like he has alot of issues. That

kind of behaviour is extreme and is certainly not acceptable around the

children. And you were not put on this earth to be his doormat. You are worth

much more. It is not acceptable for him to treat you this way either.

As I mentioned, it doesnt mean the relationship has to end if you dont want it

to. You can still support him from a distance. At least you and the children

will be more relaxed and not witness or be a part of the destructive and

potentially damaging behaviour........and when things start to improve you can

be a family again if thats what you all want.

This is just my opinion of course and I wanted to send it to you as I am

concerned for you and your children. From one woman to another with

love...............:-)

SUE

[Guest guest]

, I don't know where you live, but some states have places where abused

women can go with their families and be protected. Perhaps your state has

such facilities. In Alaska it is called AWAIC, and I think stands for

Alaska Women's Aid in Crisis.

Although you say he has never harmed you when he has left the house, it

might be different if you were leaving him, or asking him to stay away

permanently. Although getting legal protection is always good, it doesn't

always work - it depends how mad and out of control the person becomes.

If you can afford good counseling on how to handle this situation, I would

seek it. Try and be sure the help you receive is knowledgeable and

competent, however.

Sandy

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Re: husbands - !

Sara,

I'm so sorry to hear of your trauma, and I appreciate the good advice.

Actually, for some odd reason, my husband doesn't try to get back into the

house or hurt me - once he's out I'm always out of danger. The strange thing

is that I'm in danger the moment he gets mad over something silly. It

happens at home and in the vehicle. Quite a few times when he flew off the

handle in the van he slammed on the brakes skidding us sideways on the road

(this has been both on the highway and on the main street in town, and I'm

not sure he checked first to see if there was traffic coming either way).

Needless to say it scared me to death and the baby was strapped into the car

seat in the back. I was ready to kill him. Now, especially, since I saw on

the list the someone commented how a baby's brain can start bleeding even

over someone slamming on the brakes in the car, it scares me to think of it.

He's been known to get out in the middle of no where and start walking. So I

just take over the drivers seat and go home and leave him out there. He

usually calls on his cell phone wanting me to pick him up but I refuse and

tell him to call his friend. He did this last winter on a cold night and

about froze - I don't think he'll ever learn.

I do so much appreciate the encouragement I've received, and I realize that

if this keeps up I can have a better life by leaving him behind. Don't get

me wrong, not every day is bad, but a lot of them aren't real good. Thanks

again for the advice. I know this wake up call is for me.

Parish

Re: husbands - !

In a message dated 7/10/01 5:16:12 PM GTB Daylight Time,

Resume@... writes:

<< I'll get an Order of Protection so he can't come around. I'll stop

worrying about keeping his business going and let it go (which is hard

because I've put a lot of effort into his business) but I don't think he

appreciates what I've done anyway and I can't get him to call back his

customers or anything anyway, so he deserves to let it fail.

>>

You need to move to where he can not find you.My mom got one of those

*protection orders*and my dad tried to hire someone to kill her and then

one

night he broke into the house to kill her.Thankfully we got away.

sara

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I'm so sorry to hear of your trauma, and I appreciate the good advice.

Actually, for some odd reason, my husband doesn't try to get back into the house

or hurt me - once he's out I'm always out of danger. The strange thing is that

I'm in danger the moment he gets mad over something silly. It happens at home

and in the vehicle. Quite a few times when he flew off the handle in the van he

slammed on the brakes skidding us sideways on the road (this has been both on

the highway and on the main street in town, and I'm not sure he checked first to

see if there was traffic coming either way).

Needless to say it scared me to death and the baby was strapped into the car

seat in the back. I was ready to kill him. Now, especially, since I saw on the

list the someone commented how a baby's brain can start bleeding even over

someone slamming on the brakes in the car, it scares me to think of it.

He's been known to get out in the middle of no where and start walking. So I

just take over the drivers seat and go home and leave him out there. He usually

calls on his cell phone wanting me to pick him up but I refuse and tell him to

call his friend. He did this last winter on a cold night and about froze - I

don't think he'll ever learn.

I do so much appreciate the encouragement I've received, and I realize that if

this keeps up I can have a better life by leaving him behind. Don't get me

wrong, not every day is bad, but a lot of them aren't real good. Thanks again

for the advice. I know this wake up call is for me.

Parish

Re: husbands - !

In a message dated 7/10/01 5:16:12 PM GTB Daylight Time,

Resume@... writes:

<< I'll get an Order of Protection so he can't come around. I'll stop

worrying about keeping his business going and let it go (which is hard

because I've put a lot of effort into his business) but I don't think he

appreciates what I've done anyway and I can't get him to call back his

customers or anything anyway, so he deserves to let it fail.

>>

You need to move to where he can not find you.My mom got one of those

*protection orders*and my dad tried to hire someone to kill her and then one

night he broke into the house to kill her.Thankfully we got away.

sara

[Guest guest]

,

Let me get this right......you are going to wait until he is physical with you

AGAIN?! You don't deserve to be treated like that, ! You are a wonderful

person who deserves alot more. *HUG*

Ok, what about speaking to the counseling people again and asking for help and

advice rgarding you and beautiful Jordan's safety, wether it is getting him out

permanently or you and Jordan moving away from him? If you are going to wait

until he is violent again that is up to you but how about at least making

plans for your safety so that when the violence starts up again ,you immediately

have a plan of action to protect you and Jordan! :-)

Sending you strength and courage,

*hug*

SUE

[Guest guest]

An order of protection is just a piece of paper. In a lot of cases if they

violate it the cops won't arrest. You have to go to court and get the Judge

to cite them Contempt of Court.

Love and Blessings,

Ellen

meharv84@...

I am secure in my Lord, Jesus Christ! He is my Saviour, my Protector, my

Salvation, my Healer, my Provider, my EVERYTHING!

Learn more about my people at

http://chicora-waccamaw.com/

[Guest guest]

Someone is going to eventually call CPS and let me you the track record is

that they give the child to the abuser.

Get out. There are people that will help you. You have got to be willing to

re-locate somewhere he would not look, that means no friends close by that

you know now.

When you leave, instead of him, you are in danger, Stats show that women are

the in the most danger the first 6 months after they leave.

Contact me off list if you wish mire advise and help.

Love and Blessings,

Ellen

meharv84@...

I am secure in my Lord, Jesus Christ! He is my Saviour, my Protector, my

Salvation, my Healer, my Provider, my EVERYTHING!

Learn more about my people at

http://chicora-waccamaw.com/

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/11/01 9:10:45 AM GTB Daylight Time,

suziesparkle@... writes:

<<

Let me get this right......you are going to wait until he is physical with

you AGAIN?! You don't deserve to be treated like that, ! You are a

wonderful person who deserves alot more. *HUG* >>

I agree. I have been missing a lot of posts due to volume so I don't know if

you mentioned where you live.But if need a place to stay and are in NE

Ohio(or willing to move) you can rent a room from me till you get on your

own. I have to ask dh,but he is pretty decent about these things.We are

moving into a 3br condo the end of the month.Just so you know the offer is

out there if you need it.

Sara

[Guest guest]

Thats so nice, Sara.

If I was close to , I would do the same....:-)

? How you doing over there? I have been thinking about you.

Hope you and your gorgeous baby are doing good today.

SUE