Guest guest Posted March 2, 2001 Report Share Posted March 2, 2001 Wishing you all the best! Debi, please keep this in your thoughts, WE are here...and WE DO care. Even though i dont read all the messages, i do try to keep up as best i can. Arlene {{{hug}}} Joe N Debi Ries wrote: > This is really hard to write becuase you have all been so wonderful, > but I am going to say Good Bye. > The reason would be hard for everyone to understand without all the > details, but in short there are ALOT of problems in my marriage right > now and according to him these lists are part of it. > I want to say thank you to all of you for your wonderful support for > the time I have been on the lists, and for all of your concern for > Ethan. We will all be fine, we always are, and I wish the same for > all of you. > > So I bid you adieu. > > Heart Hugs to all, > Debi > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2001 Report Share Posted March 2, 2001 This may be too late for Debi to see it but I hope maybe. I will aim this at her and maybe someone else can benefit too. Unless you are spending so much time online that you are neglecting everything else, this is just something for your husband to complain about. Something he knows will hurt you. I've been that route and seen it with others. My husband would complain about anything that took my attention away from him or . I gave up many things, even some friends, but then it would be something else. I wouldn't do it again. It's a control thing. I knew one young couple, he ran her ragged because he said the thing most important to him was an absolutely clean house. She had a job, 3 kids and pets and a big old house and there was no way. But she tried for some time. Finally she took my advice, and told him: this is what I will do, keep the house reasonably clean. If you want any more you can do it yourself. Of course he didn't want to do that, so that was the end of that. With a person who wants to be in control, the more you do, or give up, the more you will be expected to do. Debi, I'm sorry your marriage is in trouble but this won't cure it. If you have to give up something then he should give up something too. And maybe some counseling would be a good thing too. Please check in with us from time to time. Jessie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2001 Report Share Posted March 2, 2001 In a message dated 3/2/01 5:03:44 PM Central Standard Time, JB66111@... writes: > This may be too late for Debi to see it but I hope maybe. I will aim > this at her and maybe someone else can benefit too. Unless you are spending > > so much time online that you are neglecting everything else, this is just > something for your husband to complain about. Something he knows will hurt > you. I've been that route and seen it with others. My husband would > complain about anything that took my attention away from him Boy Amen to this lolol When I first came online hubby was very jealous. I guess he thought his safe little bubble " I " was in, was fixing to burst lolol but through the years he's become tolerant to my online time and doesn't say a word ooooh except for " please share the puter " lol he even bought me a faster puter I think Mike likes the changes he sees in me, more knowledgeable about disabilities and the LAW lol now he can take a back seat to the issues that are at hand. Kathy mom to Sara 9..........phoooooooey on a clean house Heehee no way no how with kids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2001 Report Share Posted March 2, 2001 Debi, I do hope you can work things out. Sounds like you two have some talking to do and maybe he can see how much you need your list(s). You could get subscriptions in digest mode and scan what is posted. You could also see if he would agree to a designated time where you can be online and read email (like when he is at work, etc..). After 20+ years of marriage, Tim and I have the art of compromise pretty well defined. We also know when the other " needs " their time, etc...as well as when we need " each other " . He is very engrossed in his union's online system right now (been to DC for three days and nights), phone calls coming in at all hours, more goals to accomplish, etc...but he loves his work (volunteer..mind you!) and has accomplished major goals for the national office. If you talked to me on Sunday, Monday or Tuesday night, you would have heard me cussing, etc...lol! We both are longing for a night out without kids and if we weren't expecting snow this weekend, we would be 2 miles away at a nice hotel Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2001 Report Share Posted March 2, 2001 Hi Debi, I'm sorry to hear you are having problems in your marriage, Remember we will still be here in 1 month, 6 months or a year I have enjoyed your posts about Ethan and hope one day you will be back as we all need support from people that understand what you are going through. Regards Trish This is hard > This is really hard to write becuase you have all been so wonderful, but I am going to say Good Bye. > The reason would be hard for everyone to understand without all the details, but in short there are ALOT of problems in my marriage right now and according to him these lists are part of it. > I want to say thank you to all of you for your wonderful support for the time I have been on the lists, and for all of your concern for Ethan. We will all be fine, we always are, and I wish the same for all of you. > > So I bid you adieu. > > Heart Hugs to all, > Debi > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2001 Report Share Posted March 2, 2001 This may be a very controversial thing to see, but sometimes abusive husband's cut off all the support systems from their wives. Elaine Re: This is hard > In a message dated 3/2/01 5:03:44 PM Central Standard Time, JB66111@... > writes: > > > This may be too late for Debi to see it but I hope maybe. I will > aim > > this at her and maybe someone else can benefit too. Unless you are > spending > > > > so much time online that you are neglecting everything else, this is just > > something for your husband to complain about. Something he knows will > hurt > > you. I've been that route and seen it with others. My husband would > > complain about anything that took my attention away from him > > Boy Amen to this lolol When I first came online hubby was very jealous. I > guess he thought his safe little bubble " I " was in, was fixing to burst lolol > but through the years he's become tolerant to my online time and doesn't say > a word ooooh except for " please share the puter " lol he even bought me a > faster puter > > I think Mike likes the changes he sees in me, more knowledgeable about > disabilities and the LAW lol now he can take a back seat to the issues that > are at hand. > > Kathy mom to Sara 9..........phoooooooey on a clean house Heehee no way no > how with kids > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2001 Report Share Posted March 3, 2001 Right on, Jessie! I, too, have seen this sort of thing. Even seen controlling spouses use this as an excuse to isolate the victim spouse from his family and friends. It's a very old trick used by control freaks. gem --- " Force is not a remedy. " -- Bright mailto:bspyle@... http://www.bspyle.com http://www.bspyle.com/granny.html Re: This is hard > This may be too late for Debi to see it but I hope maybe. I will aim > this at her and maybe someone else can benefit too. Unless you are spending > so much time online that you are neglecting everything else, this is just > something for your husband to complain about. Something he knows will hurt > you. I've been that route and seen it with others. My husband would > complain about anything that took my attention away from him or . I > gave up many things, even some friends, but then it would be something else. > I wouldn't do it again. It's a control thing. I knew one young couple, he > ran her ragged because he said the thing most important to him was an > absolutely clean house. She had a job, 3 kids and pets and a big old house > and there was no way. But she tried for some time. Finally she took my > advice, and told him: this is what I will do, keep the house reasonably > clean. If you want any more you can do it yourself. Of course he didn't > want to do that, so that was the end of that. With a person who wants to be > in control, the more you do, or give up, the more you will be expected to do. > Debi, I'm sorry your marriage is in trouble but this won't cure it. > If you have to give up something then he should give up something too. And > maybe some counseling would be a good thing too. Please check in with us > from time to time. > Jessie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2001 Report Share Posted March 3, 2001 I wrote Debi privately.... but I will say it here too.... I am in a similar situation which is why y'all haven't heard much from me lately.... (that and 5 kids wotrth of laundry etc etc).... but I barely jump on during the day now and scan the lists... I try to post when I have something valuable to say.... but other than that I just lurk.... and am almost NEVER online at night when he is home.... he is happier and so things go more smoothly.... and in the end it is better for the kids... (no more loud fights about the internet in front of them).... just thought you should know why I suddenly became invisible (on this list and ALL my other ones as well...) {{{hugs and miss you all}}}} Shelby :-) - Chicago - ICQ 39583211 (Mother of Caitlin 10, Kelsey 8, Jimmy 6, Colleen 4 (DS), 2.) > Right on, Jessie! I, too, have seen this sort of thing. Even seen > controlling spouses use this as an excuse to isolate the victim spouse from > his family and friends. It's a very old trick used by control freaks. > > gem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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