Let's Talk About Teenage Siblings

January 10, 2009

Hi all,

Give me your collective wisdom here. My son Neal is 23 and has PDD. I have 2

other sons. One is 19 and has come to grips with Neal's disability pretty

well. The other is 15, and has not.

I think some of it is the larger age difference. With nearly 8 years between

them, the 15 year old cannot really remember the fun they sometimes had when he

was little. All he sees is that Neal is always around, repeating the same tired

topics, trying to get a rise out of him by recalling funny baby stories or

long-ago tales of when he got into trouble.

The 15 year old is getting crabby and outright rude in what he says to Neal..

Dad and I have repeatedly told him that

1--I am willing to listen to his frustrations

2--All siblings can be aggravating

3--Most of what irritates him about Neal is due to the disability

4--He is taking this personally when it is not meant that way

5--Being sarcastic with Neal does not work at all

All this parental wisdom goes in one ear and out the other. He has a great

relationship with the 19 year old, so he doesn't quite believe that all siblings

are very aggravating. He takes lots of things personally, anyway.

Last evening, I chatted with him for as long as he could stand it (not long!),

and offered him options to understand the disability better: movies, books,

talking to people, sibling support. He was absolutely uninterested.

I should say that he's equally uninterested in learning more about his own

asthma and is resisting taking his daily meds, so he is apparently in a big

denial phase of life.

So what do you do when a teen is rude and snotty to a disabled sibling, and

resistant to learning anything helpful? He already sees a good counselor

monthly, mostly to work on sibling issues. He knows better than to think that

Neal will change.

-Gail

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