Gender and sexual health workshop with school boys in Delhi

[Guest guest]

Dear eFOURM Subscribers,

Please find enclosed a report on a workshop with school boys on the issues of

gender and sexual health conducted by our NGO YAAR in Delhi. Since the above

mentioned issue is one which is still largely unexplored we feel that we should

share our findings with the rest. regards, k.vidya,E- mail:

k.vidya@...>

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Our society recognizes the injustices done to women, but men are seen only as

oppressors. It is assumed that they are inherently strong. It is also assumed

that they do not have emotions and do not feel pain or hurt. However, rather

than being oppressors men are themselves the victims. Behind their numerous

masks of masculinity which is imposed on them by the society men have

accumulated layers and layers of suppressed emotions, desires, needs, pain and

hurt. The perceived notions of masculinity are far removed from how nature

created men and act as innumerable and unending pressures on them.

These pressures are felt most acutely during adolescence after which period man

comes to terms with them and mostly gives in. But adolescence can make life

unbearable for men. One of the ways in which it harms them is by making them

vulnerable to contracting diseases like HIV/AIDS and STIs. E.g. adolescent boys

(like men of all ages) feel the pressure to prove their masculinity by having

sex with girls. This is especially harmful to them because they have very little

information about sexuality.

With this situation in the background the YAAR society which works on gender and

sexual health of young people and has a separate programme for men, organizes

masculinity workshops with young men and adolescents. These workshops also has

an information section on sexual health, HIV/AIDS and Sexually transmissible

Infections. It recently organized two such workshops with the school students in

the north district. Each workshop was of 5 days duration. The participants who

were 58 in total were between 16 to 18 years of age. YAAR is also implementing

the School AIDS programme of the Delhi State AIDS Control Society in these

schools.

The workshop uses games, exercises, focus group discussions and sharing of

personal experiences by the boys to educate them about the pressures of male

gender and sexual roles (known as masculinity). First level of empowerment comes

from knowing that what they are going through is shared by the rest of the boys.

From knowing that all men feel vulnerable from inside, that they all have

weaknesses, insecurities and emotions. Then there are exercises to help the

participants reclaim their suppressed emotions, needs and desires.

To take an example, men have been suppressing emotions for so long that they

have lost touch with them. While growing up whenever the boys acted on their

impulses they were put down rudely as being ladki or Namard or Chakka or

something like that. So much so that they started distrusting their own inner

voices. Most men therefore use only their brains but hardly their heart. They

think a lot but seldom feel. This is a real setback for them and apart from

causing multiple stress related diseases later in life, it also affects their

ability to form meaningful relationships in which they can fulfil the emotional

needs of their partners or put forth their own emotional needs.

There is an exercise to help the participants reclaim their power to feel. They

were asked to make a list of emotions that they could think of. The participants

with their own effort came with about 130 such words. They were themselves

amazed at so many emotions being available to them. All through the five days

they were encouraged to share how they felt. They were helped to pinpoint

their exact feelings rather than being vague about them like I feel fine or

good or bad. It was a powerful experience for the participants.

Men usually do not confide about their weaknesses and vulnerabilities in another

person especially another man. This is because they have an immense pressure to

appear strong. There is something that we call the race for manhood which

exists amongst all men. There is a cruel sense of competition amongst men and

the slightest sign of weakness would mean that the person will be pushed to the

ground by other men. During the workshop the boys learned to support each other

rather than compete and pull down. They learned to develop a supportive

environment where they felt more and more safe to talk about their inner most

feelings and vulnerabilities. Here are some of the things they shared.

One participant narrated how he had a keen interest in music but decided against

taking it up as a subject when he saw how another boy in his class who took

music as a subject was treated by the rest of the guys. They called this other

guy a sissy for taking up such a girly subject and the person is still

continuously harassed. Incidentally, this participant had a bully image in his

class which was imposed by his friend against his will, who often pressurized

him to accompany him in fighting brawls with gangs of boys. Another boy narrated

how he was made to feel small by his peers when on a bus journey they asked him

to prove his manhood by sitting next to a girl. This participant was rather

reluctant and was called names like napunsak (impotent) by his peers. Two boys

narrated incidents of another boy in their class who did not want to eve-tease

while going back home with other boys. The other boys often tease him and call

him Chakka and other such names. The pressures that boys felt included the

pressure to earn, to be strong, aggressive, to smoke, eve-tease, get into

physical brawls, and so on.

The biggest pressure that the participants felt had to do with sex. Male sexual

roles treat them as sex machines. And rather as objects god created to serve

(satisfy) women sexually. They are supposed to have enormous sexual drive for

women. They feet this pressure acutely during their late teens. There was

continuous pressure from other boys to show a lot of interest in girls, even to

have sex with them to prove that they are real men. Boys who have sex with

girls, or claim that they have had it, treated the other boys with contempt and

often used words like Chakka to exert peer pressure on them. Nothing hurts a man

more than being called a namard, or a non-man.

The pressure regarding sex continuous all through a mans life. He is expected

to perform and satisfy his woman to be called a man. Men develop a number of

insecurities and sexual dysfunction owning to performance anxiety.

Other important aspect of male sexual roles that came out was that while they

were expected to exaggerate their sexual interest in girls on the one hand, they

felt pressurized to suppress their sexual feelings towards other men. It was

empowering for the boys to see that almost all boys felt attraction for other

men - some more, some less and they all had similar insecurities about the

issue. It was also heartening to see one of the boys who in the initial days was

exerting pressure on the other guys by continuously talking about having sex

with girls remark that he was afraid to show his attraction for other boys lest

he was dubbed a Chakka or a homo. It became clear that the society

deliberately creates an image that ascribes sexual attraction for other males as

a feminine quality fit only for effeminate men. This is all that is needed to

make men struggle with these feelings.

The exercises on peer-pressure were especially empowering for the boys. They

were asked to do a role play on a situation they had observed in real life where

someone is being harassed through peer-pressure. Both the groups picked up

similar situations where the rest of the guys pressurized the victim for not

wanting to chase girls. After only the first exercise to identify the problem of

peer-pressure the boys already felt empowered to deal with it. But they wanted

more exercises to help them develop skills to deal with peer-pressure. We

promised to give them more such exercises in future workshops but we did not

have any more at the time. We assured them that the knowledge that they are

going to acquire during the workshop will go a long way in empowering them to

deal with it.

Towards the end we conducted a secret voting exercise where they were asked to

identify on a scale of 1 to 10, how much pressure they felt had been taken off

their chest from the time they entered the workshop room for the first time five

days ago. The values they gave were between 6 to 10, with most people voting 8

and 9.

A similar voting though this time not secret, at the request of the

participants to identify on a scale of 1 10 on how much they felt their life

had changed during the workshop pointed to values between 5 and 9, with most

participants voting 6 and 7.

It was indeed a heartening experience to see young males learning to care and

support for each other rather than being forced to run each other down. They had

shared such a lot about themselves that they had never even dreamed was

possible. They drew such strength from the process that they wanted to come

again and again. And we promised we would do that. They were sad about leaving a

group they had formed an emotional bonding with. They wanted two more things.

First was rather naove -- that such workshops be organized by the government in

every school. Second was that they wanted to spread this awareness themselves

amongst their peers and others.

Their teachers had warned us that it would be foolish to expect them to sit

through five long days from 10 am to 6pm that too during dussehara holidays. If

only they could see their faces as they were leaving.

Another positive outcome of the workshop had to do with sexual health education

for the adolescents. It was felt that this should not be called sex-education

because it gives an impression that they are being taught to do sex which is not

the case. In fact the workshop helped them understand (and to some degree

accept) their own sexual feelings and get information on sexual health. Thus

Gender and Sexual health or adolescent health education was considered a

better name. It was also felt that names like family health education were far

too removed from the issues that need to be covered and in fact reflected the

hesitation of the adults to talk about sexual health with adolescents.

Another thing, and this is quite interesting, was that the participants who were

sexually active (according to their own estimates app. 25% of the boys in their

schools are sexually active) felt that it was not worth it to enter into sexual

activities early on in life. They also felt that it can affect their ability to

form committed relationships in the future. Some felt that it is difficult for

them to stop it since its now a part of their life. But they were definitely

going to adopt safer-sex practices. For the rest of the boys, they felt that

talking about their sexual issues has taken a lot of sexual tension off their

minds and they felt empowered to delay sex till they are emotionally, mentally

and physically mature to handle it.

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YAAR: Youth Alliance for AIDS Removal

323/B, J & K Pocket, Dilshad Garden, Delhi-110 095

Phone and fax: 2270071, e-mail: yaar@...

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