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Re: Feeling Defeated

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Melinda---

You did the RIGHT thing by taking Jeff to school and allowing the Natural Consequences of 's poor time management skills happen. If he continues down this road, he will INDEED get suspended (or in-school suspension) and he'll HATE that, what with his need to be such a 'good citizen.' Keep walking away from HIS problems.

In the meantime, if it were MY son, I'd do the same thing you're doing -- by exploring the possibility of 'forcing the hand' with medication. needs some relief from this 'mind torture' as I call it. And, so do YOU and the rest of the family.

I'll be keeping all of you in my prayers - praying that won't have to be 'forced' to take meds, but he'll see it all by himself---- as he continues to be late everyday to school.

((((lots of hugs)))) You're doing a GREAT job by detaching and letting him FEEL his OCD.

Joni

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Melinda,

Did the test results from the endocrinologist make a difference to ? That he has such poor nutrition that he is stunting his own growth - not eating healthy like he thinks? Or does he not believe the results?

I hope things get better as the week goes on. I too am a little worried about school since we won't know/decide where will go until just before school starts. I pick him up from camp on Aug. 18th. He sounded great when he called on Saturday. I woke up this morning thinking of him and what I need to do about schools - teacher recommendations for a private school etc. and I realized how much I miss him - it was a nice break from each other, but I do need him home. I know he will be in a really "good" place emotionally, and then the emotional down of being away from camp friends, but getting set up for school right away I hope will help. He will either be really "psyched" and ready for Norwalk H.S., or still very anxious about trying to go there. We are taking him up to visit St. More in Oakdale, CT on August 21. He will probably really want to go there (if he gets in) but unless the Board of Ed (ie. his IEP) pays for part of it, or we get lots of financial aide, it is out of the picture. And we have explained that to him already. We have a finite amount of $$.

Remember, try to take care of yourself too.

Anne in CT

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Anne:

Glad to hear is enjoying camp. Hope you figure out the school deal -- the boys start the 20th (boy are they ready as am I).

I miss our talks in person. How's the weather out there? It is miserably hot here and the boys are getting summer cabin fever.

Talk to you soon.

Tamra

Re: Feeling defeated

Melinda, Did the test results from the endocrinologist make a difference to ? That he has such poor nutrition that he is stunting his own growth - not eating healthy like he thinks? Or does he not believe the results? I hope things get better as the week goes on. I too am a little worried about school since we won't know/decide where will go until just before school starts. I pick him up from camp on Aug. 18th. He sounded great when he called on Saturday. I woke up this morning thinking of him and what I need to do about schools - teacher recommendations for a private school etc. and I realized how much I miss him - it was a nice break from each other, but I do need him home. I know he will be in a really "good" place emotionally, and then the emotional down of being away from camp friends, but getting set up for school right away I hope will help. He will either be really "psyched" and ready for Norwalk H.S., or still very anxious about trying to go there. We are taking him up to visit St. More in Oakdale, CT on August 21. He will probably really want to go there (if he gets in) but unless the Board of Ed (ie. his IEP) pays for part of it, or we get lots of financial aide, it is out of the picture. And we have explained that to him already. We have a finite amount of $$. Remember, try to take care of yourself too. Anne in CT You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may subscribe to the OCD and Homeschooling List at ocdandhomeschooling-subscribe . You may change your subscription format or access the files, bookmarks, and archives for our list at . Our list advisors are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail Pesses, Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at lharkins@... .

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Hi, Anne!

So glad to hear that is doing well at camp! Wow...it's a long

one!

The report from the endocrinologist reitterating the poor nutrition

factor in 's growth retardation didn't have a great impact.

He was pretty non-committal. However, since school began, he has

been making noises again about how seeing his peers (who are much

larger) again makes him want to try again. I have heard this

committment before, so I tend not to be too excited. I am supportive

of his decision, but in the past the " plan " and the " action " didn't

really match.

The stress of school has returned and old " time wasting " habits have

already reared their ugly heads. We told him if he doesn't make it

into bed by curfew, he would lose running privileges the next day.

Well, yesterday, he had lost running privileges and it was the night

from hell! Man, if this kid EVER gets past his educational

challenges, he could be an attourney extrordinaire! (Just what this

world needs, right?) Workingout is still his primary focus, and I am

sure I will go nuts before he is 18 and out of the house.

I am taking the weekend and going away. My sanity is on the line.

I hope you get a good feeling about the direction you should go for

Chris's school this year. It is such a tough decision. did

not want us to meet with his teachers until it became evident that he

was not going to be able to fight his compulsions at school. I have

mixed feeling about this, but am going to honor his request.

Take care.

Melinda

>

> Melinda,

>

> Did the test results from the endocrinologist make a difference to

?

> That he has such poor nutrition that he is stunting his own growth -

not

> eating healthy like he thinks? Or does he not believe the results?

>

> I hope things get better as the week goes on. I too am a little

worried about

> school since we won't know/decide where will go until just

before

> school starts. I pick him up from camp on Aug. 18th. He sounded

great when he

> called on Saturday. I woke up this morning thinking of him and what

I need to

> do about schools - teacher recommendations for a private school

etc. and I

> realized how much I miss him - it was a nice break from each other,

but I do

> need him home. I know he will be in a really " good " place

emotionally, and

> then the emotional down of being away from camp friends, but

getting set up

> for school right away I hope will help. He will either be

really " psyched "

> and ready for Norwalk H.S., or still very anxious about trying to

go there.

> We are taking him up to visit St. More in Oakdale, CT on

August 21. He

> will probably really want to go there (if he gets in) but unless

the Board of

> Ed (ie. his IEP) pays for part of it, or we get lots of financial

aide, it is

> out of the picture. And we have explained that to him already. We

have a

> finite amount of $$.

>

> Remember, try to take care of yourself too.

>

> Anne in CT

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  • 9 years later...
Guest guest

Don't feel defeated - it's just an opportunity to learn! I had nine months of

finding it easy and I felt naturally slender. Most of that time I read posts,

but didn't post myself because I had nothing to offer - I found it easy, so how

could I help someone else who was struggling?

Now I have struggled, I have learnt more (and have more, I hope to share with

others). This is only one glitch for you in 7 or so months - how fabulous.

Keep thinking about what is causing it, keep posting, keep being naturally

slender - this is just you rebalancing. Think how brilliant you will feel when

the wonderful you has cracked this bit and you will also know that you are

resilient and can cope with the ups and downs.

Best wishes

Viv

>

> I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after I

found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

began to WANT to take care of myself.

>

> Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long) took

extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to engage

in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no extra

effort.

>

> But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but now

I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I overate on

milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn, why

do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but there

are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling such

rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds that I

lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back at the

start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

>

> Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

now. :-(

>

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Guest guest

Don't feel defeated - it's just an opportunity to learn! I had nine months of

finding it easy and I felt naturally slender. Most of that time I read posts,

but didn't post myself because I had nothing to offer - I found it easy, so how

could I help someone else who was struggling?

Now I have struggled, I have learnt more (and have more, I hope to share with

others). This is only one glitch for you in 7 or so months - how fabulous.

Keep thinking about what is causing it, keep posting, keep being naturally

slender - this is just you rebalancing. Think how brilliant you will feel when

the wonderful you has cracked this bit and you will also know that you are

resilient and can cope with the ups and downs.

Best wishes

Viv

>

> I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after I

found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

began to WANT to take care of myself.

>

> Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long) took

extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to engage

in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no extra

effort.

>

> But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but now

I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I overate on

milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn, why

do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but there

are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling such

rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds that I

lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back at the

start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

>

> Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

now. :-(

>

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Guest guest

It sounds like what my counselor calls " peeling the onion. " You are starting on

a new deeper layer of gunk to clear out and heal up. I know that it doesn't

feel like progress, but it really is.

Keep going and be gentle with yourself.

Annie

________________________________

From: ylesca12 <ylesca12@...>

weightloss

Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 4:58:18 AM

Subject: Feeling defeated

I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after I

found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

began to WANT to take care of myself.

Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long) took

extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to engage

in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no extra

effort.

But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but now

I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I overate on

milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn, why

do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but there

are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling such

rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds that I

lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back at the

start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right now.

:-(

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Guest guest

thanks for sharing; no need to be sorry! we are here with love and

understanding.

Avie

On Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 8:43 AM, Annie <mom2scs@...> wrote:

>

>

> It sounds like what my counselor calls " peeling the onion. " You are

> starting on

> a new deeper layer of gunk to clear out and heal up. I know that it doesn't

>

> feel like progress, but it really is.

>

> Keep going and be gentle with yourself.

>

> Annie

>

> ________________________________

> From: ylesca12 <ylesca12@...>

> weightloss

> Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 4:58:18 AM

> Subject: Feeling defeated

>

>

> I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after

> I

> found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling

> relaxed

> around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and

> really

> began to WANT to take care of myself.

>

> Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

> slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only

> have

> ~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my

> eating

> disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

> overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

>

> would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

>

> lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long)

> took

> extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to

> engage

> in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no

> extra

> effort.

>

> But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but

> now

> I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I overate

> on

> milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn,

> why

> do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but

> there

> are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling

> such

> rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds

> that I

> lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back at

> the

> start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

>

> Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

> now.

> :-(

>

>

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Guest guest

Thank you Viv, Annie, and Avie. I feel better after posting, but not exactly

rebalanced... yet.

Viv, I'm sure that what's causing me to struggle is my dad's death. For all

those months, I was focused on taking care of him and being his health advocate.

I saw physically how much he struggled and I developed an appreciation for my

body that I never had. Even though it was tiring looking after him, for the

first time in my life, I felt happy in a way that I had never been before.

Now that he's gone, I feel lost. Before he got sick, I was already lost, with

my career going nowhere, not knowing what I wanted to do in the future or where

I want to live. Now, I'm sort of back to that point - feeling lost and not

knowing what to do with my life. talks about freeing yourself from the

weight struggle and finding your soul's gift. What do you do when you have

absolutely no clue what your soul's gift is???

> >

> > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after

I found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

began to WANT to take care of myself.

> >

> > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long) took

extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to engage

in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no extra

effort.

> >

> > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but

now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I overate

on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn,

why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but

there are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling

such rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds

that I lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back

at the start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

> >

> > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

now. :-(

> >

>

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Guest guest

Thank you Viv, Annie, and Avie. I feel better after posting, but not exactly

rebalanced... yet.

Viv, I'm sure that what's causing me to struggle is my dad's death. For all

those months, I was focused on taking care of him and being his health advocate.

I saw physically how much he struggled and I developed an appreciation for my

body that I never had. Even though it was tiring looking after him, for the

first time in my life, I felt happy in a way that I had never been before.

Now that he's gone, I feel lost. Before he got sick, I was already lost, with

my career going nowhere, not knowing what I wanted to do in the future or where

I want to live. Now, I'm sort of back to that point - feeling lost and not

knowing what to do with my life. talks about freeing yourself from the

weight struggle and finding your soul's gift. What do you do when you have

absolutely no clue what your soul's gift is???

> >

> > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after

I found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

began to WANT to take care of myself.

> >

> > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long) took

extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to engage

in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no extra

effort.

> >

> > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but

now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I overate

on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn,

why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but

there are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling

such rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds

that I lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back

at the start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

> >

> > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

now. :-(

> >

>

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Guest guest

Hi Yuna,

Your " soul's gift " doesn't have to be anything earth shattering. And it doesn't

need to be something that strikes you like a bolt out of the blue. It can be

something really small--like realizing that if you smile at people as you walk

down the street, they respond positively, and you leave a little bit of

happiness in your wake. (OK, this might not be the best thing to try if you live

in a big city! LOL!) It might be that you're a fabulous baker, and find ways to

share this with your friends (without eating it all yourself--I've become a big

fan of baking and giving it away). Or maybe you'll end up deciding to be a

pastry chef. Or, maybe you'll decide that even though caring for someone else

was tiring, it was rewarding, and you'll decide to pursue some sort of career in

a medical field....

And even if you don't find anything that you'd classify as your soul's gift, you

may find things that you enjoy, that renew and recharge you, so that life's

little challenges don't throw you off course.

Viv is soooo right that you need to be kind to yourself now. It is OK to feel

sad and lost. You may even feel scared, with all the possibilities opening up in

front of you, now that you don't have to dedicate your time to caring for

someone else. It's OK.

All is well. All will be well.

PS: Have you listened to podcast 3 or 33 lately? Guided journey to identity....

________________________________

From: ylesca12 <ylesca12@...>

weightloss

Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 8:12:04 PM

Subject: Re: Feeling defeated

Thank you Viv, Annie, and Avie. I feel better after posting, but not exactly

rebalanced... yet.

Viv, I'm sure that what's causing me to struggle is my dad's death. For all

those months, I was focused on taking care of him and being his health advocate.

I saw physically how much he struggled and I developed an appreciation for my

body that I never had. Even though it was tiring looking after him, for the

first time in my life, I felt happy in a way that I had never been before.

Now that he's gone, I feel lost. Before he got sick, I was already lost, with

my career going nowhere, not knowing what I wanted to do in the future or where

I want to live. Now, I'm sort of back to that point - feeling lost and not

knowing what to do with my life. talks about freeing yourself from the

weight struggle and finding your soul's gift. What do you do when you have

absolutely no clue what your soul's gift is???

> >

> > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after

I

>found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

>around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

>began to WANT to take care of myself.

>

> >

> > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

>slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

>~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

>disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

>overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

>would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

>lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long)

took

>extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to

engage

>in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no

extra

>effort.

> >

> > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but

>now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I

overate

>on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn,

>why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but

>there are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling

>such rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds

>that I lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back

>at the start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

> >

> > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

>now. :-(

> >

>

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Guest guest

Hi Yuna,

Your " soul's gift " doesn't have to be anything earth shattering. And it doesn't

need to be something that strikes you like a bolt out of the blue. It can be

something really small--like realizing that if you smile at people as you walk

down the street, they respond positively, and you leave a little bit of

happiness in your wake. (OK, this might not be the best thing to try if you live

in a big city! LOL!) It might be that you're a fabulous baker, and find ways to

share this with your friends (without eating it all yourself--I've become a big

fan of baking and giving it away). Or maybe you'll end up deciding to be a

pastry chef. Or, maybe you'll decide that even though caring for someone else

was tiring, it was rewarding, and you'll decide to pursue some sort of career in

a medical field....

And even if you don't find anything that you'd classify as your soul's gift, you

may find things that you enjoy, that renew and recharge you, so that life's

little challenges don't throw you off course.

Viv is soooo right that you need to be kind to yourself now. It is OK to feel

sad and lost. You may even feel scared, with all the possibilities opening up in

front of you, now that you don't have to dedicate your time to caring for

someone else. It's OK.

All is well. All will be well.

PS: Have you listened to podcast 3 or 33 lately? Guided journey to identity....

________________________________

From: ylesca12 <ylesca12@...>

weightloss

Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 8:12:04 PM

Subject: Re: Feeling defeated

Thank you Viv, Annie, and Avie. I feel better after posting, but not exactly

rebalanced... yet.

Viv, I'm sure that what's causing me to struggle is my dad's death. For all

those months, I was focused on taking care of him and being his health advocate.

I saw physically how much he struggled and I developed an appreciation for my

body that I never had. Even though it was tiring looking after him, for the

first time in my life, I felt happy in a way that I had never been before.

Now that he's gone, I feel lost. Before he got sick, I was already lost, with

my career going nowhere, not knowing what I wanted to do in the future or where

I want to live. Now, I'm sort of back to that point - feeling lost and not

knowing what to do with my life. talks about freeing yourself from the

weight struggle and finding your soul's gift. What do you do when you have

absolutely no clue what your soul's gift is???

> >

> > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress after

I

>found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

>around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

>began to WANT to take care of myself.

>

> >

> > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

>slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

>~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

>disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

>overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

>would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

>lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long)

took

>extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to

engage

>in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no

extra

>effort.

> >

> > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but

>now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I

overate

>on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn,

>why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but

>there are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling

>such rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds

>that I lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back

>at the start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

> >

> > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

>now. :-(

> >

>

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Guest guest

Thanks, . You and everyone else are right. I need to rest and be kind to

myself. It seems to me that self-kindness and self-acceptance are the pillars

of ending the weight struggle and going on to live a happy life. I wonder why

it's so hard? I'm nicer to strangers than I am to myself.

I'll start by listening to episodes 3 and 33...

> > >

> > > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress

after I

> >found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling relaxed

> >around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and really

> >began to WANT to take care of myself.

> >

> > >

> > > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

> >slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only

have

> >~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my

eating

> >disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

> >overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

> >would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

> >lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long)

took

> >extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to

engage

> >in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no

extra

> >effort.

> > >

> > > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but

> >now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I

overate

> >on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn,

> >why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but

> >there are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling

> >such rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few

pounds

> >that I lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being

back

> >at the start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

> > >

> > > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

> >now. :-(

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

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Guest guest

I can really relate to feelings of helplessness and feelings of being lost.

Wondering, when am I going to figure my life out? When am I going to finally be

happy? I am never going to know what I want? Telling myself I will always be

discontent-it is some curse I had bestowed upon myself. The more I progress

through life I begin to understand those feeling for what they are. I will never

find something in the future that will make me happy if I can't be happy in the

present. I will never find the perfect job, career, life-if I sit and think

about what I don't have.

The things that help me when I feel like I am lost is to really see the moment I

am in and be grateful for it. This can be hard if your job is un-fulfilling-but

perhaps this could be a good time to start volunteering. Just explore life and

really your souls gift-is you. It isn't some title or position. It is just you.

Let that be your truth and play with life-see what it has to give you.

Best of luck to you

> > >

> > > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress

after I found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling

relaxed around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and

really began to WANT to take care of myself.

> > >

> > > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long) took

extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to engage

in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no extra

effort.

> > >

> > > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless, but

now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I overate

on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars (darn,

why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore, but

there are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and feeling

such rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few pounds

that I lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being back

at the start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

> > >

> > > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am right

now. :-(

> > >

> >

>

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Guest guest

Hi , thank you for the advice. You're right... I am grateful for what I

have now. I may not have my " dream job, " but I do have a dream employer... a

company that truly understands that family comes first, and I work with

wonderful people. It's easy to forget that we have so much to be thankful for.

> > > >

> > > > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much progress

after I found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I was feeling

relaxed around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger signals, and

really began to WANT to take care of myself.

> > > >

> > > > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being naturally

slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because I only have

~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back to my eating

disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself and

overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it anymore, I

would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To maintain that

lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours wasn't very long) took

extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to , I had no desire to engage

in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained that weight loss with no extra

effort.

> > > >

> > > > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and effortless,

but now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle. Last night, I

overate on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on homemade nanaimo bars

(darn, why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I don't do those anymore,

but there are times, like last night, when I am so utterly frustrated and

feeling such rage at myself that I want scream and pull out my hair. Those few

pounds that I lost have come right back, and I'm soooo angry at myself for being

back at the start. It feels like I'm always going to be stuck.

> > > >

> > > > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I am

right now. :-(

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

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Today, I am grateful for all the travels I have had in my life already, and

also for my dog.. he's pretty cute.

Thanks,

Avie

On Thu, Mar 10, 2011 at 8:10 AM, ylesca12 <ylesca12@...> wrote:

>

>

> Hi , thank you for the advice. You're right... I am grateful for

> what I have now. I may not have my " dream job, " but I do have a dream

> employer... a company that truly understands that family comes first, and I

> work with wonderful people. It's easy to forget that we have so much to be

> thankful for.

>

>

>

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't understand why I'm struggling again. I made so much

> progress after I found 's podcasts. For the first time in so long, I

> was feeling relaxed around food. I tuned into my body, listened to my hunger

> signals, and really began to WANT to take care of myself.

> > > > >

> > > > > Over 6-7 months, I really felt like I was moving towards being

> naturally slender. I only lost 2-3 pounds, but I was okay with that because

> I only have ~10 pounds to lose. Most importantly, I had NO desire to go back

> to my eating disorders. When I lost weight before, it was by starving myself

> and overexercising. Then after a few months when I couldn't stand it

> anymore, I would swing to binging and purging... talk about extremes! To

> maintain that lower weight (which, let's face it, with those behaviours

> wasn't very long) took extreme hypervigilence. But after listening to ,

> I had no desire to engage in either behaviour, and I comfortably maintained

> that weight loss with no extra effort.

> > > > >

> > > > > But I began to unravel last month. It was all so easy and

> effortless, but now I'm struggling. I feel like every day is a struggle.

> Last night, I overate on milk chocolate. The day before, I overate on

> homemade nanaimo bars (darn, why do I love to bake??). No binges, at least I

> don't do those anymore, but there are times, like last night, when I am so

> utterly frustrated and feeling such rage at myself that I want scream and

> pull out my hair. Those few pounds that I lost have come right back, and I'm

> soooo angry at myself for being back at the start. It feels like I'm always

> going to be stuck.

> > > > >

> > > > > Sorry to vent.... ... I hope everyone is in a better place than I

> am right now. :-(

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

--

Avie Linden

University of Michigan - Anthropology

Program in the Environment, History of Art

248.535.0521

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  • 3 months later...
Guest guest

In response to your dizziness....I used to take pure sea salt in luke warm water and then fololow with another glass water...this worked a treat for me be aware of your BP...

Sorry to hear about the other stuff...just the same old story but not for you its frustrating.....Sally xx

Hi all, Just an update on my fight! My GP is refusing to accept Dr Skinners diagnosis and recomendations, he has told me that he has contacted the GMC and the PCT and both say that he cannot treat while im still in range even though my freeT3 & freeT4 are so low in the range. He has however refered me for a second opinion to a Dr A.B @ the Hartlands hospital in Birmingham ( hope i chose well there ?)so i feel that i can't write to him asking why he is refusing to treat me, I feel that this GP is playing a very clever game with me and i am in no way a match for him with this awful brain fog (I feel like i've got dementia, my partner would say mad cow disease)I even find it really hard to spell simple words and the dizzyness is getting very debilitating even when im lying down(if I turn my head on the pillow i go dizzy)but hey theres nothing wrong with me! Grrrr. luv Sue X

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