Re: update again

[Guest guest]

Safe travels, Terry. (Dov)

>

> Hi al,

> I am getting ready to head back to Indiana so I should be home in

a few

> hours. I will try and get on and let you know when the eagle has

landed when

> I get there, or at least in the morning. Take care,

>

> Terry

>

> --

> " There is nothing ever wrong..but

> nothing's ever right..such a cruel contradiction " .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

I don't think it is unusual or extreme to find yourself an emotional

mess in the months following this huge surgery. No matter how much

each of us tells ourselves we are going to be different or our

recovery is somehow going to be way outside the norm...really, I

think most of the milestones look very much the same. Somehow we

manage to survive this huge surgery....they load us up with narcotics

galore...and then we start trying to reconnect with those that we

love and we just becme emotional basket cases. Having an extra loss

of a friendly roommate and of a great aunt is just icing on the cake.

Of course we all wish there was a " normal " out there for us. And yes,

there will be our own personal new " normal " ....but it takes a heck of

a lot of work to get there.

Our group has a file of the writings of Mina, an early

flatback patient (with no particular training in psychology that I

can determine). She did describe the personality that I developed

almost to a " T " in her piece on scolisois overcompenstaion

syndrome...I can only guess that if you have the same personality too

then the extra challenges of MS must completely overwhelm you at

times.

Go ahead and bawl your eyes out. You have suffered many losses

recently....those you love as well as having your body traumatized by

surgery. It is not a small thing. I am glad you are getting good

support from the team at the hospital.

And hurrah for you for getting yourself dressed today. That is a huge

milestone and I know that means you will be home to your kids and

husband in no time.

Take Care, Cam

[Guest guest]

,

Cry all you need to and make no apologies. I'm 4 months post op and I still have

moments

of frustration, anxiety, grief and sadness. And I'm not facing 1/2 the issues

you are. I think

that many of us have spent a great deal of our lives trying to cover up or

compensate for

our physical issues, and tried to be stoic about our conditions. Which is a good

thing in its

own right, and helps get through some challenges without falling apart.

However, you are in recovery from major physical and emotional trauma right now,

and as

great as you are doing, please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to just

feel what you

need to feel. If that involves crying and feeling highly emotional then so be

it.

Tears are cathartic and cleansing. You will regain your perspective eventually,

believe me,

but until then, you cry when you need to cry. You are doing remarkably well, and

have

overcome more obstacles than most of us. I'd say a few tears are in order!

Hugs,

Edie

>

> Well, I am no longer considered " contaminated " from the shingles, so

> I am going to be getting a roomate today or tomorrow. It was

> WONDERFUL having the room all to myself, but oh well! I at least

> have the window side, with a great view of Lake Michigan and the Air

> & Water show this weekend

> I got dressed all by myself yesterday, using the reacher, etc. I did

> it all while sitting on the side of my bed (and I log rolled and sat

> up all by myself too, yay!). Today I got dressed again all by

> myself, but this time did the pants while laying down. I was able to

> twist my leg from the hip into a funky position (PT watched and said

> I was somehow keeping my torso & pelvis straight and safe) and slip

> the pants onto one foot, then I used the reacher to put them onto the

> other foot. Dressing only took me about 20-25 minutes, so I didn't

> think that was too horrible.

> I've been super emotional lately and have had to fight back tears

> frequently. The psychologist saw me yesterday (they visit everyone

> once a week here) and I was going fine until I started talking about

> always making adaptations at home to take care of my kids. Then I

> suddenly starting crying about not being able to be the mom that I

> always wanted to be and how hard it is when people don't understand

> how hard I work to do the little amount of stuff that I am still able

> to do. I think I babbled on for a while, but I don't remember

> anything else that I was crying about. And then a lady got

> discharged today that I had gotten close to - she is a little over 80

> and had a leg amputated. She is a really good painter, and a really

> sweet person. I was barely able to tell her goodbye this morning and

> wish her luck before I had to quick scoot out so that I wouldn't be

> bawling all over the place. I did tear up a bit, but luckily I

> didn't start sobbing all over. It's frustrating, because I am

> usually able to put on a " stone face " when necessary, and I seem

> unable to do that anymore! My great-aunt died earlier this week and

> I am really upset about not being able to go to the funeral. I

> wasn't super close to her, but she was my grandma's best friend (my

> grandma passed almost 2 years ago), and I am somewhat close with her

> daughter (my mom's cousin). I thought I was doing alright with it

> all, but when I called my husband's cell phone to leave a message

> that she had passed, suddenly I couldn't talk because I started

> crying! It's crazy.

> Everything else is going alright though. I will be home in a week &

> a half. I am both scared and excited to come home. They're working

> pretty hard now on making sure I can do things that need to be done

> at home, so I had my hubby do a bunch of measurements - bed height

> (29 inches!!!), wheelchair height, toilet height, kitchen counter

> height, etc. So now we are going to try to work on some of these

> things using these numbers (except I'll be getting a bedside commode

> that can be used with the toilet to raise it).

> Well, I'll be sure to give another update in a few more days. Unless

> I get a really funky roommate - then I may have to post sooner

>

>

[Guest guest]

, welcome to the world of pain med weepies! I was a mess when I was first discharged. Every little thing would get me crying, angry, etc. Then I talked to , who was also on methadone and had been for several years, and she told me it did that to her too! So you're in good company.

This is not to dismiss the impact of the things you're tearing up over, and I'm really sorry about your great-aunt, and the fact that you will miss her funeral. But if you're accustomed to being good with the stiff upper lip, this weepiness can come as quite a surprise!

Sharon

[ ] update again

Well, I am no longer considered "contaminated" from the shingles, so I am going to be getting a roomate today or tomorrow. It was WONDERFUL having the room all to myself, but oh well! I at least have the window side, with a great view of Lake Michigan and the Air & Water show this weekend :)I got dressed all by myself yesterday, using the reacher, etc. I did it all while sitting on the side of my bed (and I log rolled and sat up all by myself too, yay!). Today I got dressed again all by myself, but this time did the pants while laying down. I was able to twist my leg from the hip into a funky position (PT watched and said I was somehow keeping my torso & pelvis straight and safe) and slip the pants onto one foot, then I used the reacher to put them onto the other foot. Dressing only took me about 20-25 minutes, so I didn't think that was too horrible.I've been super emotional lately and have had to fight back tears frequently. The psychologist saw me yesterday (they visit everyone once a week here) and I was going fine until I started talking about always making adaptations at home to take care of my kids. Then I suddenly starting crying about not being able to be the mom that I always wanted to be and how hard it is when people don't understand how hard I work to do the little amount of stuff that I am still able to do. I think I babbled on for a while, but I don't remember anything else that I was crying about. And then a lady got discharged today that I had gotten close to - she is a little over 80 and had a leg amputated. She is a really good painter, and a really sweet person. I was barely able to tell her goodbye this morning and wish her luck before I had to quick scoot out so that I wouldn't be bawling all over the place. I did tear up a bit, but luckily I didn't start sobbing all over. It's frustrating, because I am usually able to put on a "stone face" when necessary, and I seem unable to do that anymore! My great-aunt died earlier this week and I am really upset about not being able to go to the funeral. I wasn't super close to her, but she was my grandma's best friend (my grandma passed almost 2 years ago), and I am somewhat close with her daughter (my mom's cousin). I thought I was doing alright with it all, but when I called my husband's cell phone to leave a message that she had passed, suddenly I couldn't talk because I started crying! It's crazy.Everything else is going alright though. I will be home in a week & a half. I am both scared and excited to come home. They're working pretty hard now on making sure I can do things that need to be done at home, so I had my hubby do a bunch of measurements - bed height (29 inches!!!), wheelchair height, toilet height, kitchen counter height, etc. So now we are going to try to work on some of these things using these numbers (except I'll be getting a bedside commode that can be used with the toilet to raise it).Well, I'll be sure to give another update in a few more days. Unless I get a really funky roommate - then I may have to post sooner