: Gifts from extended family

December 4, 2006

Hi ,

So glad you are able to be our guest expert for this week. Here is

my question/problem--I'm sure others have similar situations.

My son is a 26 year old young man with autism. He is nonverbal but

has many interests and talents. I think the term " man/child " applies

to him. My husband, other sons and I all know what his likes and

dislikes are and when we choose gifts, we keep those in mind, never

mind if it's " age appropriate " or not--a gift should be something he

enjoys. collects Pez dispensers, musical water globes and

has shelving in his room so he may see them and enjoys his

collections daily. He likes music and has quite a collection of

various kinds of CDs (I am a musician by profession--the kid likes

quality things LOL!) and also loves Disney cartoons and has quite a

few, as well as other very " young child " movies. He has always been

tactile defensive and clothing has always been an issue--no tags in

the back of shirts, only a few shirts with collars and only

synthetic sweaters--wool is too scratchy for him. It is always such

a delight to see his smiling face when he is surprised by something

he truly enjoys!

The problem we have been having the last few years has been with a

faction of extended family who feels we are being " disrepectful " to

Russ and his age when we get him a learning toy or a video more

appropriate for a young child. These are the same folks that get

him wool sweaters and tell us " he needs to get used to it " , even tho

we tell them time and again not to get him wool sweaters because

he's tactile defensive. Another faction of that particualr family

ignores him and doesn't include him in any family gifts. It surely

doesn't matter to Russ he is excluded, but matters to us. I am

getting more shrill and *witchy* (wink-wick)every year this

continues. Any thing I can do to " head this off at the pass " ?

Should I make up a gift list? Should I just ignore it? Not

attending holidays with these people is not an option--it's my

husband's parents and siblings.

Marie

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