RE: or anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the holidays/Laurie

[Guest guest]

Laurie,

I have two things relating to Grief that I

have in ’s Life Plan Book: Both from ARC links. One is a pamphlet that can be downloaded

from http://www.thearc.org/publications/

-- it is located 10th on the list.

Mental Retardation and Grief

Following a Death Loss, Information for Families and Other Caregivers, by

Charlene Lutchterhand, MSSW A booklet to assist parents, friends,

staff people and others who may some day be in a situation of consoling a

person with mental retardation who has either just lost a parent or friend, or

is near to someone whose death is imminent. 40 pgs.

1998.

The other

is an article titled: MANAGING GRIEF BETTER: PEOPLE WITH DEVELOPMENTAL

DISABILITIES PROFESSOR SHEILA HOLLINS

http://thearc.org/faqs/grief.html

Our son

has been involved in attending many visitations and funerals of family members since

he was young plus many family pets. He was a pall-bearer with other

grandchildren at my mother’s funeral. is also very concrete but he has

learned the signs for dead, funeral, and cemetery. Along with sign language we use pictures

in an album and at his house he has a picture pocket calendar. How do you communicate with , is

she verbal? Has she ever

experienced the loss of a family member before? I have heard of some children’s

books that were very good in explaining death but I haven’t looked into

their titles but sure you can find some with a search or at your local

library. Maybe I will put that on a

list to look into.

Louise

Mom to 44 DS, Deaf, ASD

or

anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the holidays

My mom is very close to my 18-yr old daughter with autism - and my

daughter absolutely adores her right back! That's the good news.

The bad news is my mom is 79, had a stroke last year, and is in ok but

tenuous health. Here's my question -- and this is for or any of

you who have dealt with this already with your son or daughter -- What

can I be doing NOW, while Mom is still here, to help prepare for

the day when she WON'T be here, especially around the holidays as my

Mom is such an integral part of this time of year?

Also, how do you explain death or serious illness in concrete terms to

an adult child with a DD? She is VERY concrete (i.e. only seems to

understand what is tangible, nothing very abstract like God or

heaven.) I've thought about telling her that her grandmother will be

living up in the clouds, or with the stars, because these are things

she can see?

I guess that was really TWO questions...sneaky, huh?

Laurie

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[Guest guest]

Hi Louise,

Thank you for sharing those resources from me as well as Laurie.

>From: " Louise & Andy " <louandy@...>

>Reply-IPADDUnite

><IPADDUnite >

>Subject: RE: or anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the

>holidays/Laurie

>Date: Mon, 4 Dec 2006 22:33:44 -0600

>

>

>Laurie,

>

>I have two things relating to Grief that I have in ’s Life Plan

>Book: Both from ARC links. One is a pamphlet that can be downloaded

>from HYPERLINK

> " http://www.thearc.org/publications/ " http://www.thearc.org/publications/

>-- it is located 10th on the list.

>

>Mental Retardation and Grief Following a Death Loss, Information for

>Families and Other Caregivers, by Charlene Lutchterhand, MSSW A booklet

>to assist parents, friends, staff people and others who may some day be

>in a situation of consoling a person with mental retardation who has

>either just lost a parent or friend, or is near to someone whose death

>is imminent. 40 pgs. 1998.

>

>The other is an article titled: MANAGING GRIEF BETTER: PEOPLE WITH

>DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES PROFESSOR SHEILA HOLLINS HYPERLINK

> " http://thearc.org/faqs/grief.html " http://thearc.org/faqs/grief.html

>

>

>Our son has been involved in attending many visitations and funerals of

>family members since he was young plus many family pets. He was a

>pall-bearer with other grandchildren at my mother’s funeral. is

>also very concrete but he has learned the signs for dead, funeral, and

>cemetery. Along with sign language we use pictures in an album and at

>his house he has a picture pocket calendar. How do you communicate with

>, is she verbal? Has she ever experienced the loss of a family

>member before? I have heard of some children’s books that were very

>good in explaining death but I haven’t looked into their titles but sure

>you can find some with a search or at your local library. Maybe I

>will put that on a list to look into.

>

>

>Louise Mom to 44 DS, Deaf, ASD

>

>

> or anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the

>holidays

>

>My mom is very close to my 18-yr old daughter with autism - and my

>daughter absolutely adores her right back! That's the good news.

>The bad news is my mom is 79, had a stroke last year, and is in ok but

>tenuous health. Here's my question -- and this is for or any of

>you who have dealt with this already with your son or daughter -- What

>can I be doing NOW, while Mom is still here, to help prepare for

>the day when she WON'T be here, especially around the holidays as my

>Mom is such an integral part of this time of year?

>

>Also, how do you explain death or serious illness in concrete terms to

>an adult child with a DD? She is VERY concrete (i.e. only seems to

>understand what is tangible, nothing very abstract like God or

>heaven.) I've thought about telling her that her grandmother will be

>living up in the clouds, or with the stars, because these are things

>she can see?

>

>I guess that was really TWO questions...-sneaky, huh?

>

>Laurie

>

>

>--

>No virus found in this incoming message.

>Checked by AVG Free Edition.

>Version: 7.5.430 / Virus Database: 268.15.6/566 - Release Date:

>12/3/2006 4:36 PM

>

>

>--

>No virus found in this outgoing message.

>Checked by AVG Free Edition.

>Version: 7.5.430 / Virus Database: 268.15.6/566 - Release Date:

>12/3/2006 4:36 PM

>

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[Guest guest]

Last year we had a Grief Share Group for four adults with DD who had lost parents or grandparents. Van Dyke's book, Lessons in Grief and Death, is very helpful and written for those with DD. We created our own lessons and made something to take home that was related to the lesson. Lots of visuals and hands on activities. One surprising outcome was that the way the adults helped each other grieve. When someone started crying, others gathered round. When anger was expressed, they helped keep each other in check. The group ran for 6 weeks and we ended the group by writing notes to the person who died, attaching it to a helium balloon and releasing them outside. Those notes expressed all the things they missed doing with them and what they loved about them. One of the balloons got caught in a tree which was perplexing. However, a sudden breeze came along and released the balloon and we all felt

God's smile. Then we went over to the Graham Center at Wheaton College and went to the Resurrection Room (awesome room with blue sky and clouds with the Hallelujah chorus being played). The group loved this room and helped them visualize that heaven is a beautiful place. Some comments were: "I like it here." "This is a beautiful place." Since the group, one young man has been able to express his grief over the loss of his dad instead of being angry. He is able to take his pictures out of the drawers. One day his mother asked him if he would like to place flowers on his dad's grave. He replied, "No, I'll just send him a balloon." DawnLouise & Andy <louandy@...> wrote: Laurie, I have two things relating to Grief that I have in ’s Life

Plan Book: Both from ARC links. One is a pamphlet that can be downloaded from http://www.thearc.org/publications/ -- it is located 10th on the list. Mental Retardation and Grief Following a Death Loss, Information for Families and Other Caregivers, by Charlene Lutchterhand, MSSW A booklet to assist parents, friends, staff people and others who may some day be in a situation of consoling a person with mental retardation who has either just lost a parent or friend, or is near to someone whose death is imminent. 40 pgs. 1998. The other is an article titled: MANAGING GRIEF BETTER: PEOPLE WITH DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES PROFESSOR SHEILA HOLLINS http://thearc.org/faqs/grief.html Our son has been involved in attending many visitations and funerals of family members since he was young plus many family pets.

He was a pall-bearer with other grandchildren at my mother’s funeral. is also very concrete but he has learned the signs for dead, funeral, and cemetery. Along with sign language we use pictures in an album and at his house he has a picture pocket calendar. How do you communicate with , is she verbal? Has she ever experienced the loss of a family member before? I have heard of some children’s books that were very good in explaining death but I haven’t looked into their titles but sure you can find some with a search or at your local library. Maybe I will put that on a list to look into. Louise Mom to 44 DS, Deaf, ASD -----Original Message-----From: IPADDUnite [mailto:IPADDUnite ] On Behalf Of Laurie JerueSent: Monday, December 04, 2006 8:12 PMTo:

IPADDUnite Subject: or anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the holidays My mom is very close to my 18-yr old daughter with autism - and my daughter absolutely adores her right back! That's the good news. The bad news is my mom is 79, had a stroke last year, and is in ok but tenuous health. Here's my question -- and this is for or any of you who have dealt with this already with your son or daughter -- What can I be doing NOW, while Mom is still here, to help prepare for the day when she WON'T be here, especially around the holidays as my Mom is such an integral part of this time of

year? Also, how do you explain death or serious illness in concrete terms to an adult child with a DD? She is VERY concrete (i.e. only seems to understand what is tangible, nothing very abstract like God or heaven.) I've thought about telling her that her grandmother will be living up in the clouds, or with the stars, because these are things she can see? I guess that was really TWO questions...sneaky, huh? :)Laurie --No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition.Version: 7.5.430 / Virus Database: 268.15.6/566 - Release Date: 12/3/2006 4:36 PM --No virus found in this outgoing message.Checked by AVG Free Edition.Version: 7.5.430 / Virus Database:

268.15.6/566 - Release Date: 12/3/2006 4:36 PM Dawn

[Guest guest]

Dawn

this sounds like a beautiful way to explain about the loss of any family

member. Can you give us a link on

how to get to the Graham Center at Wheaton College and the Resurrection Room? I would like to add this to my

information.

Thanks, Louise

or

anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the holidays

My mom is very close to my 18-yr old daughter with

autism - and my

daughter absolutely adores her right back! That's the good news.

The bad news is my mom is 79, had a stroke last year, and is in ok but

tenuous health. Here's my question -- and this is for or any of

you who have dealt with this already with your son or daughter -- What

can I be doing NOW, while Mom is still here, to help prepare for

the day when she WON'T be here, especially around the holidays as my

Mom is such an integral part of this time of year?

Also, how do you explain death or serious illness in concrete terms to

an adult child with a DD? She is VERY concrete (i.e. only seems to

understand what is tangible, nothing very abstract like God or

heaven.) I've thought about telling her that her grandmother will be

living up in the clouds, or with the stars, because these are things

she can see?

I guess that was really TWO questions...sneaky, huh?

Laurie

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[Guest guest]

Here is the link to the Graham Center Museum. The link provides maps and directions. The exhibit is called Walk through the Gospel. This display is followed by a walk through the cross and ends in a room that breathtakingly depicts the resurrection. http://bgc.gospelcom.net/museum/index.htm Hope this helps. DAWN Louise & Andy <louandy@...> wrote: Dawn this sounds like a beautiful way to explain about the loss of any family member. Can you give us a link on how to get to the Graham Center at Wheaton College and the Resurrection Room? I would like to add this to my information. Thanks,

Louise -----Original Message-----From: IPADDUnite [mailto:IPADDUnite ] On Behalf Of Sent: Sunday, December 31, 2006 6:19 PMIPADDUnite Subject: RE: or anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the holidays/Laurie Last year we had a Grief Share Group for four adults with DD who had lost parents or grandparents. Van Dyke's book, Lessons in Grief and Death, is very helpful and written for those with DD. We created our own lessons and made something to take home that was related to the lesson. Lots of visuals and hands on activities. One surprising outcome was that the way the adults helped each other grieve. When someone started crying, others gathered round. When anger was expressed, they helped keep each other in check. The group ran for 6 weeks and we ended the group by writing notes to the person who died, attaching it to a helium balloon and releasing them outside. Those notes expressed all the things they missed doing with them and what they loved about them. One of the balloons got caught

in a tree which was perplexing. However, a sudden breeze came along and released the balloon and we all felt God's smile. Then we went over to the Graham Center at Wheaton College and went to the Resurrection Room (awesome room with blue sky and clouds with the Hallelujah chorus being played). The group loved this room and helped them visualize that heaven is a beautiful place. Some comments were: "I like it here." "This is a beautiful place." Since the group, one young man has been able to express his grief over the loss of his dad instead of being angry. He is able to take his pictures out of the drawers. One day his mother asked him if he would

like to place flowers on his dad's grave. He replied, "No, I'll just send him a balloon." DawnLouise & Andy <louandywideopenwest> wrote: Laurie, I have two things relating to Grief that I have in ’s Life Plan Book: Both from ARC links. One is a pamphlet that can be downloaded from http://www.thearc.org/publications/ -- it is located 10th on the list. Mental Retardation and Grief Following a Death Loss, Information for Families and Other Caregivers, by Charlene Lutchterhand, MSSW A booklet to assist parents, friends, staff people and others who may some day be in a situation of consoling a person with mental retardation who has either just lost a parent or friend, or is near to someone whose death is imminent. 40 pgs.

1998. The other is an article titled: MANAGING GRIEF BETTER: PEOPLE WITH DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES PROFESSOR SHEILA HOLLINS http://thearc.org/faqs/grief.html Our son has been involved in attending many visitations and funerals of family members since he was young plus many family pets. He was a pall-bearer with other grandchildren at my mother’s funeral. is also very concrete but he has learned the signs for dead, funeral, and cemetery. Along with sign language we use

pictures in an album and at his house he has a picture pocket calendar. How do you communicate with , is she verbal? Has she ever experienced the loss of a family member before? I have heard of some children’s books that were very good in explaining death but I haven’t looked into their titles but sure you can find some with a search or at your local library. Maybe I will put that on a list to look into. Louise Mom to 44 DS, Deaf, ASD -----Original Message-----From: IPADDUnite [mailto:IPADDUnite ] On Behalf Of Laurie

JerueSent: Monday, December 04, 2006 8:12 PMIPADDUnite Subject: or anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the holidays My mom is very close to my 18-yr old daughter with autism - and my daughter absolutely adores her right back! That's the good news. The bad news is my mom is 79, had a stroke last year, and is in ok but tenuous health. Here's my question -- and this is for or any of you who have dealt with this already with your son or daughter -- What can I be doing NOW, while Mom is still here, to help prepare for the day when she WON'T

be here, especially around the holidays as my Mom is such an integral part of this time of year? Also, how do you explain death or serious illness in concrete terms to an adult child with a DD? She is VERY concrete (i.e. only seems to understand what is tangible, nothing very abstract like God or heaven.) I've thought about telling her that her grandmother will be living up in the clouds, or with the stars, because these are things she can see? I guess that was really TWO questions...sneaky, huh? :)Laurie -- --No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition.Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.16.7/618 - Release Date: 1/6/2007 7:47 PM --No virus found in this outgoing message.Checked by AVG Free Edition.Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.16.7/618 - Release Date: 1/6/2007 7:47 PM Dawn

[Guest guest]

Thanks

Dawn.  Louise

or

anyone: Explaining 'Loss' during the holidays

My mom is very close to my 18-yr old daughter with

autism - and my

daughter absolutely adores her right back! That's the good news.

The bad news is my mom is 79, had a stroke last year, and is in ok but

tenuous health. Here's my question -- and this is for or any of

you who have dealt with this already with your son or daughter -- What

can I be doing NOW, while Mom is still here, to help prepare for

the day when she WON'T be here, especially around the holidays as my

Mom is such an integral part of this time of year?

Also, how do you explain death or serious illness in concrete terms to

an adult child with a DD? She is VERY concrete (i.e. only seems to

understand what is tangible, nothing very abstract like God or

heaven.) I've thought about telling her that her grandmother will be

living up in the clouds, or with the stars, because these are things

she can see?

I guess that was really TWO questions...sneaky, huh?

Laurie

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PM

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Dawn

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