Who Wants a Defective Baby?

[Guest guest]

http://www.benotafraid.net/story.asp?id=49

Who Wants a Defective Baby? by

Valko, R.N.

" Of course, no one wants to adopt a defective baby. " This was

said with much emotion (and not much charm) by an older gentleman in a class at

a local university where I was speaking this past April. I had been invited to

discuss the legalities and effects of Roe v. Wade from a pro-life point of view

to a class of senior citizens studying the Constitution and the Supreme Court.

While several of these senior citizen students defended abortion as a matter of

complete privacy for the mother, their arguments centered around the

" need " for legalized abortion as a solution for social problems.

Since I had told the story of my daughter , born in 1982 with Down Syndrome and a severe heart defect, the pro-abortion

students were extremely vocal about the personal and societal justifications

for aborting a baby like . Hence the statement about no one wanting to

adopt a " defective " baby.

Happily, sir, I told the senior student, You are wrong. Even back when I had

, I found out from the National Down Syndrome

Association that there was a list of people waiting to adopt a baby with Down Syndrome. Just the night before, I added, I had

found a new website for matching prospective parents with children who had

chromosomal and physical defects.

The student refused to believe that this could be true.

The effects of Roe v. Wade

Life of the mother, incest, rape and fetal defect are the four hard cases

usually cited to justify what has now become abortion on demand. All of these

are uncommon reasons given in the estimated 1.3 million abortions every year;

but the possibility of having a child with a birth defect is a common fear

nearly all expectant

mothers experience and, not surprisingly, polls show that the majority of the

public support abortion in this circumstance.

Although I have always been pro-life, I could understand the fear underlying

these poll results - until my own daughter was born.

Just two weeks before the birth of my daughter , I saw a mother trying to

pry her young son with Down Syndrome

away from a display case at the supermarket. She looked exhausted.

Please, Lord, I silently prayed, Let this baby be ok. I can handle anything but

Downs.

When was born with Down Syndrome,

I was stunned. But I was quickly put in touch with mothers from the Down Syndrome Association who replaced my fears with

information and realistic hope.

Then a doctor told me the truly bad news. had a heart defect, one so

severe that it seemed inoperable and she was not expected to live more than 2

months. That certainly put things in the proper perspective.

What " pro-choice " really means

It turned out later that 's heart defect was not quite as bad as

originally thought and could be corrected with one open-heart surgery, but I

was shocked when the cardiologist told me he would support me 100% if I decided

not to agree to the surgery and allow her to die. This was especially hard to

hear because, as a nurse, I knew that the doctor would have been otherwise

enthusiastic about an operation offering a 90% chance of success - if my child

didn't also have Down Syndrome.

Apparently, even though was now a legal person according to Roe v. Wade

by the fact of her birth, this non-treatment option could act as a kind of 4th

trimester abortion.

It was then that I realized what pro-choice really meant: Choice says it

doesn't really matter if a particular child lives or dies. Choice says the only

thing that really matters is how I feel about this child and my circumstances.

I may be " Woman Hear Me Roar " in other areas according to the

militant feminists, but I was not necessarily strong enough for a child like

this.

I also finally figured out that Roe v. Wade's effects went far beyond the

proverbial desperate woman determined to end her pregnancy either legally or

illegally. The abortion mentality had so corrupted society that it even

endangered children like my after birth. Too many people, like the

student in Supreme Court class, unfortunately viewed as a tragedy to be

prevented.

Medical progress or search and destroy?

In the late 1950s, a picture of the unborn baby using sound waves became the

first technique developed to provide a window to the womb. Ultrasound in recent

years has been used to save countless lives by showing women that they were

carrying a living human being rather than the clump of cells often referred to

in abortion clinics.

But while expectant parents now routinely and proudly show ultrasound pictures

of their developing baby, there is a darker side to prenatal testing. Besides

ultrasound, which can show some birth defects, blood tests like AFP testing and

the Triple Screen to test for neural tube defects or Down

Syndrome are now becoming a routine part of prenatal care.

Amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling are also widely available tests to

detect problems in the developing baby. It seems that every year, new testing

techniques are tried and older ones refined in the quest to find birth defects

prenatally.

97% of the time, women receive the good news that their baby seems fine; but

the tests are not foolproof, and they can only test for hundreds of the

thousands of known birth defects. Relatively few such birth defects can be

treated in the womb at the present time. Some women want testing so that they

can prepare for a child who has a birth defect, but when the tests do show a

possible problem like Down Syndrome,

up to 90% of women will abort.

While some hail prenatal testing as a way to prevent birth defects, the effects

of such testing has led to what author Barbara Katz Rothman calls the

" tentative pregnancy " in her 1993 book of the same name. Although

Rothman calls herself pro-choice, her studies of women considering

amniocentesis led to her conclude that such testing has changed the normal

maternal-child bonding in pregnancy and the experience of motherhood, usually

for the worse.

" I might not be pregnant "

I observed this firsthand several years ago when I ran into an acquaintance and

congratulated her on her obvious pregnancy. I was stunned when she replied,

Don't congratulate me yet. I might not be pregnant.

Diane, the mother of a 5 year old boy, went on to explain that she was awaiting

the results of an amniocentesis and said, I know what you went through with

your daughter but I can't give up my life like that. If this (the baby) is Downs, it's gone.

I reassured her that the test would almost surely show that her baby was ok,

but I added that if the results were not what she expected I would like her to

call me. I promised that I would give her any help she needed throughout the

pregnancy and that my husband and I or even another couple would be willing to

adopt her baby. She was surprised, as I later found out, both by my reaction

and the information about adoption.

Diane gave birth to a healthy baby girl a few months later and apologized for

her comments, saying that she probably would not have had an abortion anyway.

But I understood her terrible anxiety. Society itself seems to have a rather

schizophrenic attitude towards children with disabilities.

On one hand, people are inspired by the stories of people who have disabilities

and support organizations like the Special Olympics; but, on the other hand,

many people consider it almost irresponsible to bring a child with disabilities

into the world to suffer when prenatal testing and abortion are so available.

But as the vast majority of parents who are either natural or adoptive parents

of children with disabilities will attest, all children are born with both

special gifts and special limitations. No child should be denied birth because

of a disability or even a limited life expectancy.

Women who do abort after a diagnosis of a birth defect are also hurt. Besides

depriving themselves of the special joys - which occur along with the

difficulties - of loving and caring for such a child, these women often

experience unresolved grief, guilt and second-guessing instead of the relief

and peace they expect.

A few years ago, a local hospital which performs late-term abortions for birth

defects asked a miscarriage and stillbirth counseling group to help with their

distressed patients. The group declined, citing the fact that the most

reassuring message they give grieving mothers is that there is nothing they did

or didn't do that caused the death of their babies. Obviously, that was not a

statement they could make to mothers who abort. There is a very real difference

between losing and terminating a child.

How many of these mothers knew before their abortions that, in practical terms,

there has never been a better array of services and support for children with

disabilities and their parents? Or that their children were dearly wanted by

prospective adoptive parents? Such information might have been just the support

they needed to choose life for their children.

Final thoughts

Despite the best medical care, my died at the age of 5 and 1/2 months,

but the impact of her life has lived on. At her funeral mass, the priest talked

about how this child who never walked or talked had transformed the lives of

those who met her.

Especially mine.

After died, I sat down and tried to put into words what and all

children with disabilities have to teach the rest of us. The following

reflection was published in the National Down

Syndrome Association newsletter in May, 1984.

THINGS NO TEACHER EVER TAUGHT

In 1982 my daughter, , was born with Down

Syndrome and a severe heart defect. Less than six months

later she died of complications of pneumonia. may have been retarded but

she taught me things no teacher ever did.

taught me:

That life isn't fair - to anyone. That self-pity can be an incapacitating

disease. That God is better at directing my life than I am. That there are more

caring people in the world than I knew. That Down

Syndrome is an inadequate description of a person. That I am

not " perfect " either, just human. That asking for help and support is

not a sign of weakness. That every child is truly a gift from God. That joy and

pain can be equally deep. That you can never lose when you love. That every

crisis contains opportunity for growth. That sometimes the victory is in trying

rather than succeeding. That every person has a special purpose in life.

That I needed to worry less and celebrate more.

Sources:

1. Prenatal Testing, by Guilfoy Valko, R.N. and T. Goodwin, M.D.,

pamphlet, Easton Publishing Co.

2. " Doctors have prenatal test for 450 genetic diseases " by Kim

Painter. USA

Today, 8/15/97

3. Rothman, Barbara Katz. The Tentative Pregnancy. Revised, 1993. WW Norton and

Co.

4. " Advances, and Angst, in a New Era of Ultrasound, " by Randi Hutter

Epstein. New York Times. May 9, 2000.