[INF2FParents] Will My Kid Ever Know Who Santa Is?

[Guest guest]

Passing this on from another listserv:

kathyR

http://tinyurl.com/ynco48

The lights are twinkling, the malls are

crowded and the holiday commercials are all over television. This is the

time of year that brings gatherings and gifts but may also bring unwanted

guests to your home…stress and depression. Parents of

special-needs children may be particularly susceptible to feeling down at the

holidays as they consider how their families are “different” or in

some way cannot achieve all the details the media and our culture present as

expectations of the holiday. Parents may ask themselves,

“Will my kid ever know who Santa is?” or “Will she ever be

able to tell me the Hanukkah story?” These questions can make

parents feel their family is missing something vital during the holidays.

Chicago

Floortime Families has assembled a group of experts to discuss some of these

issues commonly experienced during the holidays. They were happy to share

strategies with families looking for a little joy this season.

First, advises Ruby Salazar, L.C.S.W., B.C.D., don’t let the idealized

media and sometimes- schmaltzy Hallmark version of the holiday define how you

measure your family’s experience. “The media idealizes how it

is we think we’re supposed to be. It’s not realistic.

Each family has its own individual character, its own idea of what is

important. Parents should create memories and traditions that fit

what’s comfortable for them,” she said. Salazar

continued, “If your child doesn’t have a sense of what the holiday

means and represents from a larger cultural standpoint, create interactions and

things they share that are personal and respectful.” Salazar talks

about children enjoying some of the simpler things involved with the holidays,

trains under Christmas trees, lighting Hanukkah candles, and making those

things the child does enjoy part of the focus. Chicago area speech

therapist Barry reminds families to use those opportunities to celebrate

their children’s interest, “Enjoy your child. Focus on all of

the positives, not the ‘if only, what if’s, how comes, and

why’s’.”

Your family can create meaningful memories outdoors as well, according to Ruby

Salazar. “We stay indoors too much during this time of year. A meaningful

part of each family celebration might be taking a walk at the end of a big

meal. Think about what would benefit everyone at the

gathering.” Making snow angels, playing simple ball games, inviting

relatives to pull your child in a wagon after a meal, or cutting down a

Christmas tree are all ways to incorporate traditions and get children outdoors

for a break and change in scenery.

Chicago-area occupational therapist Sara Stern advises parents to take the

opportunity to think through ways to adjust activities to fit individual

needs. She recalled “I'd use velcro things to help the kids, such

as a menorah with velcro flame that they can remove and put on to count the

days of Hanukkah. It’s much safer than fire. Find a Santa with

velcro body parts, or let children open doors of an Advent calendar to count

down the days until Christmas.”

If gift giving is lost on your child, you can introduce the concept before the

holidays and practice. Stern continued, “A great skill to work on

prior to the holiday would be to practice ‘give me’. This could

help in several ways. He/she could ask for a gift and/or give a gift. Putting

pictures of the recipients would allow the child to match the gift with the

person and be the one to hand out the gifts when the person says ‘give

me’. "

If your child uses large Ziploc bags during therapy sessions, you can decorate

Ziplocs for their gifts, perhaps using photo stickers of your child so they can

see something under the tree is for them. Opening a Ziploc may be

more meaningful and easier for your child to understand than opening a

present. Ask family members to put your special-needs child’s

toys together or at least take them out of the box so they can play

immediately. Look at opportunities to slow the action down

and incorporate one person at a time. Both Sara Stern and Ruby Salazar

recommend, “Turn taking in general is a good skill to practice for all

holidays,” Stern advised, “Practice spinning tops, for example, so

that the child can spin the dreidle when it is his turn.”

Another big source of stress during the holidays is the large family

meal. Many special-needs kids (or typical kids) won’t sit still,

join in, or even eat the foods served during the holidays. Our panel of

therapists advises parents to think ahead and try to figure out what their

child might like to eat. “If your child has food texture aversions,

be sure to prepare familiar foods so that they are not fighting with you at the

table. Having some favorites at hand helps too,” said Stern.

She also advises, “Make sure your child is hungry before you

ask them to sit and eat with the family and ask a familiar family member or

guest to help with your child if you have to handle serving and cleaning

up.” All of our experts advise bringing a bag full of favorite

treats, toys or even a video that might make your child feel more comfortable

at a family gathering. Remember to pick your battles. You may

find it’s not just your child, but other family members getting

overwhelmed at gatherings that are long and formal.

Finally, remember the joy. Speech therapist Barry tells

families to remember their high-affect during the holidays and use the

opportunity to show your children things that make you happy so you can share

laughter and wonder. She said, “Provide lots of opportunities for

your child to see the joy that you feel without any requirements or

expectations. The pressure will be off and your child may be more

responsive to whatever it is that is making you so joyful.” Sara

Stern reminds us that our children often surprise us…drawing attention to

the miracles in our own homes, “The exact meaning of the holidays might

be lost on special needs children, but the sense of family, friendship and love

does not have to be.”