Re: My cry for help

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

I'm so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. I imagine many more

parents probably have gone through this as well. I would wait until you calm

down, then have a heart to heart talk with and Bradley. Since you are

close friends with the other couple, perhaps include their kids as well.

Can you get on the sib chat or listserv? Did have a chance

to talk to other sibs at the suaree? At his age, there is alot of peer

pressure. How is he with when you all are home alone? Your youngest

probably will follow 's lead, no matter where you are or what you are

doing. Other options would be to get together with another family

occasionally who also has a special needs child. What about a sibshop?

Siblings need to learn its ok to vent about being a sibling or about

their siblings behaviors, appropriately of course. Parents need to listen to

their NDA kids. However, NDA siblings must learn to respect their siblings,

too.

I haven't experienced this, but only because my NDA kids are older than

. The friends of my older kids think is really kewl. There

are times when I worry about Katey spending too much time with him, but

honestly, her teenage years are coming and I know those days will be

numbered. There are times that can not play with Katey and the

neighbor kids. She does get tired of him. TJ is quick to inform me that

is my son and not his (mostly during Chucky moments). Who knows, we

have been pretty well isolated as a family since we moved to VA. We live out

in the boonies and because of 's behaviors, have not socialized much.

That is all changing now b/c his behaviors are much better than they were

even 3 months ago and we will also be moving into a neighborhood with lots of

kids around next spring.

Hang in there!!

[Guest guest]

Jackie, I understand what your going threw. I have three children. A daughter

16, Son 12, and who is 8 ds. Now my daughter is helpful with baby

sitting, but is not patient with either of her brothers especially .

Sometimes I think when I am not home she is very short with and yells at

him or puts him in front of videos. I have caught her whacking him on the

backside when he doesn't respond to her. I get very angry with her and we

have regular talks about patience and ways to make sure knows what you

want. She can be like this with her other brother also.

Now my second child goes between really liking around and

hating him. He always asks me, " Why can't be normal? " He said having

in his school made his life miserable and was very angry about it for a

while.

My kids do love each other very much, I do have plenty of examples

of that. But these issues do come up and only with a lot of talking and

dealing with the Fact that is the way he is, and he is part of our

family forever, and plenty of other talks over and over again do we even keep

a semblance of balance. I Must tell you every talk starts with allowing my

children to vent without me being angry (even if I am). I have found that you

have to validate their feelings. Another thing is we don't talk about in

front of him unless its to point out better behavior to him and let the kids

express their feeling in a constructive manner. We have a no name calling

rule and we talk about things in a manner that shows we are listening to each

other. Including them to me when I am talking. Also I never tell them they

are wrong for their feelings but that their are better ways to deal with them.

Sorry this is so long, but this is an ongoing " dance at my house " that

sometimes wears me out. I will admit to letting Zach get out of chores if he

takes outside with him. Yesterday Zach and his other 12yr. friend played

with all day with no bribe or food reward. I didn't even ask them to.

This is the first time. Cookies and popsicle usually are offered regularly

while the kids are on " duty. " I have never used this term to any of

them. I hope this is helpful. Pam who often refers to her family as the

circus.

[Guest guest]

Oh aren't siblings wonderful! I have 5 and Mav is the youngest of them all.

And he is spoiled! Our older two are enough older that Mav was never a

competition for them. My daugther who is 14 is wonderful with him. She

knows she is going to be the one to keep things in order for him if we aren't

around. She shared a bedroom with him until last year and he still goes to

her room many nights for cuddles. She understands his speech almost as well

and I do. She is quite a nurturing mother to him. If/When she gets upset

with him....it is typical sibling things.

Our son who is only 17 months older than Mav is harder. He is jealous of the

attention Mav gets...or the priveleges Mav gets that he gets....some of it is

typical some of it is deeper. He does not play well side by side...we really

have to work on that.....it is getting better this year. I supervise and

arrange situations where he can successfully help.... Mav resists him

more...feeling that they are equals. When others make fun of Mav it upsets

Levi and he has often asked me to talk to his class about his sp needs. One

thing I did was have Levi work with the sp needs class at school Mav doesn't

go there, but Levi would go in and work one afternoon a week. It helped his

awareness, I think. When there are special needs kids in his class Levi is

very aware of making sure others don't make fun of them. He also now comes

home and complains that they just sit there....and the teacher should have

work for them...(an inclusion specialist in the making?)

When we are with others I am very aware of who Mav is safe with, and who I

need to be there watching with. We just avoid alot of situations that are

not accepting to Mav and we make sure that OUR children realize why we don't

go somewhere or why only kids who will be nice and include Mav can come to

our house.

We also made sure that when Levi got a scooter, Mav got a scooter. Or that

Mav is the one at the park with the basketball and others are welcome to play

WITH him.

I empathize with you. It is a hard situation and your heart breaks for your

child.

Oh, also our county has SIBSHOP that helps the siblings of sp needs

kids....that might be helpful. They might even let others join.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/3/2000 3:32:51 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Michdock@... writes:

<< ets

Levi and he has often asked me to talk to his class about his sp needs. One

thing I did was have Levi work with the sp needs class at school Mav

doesn't

go there, but Levi would go in and work one afternoon a week >>

Katey does this as well. She has friends wanting to participate in the

" Friends " program at school. Go talk to the guidance counselor and see what

can be worked out. The Sped students have a holiday party where the helpers

are invited. They get to leave school, too for special events (like roller

skating).

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

This may not help but from what I remember about my 4 siblings and my

friends... to some extent that kind of talk and treatment happens within

every family... not just to kids with some kind of disablity... I am not sure

but to some extent it is a stage that a lot of children go through and is no

indication of how they really feel about that sibling

ann

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

This is tough on you but also for your children. I haven't experienced this

yet as Sophie is the youngest but I can see that as she gets older the other

2 may get a bit fed up of looking after and out for her. Its probably not

much comfort but the behaviour of your younger 2 is partly at least just how

siblings are about each other. Your 10 year old may even feel guilty about

his feelings and then just behaves even worse. I've let Max (13) know that

there are siblings lists, groups and chats if he wants to get involved as he

is different having a sister with DS and although the gap is big enough

(Soph is 2) for it not to bother him it may do so in the future and he may

want to make contact with other kids who have siblings with DS or other

disabilities.

Sue

My cry for help

I'm just about at my wits end with my sons. I need some advice,

desperately.

I don't know if I'm expecting too much from 's (ds) siblings, I don't

think I am, but if his own brothers bash him and make fun of him around

other

kids, don't I have the right to be upset?

We socialize with these two other couples, who have children our kids ages,

pretty regularly. All the kids have known one another for a good number of

years. usually goes off on his own to watch videos when we visit, and

occasionally some of the kids join him by the end of the night. My middle

son (next in line after ) does NOTHING with and therefore the

youngest (who idolizes the middle child) follows suit. I'm sick and tired

of

this. And others say I'm expecting too much and that it isn't their

responsibility just because they were born into having a brother with ds. I

DISAGREE! I'm sorry, but it is their brother!

Well, tonight we were at the one couples house and I told to go play

instead of watching videos by himself....and he did! I got his shoes on and

all the kids were playing upstairs together ( I checked on them once, which

makes angry, and all seemed fine). Later the woman that lives there

and

I were out at the back of her property looking in on all the kids through

the

picture window and saw all the kids running around acting crazy. We came

around and came inside to settle them down and all they said was " did

this, and did that " Bullshit! (sorry) I saw it, and I told them I saw

them all doing the very things was doing. I get so sick of these kids

blaming .

Then about 20 minutes later I came in to check again, and all the kids were

sitting around in the family room....no in sight, and the kids didn't

see me as I was eavesdropping and I heard (my middle son) make a

comment " Yeah, and I have to live with him! Imagine that. " Then my little

guy (who's only 6) made a remark too! I was horrified to hear his own

brothers bashing him in front of the very children my husband and I go in to

speak to at the beginning of the school year.

Needless to say, my heart was broken and I was furious. is damned when

he participates in play and damned when he watches videos by himself. I

don't know how much more I can take of children, including his own brothers,

ignoring him and not helping him. I'm ready to become a hermit, and I know

this isn't the right answer either. Is it time for us to seek counseling?

Jackie, Mom to 12ds, 10, and Bradley 6.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/4/2000 11:12:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Bonoratoe001@... writes:

<< Why

should we allow our kids to be and act ashamed of their siblings with DS?

Why is venting their hostility toward their sibling appropriate and

acceptable? Why is venting hostility acceptable against anyone? >>

Because it's their feelings and they need validated. Love and loyality is an

intergral part of family life, no one said it isn't. But kids go through an

awful lot and they should not be ignored. By validating their feelings, you

can open up a dialogue and work through issues. Kids whose parents don't do

this end up being hostile and angry towards family members. As adults, they

don't forget. BTW, venting is healthy, keeping things bottled up is not.

[Guest guest]

c1ndysue1@... writes:

<< Bonoratoe001@... writes:

<< Why

should we allow our kids to be and act ashamed of their siblings with DS?

Why is venting their hostility toward their sibling appropriate and

acceptable? Why is venting hostility acceptable against anyone? >>

Because it's their feelings and they need validated. Love and loyality is

an

intergral part of family life, no one said it isn't. But kids go through an

awful lot and they should not be ignored. By validating their feelings, you

can open up a dialogue and work through issues. Kids whose parents don't do

this end up being hostile and angry towards family members. As adults, they

don't forget. BTW, venting is healthy, keeping things bottled up is not.

>>

I have to agree with here. :-) My older kids have at times been very,

umm, short tempered with . And I have on more then on occasion been told

to take care of MY kid. etc etc. I've also let them vent about there

teachers who were jerks. I never condemmed them for what they had to say.

We would then eventually talk about it and when their feelings had been

expressed they evidently then felt validated and never took it out in class.

hehe

Joy

[Guest guest]

You know, once upon a time, in a more civilized society, none of us were

allowed to " vent " feelings which were inappropriate, hateful and ugly. That

is why we were civilized. That is why we had less crime and more coping

skills. I don't agree with this. This is my opinion. Your family are the

most important people in your life. They will be there for you when others

are not. They should care for you even if you're different. They should

defend you against everyone else. It is a matter of loyalty and love. Why

should we allow our kids to be and act ashamed of their siblings with DS?

Why is venting their hostility toward their sibling appropriate and

acceptable? Why is venting hostility acceptable against anyone? JMHO.

Elaine

Re: My cry for help

>

> Jackie, I understand what your going threw. I have three children. A

daughter

> 16, Son 12, and who is 8 ds. Now my daughter is helpful with baby

> sitting, but is not patient with either of her brothers especially .

> Sometimes I think when I am not home she is very short with and yells

at

> him or puts him in front of videos. I have caught her whacking him on the

> backside when he doesn't respond to her. I get very angry with her and we

> have regular talks about patience and ways to make sure knows what

you

> want. She can be like this with her other brother also.

> Now my second child goes between really liking around and

> hating him. He always asks me, " Why can't be normal? " He said having

> in his school made his life miserable and was very angry about it for

a

> while.

> My kids do love each other very much, I do have plenty of

examples

> of that. But these issues do come up and only with a lot of talking and

> dealing with the Fact that is the way he is, and he is part of our

> family forever, and plenty of other talks over and over again do we even

keep

> a semblance of balance. I Must tell you every talk starts with allowing

my

> children to vent without me being angry (even if I am). I have found that

you

> have to validate their feelings. Another thing is we don't talk about

in

> front of him unless its to point out better behavior to him and let the

kids

> express their feeling in a constructive manner. We have a no name calling

> rule and we talk about things in a manner that shows we are listening to

each

> other. Including them to me when I am talking. Also I never tell them they

> are wrong for their feelings but that their are better ways to deal with

them.

> Sorry this is so long, but this is an ongoing " dance at my house " that

> sometimes wears me out. I will admit to letting Zach get out of chores if

he

> takes outside with him. Yesterday Zach and his other 12yr. friend

played

> with all day with no bribe or food reward. I didn't even ask them to.

> This is the first time. Cookies and popsicle usually are offered regularly

> while the kids are on " duty. " I have never used this term to any of

> them. I hope this is helpful. Pam who often refers to her family as the

> circus.

>

>

[Guest guest]

THere is literature available to help families deal with feelings like your

kids are showing. Sibling groups are formed to help deal with attitudes,

resentment, anger and embarrassement that may be part of what kids feel.

Some kids ( and families) handle things differently and some parents are not

even aware their kids have these feelings towards their sib with a

disability.

Cheryl in VA

[Guest guest]

Hi all :-)

I read all the messages, but very rarely get to reply to any these days

:-( This subject is one that I can talk about with some authority however!

You see, I grew up in a family of 4 - mother, father, me and my younger

sister (by 2 years) who was born with cerebal palsy. I'm not proud of my

behaviour as a child with a sibling with special needs. If we were out as a

family, I was the one trying to pretend that they weren't MY family; I

didn't invite friends home because I didn't want them to see that my sister

still needed help with EVERYTHING - etc etc etc.

Now that I have been blessed with a child with special needs ( is 7

now with DS) I can look back and know what a ........tch I was as a

child/teenager. I can also look at my oldest daughter and see that she acts

in some of the same ways I did (although to not such a huge degree). I

don't berate her for this inability to seem to " care " deeply for her sister,

or for not wanting to include her in her play. I know that she does care

and that she is just trying to grow up and learn to be her own person, and

doesn't want to feel responsible for someone elses life at such a young age.

For now I don't " make " our older daughter play with her sister. Every now

and then I have to ask her to help out, but I always point out that it is

because I can't do everything, and she needs to help out occassionally

(emphasis on not all the time). I can remember being very aware from a very

young age (especially with older parents) that one day I would be the one

solely responsible for my sister (although this has not happened as my

sister died during surgery at 21yrs....).

I think it helps that all 3 of our kids go to the same school, and so

will never feel that is someone to be " hidden away " the way

I felt about my sister.

I hope this all makes sense (especially as I'm suffering with tonsillitis

and am popping the painkillers today...)

Regards as always

tonjen@...

----- Original Message -----

From: <c1ndysue1@...>

<Bonoratoe001@...>; <egroups>

> << Why

> should we allow our kids to be and act ashamed of their siblings with DS?

> Why is venting their hostility toward their sibling appropriate and

> acceptable? Why is venting hostility acceptable against anyone? >>

>

> Because it's their feelings and they need validated. Love and loyality is

an

> intergral part of family life, no one said it isn't. But kids go through

an

> awful lot and they should not be ignored. By validating their feelings,

you

> can open up a dialogue and work through issues. Kids whose parents don't

do

[Guest guest]

oh my dear friend Jackie......i do feel for you......i think has the

middle child blues....my Andy....the one that talks to your , is also

the middle child and he has lately become a whinner....everythuing i ask him

to do he whines, if my goes in his room he whines, if its time for a

bath he whines, and everything is ALWAYS my 's fault...no matter what it

is did it.....i do also get tired of this ....bit I just hang in there

and hope this all passes as I hope it does for you too........

Dana

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/4/00 10:47:05 PM Central Daylight Time,

c1ndysue1@... writes:

<<

<< Why

should we allow our kids to be and act ashamed of their siblings with DS?

Why is venting their hostility toward their sibling appropriate and

acceptable? Why is venting hostility acceptable against anyone? >>

Because it's their feelings and they need validated. Love and loyality is

an

intergral part of family life, no one said it isn't. But kids go through an

awful lot and they should not be ignored. By validating their feelings, you

can open up a dialogue and work through issues. Kids whose parents don't do

this end up being hostile and angry towards family members. As adults, they

don't forget. BTW, venting is healthy, keeping things bottled up is not.

>>

I think there is a middle ground here that is appropriate (JMHO). I was never

allowed to call names of my siblings or rip them down for who they were. But

we were definitely allowed to talk about things they did that bothered us. We

were taught to " fight fair " . If someone does something that you hate then you

call them on their actions, you don't rip them apart. I think this is a

process with teaching kids that really benefits them as adults. It is also

something that we as adults need to focus on when talking to our kids.

I think there is a fine line that we walk in teaching children to talk about

their feelings but not allowing them to dump their feelings on others.

Karyn

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/5/2000 10:00:49 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Bonoratoe001@... writes:

<<

We will have to disagree on this one. I think this kind of venting is

unproductive. I don't think kids should be encouraged to feel that way

about a sibling. JMO. It's like validating prejudice. A person may not

like people simply because they are black. Their feelings may be their

feelings but they are not acceptable.

Elaine >>

Yes we will. I know I have great children who are sensitive to others. My

children are probably the least prejudiced people I know. It works here and

is VERY productive. I think you misread what I wrote or took it out of

context.

[Guest guest]

We will have to disagree on this one. I think this kind of venting is

unproductive. I don't think kids should be encouraged to feel that way

about a sibling. JMO. It's like validating prejudice. A person may not

like people simply because they are black. Their feelings may be their

feelings but they are not acceptable.

Elaine

Re: My cry for help

> In a message dated 9/4/2000 11:12:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> Bonoratoe001@... writes:

>

> << Why

> should we allow our kids to be and act ashamed of their siblings with DS?

> Why is venting their hostility toward their sibling appropriate and

> acceptable? Why is venting hostility acceptable against anyone? >>

>

> Because it's their feelings and they need validated. Love and loyality is

an

> intergral part of family life, no one said it isn't. But kids go through

an

> awful lot and they should not be ignored. By validating their feelings,

you

> can open up a dialogue and work through issues. Kids whose parents don't

do

> this end up being hostile and angry towards family members. As adults,

they

> don't forget. BTW, venting is healthy, keeping things bottled up is not.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I just had to put my $.02 in on this. I am no expert in this area. I only have

one other child who is 13 years older than my ds son. However, they are still

brothers. They still get irritated with each other, they fight, the love each

other. In any case they are normal brothers who will, if allowed, use the

others

weakness to win a battle or let their frustration get the better of them. I

have

made it more than clear on a number of occasions, that behavior like this will

not be tolerated. I have reminded my older son what it was like to be made fun

of (face it - everyone has experienced it at one time or another) and that his

brother will, unfortunately, have a lot to face in the real world. He needs our

love and understanding of his differences as he is expected to understand ours.

There will never be cruelty inside my house. We all have to deal with the cruel

outside world but we all know we can come home to a loving house.

Don;t mean to preach and I am not saying anyone is doing things wrong in their

own homes and can agree that siblings are not always nice to each other. Just

stating how it is here and BOTH of my boys know they can always come home to

love

from all.

Dawn (Mom to who will be 7 tomorrow and has his first day of school today)

Ann@... wrote:

>

> Jackie,

>

> This may not help but from what I remember about my 4 siblings and my

> friends... to some extent that kind of talk and treatment happens within

> every family... not just to kids with some kind of disablity... I am not sure

> but to some extent it is a stage that a lot of children go through and is no

> indication of how they really feel about that sibling

>

> ann

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yet another .02 cents (you'll have a dollar soon!)

My kids argue, yell at, and are on occasion decidedly not nice to each other

at all. In our house, Corey and Ian (2 1/2 years apart) are the worst,

followed by Ian and Duncan (who are boys). But they all get in on it and in

all conceivable combinations. So did my older brother and I (5 1/2 years

apart) and every set of siblings I ever knew. This is not uncommon; they

write whole books about it.

I guess if you are troubled by some of what your boys said or think they say

it too often, it would be a good idea to continue to educate them about the

realities of life, although I can't say that I think their comments were all

that unusual or that they should be censored from saying what they

feel--maybe directed to a better way and time to say it, though.

I can also remember reading somewhere about a sib who asked once during a

family meal if his sib who had a disability had to " be retarded all the

time. " When I think about that statement, it makes me remember that I'm

dealing with immaturity, frustration, and, well, a child or at least very

green semi-adult rather than just meanness.

Judi

Re: My cry for help

I just had to put my $.02 in on this. I am no expert in this area. I only

have

one other child who is 13 years older than my ds son. However, they are

still

brothers. They still get irritated with each other, they fight, the love

each

other. In any case they are normal brothers who will, if allowed, use the

others

weakness to win a battle or let their frustration get the better of them. I

have

made it more than clear on a number of occasions, that behavior like this

will

not be tolerated. I have reminded my older son what it was like to be made

fun

of (face it - everyone has experienced it at one time or another) and that

his

brother will, unfortunately, have a lot to face in the real world. He needs

our

love and understanding of his differences as he is expected to understand

ours.

There will never be cruelty inside my house. We all have to deal with the

cruel

outside world but we all know we can come home to a loving house.

Don;t mean to preach and I am not saying anyone is doing things wrong in

their

own homes and can agree that siblings are not always nice to each other.

Just

stating how it is here and BOTH of my boys know they can always come home to

love

from all.

Dawn (Mom to who will be 7 tomorrow and has his first day of school

today)

Ann@... wrote:

>

> Jackie,

>

> This may not help but from what I remember about my 4 siblings and my

> friends... to some extent that kind of talk and treatment happens within

> every family... not just to kids with some kind of disablity... I am not

sure

> but to some extent it is a stage that a lot of children go through and is

no

> indication of how they really feel about that sibling

>

> ann

>

>

[Guest guest]

At 08:40 06/09/00 +0000, Elaine Bonorato wrote:

>We will have to disagree on this one. I think this kind of venting is

>unproductive. I don't think kids should be encouraged to feel that way

>about a sibling. JMO. It's like validating prejudice. A person may not

>like people simply because they are black. Their feelings may be their

>feelings but they are not acceptable.

>Elaine

But discussing those feelings and digging them out is possibly the best way

to overcome them. After all, such feelings when hidden or repressed

generate guilt and anger, which only aggravates the original prejudice...

Also, there is a big difference between discussing unacceptable values and

acting on them. By being permitted to _say_ " I don't like...(Blacks,

Jews, my brother, that kid with DS...) " the prejudiced person becomes more

aware of the _cause_ of his unreasonable feelings. This in turn gives

that person the chance to look more clearly at a difficult problem (for

him/her) and to learn how to deal with it in a more permissible manner.

Later such a person may even be able to come to grips with his/her own

fears/prejudices and no longer feel the need to dislike someone who is

" different " .

This is my opinion only...

Israela

[Guest guest]

Its about balance I think, as in everything. I agree with elaine that kids

should not be allowed to express negative feelings based purely on for

example colour or disability, but I do allow my kids to complain about what

tim does. They are most definitely not allowed to be nasty becoz he has DS,

however they are allowed to rant when he displays his toddler like behaviour

and clobbers them or trashes their rooms and even when they feel I spend

more time with him than them. Having said that I got really and truly sick

to death the other week of my eldest, he is decidely hormonally challenged,

really cocky " know it all " and a world class " its not fair " whiner right

now. I know " this too shall pass " but he went on and on about his siter

and then tim, constantly saying you take her side, you take his side, ITS

NOT FAIR etc etc, so when he quipped at tea time 'why did you let tim do

that' (I forgot what tim did but thats not the point) I was SO sick and

tired of him I looked him (ben) straight in the eye and said 'becoz I love

tim more than you'. Fortunately ben has been blessed with the sarcastic

nature I have and he saw I was not serious and pulled himself up and saw the

error of his ways (for about 30 minutes anyway!).

sue wong

Re: My cry for help

>

>

> > In a message dated 9/4/2000 11:12:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> > Bonoratoe001@... writes:

> >

> > << Why

> > should we allow our kids to be and act ashamed of their siblings with

DS?

> > Why is venting their hostility toward their sibling appropriate and

> > acceptable? Why is venting hostility acceptable against anyone? >>

> >

> > Because it's their feelings and they need validated. Love and loyality

is

> an

> > intergral part of family life, no one said it isn't. But kids go

through

> an

> > awful lot and they should not be ignored. By validating their feelings,

> you

> > can open up a dialogue and work through issues. Kids whose parents

don't

> do

> > this end up being hostile and angry towards family members. As adults,

> they

> > don't forget. BTW, venting is healthy, keeping things bottled up is

not.

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Dawn. This is what I was attempting to say. I was answering the

person who wrote in that her kids were allowing others to exclude and pick

on their sibling and actually joining in. I think that this is wrong. I

think the kids should discuss that sometimes their sibling may embarrass

them or whatever, but the bottom line is that they are siblings and they

should always defend their sibling to others. This is again MHO.

Elaine

Re: My cry for help

>

> I just had to put my $.02 in on this. I am no expert in this area. I

only have

> one other child who is 13 years older than my ds son. However, they are

still

> brothers. They still get irritated with each other, they fight, the love

each

> other. In any case they are normal brothers who will, if allowed, use the

others

> weakness to win a battle or let their frustration get the better of them.

I have

> made it more than clear on a number of occasions, that behavior like this

will

> not be tolerated. I have reminded my older son what it was like to be

made fun

> of (face it - everyone has experienced it at one time or another) and that

his

> brother will, unfortunately, have a lot to face in the real world. He

needs our

> love and understanding of his differences as he is expected to understand

ours.

> There will never be cruelty inside my house. We all have to deal with the

cruel

> outside world but we all know we can come home to a loving house.

>

> Don;t mean to preach and I am not saying anyone is doing things wrong in

their

> own homes and can agree that siblings are not always nice to each other.

Just

> stating how it is here and BOTH of my boys know they can always come home

to love

> from all.

>

> Dawn (Mom to who will be 7 tomorrow and has his first day of school

today)

>

> Ann@... wrote:

>

> >

> > Jackie,

> >

> > This may not help but from what I remember about my 4 siblings and my

> > friends... to some extent that kind of talk and treatment happens within

> > every family... not just to kids with some kind of disablity... I am not

sure

> > but to some extent it is a stage that a lot of children go through and

is no

> > indication of how they really feel about that sibling

> >

> > ann

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

We need to teach our children when, where, and how they can vent. Once the

venting is out of the way and things have calmed down, we must follow up

with discussions about the dignity and value of all people--even though

they have moments when they don't seem very " lovable " .

Bev

----------

From: c1ndysue1@...

Bonoratoe001@...; egroups

Subject: Re: My cry for help

In a message dated 9/5/2000 10:00:49 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

Bonoratoe001@... writes:

<<

We will have to disagree on this one. I think this kind of venting is

unproductive. I don't think kids should be encouraged to feel that way

about a sibling. JMO. It's like validating prejudice. A person may not

like people simply because they are black. Their feelings may be their

feelings but they are not acceptable.

Elaine >>

Yes we will. I know I have great children who are sensitive to others. My

children are probably the least prejudiced people I know. It works here

and

is VERY productive. I think you misread what I wrote or took it out of

context.