Re: Rude strangers

[Guest guest]

You are so right. There should be a Miss Manners etiquette for how the disabled are addressed by strangers. I was at church one Sunday. I was standing in line to receive communion and suddenly this lady behind me saw my crooked stance and limp and said "what happened to you". ? So right in the middle of a quiet reverent time I had to go in to my schpeel about scoliosis and "flatback syndrome" that I acquired when I least wanted to talk about it. I didn't think anyone noticed it that much. It sure makes me think twice about getting up for Communion anymore.

Carol

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On Tue, 20 Jun 2006 20:16:34 -0700 NB <nbrenn@...> writes:

At 07:31 PM 6/20/2006, you wrote:

I am so sick of strangers asking why I have to use a cane and walk bent over. My nine year old gets completely indignant about it. I don't mind when a person that I know asks questions out of concern but when the greeter at Walmart yells across the large doorway "HEY! What's wrong with you? Why do you need a cane?" I get annoyed and taken off gaurd. "Ms. Manners" says to look 'em straight in the eye, and ask "Why do you want to know?" to the guy who yelled, I'd say one of the following:(Pick one depending on how rude you want to be) "What's wrong with you? Why don't you need a cane?""Didn't your mother teach you not to ask personal questions?"So I don't have a stick up my butt like you!":-)

"What's wrong with you that you have no manners and are very nosey?" Sounds like a good alternative!As a teen with the ugly full body casts, I got tired of explaining everything, so I just said "I was in a car accident." That's what most people thought anyway.NB

[Guest guest]

When a stranger makes a comment like that, then I would reply that "You would need a cane, too, if you had a bad back resulting in Flatback Syndrome, like the medical system gave me. Do you want to know more?", if they are rude. Sometimes I will ask if they would like to trade backs/situation? They get a little taken aback with that. If they are not rude, but just curious, then I politely explain it to them. Being part of one of the Scoliosis Chapters, I sometimes discover other who either have the same problem (and didn't know about it) or knows of others with scoliosis. I look at it as part of the Public Relations and Education. It still amazes me how many people don't even know what scoliosis is, let alone possible complications of it.

Right now I'm taking my brother to pool therapy (he had a hip replacement which was difficult because of his Cerebral Palsy) and the others are amazed and admire my commitment, even with my bad back.

I look at these as opportunities to enlighten the public. Maybe then we can get more support and understanding from the public, like some of the other conditions are starting to get. I'm glad that is starting to mention her scoliosis more lately. It's getting people more aware.

Llweyn

I am so sick of strangers asking why I have to use a cane and walk bent over. My nine year old gets completely indignant about it. I don't mind when a person that I know asks questions out of concern but when the greeter at Walmart yells across the large doorway "HEY! What's wrong with you? Why do you need a cane?" I get annoyed and taken off gaurd. I know a young healthy looking mom bent over with a cane is not an every day occurance but some people just think that because I use a cane I must then divulge all personal medical information to any stranger who asks. It is emberassing as well. It makes me feel like I stick out funny. Jolynn

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

First I cant tell you all how great it feels to say everyone. There

have been many times over the past several years that I felt as

though I was alone in this.

I never cease to be amazed by the questions and comments I get from

people not to mention the stares. I have come to realize that some

people are ignorant, others are nosey and the rest are just plain

stupid. I have a neighbor who is 84 and prides herself on the fact

that she swims or walks two miles everyday. One day I was out in my

wheelchair and she said to my husband who was walking with me that

it is her belief that if you dont use it you loose it. She had made

almost insulting comments to me before. My response to that was you

would have to have something to loose.

My mother was trying to find out the reason my clothes didnt hang

properly from the time I was 7 years old. I was officially

diagnosed with scoliosis 44 years ago. On more than one occassion I

have had people offer to help me look for what I've lost or ask if I

wasnt young for osteoporosis. I have gotten nasty glares as I

pulled into wheel chair parking. I even had a pain management

doctor tell me that it was terrible what I was doing to myself by

using a cain and bending forward as I walked. Like I had a choice.

That was the last time I saw him. That comment pushed me to find a

new pain management dr and I did and he is wonderful. So something

very good came from what was a very hurtful experience.

You must be a very strong person to be able to keep up with a young

family and deal with flatback at the same time. I have had problems

my whole life but the flatback didnt occur until I was almost 50. I

admire your courage. It takes courage to go into the world with a

problem like this.

Take care and good luck.

RoseMarie

[Guest guest]

I don't mind explaining things once in a while but sometimes

I need to get my toilet paper and go. I don't have too much time to

educate the public and most of the time it is a bit over their heads

when I try. I wish I had that kind of time.

I also have a 9 year old with scoliosis and I have to really watch

the amount of time we spend on the topic of medical issues in order

not to stress her out. She is still recovering from chest surgery

and knows that she will most likely need back surgery as well. She

is always asking if she will have to have a cane one day. Between

she and I, we spend so much time at the DR that when we are not

there we really just want to live our lives and not focus on medical

issues.

I homeschool and the kids are always with me and being rude is not

really an option as I see the potential of that coming back to haunt

me when the kids are teens.

I have a friend who works at the local paper who has offered to

feature my daughter and I in a news article but I am just not sure

that my daughter would want that. She has been in the paper for

playing the violin and every one complimented her on it. I think she

would get upset if people started focusing on her skeletal issues

instead of her abilities.

I kind of feel that way too. I would rather be known for being the

girl scout leader, running the local homeschool support group, and

the former president of the PTA than strictly " the lady with the

back issues " .

Jolynn

[Guest guest]

I like th card idea. That way I just hand it to them and walk away.

I could start it like this...

" you have been given this card because you think I owe you an

explination. First off disabled people really don't like being

gawked at and treated like they are really all that different from

other people. Second it is hard enough walking (or not walking as

the case may be) around like this with out strangers pointing you

out.Third..... "

I could keep going but I am on the run again (off to the mall),

Jolynn

>

> How about we come up with a small description of what scoliosis is

and why your pre-teen and teen should be examined. And then explain

that this is what happens when the medical establishment refuses to

admit that they made a mistake and now we carry the consequences

with us on a daily basis. We can educate the public and put the

rude and nosey ones in their place. Make them like cards small

enough to carry in our purses to hand out as needed. Post them on

the fiesty site and print from your home printer. Just a thought.

I get tired of the stares also.

>

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