Any advice please on how to cope with this

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm in a really difficult situation with my mum and I don't know how to deal

with it.She was diagnosed with hypothyroidism years ago (I think it was

routinely tested as a result of some tablets she is on) and she is on

thyroxine.She's also had a triple heart bypass and had a stroke 3 1/2 years ago.

As far as I can see she is getting worse not better and I honestly believe she

is still hypo as she seems to have many symptoms appearing and getting worse-

ankle swelling, weight gain, wrist pain groin pain and also has a lot of anxiety

around which also suggests adrenal/inability to use the t4.A few months ago I

mentioned to her I thought she was still hypo and she didn't really listen so I

decided to leave it and i've really tried to leave it and to accept it.

However, I spent the day with her wednesday and she is really struggling with

her mobility and I found it very hard to be with her and to see her struggling.I

wasn't going to say anything to her but then she said that the day was too much

for her and it was because she was getting old.She's 67 and it feels like she's

accepting her symptoms as part of old age and as a result of her stroke, while I

feel that with the right treatment she could get some improvement, maybe not

full health but definitely an improved quality of life than she has right now.

When she said this I again said to her that I thought she was still hypo, that a

lot of people don't get adequately treated and end up remaining ill, maybe she

could see another doctor?

I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall because she can explain all

of her symptoms away as being due to something else and said that her doctor is

a good doctor, which he may well in other ways, but as far as I can see he is

just treating each symptom separately and missing the obvious, my mum is on

about 8 different tablets related to heart function, blood pressure and stroke

prevention.

My mum doesn't have any medical knowledge or the ability to research ,she's not

technical and doesn't have the internet and since her stroke can't read well and

her concentration and speech are poor which could also be affected by hypo.I

don't even think she's aware of the symptoms of hypo or that they can be so far

reaching, but if she would just acknowledge that I might be right I would help

her as much as I could.I'm still battling with my own health but I'm well enough

to help her.She has so much faith in the medical profession though, she just

follows what her doctor tells her and takes what he says and would never

question that or consider that I knew something he didn't.

This leaves me really struggling as if I leave her to it, at the moment I'm

struggling to be around her and struggling to watch her suffer.I feel like I'm

not able right now to be compassionate towards her and I feel really guilty

about that as I'm hypothyroid myself so know how debilitating it can be.I feel

like I'm angry and frustrated with her and with the nhs and I can't listen to

her telling me about her symptoms and about how the doctor is helping her.

At the moment I feel like I need to be away from her for a bit because of this.I

feel like she needs my compassion and support and that she's quite scared by her

worsening health, but I don't know how to give her this compassion when she

won't listen to me about this.It's heartbreaking to see her suffering in this

way and to see her quality of life deteriorating.I'm so torn between leaving it

and pushing further, at the moment I find I get a bit snappy with her and don't

exactly talk to her calmly about it sometimes as I'm trying so hard not to

mention it, I feel like a really bad daughter right now and really guilty.

I thought about writing to her GP but I don't really want to go over her

head,maybe trying to get her to see someone else but I feel like for me to help

her I need her to let me and at least acknowledge I could be right.She seems

almost resigned to her ill health and I don't think she believes it's possible

to get any better.

I also thought about showing her a list of symptoms of hypo so she can get a

better idea of how it can affect us.I wish I could get her to have a saliva test

at least but I think even that would be a battle.I don't know how I'd get her to

get the right treatment but the first step would be getting her to accept my

help.

If she won't accept my help I need to find a way to accept that and live with

that, and to be around her, and right now I don't know how to.I'm worried that

something is going to happen to her and I don't want to feel that I haven't done

enough to convince her.Has anyone got any ideas about how to deal with this?

Are there any doctors in the derbyshire/ nottinghamshire area who may help and

may recognise she's still hypo with possible adrenal insufficency, if I ever can

persuade her to someone else?

x