Doing some cleansing...

[Guest guest]

Hi. I am O+. I eat a large romaine salad every day and I put tuna in it and

usually a roma tomato and some carrots. Once or twice a week I crumble feta

cheese in it. I keep sweet potatoes cooked all the time and have those daily. I

eat cooked spinach (I don't like it raw) and French green beans and broccoli. I

tried turnips and discovered that I don't like them (bleckth). I did buy some

parsnips, collard green and kale to try but I haven't cooked those yet. For

daily fruit, I eat a banana and pineapple juice. Some days I make a smoothie

with Trader Joe's frozen mango and pineapple chunks with blueberries and/or a

banana and seltzer and ice. I have one egg a day ( I used to have 2 but want

6...lol) and I eat homemade spelt bread or some brown rice a day. I don't use a

lot of seasoning but I cook my rice in chicken broth. Bland is no big deal to me

but my family likes flavor so I am working on buying some spices. I will eat a

chicken breast and some type of beef. That is a normal day for me. **Warning:

personal, girly stuff ahead** I have noticed that the week before my " cycle " , I

crave protein....lots of protein. That is usually when I will eat more eggs.

That goes away though as soon as I start. (Did I just type that?!?!? Eeeesh...)

**Girly stuff over**

Being a hairstylist who is booked solid 6 weeks in advance makes it hard to do

the meal thing during work days. Since I only work part-time ,18-24 hours a

week, there is no " booking out for lunch " . I graze those days. My customers have

gotten used to me eating between the front desk and my station!! Dr. D's " chew

your food " and " don't talk with your mouth full " fly right out the window!!

I feel as if I am doing the right thing with the exception of the protein

thing...and...**sigh**...I have a slight problem. I have a fear/phobia of

exercise. Every time I type that I think " what a stupid thing to be afraid of "

but I can't help it. I guess it is like someone being afraid of spiders or water

or bridges, etc...mine is exercise. There have been times in my life where I

have gotten over the fear and I work out faithfully 4-5 times per week. My body

loves it and I can lose 30-40 pounds in 3 months just by walking on a treadmill

alone. My body loves exercise and results are swift...but my brain does not. And

all it takes is for me to have an anxiety attack during a workout to make me not

want to do it again. I quit Kung Fu a few months ago because I kept having panic

attacks during class and I couldn't concentrate so I quit...and I LOVE Kung Fu.

I have signed back up and I start next week so I am just going to have to

hyperventilate through it and get tough. It's weird to love something and dread

it all at the same time. I put those headphones on and get on my treadmill and I

can go for days and I feel so good afterwards...but then the fear creeps in and

I can't even get near it. The last time I worked out for any length of time was

6 years ago. I was dating a man who bought me a one year membership to a club

and I felt obligated to go. I never told him of my fear and I just went and

walked on the treadmill. In the first 4 weeks, I went from 28.3% body fat to

21.7% (which stunned the staff) and I lost 10 pounds. By 12 weeks I had lost 36

pounds and I was at 17% body fat and I looked the best I ever have in my

life...just by walking on a treadmill. I kept that up for a year and then the

membership was over and I was starting over in life, single with a son, so I had

no money to continue so I quit. I have worked out for 1 or 2 months off and on

since then and have been in Kung Fu once a week for 1-1/2 years and that is at

least 2 hours of intense work out. I guess I justified not working out by

thinking that I am getting 3 days of work out in one day! HA!! Of course I beat

myself up regularly for quitting because all the weight came back on plus about

15 pounds (22 of which I lost doing ER4YT) but I am still too heavy. So as I

sit, it looks like nothing but work to me and I hate that I put myself back in

this position. But...I am going to try focusing less on the fear and focus on

what I want and see if that works.

Phew, and now do I dare blast this off into ER4YT-ville? Awww...what the hell. I

have nothing to lose and I feel cleansed somehow. For those of you who have read

through this whole thing...thanks.

Coryn