Re: a dilemna

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/11/2004 8:42:14 AM Pacific Standard Time,

jrclost@... writes:

don't know what i should do. can anyone help....? is it fair for them to

expect me to put my life on hold?

No it is Not fair of the relatives to expect you to drop everything and sit

around and wait with them.

Now, do you chose to stay because you wish to? If You...deep in your heart

Want to stay, that is a personal decision, not one that should be forced upon

you.

If you are able to return at a later date, if need be, then, consider/plan on

doing that. It must be expensive both in money and personal expenditure to

make the long trip. And, while it would be nice to be able to put life on hold

and stay with your mom, it is also realistic to consider that... you do have

a life and you have a disease that needs to be considered also.

My suggestion is... take a drive or a walk, somehow, get away from the

relatives for a couple hours, to just be alone with your thoughts. Go to a

favorite

spot, by a lake, river, Where ever a peaceful spot is for you. And ponder,

think, pray, consider, What do you wish to do? Where do you wish to be in a

week? in a Month?

Then, sleep on it tonight, and I am quite certain, you will have a clearer

idea of what you need to do.

Relatives are not easy to deal with, especially in emotionally straining

times. I am sure they would all like to have you around. But for gosh sake,

they need to Grow Up and realize, that, while welcoming you home, encouraging

you

to stay is one thing, expecting it, and expecting you to put your life on

hold, your career, job, everything aside is rude and shows a lack of caring for

you.

You are wise, in planning for Your future. As you know from this list, folks

futures take paths much different than they set out for. It is wise that you

are trying to prepare for what ever needs arise for you personally.

especially since you don't feel you have a family you could fall back on and

depend on

for financial support later. Let's be honest, this disease is Damn Expensive.

Excuse my french...

Please know, I will not tell you, you are wrong for staying, nor will I tell

you you are wrong for going. It is a decision, only you can make.

I can bet, if you chose to return to China and your career, it sounds like

your family will play the guilt card to the hilt. Which is SO unfair! I

wonder if some of it is that they are afraid of saying good bye and if you

leave... the good byes will have begun? I don't know. It is just overall such

a sad

situation.

Please, take some time alone and just decide which course of action you need

to take.

My heart goes out to you.

K

Adrienne's Mom

[Guest guest]

-

I have been in your position and the one thing that I have learned is

you have to do what is right for you; pressure or not. Carefully examine

your feelings about your mother and family; look at different scenarios

and how you would feel in each. Then, do what YOU need to do.

Good luck,

Pat

[Guest guest]

Jim,

I'm sorry that your mom is ill, but you really do need to do what is best for

you. As many in this group can attest, stress of caring for someone who's so

ill can and probably will adversely affect your own health. I think it would be

different if you were the only child your parents had to help out. Since you're

not, taking the position of helping with finances is more of a win-win than any

of them are thinking about. Sounds like everyone's working with raw

emotion....and I'm sure you are as well. I don't envy these decisions. Having

gone through 2 family deaths recently I can tell you this much, frank

discussions can go a long way in alleviating bad feelings for many. I would

highly suggest speaking to your father and mother, and letting them know why you

will be going back....and that you can't be in two places at once. If you feel

the need, speaking to other family members about it may clear your mind as well.

And whatever you do, you need to understand you will never please everyone...so

don't try. Do what's best for you and your health and future. I will keep your

family in prayer.

Sue

RS/FMF/Gout/Diabetes and a bunch of stuff I can't remember right now;o)

[Guest guest]

,

First of all big hug!

This is so hard for you and I'm really glad you shared it all with us.

I think bottom line you should do what you want to do ==don't do anything

based on what others THINK you should. By the same token don't say, I

refused to do this cus i think they want me to.. you know what I meahn? If

you want to do it ==do it.

How long do they give your mother......?

If it is a short time, I would personally remain there unless it is easy

to get back in a hurry. Just my thoughts. I think you probably want all

the tije you can spend with her. She may have a lot of company and all but

you are her son and dozens of other visitors will not be worth as much to

her as even one visit with you......

Whateer you decided we are here for you . Feel free to just write

more when you need to.

In Christian love,

Liz

~~~~~~

" Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think

freely, to risk life, and to be needed. " **Storm on**

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[Guest guest]

Could you explain to your Mom and Dad that you have very little savings and need

to build up some for the future. Especially since with ReA. You can never tell

when you will have to quit work. I am unable to work, draw disability but never

planned to quit this young. In fact when I got sick I was in collage working on

a degree in psychology planning a whole new career,.

Also reassure your Mom that you will come back when she needs you.

so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Joy