Bird Flu Humor

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Bird Flu - Archives -- Humor

Bird Flu Humor from the Late Show with Letterman

Top Ten Surprises In ABC's Bird Flu Movie (Presented By Britney Spears)

10. Thanks to sponsorship deal, flu is cured by delicious taste of Dr.

Pepper

9. Humans attacked by pigeons with tire irons

8. 20% of population comes down with less dangerous " bird hiccups "

7. Every time someone says, " chicken, " all the characters chug a beer

6. Hilarious scene in which Nielsen confuses his Tamiflu with

his Viagra

5. Every single person in the world ends up at General Hospital

4. The big villain? Larry Bird

3. Sad conclusion in which Charlie Brown puts a bullet in Woodstock

2. Hilarious scene where the guy playing President Bush actually

solves the problem

1. Sole survivors and Rosie O'Donnell are forced to

repopulate the earth. May 12th, 2006

More Bird Flu Humor

The Daily Show presents Revenge of the Birds. And Letterman's

opening monologue on Thursday night featured a string of bird flu

jokes. May 6th, 2006

Iran Develops a Bird Flu Bomb?

Yes, according to this report:

Iran today announced successful testing of what it calls the world's

first bird flu-based weapons system.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, acknowledging that his nation's

campaign to develop nuclear weapons has ruffled feathers

internationally, said Iran would abandon nukes in favor of bird flu

bombs, which he claimed are just as effective and far less expensive.

" Cheap, cheap, cheap, " said Ahmadinejad, who made the announcement

with a brightly colored parrot perched on his left shoulder. " You just

take some avian flu — only the finest H5N1 strain of course — swab it

onto the tip of a missile and, kablooey, a million dead infidels. "

Bird Flu Humor - Letterman Top Ten List

From the Late Show with Letterman,

Top Ten Features Of President Bush's Bird Flu Pandemic Plan:

10. Hang " Mission Accomplished " sign in every Kentucky Fried Chicken

9. Torture some Perdue employees until they talk

8. Scare birds away with giant radioactive kitties

7. Be on the lookout for any bird which looks " fluey "

6. Build wall along border so birds can't walk in from Mexico

5. Never leave the house, avoid human contact -- like Letterman

4. Tax cuts for the rich

3. C'mon, it's a Bush plan -- you actually think there's ten items?

2. If you see a bird, run like you're being chased by a tiger

1. Hang on until 2009 when it becomes Hillary's headache

April 20th, 2006

Letterman's Late Show last night presented the Top Ten Dumb Guy

Tips for Avoiding the Bird Flu:

10. " Before eating chicken, soak it in Lysol "

9. " Don't lick unfamiliar pigeons "

8. " Frighten birds by constantly meowing "

7. " Stay away from basketball great Larry Bird "

6. " Anti-bacterial smoothies "

5. " Move to a place where there are no birds, like the moon "

4. " Avoid birds that look like they're up to something "

3. " Go back to the old Y2K bunker, start drinking "

2. " Fill birdfeeder with Sucrets "

1. " If you have a chicken, check for swelling in the McNuggets "

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