Fw: Vol 444 - Dec. 28, 2005 - 19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn

[Guest guest]

> Today's Featured Humor : -) - - 19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years to

> Learn

>

> NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

>

> 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on

> the same night.

>

> 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has

> not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would

> be " meetings. "

>

> 3. There is a very fine line between " hobby " and " mental illness. "

>

> 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never

> want you to share yours with them.

>

> 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,

> decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His

> messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

>

> 6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

>

> 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too

> seriously.

>

> 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual

> who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that

> individual is crazy.

>

> 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

>

> 10. Never lick a steak knife.

>

> 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

>

> 12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

>

> 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling

> reason why we observe daylight savings time.

>

> 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests

> that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging

> from her at that moment.

>

> 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make

> a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

>

> 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,

> religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,

> we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

>

> 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy

> people who are not in them.

>

> 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice

> person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

>

> 19. Your friends love you anyway.

>

>

>