WLS and divorce

[Guest guest]

This is an important issue not often discussed. the divorce rate after WLS is

something like 60%, per various studies. As with all major life-changes, the

strong marriages usually survive, while the less strong often dissolve.

This is one of a great many issues that a good therapist can help with. The

guidance, perspective, and support of a counsellor is invaluable as we make our

way thru the many, many inner and outer changes associated with WLS.

It truly does affect every area of our lives.

Sandy

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Weight Loss surgery has its risks, including divorce

By SUE VORENBERG

SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE

Lovato admits she was skeptical when doctors told her that a common

complication of gastric bypass surgery was divorce.

Two years after her surgery, she knows better. Divorce was one of the many

complications the surgery held for the 34-year-old telecommunications worker.

She has been in and out of the hospital so much since her October 2002 procedure

that she says she's afraid she might lose her job.

" Along with gall bladder surgery and hair loss, divorce really is a thing that

can happen after this surgery, " said Lovato, who lives in Albuquerque, N.M. " The

doctors told me what happens is the husband gets afraid -- they're married to

this large person, and suddenly they don't know what they're going to be like

anymore. "

Across the nation, as rates of gastric bypass surgery increase, knowledge of its

side effects and wariness about them is growing. In the 1990s, U.S. doctors

performed about 16,000 of the surgeries a year, compared with about 103,000 in

2003, according to the March 11 New England Journal of Medicine.

Most doctors admit the medical side effects can be hard to deal with, but when

weighed against the consequences of staying obese, they become much more

reasonable, said Bob Ferraro, medical director for Southwest Endocrinology's

Weight Management Diabetes Program in Albuquerque, N.M.

" When somebody doesn't intervene and is severely overweight, there's a whole

list of conditions that start to happen or get worse, " Ferraro said. " The most

common by far is diabetes. People also get hypertension, high cholesterol,

coronary artery disease, joint disease and arthritis. "

The risks for some cancers and heart attacks also go up dramatically, he said.

Lovato decided to get the surgery in 2002 because, at 5-foot-4 inches and 292

pounds, she couldn't ride the Dumbo ride at Disneyland with her 4-year-old

daughter. She realized her weight wasn't just embarrassing, but might prevent

her from seeing her daughter grow up.

Lovato was careful, did her homework and decided to go to an experienced

hospital in Lubbock, Texas. Two years later and 150 pounds lighter, she says the

procedure has had its desired effect.

But the costs were much higher than she ever thought.

" I've been in and out of the hospital for dehydration, my gall bladder went bad,

I had folic acid and B12 vitamin deficiencies, " she said. " After going back to

work, I found out I had hernias, and they were in a place that I had to have

immediate surgery. I've had hair loss and a lot of pain.

" And during all this, my husband left me for my best friend. "

Losing a spouse over the surgery might sound strange, but the weight loss can

change the dynamics in a relationship. Obesity often makes people self-conscious

and lowers self-esteem. As that changes, the social dynamics around the obese

person also change, said Yager, a psychology professor at the University of

New Mexico who specializes in eating disorders.

" People who are very obese have told me they're embarrassed to take a plane or

go out in public, " Yager said. " Some can't fit into a car and can't get behind

the steering wheel. That lifestyle can be very stifling. "

The consequences of obesity -- and the depression and social isolation it causes

-- make the risk of the surgery far more acceptable for some people who have

unsuccessfully tried diets and exercise, Ferraro said.

" The surgery really is a last resort and fraught with risks -- but individuals

and care providers need to weigh it against the risks of disease without it, and

the person's quality of life, " Ferraro said.

Some patients -- about 2 percent -- die. That aspect scares off many patients,

and it also scares off doctors.

Even after all her troubles and all the risks involved, Lovato says she would do

the procedure again.

" Do I regret it? " she said. " That's one of the hardest questions I've ever had

to answer. If it didn't happen, I would have never gotten divorced. But in a lot

of ways, I'm getting better and, in time, I'm going to be healthier. Sometimes I

wish I had done things differently, but it's probably for the best. "