Re: Re: Dan/shooting myself in the foot

[Guest guest]

Sunday, July 31, 2005, 1:35:00 PM, you wrote:

KT> << Dan wrote:

KT> How about that....eat fatty crap and it puts fat on you. But you KNOW

KT> that is what it'll do.>>

KT> Yes..urgh.. I guess I had hoped for an easier solution so I could stay

KT> comfortable in my insanity.

We all did that. I thought that drinking would cure all my problems,

too. Guess what...it just caused more. Got me to marry a

drunk/anorexic/bulimic/cutter because I thought that my drinking was

fine and I could fix her. Yeah, right. Got me in lots of other

troubles, too, but I won't itemize all of them here. Not that there

is ANYTHING I wouldn't tell...but the sins of the past aren't all that

relevant here.

KT> << Dan wrote:

KT> BTDT, for five years before getting band. I was, and still am, a

KT> regular gym rat. And the working out kept me down to 355.>>

KT> Well apparently I'm doing the same thing..trying to keep my " girlish

KT> figure HA HA " by going 1 round after the other with mySELF..IT " S NOT

KT> WORKING FOR ME EITHER BUDDY;-)

Yup....and know you're not surprised by that, though maybe pissed off.

KT> I need balance and am resolved ONCE

KT> AGAIN to begin eating right as of TODAY and continuing the work outs.

KT> This is really old and I'm sick and tired of shooting myself in the

KT> foot..I'm the only one who pays for it and the only one who can change

KT> it.

Indeed. And I'm stuck at the moment too. Not food stuck in my stoma,

just stuck on weight. Got a lot of exercise this weekend, lots of

standing and walking and some driving....all of it in nice hot sun.

I'm VERY brown now, but not quite red. But had fun, won a trophy, did

better driving, lost at the dragstrip by .0228 seconds (about six

inches...we didn't know who won until we got our timing slips), etc.

But didn't lose any weight this week, either. Of course a big banquet

Saturday night, which let me " graze " (always bad for a bandster),

didn't help either.

KT> <<Dan wrote:

KT> Fear of change. Fear a spouse will leave you. Fear of how others

KT> will react to a thinner you. Fear that men will be after your body.

KT> Sexual or other abuse in your past (in those cases the girl/woman

KT> starts putting weight on after the abuse....in the mistaken idea that

KT> the abuse will stop if you're unattractive).>>

KT> With the exception that my dh will leave me..what you say is BINGO!!!!

Well, sorry to hear that ALL of them are on target...particularly the

abuse part. Some counseling may help with that....if you get someone

good. It is tough to learn that the abuse is NOT your fault...that

you did NOT deserve it....that the bad person is the perpetrator, not

you....and that abuse has nothing to do with your attractiveness,

sexuality, body, etc.....it has to do with power and control....just

as is the case with rape (rape is not a sex crime, but a control and

power and violence crime).

But it does sound like you're well past most of that, though it seems

there are parts of it left...and they may always be there.

KT> DH loves me to pieces, regardless of my weight or how often I shoot

KT> myself in the foot, he's always been supportive and encouraging.

KT> Sometimes I wish he'd chew me out over some of my " smooth moves " but

KT> he's never been that way (probably why we've been married for 21

KT> years). I was sexually abused by a grandfather and uncle when I was a

KT> young kid..I exposed both of them to the family when I turned 30..the

KT> fear of them and my family not believing me was finally gone. I worked

KT> through so much of that garbage 20 years ago and came to the

KT> conclusion..it wasn't my fault these men were pigs with no moral

KT> boundaries. I also believe I have a fear of my own self at smaller

KT> sizes because I remember what I was like prior to gaining weight..I was

KT> very promiscuous until I met my husband.

Well, weight doesn't have a lot to do with promiscuity, though many

think it was. Gail and I were both very promiscuous in the past...and

much of that at our highest weights (over 300 for each of us). In

some ways extra weight helps you be promiscuous, as many think you'll

be good for a " mercy f... " and that you'll be more available and

receptive than some " hot skinny person " . And that may be true in many

cases.

KT> I guess true love can change

KT> outward behaviors from our youth, but inwardly only God can change.

Absolutely right on both accounts. And Gail and I both know that from

our experiences, and having met in a spiritual program (AA). We're

both active in church now, and when we got together our one absolutely

inviolable condition was no promiscuity. And don't think either of us

has been seriously tempted, despite a number of opportunities

(traveling for work makes those particularly available, I guess,

though a number of my sins of the past were with co-workers in

previous jobs).

KT> Since being banded I've had those times of concern that if I loose the

KT> weight I'll want to return to my old ways...surely not, but the

KT> concern/fear IS there.

Yes, I can understand that fear. But think of the GOOD things losing

weight will do for you. Most of all, it'll give you MORE YEARS with

your wonderful husband and family. I'm not afraid to die, as I'm sure

you're not, but I'm also not wanting to hurry it up, either.

KT> I hope my being brutally honest isn't going to

KT> offend anyone here, please forgive me if it does..I've got to work

KT> through this so please have patience..and just delete my post if it

KT> does.

Hey, I'm being brutally honest too. And I'm sure MANY of us could do

with more of it, whether we choose to expose it publicly or not. At

least we can do it with those close to us, with a counselor/pastor,

etc.

KT> <<Dan wrote:

KT> Well, most one hour psych evals won't come up with much. Look for a

KT> counselor/pastor/psychiatrist who is experienced with weight issues of

KT> women. Many don't know diddly about such things.>>

KT> I think I should look into this Dan. I don't care if they are secular

KT> or Christian counselors..as long as they have experience with weight

KT> issues. I'm going to check my insurance, I know they cover a certain

KT> amount of counseling sessions.

Sounds good. Even if they're not " Christian counselors " as such,

almost any counselor will accept the value of faith in the making of

changes. As they say in AA, it doesn't matter WHO or WHAT your Higher

Power is. For you and for me it is God, but if what someone else gets

help from is " the Goddess " or " the strength of the group " or their

doctor, or Mother Nature or anything else, I don't really care. I

believe that God is everywhere and you can find God in all of the

above things.

KT> <<Dan wrote:

KT> One definition of insanity is " doing the same thing over and over and

KT> expecting different results each time " . Maybe you're not expecting

KT> different results, but you're probably hoping for them. That somehow

KT> the exercise will be enough to let you keep eating crap.>>

KT> Oh well let's just get HONEST here Dan;-D Once again BINGO!!!

KT> Obviously you have been there and done that.

Oh yeah....lots of insanity. And related, many of us find some help

with antidepressants. I'm taking wellbutrin, which helps with

impulsive/compulsive behavior. When I have the doc cut out a couple

of sebacious cysts on my back tomorrow I'm going to ask him about

increasing the dosage. I've done others before, but this is best for

me now....though for many, they need to change every few years since

the particular one may become reduced in effectiveness.

KT> I've got to find a way to

KT> stay on the wagon and stop jumping off! I do know that I lost that

KT> first 50 pounds effortlessly (at least it seemed) and I really have run

KT> into trouble because I've come to the place that I have to work for

KT> long periods of time, eating right and exercising.

Well, I also lost a hundred easily. Would still like to lose twenty

or thirty more, but....I'm not unhappy where I am. But....

KT> I don't see

KT> anything for the effort and I give up and jump off the wagon. I am

KT> serious when I say for months I ate right (up until this past week or

KT> two) but the exercise effort was not much effort. Now I'm really

KT> giving the exercise everything I got..and shooting myself in the foot

KT> with wrong eating patterns. I'm finding the more I exercise, the

KT> hungrier I get..but then I feed myself crap! Wouldn't it be good to

KT> get both in balance and keep it there??????

Yeah, but most of us are NOT balanced.....which is part of the reason

we got to where we were, and are. Exercise generally dims my

appetite, at least if I drink a LOT while exercising. Are you

drinking all the time you're working out? Have a water bottle with

you all the time?

KT> After I got my first

KT> refill I dropped 9 pounds immediately, and I am in dire need of another

KT> fill (scheduled in 2 weeks). But I am renewing my commitment to

KT> eating sensibly (no crap) and continuging to exercise hard until I get

KT> my fill..even if I don't see a scale victory. I can wait this out and

KT> fight for a measly 2 more weeks!

Hang in there.....you'll make it.

KT> << Dan wrote:

KT> Actually you posted this to smartERbandsters. If it were the other

KT> place, you wouldn't be getting a response from me, being banned from

posting there.>>>

KT> Oh did I say smart..my mistake, I haven't been a member of

KT> smartbandsters for many months now..I meant smartERbandsters;-) Thanks

KT> for taking the time to point some of this psych baggage out to me Dan.

KT> At some level I think I knew some of it already, good to think about

KT> these things and how it could sabotage my efforts.

Glad I could help. Obviously you've worked out much of it....but it is

a never ending process.

hugs, dear lady,

dan

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 62 Fair is whatever God decides to do.

[Guest guest]

Wednesday, August 3, 2005, 12:57:53 AM, you wrote:

KT> Well I'm giving my muscles (I'm starting to

KT> actually be able to feel them now;-) a break tomorrow before I get

KT> unbalanced with exercise too! Dang I'm getting dizzy just trying to do

KT> this U turn from what's NOT been working and try to stay in the middle

KT> of eating and exercising as I get pointed toward a better way hehehe...

Yes, staying in the middle of the road is tough. Most of us have

spent a lot of time in the ditches on either side. One ditch is

eating like a pig, the other ditch is yet another stupid diet plan,

weight loss scheme, etc. And I continue to swerve from one edge of

the road to the other, but to stay out of the ditches about 97 percent

of the time.

Remember that any given part of the body you're working (say triceps)

should only be done every other day. For example, do upper body one

day, lower the next. And always allow at least one day off a week for

rest.

Hang in there,

dan (I'm a VERY fast typist)

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 62 Fair is whatever God decides to do.