Re: Hey all.. I got a question for the girls.. :)

[Guest guest]

Well, I'm well past menopause at age 63, but a few comments below.

Friday, April 21, 2006, 11:15:54 AM, you wrote:

DA> my question.. my last period.. I was so tight i couldn't keep down water for

DA> over a day (my first day).. then for the rest of that week.. i was very

DA> tight but able to eat/drink.. now that i'm 1 week post period and I can eat

DA> more than I think I should at a meal...

You're plenty tight then. You should always be able to drink.

DA> Should I go for another fill? Wait to see what's up next month? I really

DA> don't want to get too tight.. been there done that.. have my 2nd band..

You're already too tight when you're having your period. If you got

any tighter, then you might not be able to drink for several days, and

that would be very bad...you'd end up in hospital with an IV to get

you rehydrated.

We all know " the band is a fickle bitch " and that it varies day to

day, and often by time of day as well. That's true for all of us. You

seem to have considerably more variation than most women I've heard

discuss this topic, but please do NOT get any tighter.

And, remember, that you do NOT have to eat all that you can....just

because you can doesn't mean you should. At those times when you can

" eat too much " why not concentrate on things that tend to fill you up

fastest...not to plug you up, but to hold down how much you can eat.

For me that would be lettuce and several other veggies that really do

that for me. For you it may be something different.

dan

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna,

Sounds like we have some similarities. I just celebrated

my " Bandiversary " on 4/5. I have lost 69 lbs and its going real

slow now. I have 6.5 in my VG band. My last fill was in Novemeber

and I've been hesitant to have another since. After that 3rd fill I

had my first PB/vomit experience and still have them occasionally.

It always happens when I eat too fast or don't chew enough and am

feeling tight, think I would have learned by now. I opted not to

have an unfill and it has let up a little since. Now, I'm starting

to experience a burning in my esophagus that feels different than

heartburn. I think this will be my next challenge.

Anyway, on the " girl " issue. I have lots of hunger the week before,

can fit quite a bit and " want " to, but nothing like I used to, then

the day or two before and during, I get really tight. As our friend

Dan has stated about our " fickle " friends, it is absolutely true.

This is how I like to approach it. When I had no band, the week

before my period I pigged out on chocolate and anything else I could

get my hands on, when my period came I settled down. I believe that

our hormones are just doing what they've always done, but now with

the restriction it seems to be magnified. I also experience

difficulty when I don't get my water in, so I know how important

that is. Other times I just don't have an answer as to why I'm

tight or not, I just try to go with the flow. All of this can be

very confusing and there are days I want to pick up the phone and

tell the doc I'm coming in for a fill immediately. Other days I

decide that on my next follow up I will be telling him to hold off

on any more fills. I definitely would wait it out if I were you,

especially if you are having problems with fluids. The head hunger

issue is all too real for me also. I'm a stress eater and the

sweets go down way too easy, especially the ice cream. Good luck to

you.

Carol

>

> Since I got the new VG band about a year ago.. I've been

struggling with

> finding the perfect fill.. I think i'm finally close..

>

> i'm at 10.5cc/11...

>

> It's taken so long to get here because I need to make sure i'm ok

during my

> period...I swell a LOT.. but now.. i'm unsure if i'm *there* yet..

I think I

> may be close and another little bit and I'll be all set.. I think

I can eat

> too much sometimes.. I also know i'm dealing with a lot of head

hunger

> lately..

>

> my question.. my last period.. I was so tight i couldn't keep down

water for

> over a day (my first day).. then for the rest of that week.. i was

very

> tight but able to eat/drink.. now that i'm 1 week post period and

I can eat

> more than I think I should at a meal...

>

> Should I go for another fill? Wait to see what's up next month? I

really

> don't want to get too tight.. been there done that.. have my 2nd

band..

>

>

>

>

>

> --

> --------

> Donna Arcand

> darcand@...

> --------

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Saturday, April 22, 2006, 4:12:28 PM, you wrote:

m> When I had no band, the week

m> before my period I pigged out on chocolate and anything else I could

m> get my hands on, when my period came I settled down. I believe that

m> our hormones are just doing what they've always done, but now with

m> the restriction it seems to be magnified.

From what I've read, the hormones are magnified because estrogen is

stored in fat. When the fat goes away the estrogen is released, so

you're getting even more hormones than usual.

dan

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

[Guest guest]

Almost all of us are stress eaters. And boredom eaters. And happy

eaters. And angry eaters. and sad eaters. And almost any other

emotion you can think of.

A couple more thoughts.

don't ever eat within two hours of bedtime, preferably three.

Do NOT keep ice cream and all sorts of other junk foods in the house.

If they're not there, your chances of eating them are greatly

reduced. Now at 1100 at night, if I were craving ice cream or some

other junk, I'd have to get in the car, drive to the store, go in to

get it, and come back home to eat it. I'm not likely to do that, but

if it were here......well.....

By the way, I'm ready for bed and not eating ice cream or anything

else.

Saturday, April 22, 2006, 4:12:28 PM, you wrote:

m> The head hunger

m> issue is all too real for me also. I'm a stress eater and the

m> sweets go down way too easy, especially the ice cream. Good luck to

m> you.

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

[Guest guest]

Dan,

I've never heard this before. Could this possibly be the reason for

my serious emotional outbursts during PMS? I was blaming on maybe

being premenopausal, but it has really gotten worse since I've been

losing.

>

> m> When I had no band, the week

> m> before my period I pigged out on chocolate and anything else I

could

> m> get my hands on, when my period came I settled down. I believe

that

> m> our hormones are just doing what they've always done, but now

with

> m> the restriction it seems to be magnified.

>

> From what I've read, the hormones are magnified because estrogen is

> stored in fat. When the fat goes away the estrogen is released, so

> you're getting even more hormones than usual.

>

> dan

>

> Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

> Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

> 323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

>

[Guest guest]

Dan,

I try really hard not to have the junk enter the house. I've said

it before, I have family that continues to bring junk in and I have

occasional relapses myself now and then. Just this evening I sent

the cookies and donuts back home with my diabetic mother, who

insists on bringing the stuff over. I'm convinced she'll never

stop. She and my sister go to Weight Watchers every Tuesday and

have managed to lose even though they eat 10 times more than I do.

I've asked politely, I've asked her to consider it like bringing

drugs for an addict. Nothing works. So I find myself eating a

donut or two each Monday night when they come to visit. This has

really slowed my weight loss. I've actually entertained the thought

of telling them not to come if they have to bring the junk, but when

you do that in my family you might find youself getting the " kiss of

death " so to speak. Sometimes I think the kiss is better than

staying over 200 lbs.

>

> m> The head hunger

> m> issue is all too real for me also. I'm a stress eater and the

> m> sweets go down way too easy, especially the ice cream. Good

luck to

> m> you.

>

> Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

> Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

> 323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

>

[Guest guest]

I can't believe that when asked nicely, yet FIRMLY, not to bring junk

into your house, that they would do it anyway. You have the right to

let them know that they are welcome in your home, only if they don't

bring goodies. Tell them it is THEM that you want to see, and tell

them that you'll have a cup of tea for them...but NO desserts. If

they show up after that with desserts, I would have no trouble

saying " I'm so happy to see you, but would you mind leaving the

goodies in the car? You must have forgotten that I'm not eating that

stuff anymore! "

If it continues, I think I would have to find a reason not to be

home...maybe join a gym and be conveniently busy.

Let your family know that this is a SERIOUS effort to lose weight,

and you don't want any hurdles thrown in your way. It's hard enough

with everyone's support, let alone with a sabateur.

NANCY

>

> Dan,

> I try really hard not to have the junk enter the house. I've said

> it before, I have family that continues to bring junk in and I have

> occasional relapses myself now and then. Just this evening I sent

> the cookies and donuts back home with my diabetic mother, who

> insists on bringing the stuff over. I'm convinced she'll never

> stop. She and my sister go to Weight Watchers every Tuesday and

> have managed to lose even though they eat 10 times more than I do.

> I've asked politely, I've asked her to consider it like bringing

> drugs for an addict. Nothing works. So I find myself eating a

> donut or two each Monday night when they come to visit. This has

> really slowed my weight loss. I've actually entertained the

thought

> of telling them not to come if they have to bring the junk, but

when

> you do that in my family you might find youself getting the " kiss

of

> death " so to speak. Sometimes I think the kiss is better than

> staying over 200 lbs.

[Guest guest]

Well, I've heard it from several very reliable sources (people in

health professions, which I'm not). The other thing that I bet is a

factor is that if you, like my ex wives, " dealt with your PMS " by

hitting the chocolate store or similar place, that you're not using

that " drug of choice " to reduce the emotional stuff.

dan

Monday, April 24, 2006, 9:29:05 PM, you wrote:

m> I've never heard this before. Could this possibly be the reason for

m> my serious emotional outbursts during PMS? I was blaming on maybe

m> being premenopausal, but it has really gotten worse since I've been

m> losing.

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

[Guest guest]

Monday, April 24, 2006, 9:36:21 PM, you wrote:

m> Dan,

m> I try really hard not to have the junk enter the house. I've said

m> it before, I have family that continues to bring junk in and I have

m> occasional relapses myself now and then. Just this evening I sent

I understand how hard it can be. But at least if you're not bringing

it in yourself, that's a great step. Some people say stuff like " I

have to have it for my kids (or husband) " , which is nonsense. They

don't need it either, and if they think they do, let them eat it

somewhere else. We've actually had a couple people who visit go

outside to eat crap food, just like we ask smokers to go outside.

Well, smokers MUST go outside, and junkeaters are asked to take it

outside.

m> the cookies and donuts back home with my diabetic mother, who

m> insists on bringing the stuff over. I'm convinced she'll never

m> stop.

I'm sure she knows that she's hastening her own death. But lots of

people would rather die " fat and happy " then " deprived of enjoyment

of life " . Their choice, not mine. Same is true with smokers, too.

m> She and my sister go to Weight Watchers every Tuesday and

m> have managed to lose even though they eat 10 times more than I do.

We all have different metabolisms, and also if they're larger than you

they will lose faster. The fatter you are, the easier it is to lose,

at least at first.

m>

m> I've asked politely, I've asked her to consider it like bringing

m> drugs for an addict.

Yup, since she's an addict herself that is in denial, she's in

complete denial on your addiction too.

m> Nothing works. So I find myself eating a

m> donut or two each Monday night when they come to visit. This has

m> really slowed my weight loss.

That's a part, I'm sure. Krispy Kremes have 200-300 calories each,

depending on kind. That would be 200-600 calories. That alone

doesn't do all of it, I don't imagine, as 600 calories a week is one

pound in six weeks. But I know that if I get off into stuff like that

I can easily " go far astray " . Two nights ago while looking for a

Healthy Choice TV Dinner to nuke I saw that there was still a half

gallon of ice cream in freezer, though only a third full. I actually

was able to throw it out, down the disposal.

m> I've actually entertained the thought

m> of telling them not to come if they have to bring the junk, but when

m> you do that in my family you might find youself getting the " kiss of

m> death " so to speak. Sometimes I think the kiss is better than

m> staying over 200 lbs.

Yeah, those things are tough. We have some friends who are fairly

serious drinkers. When they come to dinner they know it is ok to

bring a bottle of wine if they wish to have it with their dinner, but

they take the leftovers (if any) home, or else if they leave it it

goes straight down the sink. Of course we've been recovering

alcoholics for 16 and 20 years, so that is a bit easier to do than the

ice cream was.

Hang in there, and why not try to see if you can avoid even touching

the first bite of donut or other junk when they come over. I'm tight

enough that I'd plug up quickly on the donut, so they don't call my

name any more.

dan

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

[Guest guest]

Monday, April 24, 2006, 10:51:02 PM, you wrote:

n> " I'm so happy to see you, but would you mind leaving the

n> goodies in the car? You must have forgotten that I'm not eating that

n> stuff anymore! "

Good in theory, but not in practice with some people, particularly

mothers that you want to keep in your life.

Reminds me of the old Ann Landers line after someone insists on

pressing some personal medical or other question. After saying " no "

or " I don't care to talk about it " a couple times, you then can say:

" I can't believe that you'd be so rude as to ask such a personal

question "

That will stop MOST people in their tracks, maybe even producing an

apology....but there are always the exceptions.

dan

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

[Guest guest]

I love the " go outside " idea. I can't imagine how thay would

react.lol The hardest part is that both my mom and sister have been

able to lose weight by only cutting out say, 2 or 3 bagels, or a

gallon of ice cream a week. My sister has never been over 190 and

was totally freaked when that happened, my mom around 210, highest

250, so she is a little more aware of what it may be like to weigh

300 lbs. My problem is so much worse than theirs, hence the need

for my band. It just makes me so sad that they'll complement me and

say how good I'm doing and then subconciously (I think) sabotage my

efforts. , the responses I get to the " FIRM " (I'm a little too

nice to really be firm) request is they stop bringing the goodies

for a week or two, I make the sugar free jello desserts, they say

that's pretty good and by the third week or so back comes the junk.

I guess I could be a whole lot more firm. I could just pretend I'm

talking to one of my kids. The car idea is good, but one of my moms

strategies is not entering the house with the junk and then when my

sister or kids start asking for it, she says I have it in the car

and sends one of them out ot get it.

Congrats to you Dan for throwing it all out. I've actually started

doing that. It took a lot for me, because I hate wasting, but I

recall how much I have to pedal on that bike at the gym to burn off

just one cookie and it makes it much easier to trash it. And you

know unless it tastes really good, its not worth the cheat at all.

I threatened to throw out the junk last night and my mom took it

back. I should have just let her leave it and then threw it out

without telling her. Just for her sake alone. I think the idea of

not even touching it if they bring it is actually what I need to

do. I just pray that I have the strength. It would really make a

statement. I know my mom would just keep saying, " Aren't you going

to have any? " One of the worst things, my daughter is only 12 and

over 200 lbs. I struggle constantly with trying to help her with

portions and exercise. You can't imagine how excited she gets when

they arrive with the goodies. Some days I just want to move out of

town. Thank you guys for helping me with this. Dan, very inspiring

info on the alcohol recovery. It takes a very strong person to

conquer 2 of the most difficult habits on earth.

Do you think I should have a fill in May? I can fit the cake just

fine. I'm wondering if my restriction after the last fill is where

I should have stayed and learned to work on the small bites eating

slow techniques a little more. Last fill was in November.

>

> m> Dan,

> m> I try really hard not to have the junk enter the house. I've

said

> m> it before, I have family that continues to bring junk in and I

have

> m> occasional relapses myself now and then. Just this evening I

sent

>

> I understand how hard it can be. But at least if you're not

bringing

> it in yourself, that's a great step. Some people say stuff like " I

> have to have it for my kids (or husband) " , which is nonsense. They

> don't need it either, and if they think they do, let them eat it

> somewhere else. We've actually had a couple people who visit go

> outside to eat crap food, just like we ask smokers to go outside.

> Well, smokers MUST go outside, and junkeaters are asked to take it

> outside.

>

> m> the cookies and donuts back home with my diabetic mother, who

> m> insists on bringing the stuff over. I'm convinced she'll never

> m> stop.

>

> I'm sure she knows that she's hastening her own death. But lots of

> people would rather die " fat and happy " then " deprived of enjoyment

> of life " . Their choice, not mine. Same is true with smokers, too.

>

> m> She and my sister go to Weight Watchers every Tuesday and

> m> have managed to lose even though they eat 10 times more than I

do.

>

> We all have different metabolisms, and also if they're larger than

you

> they will lose faster. The fatter you are, the easier it is to

lose,

> at least at first.

>

> m>

> m> I've asked politely, I've asked her to consider it like

bringing

> m> drugs for an addict.

>

> Yup, since she's an addict herself that is in denial, she's in

> complete denial on your addiction too.

>

> m> Nothing works. So I find myself eating a

> m> donut or two each Monday night when they come to visit. This

has

> m> really slowed my weight loss.

>

> That's a part, I'm sure. Krispy Kremes have 200-300 calories each,

> depending on kind. That would be 200-600 calories. That alone

> doesn't do all of it, I don't imagine, as 600 calories a week is

one

> pound in six weeks. But I know that if I get off into stuff like

that

> I can easily " go far astray " . Two nights ago while looking for a

> Healthy Choice TV Dinner to nuke I saw that there was still a half

> gallon of ice cream in freezer, though only a third full. I

actually

> was able to throw it out, down the disposal.

>

> m> I've actually entertained the thought

> m> of telling them not to come if they have to bring the junk, but

when

> m> you do that in my family you might find youself getting

the " kiss of

> m> death " so to speak. Sometimes I think the kiss is better than

> m> staying over 200 lbs.

>

> Yeah, those things are tough. We have some friends who are fairly

> serious drinkers. When they come to dinner they know it is ok to

> bring a bottle of wine if they wish to have it with their dinner,

but

> they take the leftovers (if any) home, or else if they leave it it

> goes straight down the sink. Of course we've been recovering

> alcoholics for 16 and 20 years, so that is a bit easier to do than

the

> ice cream was.

>

> Hang in there, and why not try to see if you can avoid even

touching

> the first bite of donut or other junk when they come over. I'm

tight

> enough that I'd plug up quickly on the donut, so they don't call my

> name any more.

>

> dan

>

>

> Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

> Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

> 323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

>

[Guest guest]

Tuesday, April 25, 2006, 9:29:28 AM, you wrote:

m> I love the " go outside " idea. I can't imagine how thay would

m> react.lol The hardest part is that both my mom and sister have been

m> able to lose weight by only cutting out say, 2 or 3 bagels, or a

m> gallon of ice cream a week.

Well, good for them. But you're not them. Also, a gallon of ice

cream is a LOT of calories. Ice cream is 130 to 330 calories a half

cup, which isn't much. I'm sure my typical bowl of ice cream was at

least a couple cups, plus whatever I put on top of it. But a gallon

of ice cream is 32 half cups, which makes that gallon worth one to

three POUNDS of calories, depending on the kind. Only 3/4 pound if

you do the " lite ice cream " . I'm not sure I know ANYONE who eats only

half a cup of ice cream, including " regular people " and " fat people " .

m> My sister has never been over 190 and

m> was totally freaked when that happened, my mom around 210, highest

m> 250, so she is a little more aware of what it may be like to weigh

m> 300 lbs.

How tall are any of you?

m> My problem is so much worse than theirs, hence the need

m> for my band. It just makes me so sad that they'll complement me and

m> say how good I'm doing and then subconciously (I think) sabotage my

m> efforts.

Well, there are MANY people who are obese who will try to sabotage

your efforts. Two reasons that I can think of right off. First, if

you eat the ice cream (or whatever) it validates what they're eating.

So they can't feel like you're better than them. Second, they really

do NOT want to be " fatter than you " . If you lose successfully it

makes them look like they're bad/incompetent/evil/whatever.

m> , the responses I get to the " FIRM " (I'm a little too

m> nice to really be firm) request is they stop bringing the goodies

m> for a week or two, I make the sugar free jello desserts, they say

m> that's pretty good and by the third week or so back comes the junk.

m> I guess I could be a whole lot more firm. I could just pretend I'm

m> talking to one of my kids. The car idea is good, but one of my moms

m> strategies is not entering the house with the junk and then when my

m> sister or kids start asking for it, she says I have it in the car

m> and sends one of them out ot get it.

Well, then it MIGHT be easier to stop it at that point. Telling the

KID or the SISTER to not bring it in to the house may be easier than

telling your mom that. Assuming you're not a smoker, what would you

do if she were a smoker and wanted to smoke in your house?

The food she wants to bring inside is just as deadly to you as the

smoke, and probably more so unless your allergies are as bad as mine.

(I've lost a father, a sister, and a brother to cancer, all

undoubtedly started by smoking)

m>

m> Congrats to you Dan for throwing it all out. I've actually started

m> doing that. It took a lot for me, because I hate wasting,

Yeah, we've all done that. Can't waste it. I was brought up on " clean

your plate they're starving in China " . Yeah, right. Like my eating

eggplant helped some starving kid in China.

But you're wasting it MUCH MORE if you eat it. It still doesn't do

anyone else any good, but it hurts you.

Also, if you have unopened packages of things you don't want to have

around offer them to the food bank or similar organization. They

can't take opened ones, though.

m> but I

m> recall how much I have to pedal on that bike at the gym to burn off

m> just one cookie and it makes it much easier to trash it. And you

m> know unless it tastes really good, its not worth the cheat at all.

m> I threatened to throw out the junk last night and my mom took it

m> back. I should have just let her leave it and then threw it out

m> without telling her. Just for her sake alone.

Well, it all depends on whether you want to be honest with her or not.

And if you did keep it and throw it out, she'd just go buy more for

herself, I'm sure. Of course if she leaves unopened packages, then

you can help others with them.

m> I think the idea of

m> not even touching it if they bring it is actually what I need to

m> do. I just pray that I have the strength. It would really make a

m> statement. I know my mom would just keep saying, " Aren't you going

m> to have any? "

The answer is " no thanks, mom, I'm not hungry and if I eat it it'll

probably make me slime or barf, and neither of us wants that to happen " .

And if you want, go ahead and say " I'm sure it is good, so you enjoy

it " .

m> One of the worst things, my daughter is only 12 and

m> over 200 lbs. I struggle constantly with trying to help her with

m> portions and exercise. You can't imagine how excited she gets when

m> they arrive with the goodies.

Well, that's another reason for not having the stuff. Maybe talking

to mom privately sometime about the daughter will help...emphasizing

you're interested in the health of her granddaughter. Remind her of

how much prejudice and BS fat kids get at school, and how that causes

your daughter pain.

m> Some days I just want to move out of

m> town. Thank you guys for helping me with this. Dan, very inspiring

m> info on the alcohol recovery. It takes a very strong person to

m> conquer 2 of the most difficult habits on earth.

Well, I'd say alcohol is " almost conquered " , but will never say it

totally is. There aren't many times now when I'm tempted, but they

still happen. Of course what makes booze easier to kick is that you

can never touch it again. You can't never touch food again, and it

stares you in the face three or more times a day. But it IS possible

to say " I won't touch cookies again " or same with other things that

particularly call your name. It certainly isn't EASY, though, even

with a band.

m> Do you think I should have a fill in May? I can fit the cake just

m> fine. I'm wondering if my restriction after the last fill is where

m> I should have stayed and learned to work on the small bites eating

m> slow techniques a little more. Last fill was in November.

Can't comment on needing a fill. Hey...a way to get mom to

stop....chow down on a big chunk or three of donut and get it

stuck....then you can run barf to let her know.... Might help.

Hang in there

hugs

dan

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

[Guest guest]

mom1960qc said //I think the idea of

not even touching it if they bring it is actually what I need to

do. I just pray that I have the strength. It would really make a

statement. //

Hi, I was thinking about this situation last night, and I think the

difficult part of your situation is that you can't control what they do,

you can only control what you do. It has to be really frustrating that

they're into this habit (kindest interpretation) or sabotaging you (not

so kind interpretation). I came up with the idea of you fixing

yourself something much better to eat: something indulgent, something

low calorie, something fun. I'd pick chocolate covered strawberries

myself, but I love both fruit and chocolate. And I wouldn't share,

either. :-) Or you could have a fruit flavored tea with some milk and

a tiny bit of sugar and just sit and sip that, be strong, and not eat at

all, but that might be pushing it.

You've tried asking them to not bring the stuff, and they're ignoring

you because you obviously are still eating it. They probably won't stop

until you stop eating the crap which is why I suggest making an

alternative. And I have to say, unless you *love* sugar free jello,

it's probably not a good alternative. You need to fix an alternative

that you really will prefer to the crap they bring.

Lastly, yes, you might want to consider a teensy fill. If you aren't

losing 1-2 pounds a week, and you can eat yeast doughnuts which are

incredibly doughy, and you're having problems making good choices...

well, any one of these would send me in for a fill, let alone all three.

I hope some of this helps,

Liz in Bellevue, WA

NWWLS Dr. Montgomery

10/26/05

[Guest guest]

Dan et all,

The fact that estrogen is stored in fat is interesting. I am long

past menopause, have had a complete hysterectomy. Nevertheless, these

past few months I would swear I'm once again having hot flashes.

Could this be the estrogen being released from my fat cells? I'm not

losing quickly enough for lots to be released but this might be the

explanation. Interesting.

Sherry

[Guest guest]

mom1960cq

I have the same problem. Isn't it sad that those who should love us

most show so little concern for our well-being. I wish you luck; I

know it's a hard spot to be in.

Sherry

-

[Guest guest]

> My sister has never been over 190 and was totally freaked when

that >happened, my mom around 210, highest 250, so she is a little

more >aware of what it may be like to weigh 300 lbs. My problem is

so much >worse than theirs.

You are so wrong on that one sister! Your mom and sis are grubbing

partners and you have the band. No, your problem is not worse than

theirs. Right now you just weigh more than them. They go to weight

loss meetings and then set up a night to get together and pig out?

And what are you doing? You are working this band every day to

become healthier and happier. The way I see it you are in a much

better place than they are.

And by the way, (pun intended) unless your mom and sister are 6 feet

tall they are not small girls. But as long as somebody is bigger

than them, they can feel better. They are not subcontiously

sabatoging you. They know exactly what they are doing. Nobody wants

to be the fattest in the family/neighborhood/office/etc, but you

have had your turn and now it is your duty to pass that honor to

your mother. My top weight was 316 at 5'6 " . My chunky friends

supported me completely, UNTIL I got close to their weights. Then

came the southern girl backhanded compliments: You have lost so

much, you deserve a treat. I baked your favorite - blueberry

cheesecake. And: You've lost so much weight. Your body looks great,

you just look a little older. Of course it's much more polite to

grin and bear it than to reply " Thanks. Bitch! " But the strangest

thing happened. As I passed each one on the way down, that one would

get really interested in the band. One is scheduled for surgery in

May, and a couple are trying to get insurance approval. Use your

band wisely. If you know what time they are comming, eat a healthy

meal 30 minutes prior. When they compliment you, simply say thanks.

And the day you weigh less than your mother, I think your sister

will be on her own. I bet your mom will become much more interested

in the band than in her donuts. Work with your band. We are all here

for you.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

>

> > My sister has never been over 190 and was totally freaked when

> that >happened, my mom around 210, highest 250, so she is a little

> more >aware of what it may be like to weigh 300 lbs. My problem is

> so much >worse than theirs.

I love what Dawn has to say. I hope you felt empowered by that! I

can't get this one to leave my mind. My heart reaches out to you.

This is such a cruel trap you are in.

I'm sure this is your mom's way of showing her love for her kids and

grandchildren because she has a deep rooted relationship with food.

I'm also sure from your comment about confronting family " it is like

a death wish " also says that your mom has an attitude of " her way or

the highway. "

I really think you need to set some boundaries for the sake of you

and your daughter. I believe you mentioned your daughter is over

200lbs. I'm 37 and over 200lbs. and some days I feel 80. Even by

telling your mom to leave it in the car and still letting the kids

get a hold of it is a terrible message.

Addiction will never leave your family unless you're willing to

change that. Maybe you could suggest meeting your mom and sister

after weight watchers for a brisk walk with your daughter and than

head home for the night without donuts following.

Maybe you could read some books on setting boundaries and start

taking care of yourself and not worrying about pleasing others so

much.

It is great to be kind and help others but not o.k. to be a people

pleaser.

Fondly,

P.S. Put yourself at the top of the list:-)

It

>

> You are so wrong on that one sister! Your mom and sis are grubbing

> partners and you have the band. No, your problem is not worse than

> theirs. Right now you just weigh more than them. They go to weight

> loss meetings and then set up a night to get together and pig out?

> And what are you doing? You are working this band every day to

> become healthier and happier. The way I see it you are in a much

> better place than they are.

>

> And by the way, (pun intended) unless your mom and sister are 6

feet

> tall they are not small girls. But as long as somebody is bigger

> than them, they can feel better. They are not subcontiously

> sabatoging you. They know exactly what they are doing. Nobody wants

> to be the fattest in the family/neighborhood/office/etc, but you

> have had your turn and now it is your duty to pass that honor to

> your mother. My top weight was 316 at 5'6 " . My chunky friends

> supported me completely, UNTIL I got close to their weights. Then

> came the southern girl backhanded compliments: You have lost so

> much, you deserve a treat. I baked your favorite - blueberry

> cheesecake. And: You've lost so much weight. Your body looks great,

> you just look a little older. Of course it's much more polite to

> grin and bear it than to reply " Thanks. Bitch! " But the strangest

> thing happened. As I passed each one on the way down, that one

would

> get really interested in the band. One is scheduled for surgery in

> May, and a couple are trying to get insurance approval. Use your

> band wisely. If you know what time they are comming, eat a healthy

> meal 30 minutes prior. When they compliment you, simply say thanks.

> And the day you weigh less than your mother, I think your sister

> will be on her own. I bet your mom will become much more interested

> in the band than in her donuts. Work with your band. We are all

here

> for you.

> Dawn

>

[Guest guest]

I just want to say thank you all for such wonderful advise and for

caring so much. It is so great to have this support. Some days I

feel like I'm a lone bandster. I hardly make it to our support

groups once a month because I'm so busy doing what everyone else

needs me to do for them. I have met a couple of nice people there,

but there is too much inconsistancy. I've mentioned before that my

husband is my biggest support and even he has issues. He is a

little over 300 lbs himself and keeps changing his mind about being

banded.

Liz, I really like your idea of having the alternative. When I

tried this in the past I would eat the low cal dessert and the

goodies they took over. I need to just quit it. I think I could be

a lot stronger with that if try harder.

Dan, when I say a gallon of ice cream I mean it. My mom especially

can eat 2 1/2 gallons of " lite " ice cream per week. She has already

been diagnosed with diabetic retinopothy and knows what that can

mean in the years to come. I tell her I'm concerned for her, but

stubborness abounds. Each week they tell me tales of what they had

the previous week and how they still lost weight. They can eat

enormous amounts of food. As far as height goes. My mom is only 5

feet tall, my sister and I around 5'2 " . Did I mention that I have

one other younger sister who is 5 ft and hovers around 98 lbs???

She has actually been more of a support than any other extended

family member, she works hard to stay in shape and knows what it

takes and she is a lot stronger with telling my mom not to bring the

junk to her house, but still caves and then gets very angry about

it. I like your " responses " on getting stuck but honestly they've

heard me complain about the fact that I can eat any kind of junk and

not get stuck, so I wouldn't be able to say that, unless I try

the " three at once " trick (:0) The only thing that seems to get me

stuck is protien or anything not chewed well. I have had so many

conversations with all of them about my daughter's weight problem.

I think feeding her could even be a part of the I don't want you

thinner than me issue.

Sherry, thank you for the well wishes.

, the love thing is really an issue. When I was growing up,

the only chunky daughter, and I mean just chunky, nothing like the

problem my kids have, my mother always used food to make us happy.

We had tons of junk in the house and at a certain point I was the

only one told to not eat it. My two skinny sisters could eat

whatever they liked. My mom would periodically diet herself by

starving and then binging. I even had a very short bout with

bulemia at the age of 19. My mom had me on amphetamine by age 12

and we used to go the weight watchers together, then to Mcs.

I swore that I would never start this cycle with my own kids. I've

been pretty good about no junk in the house, except when brought in,

whole grains, etc. etc. and their problems are still way worse than

mine was at their age. I do think the combination of my husband's

genes and mine along with the bad habits we are still working on has

a lot to do with it all. By " kiss of death " I meant the kind of

attitude that occurs in an Italian family when you do something to

offend one of them. They are really good at making pretend you

don't exist. I have to tell you that what you said about putting me

first is really something I've been thinking about for years. I

have always served others and I love serving others, but I think its

time to start moving on. I actually think that I haven't lost more

than I could have in this year because I'm sort of " waiting " for

everyone else. I think I feel some kind of guilt about moving on

without them. Anyway, it seems obvious that these issues are so

deep that we all need some type of serious counsel on it. The one

greatest thing is that my faith is strong and I know that God wants

the best for me and my family. That is what I need to focus on.

Thank you for such great insight.

Lastly Dawn, lol! You are so funny and so right. Thank you for

sharing your experience with the " jealous " friends. It sounds like

you have helped tham by being so strong. I really admire that. I

need to get in gear and look forward to " passing on the honor " of

being the fattest.

Once again I can't thank you all enough. I will start to put some

of your ideas into action. If I missed anyone in response I'm

sorry. I treasure the raltionships I have here.

Heaven forbid if my family ever read these posts. I'm glad they

aren't bandsters just yet.

Carol

> >

> > > My sister has never been over 190 and was totally freaked

when

> > that >happened, my mom around 210, highest 250, so she is a

little

> > more >aware of what it may be like to weigh 300 lbs. My problem

is

> > so much >worse than theirs.

>

> I love what Dawn has to say. I hope you felt empowered by that!

I

> can't get this one to leave my mind. My heart reaches out to

you.

> This is such a cruel trap you are in.

>

> I'm sure this is your mom's way of showing her love for her kids

and

> grandchildren because she has a deep rooted relationship with

food.

> I'm also sure from your comment about confronting family " it is

like

> a death wish " also says that your mom has an attitude of " her way

or

> the highway. "

>

> I really think you need to set some boundaries for the sake of you

> and your daughter. I believe you mentioned your daughter is over

> 200lbs. I'm 37 and over 200lbs. and some days I feel 80. Even by

> telling your mom to leave it in the car and still letting the kids

> get a hold of it is a terrible message.

>

> Addiction will never leave your family unless you're willing to

> change that. Maybe you could suggest meeting your mom and sister

> after weight watchers for a brisk walk with your daughter and than

> head home for the night without donuts following.

>

> Maybe you could read some books on setting boundaries and start

> taking care of yourself and not worrying about pleasing others so

> much.

>

> It is great to be kind and help others but not o.k. to be a people

> pleaser.

>

> Fondly,

>

>

> P.S. Put yourself at the top of the list:-)

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wednesday, April 26, 2006, 5:55:30 PM, you wrote:

> I just want to say thank you all for such wonderful advise and for

> caring so much. It is so great to have this support. Some days I

> feel like I'm a lone bandster. I hardly make it to our support

> groups once a month because I'm so busy doing what everyone else

> needs me to do for them. I have met a couple of nice people there,

Have you thought about taking some ME TIME? We all need time to take

care of our own needs, and those of us who are too involved with other

activities, trying to " help " or " fix " other people, etc, forget to

take care of ourselves....other than by stuffing food in our mouths.

> but there is too much inconsistancy. I've mentioned before that my

> husband is my biggest support and even he has issues. He is a

> little over 300 lbs himself and keeps changing his mind about being

> banded.

Don't push him, as he'll just dig his heels in. I know, being of the

male persuasion. It may be that if eats like a bandster he can do it

without the band...or not.

> Dan, when I say a gallon of ice cream I mean it. My mom especially

> can eat 2 1/2 gallons of " lite " ice cream per week. She has already

> been diagnosed with diabetic retinopothy and knows what that can

> mean in the years to come.

Well, as one who has had SIX retina surgeries, you can tell her that

she should really think about what she's doing. Does she want to be

fat AND blind? Surgeons can do some things to help, but not fix it or

stop it....just slow it down. Oh, my surgeries were for detached

retinas, not for retinopathy, thank goodness, as I'm not diabetic or

even close to it. But one eye will never be 20/20 and the other one

corrects to 20/20, but with some big floaters and blurriness.

> I tell her I'm concerned for her, but

> stubborness abounds. Each week they tell me tales of what they had

> the previous week and how they still lost weight.

Are you sure that all they are saying is true? Either the losing or

the eating? Yes, some people have much faster metabolisms. Or if

they're starving when not eating ice cream, that's not good either,

nutritionally.

> They can eat

> enormous amounts of food. As far as height goes. My mom is only 5

> feet tall, my sister and I around 5'2 " . Did I mention that I have

> one other younger sister who is 5 ft and hovers around 98 lbs???

> She has actually been more of a support than any other extended

> family member, she works hard to stay in shape and knows what it

> takes and she is a lot stronger with telling my mom not to bring the

> junk to her house, but still caves and then gets very angry about

> it. I like your " responses " on getting stuck but honestly they've

> heard me complain about the fact that I can eat any kind of junk and

> not get stuck, so I wouldn't be able to say that, unless I try

> the " three at once " trick (:0)

Well, you could tell them, whether true or not, that you got a tighter

fill and could no longer eat the junk. I'm not fond of lying, but

sometimes a " white lie " is useful.

> The only thing that seems to get me

> stuck is protien or anything not chewed well. I have had so many

> conversations with all of them about my daughter's weight problem.

> I think feeding her could even be a part of the I don't want you

> thinner than me issue.

Yeah, lots of people have those issues. I have a sister who is

morbidly obese, and an ex wife. Both are in the 350 range. Neither

is interested in doing anything about it. I don't preach about the

band, though they know about it. I know I can't fix or change them,

just myself.

> , the love thing is really an issue. When I was growing up,

> the only chunky daughter, and I mean just chunky, nothing like the

> problem my kids have, my mother always used food to make us happy.

> We had tons of junk in the house and at a certain point I was the

> only one told to not eat it. My two skinny sisters could eat

> whatever they liked. My mom would periodically diet herself by

> starving and then binging. I even had a very short bout with

> bulemia at the age of 19. My mom had me on amphetamine by age 12

> and we used to go the weight watchers together, then to Mcs.

I was on uppers (amphetamines) when I was 12 also, as prescribed by a

doc as the " best thing for weight loss " (remember, this was fifty

years ago). Even fenphen got me high...and when I get wired I often

try to eat MORE, not less.

>

> I swore that I would never start this cycle with my own kids. I've

> been pretty good about no junk in the house, except when brought in,

> whole grains, etc. etc. and their problems are still way worse than

> mine was at their age. I do think the combination of my husband's

> genes and mine along with the bad habits we are still working on has

> a lot to do with it all.

Yes, genetics has a LOT to do with it, but not all of it. One sister

and I have weight issues, the other two and the two brothers don't.

> By " kiss of death " I meant the kind of

> attitude that occurs in an Italian family when you do something to

> offend one of them. They are really good at making pretend you

> don't exist. I have to tell you that what you said about putting me

> first is really something I've been thinking about for years. I

> have always served others and I love serving others, but I think its

> time to start moving on.

Amen, sister. You need to take care of YOU. No one else will.

> I actually think that I haven't lost more

> than I could have in this year because I'm sort of " waiting " for

> everyone else. I think I feel some kind of guilt about moving on

> without them. Anyway, it seems obvious that these issues are so

> deep that we all need some type of serious counsel on it. The one

> greatest thing is that my faith is strong and I know that God wants

> the best for me and my family.

Absolutely. But.....to quote a couple of lines that ring true for me.

God helps those who help themselves.

God can move mountains, but bring a shovel.

Do you know the old story about the guy in the flooded house?

> Lastly Dawn, lol! You are so funny and so right. Thank you for

> sharing your experience with the " jealous " friends. It sounds like

> you have helped tham by being so strong. I really admire that. I

> need to get in gear and look forward to " passing on the honor " of

> being the fattest.

I know a number of women who've lost their " old friends " when they

lost weight. Why? Their main activity was eating (and drinking in

some cases). If you're no longer willing to go to the " Fat Chicks

Lunch Party " kind of thing, or even if you do go but eat properly for

a bandster, you get dropped from the group. They don't want someone

in the group who is eating right. NOTE; This is not true for

all...but know of many cases. And also know that when I quit drinking

I lost many of my friends, since I wasn't going to the bars any more.

For many of them our only thing in common was drinking.

> Once again I can't thank you all enough. I will start to put some

> of your ideas into action. If I missed anyone in response I'm

> sorry. I treasure the raltionships I have here.

As do we. Hang in there.

> Heaven forbid if my family ever read these posts. I'm glad they

> aren't bandsters just yet.

Even if they are, they're not likely to go back and read the archives.

cheers

dan

--

Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@... www.mylapband.tk

Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever.....

[Guest guest]

It would be much easier if others would help us by not having junk

around. But this is unlikely to happen, so the best we can do is

learn to choose wisely and bring better alternatives for ourselves.

We can't expect the workld to change to accomodate us - all we can do

is change ourSELVES so that we are heading toward our goal.

Sandy R

www.BandsterME.com - Guided Imagery for Band Sucess.

> >

> > m> Dan,

> > m> I try really hard not to have the junk enter the house. I've

> said

> > m> it before, I have family that continues to bring junk in and I

> have

> > m> occasional relapses myself now and then. Just this evening I

> sent

> >

> > I understand how hard it can be. But at least if you're not

> bringing

> > it in yourself, that's a great step. Some people say stuff

like " I

> > have to have it for my kids (or husband) " , which is nonsense.

They

> > don't need it either, and if they think they do, let them eat it

> > somewhere else. We've actually had a couple people who visit go

> > outside to eat crap food, just like we ask smokers to go outside.

> > Well, smokers MUST go outside, and junkeaters are asked to take it

> > outside.

> >

> > m> the cookies and donuts back home with my diabetic mother, who

> > m> insists on bringing the stuff over. I'm convinced she'll

never

> > m> stop.

> >

> > I'm sure she knows that she's hastening her own death. But lots

of

> > people would rather die " fat and happy " then " deprived of

enjoyment

> > of life " . Their choice, not mine. Same is true with smokers, too.

> >

> > m> She and my sister go to Weight Watchers every Tuesday and

> > m> have managed to lose even though they eat 10 times more than I

> do.

> >

> > We all have different metabolisms, and also if they're larger

than

> you

> > they will lose faster. The fatter you are, the easier it is to

> lose,

> > at least at first.

> >

> > m>

> > m> I've asked politely, I've asked her to consider it like

> bringing

> > m> drugs for an addict.

> >

> > Yup, since she's an addict herself that is in denial, she's in

> > complete denial on your addiction too.

> >

> > m> Nothing works. So I find myself eating a

> > m> donut or two each Monday night when they come to visit. This

> has

> > m> really slowed my weight loss.

> >

> > That's a part, I'm sure. Krispy Kremes have 200-300 calories

each,

> > depending on kind. That would be 200-600 calories. That alone

> > doesn't do all of it, I don't imagine, as 600 calories a week is

> one

> > pound in six weeks. But I know that if I get off into stuff like

> that

> > I can easily " go far astray " . Two nights ago while looking for a

> > Healthy Choice TV Dinner to nuke I saw that there was still a half

> > gallon of ice cream in freezer, though only a third full. I

> actually

> > was able to throw it out, down the disposal.

> >

> > m> I've actually entertained the thought

> > m> of telling them not to come if they have to bring the junk,

but

> when

> > m> you do that in my family you might find youself getting

> the " kiss of

> > m> death " so to speak. Sometimes I think the kiss is better than

> > m> staying over 200 lbs.

> >

> > Yeah, those things are tough. We have some friends who are fairly

> > serious drinkers. When they come to dinner they know it is ok to

> > bring a bottle of wine if they wish to have it with their dinner,

> but

> > they take the leftovers (if any) home, or else if they leave it it

> > goes straight down the sink. Of course we've been recovering

> > alcoholics for 16 and 20 years, so that is a bit easier to do

than

> the

> > ice cream was.

> >

> > Hang in there, and why not try to see if you can avoid even

> touching

> > the first bite of donut or other junk when they come over. I'm

> tight

> > enough that I'd plug up quickly on the donut, so they don't call

my

> > name any more.

> >

> > dan

> >

> >

> > Dan Lester, Boise, ID honu@ www.mylapband.tk

> > Dr. Ortiz, Tijuana, 4/28/03

> > 323/209/199 Age 63 The road goes on forever....

> >

>