Re: Did I do damage?

[Guest guest]

I got a chuckle from the 'nasty mean pasta' and mommy bit....

As far as emails....I'm bettin the 50+ emails were mostly from the

same 4 or 5 people.

Also remember...there is a fine line between 'tough love' and

bullying (not that I'm saying the line was crossed), it just felt

that way cause there was really no reason to say things like

" I just don't undertsnad why you really continue to test and push and

ignore the band rules. "

Please understand I'm NOT IGNORING them - I'm learning to live with

them. Also, like I told " how will I know if a food (like bell

pepers) works unless I test it? "

cindy

>

> > Yes I feel the same way. I fear posting also. Yes I

want

> > honest answers and not coddling, but I want answers not

judgements.

>

> But answers ARE judgments in many cases. I don't see how I can say

> " you really shouldn't have done that and I hope you don't do it

again "

> and have it NOT sound judgmental. You can be sure I'll never say

> something like " oh, poor baby, that nasty pasta was mean to you so

> I'll go over and talk to its mommy and make sure it never does it

> again " .

>

> > I've had enough people judge me for being fat - I don't need

people

> > judging me for making mistakes along my journey to thinness. I'm

not

> > making mistakes on purpose. I've eaten incorrectly for 40 years -

> > I'm not going to automatically start eating right cause someone

wrote

> > material on it.

>

> I think all of us have, hopefully, developed pretty tough skins from

> little four year old brats in the grocery store saying " mommy, look

at

> that FAT GUY, he's fatter than Santa Claus " ....and from adults. I

had

> a boss give me a fairly negative evaluation about twenty years ago

> because he said " that being fat proved I was lazy and wasn't doing

my

> job " . Yeah, right. Most obese overcompensate for things like their

> weight and work extra hard to prove we can do what others think we

> can't.

>

> Anyway, I went straight over to the equal opportunity office and

> talked to the lady in charge. Guess what, I got a new evaluation.

Of

> course that boss was so pissed off at being called on his BS that I

> knew I needed to start looking for a job before too long. And

that's

> how I got to Idaho....

>

> > Oh how easy it is to be at goal and judge those who are trying to

get

> > there.

>

> We're just trying to help you get to your goals with as little pain

> and suffering as possible.

>

> > How easy it is for thin people to look at fat people and

think " why

> > don't they just eat right? "

>

> I don't know....I've never been a thin person. Never will be. But

> I'm a whole hell of a lot healthier and happier than I was 140

pounds

> ago.

>

> > I want to benefit from other's experiences and since people seem

to

> > be afraid to post here - I'm not getting that benefit.

>

> Since there have been over 50 msgs since I last read email a few

days

> ago, guess there aren't too many who are afraid to post.

>

> dan

>

[Guest guest]

Yes my questions were definitely answered and I appreciate that.

Although concerned about what I might have done - I knew I was not in

any immediate danger.

Again I guess I just took offense to the judgement part....

" I just don't undertsnad why you really continue to test and push and

ignore the band rules...... " .

>

> >>I agree with . I don't recall that her questions were ever

answered.

> >>I do recall assumptions were made that I don't recollect were

justified.

> >>I also agree that too much 'blame game' is played here especially

from some

> >>of the regulars who are so self justified but inadvertently give

us a

> >>glimpse that they too don't always get it right. When will her

legitimate

> >>questions be answered?

>

> As far as I know, all of her questions were answered. Of course we

> don't always like the answers we get.

>

> And I think many of us have confessed all our sins and, at least for

> anyone who's been around a while, or read archives, has seen those

> " confessions " .

>

> --

> Best regards,

> Dan mailto:honu@...

>

[Guest guest]

Me? Compulsive? Answer all emails? Nah......ha ha ha

>

> > Another thing I'd like to point out is this website only has a

few

> > regular posters....whey is that?

>

> It is what is officially known as the Pareto Principle, or the 80/20

> rule, or " the classroom rule " or " the committee rule " or whatever.

>

> In any group, a small number ever speak up. A few do on occasion.

The

> vast majority never do. Think of the classroom where there are

always

> a few with their hands in the air, and the vast majority who would

> never speak up unless explicitly called on.

>

> Also, though we officially have 1400+ members, with the

> numbers are about triple the number of " real members " . People sign

up

> for web only email and then never read it after a few days. They

> never unsub and even forget they were a member (I've done that a

> couple times myself). Others are web only members but only skim

over

> messages on a few rare occasions. Some of us get email and are

> compulsive enough (what, any of US complusive?) to read them all,

even

> when a few days behind like I am now.

>

> --

> Best regards,

> Dan mailto:honu@...

>

[Guest guest]

WOW ! o.k. I take back the perfect part as it pertains to you...but

then again....you're a man. I've never met a perfect man....

just kidding.

>

> > i did know that bread was going to be tough, according to the

> > literature, but I too thought i could handle it and discovered

> > immediately that i couldn't.

>

> Since someone said we were perfect....I'll tell another of my

> experiences I've not told in a while (I don't think). I used to eat

> two to four sausage biscuits from Mcs EVERY morning, or at

least

> the five days a week I went to work. Hit the drive through, they'd

be

> gone by the time I'd gone the 9 miles to work (and not much traffic

at

> 615 in morning, either).

>

> For about 3 or 4 months after banding I never went to

Mickeydees....at

> all.

>

> One mornign I got the craving for a biscuit, so I bought one. I

> figured " bread is bread, and i can't eat it, but biscuits ain't

bread,

> biscuits is biscuits " . That's true.

>

> They are also MUCH worse than bread. They are gummy with all that

fat

> and are MUCH more likely to get stuck. I ate maybe three bites, and

> not very big ones. I almost immediately had VERY BAD PAIN. Pulled

> over at side of road. Tried to barf. Couldn't. Tried the " jumping

> up and down " that others had recommended. Tried the punching self

in

> stomach. Tried heimlich maneuver. Nothing worked. Imagine it

looked

> pretty funny with this 300 pound guy trying to jump up and down at

the

> side of the road. (Still can't jump worth a damn)

>

> It was after noon (about six hours) before it finally got unstuck.

>

> And then there's the time I got bites of burrito stuck and had to

fly

> back to Mexico to get fill removed and replaced....but that's

another

> story. Also true. Damn expensive burrito....

>

> dan

>

> --

> Best regards,

> Dan mailto:honu@...

>

[Guest guest]

Hello cindywebb1667,

Monday, November 5, 2007, 12:49:47 PM, you wrote:

> I DIDN'T do this on purpose. I have a PROBLEM with eating. It isn't

> as EASY as just a CONSCIOUS choice. I AM SERIOUS about losing

> weight. I am working on it. I made a mistake and was petrified of

> the consequences so I wrote to you guys for advice on what could

> happen with my band and wondering if I should call my doc.

I can't speak for Sandy, but....I read her comment to mean that she

assumed (and we all know the dangers of that), or thought from

previous posts (if you had posted similar in the past...I honestly

don't remember) that you were " testing the waters " which a lot of us

have done. And as you've seen, I'm one of them.

SOME of us are " slow learners " . I know that one as I was 60 when I got

my band, so had some extra " practice " beyond yours. No, not whining,

just stating what Sgt Joe Friday (not sure you're old enough to know

of him) would say " just the facts, ma'am, just the facts " .

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...

[Guest guest]

Hello cindywebb1667,

Monday, November 5, 2007, 12:56:53 PM, you wrote:

> Actually, I can drink with a meal now (although I

> don't) without getting a 'stuck' feeling. Before when I took a sip

> with a meal I'd get an immediate tight feeling meaning my food was

> jammed in the stoma.

Hi again ,

I'm taking the above about drinking with a meal as another 'true

confession' rather than something that you're doing on purpose. That

was one of the VERY toughest things for me....to never drink with

meal, or for an hour after, and to drink a LOT before the meal, right

up until I took the first bite.

I still have trouble with that at times, and have finally learned that

in almost all cases, if I drink after something is sort of stuck, or

even too full in general (yeah, still fight that one too....my old

" clean your plate " upbringing), that drinking will alsmost always make

it worse. As always, YMMV.

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...

[Guest guest]

Hello cindywebb1667,

Monday, November 5, 2007, 1:55:07 PM, you wrote:

> Please understand I'm NOT IGNORING them - I'm learning to live with

> them. Also, like I told " how will I know if a food (like bell

> pepers) works unless I test it? "

Understand that too. But I'm one who thinks (and again, as you know,

far from perfect at it) that we should do our very best to not test

things that we know are " likely to be bad for us " (like pasta, bread,

etc, which may get stuck), or " are pretty definitely bad for us " like

cake cookies, pasta, bread, etc.

Unfortunately, as you probably know, some of the " very worst things "

are the " easiest to eat " . Ice cream, milkshakes, most other dairy

products, chocolate, most candies, etc.

That really bugs me too....

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...

[Guest guest]

Hello cindywebb1667,

Monday, November 5, 2007, 2:01:06 PM, you wrote:

> Me? Compulsive? Answer all emails? Nah......ha ha ha

No, not me....I'm not compulsive a bit.... :-)

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...

[Guest guest]

Hello cindywebb1667,

Monday, November 5, 2007, 2:02:56 PM, you wrote:

> WOW ! o.k. I take back the perfect part as it pertains to you...but

> then again....you're a man. I've never met a perfect man....

Nor have I. Nor a perfect woman, dog, child, cat (especially cats),

bird, camel,etc. (now, cat people, don't get all fussy with me about

the cats....please....mainly I'm allergic to them)

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...

[Guest guest]

Yeah I'm one of the brats that test the waters. I previously wrote

about tested waters cause I never felt restriction and wanted

to 'know' I was banded, so I tried liquid with a meal and

felt 'stuck'.

Now, however, I was NOT testing I was merely eating something that

I'd eaten before with no problem and I goofed with a too big bite

(knew it the minute I swallowed...).

>

> > I DIDN'T do this on purpose. I have a PROBLEM with eating. It

isn't

> > as EASY as just a CONSCIOUS choice. I AM SERIOUS about losing

> > weight. I am working on it. I made a mistake and was petrified

of

> > the consequences so I wrote to you guys for advice on what could

> > happen with my band and wondering if I should call my doc.

>

> I can't speak for Sandy, but....I read her comment to mean that she

> assumed (and we all know the dangers of that), or thought from

> previous posts (if you had posted similar in the past...I honestly

> don't remember) that you were " testing the waters " which a lot of us

> have done. And as you've seen, I'm one of them.

>

> SOME of us are " slow learners " . I know that one as I was 60 when I

got

> my band, so had some extra " practice " beyond yours. No, not

whining,

> just stating what Sgt Joe Friday (not sure you're old enough to know

> of him) would say " just the facts, ma'am, just the facts " .

>

> --

> Best regards,

> Dan mailto:honu@...

>

[Guest guest]

Sgt Joe Friday - Dragnet - right?

> >

> > > I DIDN'T do this on purpose. I have a PROBLEM with eating. It

> isn't

> > > as EASY as just a CONSCIOUS choice. I AM SERIOUS about losing

> > > weight. I am working on it. I made a mistake and was

petrified

> of

> > > the consequences so I wrote to you guys for advice on what

could

> > > happen with my band and wondering if I should call my doc.

> >

> > I can't speak for Sandy, but....I read her comment to mean that

she

> > assumed (and we all know the dangers of that), or thought from

> > previous posts (if you had posted similar in the past...I honestly

> > don't remember) that you were " testing the waters " which a lot of

us

> > have done. And as you've seen, I'm one of them.

> >

> > SOME of us are " slow learners " . I know that one as I was 60 when

I

> got

> > my band, so had some extra " practice " beyond yours. No, not

> whining,

> > just stating what Sgt Joe Friday (not sure you're old enough to

know

> > of him) would say " just the facts, ma'am, just the facts " .

> >

> > --

> > Best regards,

> > Dan mailto:honu@

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hello cindywebb1667,

Monday, November 5, 2007, 2:25:01 PM, you wrote:

> Sgt Joe Friday - Dragnet - right?

right. Played by Jack Webb. In fact at the moment our DVR is playing

Sunset Blvd (1950) in which he has a bit part (pre-dragnet, of course)

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...

[Guest guest]

Dan,

a unique way to describe indescretions. hope you don't mind if i

quote you. (and claim that i made up the ticket thing. LOL)

george

>

> > its a choice. pasta or no pasta. its as simple as that. you've

> > chosen banding and there are rules. yes its that simple. before

> > banding, you also had a choice: don't eat it or use it as

comfort.

>

> Yup. I always think in terms of driving (about my second or third

> most favorite thing to do), and there are rules there, too. If I

> violate them, I get punished. Or dead.

>

> And same with band....you violate them, you get punished.

>

> But, hey, I've had some tickets before....both in the car and with

the

> band. It happens to all of us.

>

> --

> Best regards,

> Dan mailto:honu@...

>

[Guest guest]

Dan,

i joined that group too, to see how they work. i got a 30 day " time-

out " for speaking . but on the bright side, that's where I ran into

Diane, who went to high school with me and is now a regular contributor

here.

george

>

> > if you want a bit of coddling, i would suggest going

> > to smartbandsters, where i came from.

>

> I just mentioned Sandy and I started this group after getting tired of

> the whining and moaning on another group. And that's the group.

>

> --

> Best regards,

> Dan mailto:honu@...

>

[Guest guest]

Hello george,

Feel free to quote anything you want. If you're writing a book or

something, credit appreciated. But for every day use, have at it.

I've learned a ton from others, and if I can help a little " payback "

at any time, that's wonderful.

dan

Tuesday, November 6, 2007, 7:33:17 AM, you wrote:

> Dan,

> a unique way to describe indescretions. hope you don't mind if i

> quote you. (and claim that i made up the ticket thing. LOL)

> george

>

>>

>> > its a choice. pasta or no pasta. its as simple as that. you've

>> > chosen banding and there are rules. yes its that simple. before

>> > banding, you also had a choice: don't eat it or use it as

> comfort.

>>

>> Yup. I always think in terms of driving (about my second or third

>> most favorite thing to do), and there are rules there, too. If I

>> violate them, I get punished. Or dead.

>>

>> And same with band....you violate them, you get punished.

>>

>> But, hey, I've had some tickets before....both in the car and with

> the

>> band. It happens to all of us.

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...

[Guest guest]

Hello george,

Tuesday, November 6, 2007, 7:45:52 AM, you wrote:

> i joined that group too, to see how they work. i got a 30 day " time-

> out " for speaking . but on the bright side, that's where I ran into

> Diane, who went to high school with me and is now a regular contributor

> here.

Well, Sandy and I got " permanent timeouts " , or " banned " in groups

terms. Oh well. Of course that's why we're SmartERbandsters. They

chief poobah over there, when he heard about it, told me he was going

to see us, we'd be in court, etc, etc. I said have at it. Naturally

nothing came of it, as there's no cause of action anyway.

Still have some friends who hang there, and I've thought about joining

under a different ID sometime, but not worth the trouble. For

me. If others find value there, that's great. We just all need to

get and learn what we can from wherever we can.

--

Best regards,

Dan mailto:honu@...