Guest guest Posted August 19, 2008 Report Share Posted August 19, 2008 Perhaps a few sessions with a therapist would be good for you, either as a couple or individually. As we drop the weight and don't have our old way of coping any longer (stuffing), we need some new tools in the toolbox. A therapist can help you find healthier tools. Barb in Monroe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 19, 2008 Report Share Posted August 19, 2008 Elaine It will take a lot of communication, but both of you need to share your hopes and fear for what is ahead. Even rather silly things like what kind of clothes would he like to see you where when the weight comes off. I spent two weeks in fear of looking like Dolly Parton or a rodeo queen before I told my husband my fears. He ordered some catalogues for us to look at. Turns out he meant more Eddie Bauer. I have a couple of items with the " westernie " look he thought he would like, but he is glad I formed my own style. It was fun to plan tho. He had to let me take time to find out what I really felt and to open up about both our insecurities. He had alot of fears of my not sticking to it and then of me looking elsewhere for approval. We worked thru it. He is very supportive most of the time. I have posted my journey in the files section along with Pete's thoughts as support person. Wishing you well. My wonderful marriage to my best friend is back and stronger than it had been in along time now that I have the energy to care. I was slowly dying both physically and emotionally when I was so heavy. Kathy R in Walla Walla From: Elaine <lainer40@...> Subject: spouse Date: Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 3:47 PM hello-I was banded in late June. Initailly my husband was very supportive but lately, since I have been sharing my feelings and not keeping them suppressed with food, he is not so much. This lifestyle change is very hard on him and it is showing up in our relationship. I am not as tolerant as I used to be, I have put myself first (which we agreed upon before surgery) and he is really struggling which is making me unhappy too. I am 100% committed to myself and improving myself but I want to have our happy relationship back too. Does anyone have insight on how to deal with this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 20, 2008 Report Share Posted August 20, 2008 Hi there Elaine, I'm Geri, in Vancouver, B.C. and a psychologist by trade!! This is a very common issue that comes up after a partner (usually the woman!) in a relationship looses a lot of weight, puts herself first and is quicker to say what she needs. After tracking this for years, I've come to the place where: 1) when you loose a lot of weight it surfaces " issues " on a personal level. Old angers, resentments, and most importantly, early traumas. Those are things best dealt with in therapy! 2) Women, by nature, are " co-dependent " meaning that they will put everyone else FIRST and then take the crumbs!! So when you shift gears, especially with a mate, they have a difficult time adjusting to this new regime! (I call it the " honey get it yourself " regime!) This takes a lot of quiet persistence on your part and a lot of communication about needs and shared responsibilities. 3) Probably the most difficult thing to deal with is what surfaces in relationships. With the weight, you've numbed yourself out to a lot of feelings and now all of that is surfacing for you and him. You want to move forward in your life with new energy and enthusiasm and he probably doesn't know if he's part of the equation or not! Especially if he has any weight issues. It's all very threatening. Perhaps seeking out a good competent therapist who specializes in weight issues and family dynamics would help here. At the end of the day things are changing and what we know about most humans is that they don't take to change easily!! You'll sort through this if there's any motivation on both sides here. . . Cheers geri ----- Original Message snipped by moderator---- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 It took me two years to even see myself thin. I always had a problem with trying clothes on in the store. I would buy them way big because even though I lost the weight my mind and body took a while to meet. I was in the grocery store going passed the frozen food section and I saw myself in the reflection of the doors and I cried it was at the moment my body mind and eyes meet. So for me it took two years. Jo phine V. Carioti President JVC World Associates, LLC 828 Thistle Drive, Spring Creek, Nevada 89815-USA Telephone:1-540-322-3076 Fax: Worldwide 1-253-269-7122 Middle East Offices: Baghdad Iraqi - 964 770 922 9270 Amman Jordan -962-079 646 7461 Quality Services - Quality Results It is hard to hold on to in idealism , when you lose innocents and live in a war zone area From: jbriannewilliams@...Date: Wed, 8 Jul 2009 00:59:21 +0000Subject: Spouse Hi Guys, Has anyone out there had a spouse that was unsupportive of them having weight loss surgery? The more I look at people's before and after photos I get so excited about how my outside appearance will change and I think about whether or not I will recognize myself. After I lose my weight I wonder if I will still see myself as huge. Any advice. found her dream laptop. Find the PC that’s right for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 I had the same exact experience! I was in the grocery store about two months ago and caught the reflection of a leg in the freezer glass door. I thought to myself, " Wow, that lady is skinny! " Then I realized, it was me. Weird feeling.On Wed, Jul 8, 2009 at 8:53 AM, phine Carioti <jvcarioti@...> wrote: It took me two years to even see myself thin. I always had a problem with trying clothes on in the store. I would buy them way big because even though I lost the weight my mind and body took a while to meet. I was in the grocery store going passed the frozen food section and I saw myself in the reflection of the doors and I cried it was at the moment my body mind and eyes meet. So for me it took two years. Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Hi ne, No my spouse was on board from day one. I know that there have been people who had a spouse who didn't want them to have the weight loss surgery because they were sure that it was just going to be "just one more diet failure." For some it was the cost--I sat down and figured out it would take me 1 year and 2 months to pay myself back the cost of the surgery, but what I was saving on groceries, medication, and health care (seeing the doctor). I know we all encouraged one lady not too long ago to do this for herself. This has to be about you and NO ONE ELSE. The surgery is about how you will feel and look as you take this journey. It is a life changing event. Your are going to add years to your life. If you continue to do what you are doing now that is all you will really have a fat person who is very unhappy with herself! Like you the pictures really motivated me. So PLEASE make this all about you. If he doesn't support you then, you have to go forward anyway. He might have a lot of fears and just not want to say he is afraid that you won't survive (which we all know you will) or that you may leave him once you have had the surgery and start to lose the weight. So try to talk with him. Have him join us (which most men won't) and ask us questions. Show him the site and some of the pictures. We will all try to answer any questions he might have. We are hear for you. But please don't wait another day without making some plans. Everyday you wait, is a day you are just giving days away of your life--and for what? Make this a life changing event that will change the rest of your life forever. I waited a lot of years, I am 63 years old and wished they would have had the "sleeve" surgery 20 years ago, because I should have had it done then. I feel soooooooooooo healthy and happy and love my new life. Take care, Suzanne 225 145 125 Start Now Goal Sleeved Oct 21, 2008 In a message dated 07/08/09 08:24:53 Pacific Daylight Time, jbriannewilliams@... writes: Hi Guys, Has anyone out there had a spouse that was unsupportive of them having weight loss surgery? The more I look at people's before and after photos I get so excited about how my outside appearance will change and I think about whether or not I will recognize myself. After I lose my weight I wonder if I will still see myself as huge. Any advice. Popular laptop deals plus free shipping! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Hi, I think this is the norm for almost all of us. I also look at clothing and think "no way will I fit into those pants or shorts" and then I do. I also look in the mirror every morning and think yes this is me, but like others, I will see a reflection in the store window of myself and think WOW that is REALLY what I look like. It happens slowly to us, and it just takes a moment for us to really realize that we are now thin. It has been 8 months for me and when people tell me I am skinny I think to myself "me skinny, now way." Or if I say I still want to lose 20 more pounds people say oh you don't want to get too thin, So for me I take it a few pounds at a time and wait to make sure I don't look like a bag of bones--you know sick skinny or at Bipley puts it "a crack whore." LOL not me ever Bipley! So yes, I think we all have a difficult time in our heads seeing ourselves thin or looking good or looking health. I know that I notice a lot of overweight people and feel bad for them, I want to tell all of them about what I did and how it has changed my life for me. How about the rest of you, we should start a service to help the rest of the overweight people? Let's all get on Oprah and tell the world how they too can take control over their weight! Suzanne 225 145 125 Start Now Goal Sleeved 10/21/08 In a message dated 07/08/09 09:24:30 Pacific Daylight Time, Bipley@... writes: I had the same exact experience! I was in the grocery store about two months ago and caught the reflection of a leg in the freezer glass door. I thought to myself, "Wow, that lady is skinny!" Then I realized, it was me.Weird feeling. On Wed, Jul 8, 2009 at 8:53 AM, phine Carioti <jvcariotihotmail> wrote: It took me two years to even see myself thin. I always had a problem with trying clothes on in the store. I would buy them way big because even though I lost the weight my mind and body took a while to meet. I was in the grocery store going passed the frozen food section and I saw myself in the reflection of the doors and I cried it was at the moment my body mind and eyes meet. So for me it took two years. Jo Popular laptop deals plus free shipping! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 My sleeve surgery date is August 10, 2009, and I can't wait. Of course I'm in the middle of a residential move at the moment, so I CAN wait but I'm anxiously awaiting the surgery. As far as inspiring others, I absolutely agree with doing that. I think each of us does that by being the living example of how this journey can go. Oprah and others who yo-yo, should have this surgery, however, I'm sure Oprah is more than aware of all her options and for whatever reason has chosen not to proceed with it. Emotional eaters would/will find this harder than non-emotional eaters to do. I've been on Medifast for the past 6 weeks and have lost 19 pounds. I don't miss food that much, but I don't think I could lose all I need to with Medifast, it would be too incredibly boring. All tools have their place. The best part of the sleeve from what I've read is that you will not only get to goal, but with changing your habits, will stay at goal and that's the most important part of the journey. Onward and upward I say! > > > > > It took me two years to even see myself thin. I always had a problem with trying clothes on in the store. I would buy them way big because even though I lost the weight my mind and body took a while to meet. > > I was in the grocery store going passed the frozen food section and I saw myself in the reflection of the doors and I cried it was at the moment my body mind and eyes meet. So for me it took two years. > > Jo > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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