Re: Apprehensive about FAMILY - not WLS!

May 12, 2010

Hi Cheryl,

You are the one who has to make this choice. For me I don't think I would involve my family. Sometimes it just get ugly and you don't need that. My reason would be I wouldn't want to feel like I owed them any type of explanation what so ever. They may want to become too involved in your choice, and right now you don't need the pressure that you feel you might get from them. If they have never been where you are right now, they will probably never understand why you would even think of weight loss surgery let alone go to Mexicali. Some people just feel weight loss has to do with will power, diet and exercise and that is all they can see. They love you and care about you, but still want to put in their two cents. Right now you need to feel good about your choice and being independent. So for me I would get the loan and pay the high cost of interest. It might be worth it in the long run. Those are just MY feelings.

I think for you to mention it means these thoughts are already going through your head. Just tell yourself it is the cost of losing the weight and having great health and it is worth every dime it will cost you. You do deserve to have the best life you can.

Hugs,

Suzanne

In a message dated 5/12/2010 5:42:57 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, harrison.cheryl@... writes:

Well, I am now approved by Dr. Aceves for the gastric sleeve surgery. It's subject only to my cardiologist clearing me, which he already told me in an email he doesn't anticipate a problem, and my appt. with him is next Monday. So I'm thinking I can have my sleeve done next month.YEAH!My only issue now is the money. I can borrow it from a medical credit company and pay a huge interest rate, or I can try to borrow it from family at a reasonable interest rate. Since banks are paying such lousy rates on savings and CD's, I thought I would "offer" my family members the opportunity to make a better rate of return by loaning me the money and I'll make monthly payments. I'm even offering a lien against my house as collateral.Of course, the only replies I've gotten so far are "We have a few concerns; can you call us this weekend to discuss?"Reasonable! But in my mind, I'm creating demons. I'm anticipating that they're not going to have concerns with my repaying the debt, but rather will want to try to talk me out of the surgery. (Note: I'm surrounded by young, lean, athletic step-siblings who never had more than 5 pounds to lose in their life...)I really don't need any negativity about this. I've done my research and said my prayers and I am going through with it. I know I will not regret it. But how do I express this to my family members without being rude? If I go into too much detail about WHY, I'll get emotional and start crying, which is NOT something I'm comfortable doing. Thoughts? Suggestions? Y'all have been such a wonderful sounding board and I am so glad I have this group. You are one of the reasons my decision has been made and I'm comfortable with it. I look forward to your advice...Cheryl*

May 12, 2010

Of course your family has concerns. They love you. Don't put the cart before the horse getting all worried about them just yet. Most people know nothing about WLS. Its so secretive!It was my daughter who was talking about having WLS a year ago. I did a lot of research looking for a way to talk her out of it. What I found in my research was all the reasons I should have the surgery. So I was one of those concerned family members who changed her mind once I knew some facts. MarilouDr. AcevesVSG~February 5, 2010 On May 12, 2010, at 5:33 PM, CherylH wrote:Well, I am now approved by Dr. Aceves for the gastric sleeve surgery. It's subject only to my cardiologist clearing me, which he already told me in an email he doesn't anticipate a problem, and my appt. with him is next Monday. So I'm thinking I can have my sleeve done next month.YEAH!My only issue now is the money. I can borrow it from a medical credit company and pay a huge interest rate, or I can try to borrow it from family at a reasonable interest rate. Since banks are paying such lousy rates on savings and CD's, I thought I would "offer" my family members the opportunity to make a better rate of return by loaning me the money and I'll make monthly payments. I'm even offering a lien against my house as collateral.Of course, the only replies I've gotten so far are "We have a few concerns; can you call us this weekend to discuss?"Reasonable! But in my mind, I'm creating demons. I'm anticipating that they're not going to have concerns with my repaying the debt, but rather will want to try to talk me out of the surgery. (Note: I'm surrounded by young, lean, athletic step-siblings who never had more than 5 pounds to lose in their life...)I really don't need any negativity about this. I've done my research and said my prayers and I am going through with it. I know I will not regret it. But how do I express this to my family members without being rude? If I go into too much detail about WHY, I'll get emotional and start crying, which is NOT something I'm comfortable doing. Thoughts? Suggestions? Y'all have been such a wonderful sounding board and I am so glad I have this group. You are one of the reasons my decision has been made and I'm comfortable with it. I look forward to your advice...Cheryl*

May 12, 2010

Hi Cheryl,

First off, I think it's an excellent idea that you are trying to put together some talking points to counter any resistance that you might find.

If their reluctance is based solely on medical concerns, then letting them know that your doctor is with you on this, could probably set that to rest. However, their concern actually might be about having it done in Mexico. Dr. Aceves has more experience doing this procedure than several US doctors put together and I know you can find a wealth of information about the facilities to allay any of their fears.

Borrowing money from family IS such a touchy thing and I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. Try not to let it cause you any undue stress. I'm with you on this one. In this economy, I'd much rather pay my family an excellent return than a medical credit card company.

Crossing my fingers for a productive talk with your family,

Theresa

On Wed, May 12, 2010 at 5:33 PM, CherylH <harrison.cheryl@...> wrote:

Well, I am now approved by Dr. Aceves for the gastric sleeve surgery. It's subject only to my cardiologist clearing me, which he already told me in an email he doesn't anticipate a problem, and my appt. with him is next Monday. So I'm thinking I can have my sleeve done next month.

YEAH!My only issue now is the money. I can borrow it from a medical credit company and pay a huge interest rate, or I can try to borrow it from family at a reasonable interest rate. Since banks are paying such lousy rates on savings and CD's, I thought I would " offer " my family members the opportunity to make a better rate of return by loaning me the money and I'll make monthly payments. I'm even offering a lien against my house as collateral.

Of course, the only replies I've gotten so far are " We have a few concerns; can you call us this weekend to discuss? " Reasonable! But in my mind, I'm creating demons. I'm anticipating that they're not going to have concerns with my repaying the debt, but rather will want to try to talk me out of the surgery. (Note: I'm surrounded by young, lean, athletic step-siblings who never had more than 5 pounds to lose in their life...)

I really don't need any negativity about this. I've done my research and said my prayers and I am going through with it. I know I will not regret it. But how do I express this to my family members without being rude? If I go into too much detail about WHY, I'll get emotional and start crying, which is NOT something I'm comfortable doing.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Y'all have been such a wonderful sounding board and I am so glad I have this group. You are one of the reasons my decision has been made and I'm comfortable with it. I look forward to your advice...

Cheryl*

May 13, 2010

Hi Cheryl

When I had my lapband surgery, I only told a couple people prior to the surgery. Once I had the surgery, a few months passed, I told a few more people. Now there are still many close friends and family member who do not know I even had the surgery, let alone that I went to Mexico to have it! However, it sounds like you have already mentioned to them what you want to do, so they are going to know whether you borrow the money from them or not. So, I would tell them very clearly that you have done the research and your mind is made up. It is not open for discussion other than if they plan to be supportive. If they choose to loan you the money just make it clear that this doesn't "BUY" them the right to judge you either before, during or after the surgery. Because often times I have heard people say that their relatives monitored their weight loss after the surgery and made comments about what a waste of money it was or why werent they losing faster etc etc. In my opinion, that would not be worth it. If the emotional cost is too high, I say pay the higher interest rate and pay it off as fast as you can!

Best of luck to you!

deborah

In a message dated 5/13/2010 10:23:13 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, SuzanneSH@... writes:

Hi Cheryl,

You are the one who has to make this choice. For me I don't think I would involve my family. Sometimes it just get ugly and you don't need that. My reason would be I wouldn't want to feel like I owed them any type of explanation what so ever. They may want to become too involved in your choice, and right now you don't need the pressure that you feel you might get from them. If they have never been where you are right now, they will probably never understand why you would even think of weight loss surgery let alone go to Mexicali. Some people just feel weight loss has to do with will power, diet and exercise and that is all they can see. They love you and care about you, but still want to put in their two cents. Right now you need to feel good about your choice and being independent. So for me I would get the loan and pay the high cost of interest. It might be worth it in the long run. Those are just MY feelings.

I think for you to mention it means these thoughts are already going through your head. Just tell yourself it is the cost of losing the weight and having great health and it is worth every dime it will cost you. You do deserve to have the best life you can.

Hugs,

Suzanne

In a message dated 5/12/2010 5:42:57 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, harrison.cheryl writes:

Well, I am now approved by Dr. Aceves for the gastric sleeve surgery. It's subject only to my cardiologist clearing me, which he already told me in an email he doesn't anticipate a problem, and my appt. with him is next Monday. So I'm thinking I can have my sleeve done next month.YEAH!My only issue now is the money. I can borrow it from a medical credit company and pay a huge interest rate, or I can try to borrow it from family at a reasonable interest rate. Since banks are paying such lousy rates on savings and CD's, I thought I would "offer" my family members the opportunity to make a better rate of return by loaning me the money and I'll make monthly payments. I'm even offering a lien against my house as collateral.Of course, the only replies I've gotten so far are "We have a few concerns; can you call us this weekend to discuss?"Reasonable! But in my mind, I'm creating demons. I'm anticipating that they're not going to have concerns with my repaying the debt, but rather will want to try to talk me out of the surgery. (Note: I'm surrounded by young, lean, athletic step-siblings who never had more than 5 pounds to lose in their life...)I really don't need any negativity about this. I've done my research and said my prayers and I am going through with it. I know I will not regret it. But how do I express this to my family members without being rude? If I go into too much detail about WHY, I'll get emotional and start crying, which is NOT something I'm comfortable doing. Thoughts? Suggestions? Y'all have been such a wonderful sounding board and I am so glad I have this group. You are one of the reasons my decision has been made and I'm comfortable with it. I look forward to your advice...Cheryl*

May 13, 2010

If it were me, I’d try and get the financing

on my own and leave my family out of it.

Like Suzanne said, they really don’t need to

know your business – especially if you suspect they will not be supportive or

will be judgmental.

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Marilou stone

Sent: Wednesday, May 12, 2010 7:52

PM

To:

Subject: Re:

Apprehensive about FAMILY - not WLS!

Of course

your family has concerns. They love you. Don't put the cart before the horse

getting all worried about them just yet. Most people know nothing about WLS.

Its so secretive! It was my daughter who was talking about having WLS a year

ago. I did a lot of research looking for a way to talk her out of it. What I

found in my research was all the reasons I should have the surgery. So I was

one of those concerned family members who changed her mind once I knew some

facts. Marilou Dr. Aceves VSG~February 5, 2010 On May 12, 2010, at 5:33 PM,

CherylH wrote: > Well, I am now approved by Dr. Aceves for the gastric sleeve

> surgery. It's subject only to my cardiologist clearing me, which he >

already told me in an email he doesn't anticipate a problem, and my > appt.

with him is next Monday. So I'm thinking I can have my sleeve > done next

month. > YEAH! > My only issue now is the money. I can borrow it from a

medical > credit company and pay a huge interest rate, or I can try to

borrow > it from family at a reasonable interest rate. Since banks are

paying > such lousy rates on savings and CD's, I thought I would

" offer " my > family members the opportunity to make a better rate

of return by > loaning me the money and I'll make monthly payments. I'm even

> offering a lien against my house as collateral. > Of course, the only

replies I've gotten so far are " We have a few > concerns; can you call

us this weekend to discuss? " > Reasonable! But in my mind, I'm creating

demons. I'm anticipating > that they're not going to have concerns with my

repaying the debt, > but rather will want to try to talk me out of the

surgery. (Note: > I'm surrounded by young, lean, athletic step-siblings who

never had > more than 5 pounds to lose in their life...) > I really don't

need any negativity about this. I've done my research > and said my prayers

and I am going through with it. I know I will > not regret it. But how do I

express this to my family members > without being rude? If I go into too

much detail about WHY, I'll get > emotional and start crying, which is NOT

something I'm comfortable > doing. > Thoughts? Suggestions? Y'all have

been such a wonderful sounding > board and I am so glad I have this group.

You are one of the reasons > my decision has been made and I'm comfortable

with it. I look > forward to your advice... > Cheryl* > > >

May 13, 2010

That would be my way too. But I'm a very independent old bat.MarilouDr. AcevesVSG~February 5, 2010 On May 13, 2010, at 12:20 PM, Sobczyk wrote:If it were me, I’d try and get the financing on my own and leave my family out of it. Like Suzanne said, they really don’t need to know your business – especially if you suspect they will not be supportive or will be judgmental. From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Marilou stoneSent: Wednesday, May 12, 2010 7:52 PM Subject: Re: Apprehensive about FAMILY - not WLS! Of course your family has concerns. They love you. Don't put the cart before the horse getting all worried about them just yet. Most people know nothing about WLS. Its so secretive! It was my daughter who was talking about having WLS a year ago. I did a lot of research looking for a way to talk her out of it. What I found in my research was all the reasons I should have the surgery. So I was one of those concerned family members who changed her mind once I knew some facts. Marilou Dr. Aceves VSG~February 5, 2010 On May 12, 2010, at 5:33 PM, CherylH wrote: > Well, I am now approved by Dr. Aceves for the gastric sleeve > surgery. It's subject only to my cardiologist clearing me, which he > already told me in an email he doesn't anticipate a problem, and my > appt. with him is next Monday. So I'm thinking I can have my sleeve > done next month. > YEAH! > My only issue now is the money. I can borrow it from a medical > credit company and pay a huge interest rate, or I can try to borrow > it from family at a reasonable interest rate. Since banks are paying > such lousy rates on savings and CD's, I thought I would "offer" my > family members the opportunity to make a better rate of return by > loaning me the money and I'll make monthly payments. I'm even > offering a lien against my house as collateral. > Of course, the only replies I've gotten so far are "We have a few > concerns; can you call us this weekend to discuss?" > Reasonable! But in my mind, I'm creating demons. I'm anticipating > that they're not going to have concerns with my repaying the debt, > but rather will want to try to talk me out of the surgery. (Note: > I'm surrounded by young, lean, athletic step-siblings who never had > more than 5 pounds to lose in their life...) > I really don't need any negativity about this. I've done my research > and said my prayers and I am going through with it. I know I will > not regret it. But how do I express this to my family members > without being rude? If I go into too much detail about WHY, I'll get > emotional and start crying, which is NOT something I'm comfortable > doing. > Thoughts? Suggestions? Y'all have been such a wonderful sounding > board and I am so glad I have this group. You are one of the reasons > my decision has been made and I'm comfortable with it. I look > forward to your advice... > Cheryl* > > >

May 13, 2010

I agree totally w and Suzanne!!! This isTotally about you and while we love family and friends, there are those who will never understand the meaning ofthis journey. Put on your big girl panties, pay for thisLife changing decision and make one of very few decisionswhich will be selfish for health and survival purposes!!!PeaceWeek 7 and down 48 pounds!!!!On May 13, 2010, at 3:20 PM, " Sobczyk" <wmsobczyk@...> wrote:

If it were me, Iâ€™d try and get the financing

on my own and leave my family out of it.

Like Suzanne said, they really donâ€™t need to

know your business â€“ especially if you suspect they will not be supportive or