& how you're feeling

[Guest guest]

, my good woman,

If it's any consolation to you, we ALL go through these stages. If

you are familiar with Kubler Ross' book, " On Death and Dying "

there are stages everyone goes through when they realize they have a

terminal illness. First is denial, then bargaining with God (I'll do

this, if you cure me), and so forth until finally you get to acceptance.

The same stages are there for people who lose a sense. And believe me,

being deaf in one ear in NO WAY prepares you for being totally without

hearing. And people who haven't been down that path have NO CLUE.

" Well you went deaf in one ear, and were OK, so why are you so depressed

now? "

When I was doing a clinical field practice as an Occupational Therapy

Assistant, I was working with a man who had diabetes. As a result he had

gone blind, and lost one leg. Now he was in therapy, because he had just

lost the other leg. His WIFE couldn't understand why he was depressed.

He was fine when he went blind, and when he had the first leg amputated.

HELLO. First he literally hasn't got a leg to stand on, AND it's not

going to get any better. He needs time to grieve over his loss. One

does not just soldier on after something like this happens. I also told

him that life was unfair, always had been, and I kind of understood what

he was going to being deaf myself, but somewhere along the line you get

to the point where you make the best of what you have left. Since it's

not going to get better, you need to get on with life. But you will and

do need to grieve a loss.

It is a hard choice to make. Especially given that if you chose

simultaneous bilaterals, you can't chose the brand. I know you mentioned

wanting AB anyway, so that may not be a big deal for you. But waiting

and waiting while the insurance companies spin their weels for perhaps

MONTHS, makes it hard on you. You want your life back, or something

resembling it, and to find out what you can hear and how well you can

cope, and what kind of work you can find and so forth. Right now your

life is on hold, and that is helpless feeling.

We're here to help anyone who wants to know what the journey is like.

Posted by: " Curran " jmc62@... may51980joey

Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:33 am (PST)

Yeah, I guess you're right about that, . I'm just still so new to

all of this, sometimes I just feel a little overwhelmed with the choices

I have to make. One day I think I should just get one CI for now and get

a second one at a later date, and then the next day I think, no, I'll

participate in the study and get them both at the same time, even if that

means waiting a little long to start to hear. Right now I'm am totally

deaf and if I were to scream at the top of my lungs I wouldn't hear a

thing, so living like this is very difficult, especially considering a

few months ago I was hearing fine and working as a court reporter, which

is a job in which hearing well is the number one requirement. So this has

really been taking its toll on me. I have my good days and my bad days,

and this is just one of those days that I just want my old life back. But

I know that's not going to happen, so I just have to make the best of

what I have now. I keep saying to myself, I'm so lucky that I have this

option, that I'm able to regain my hearing with the CI. Some days the

gravity of what has happened to me just seems to get to me more. I'm just

so glad I have you all to help me out and answer whatever questions I

have. Thanks again for all your help. It is much appreciated.