The Terrible Cost of Unforgiveness, by Larry Nims, Ph.D.

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The Terrible Cost Of Unforgiveness

by Psychologist Larry Nims, Ph.D.

Creator of BSFF-Be Set Free Fast

Historically, forgiveness has been addressed rather minimally and ineffectively

in traditional therapies. We have always recognized that unforgiveness was a

problem in human adjustment. But, we have tended largely to ignore it as a

treatment issue. There are many reasons for such neglect I suppose, not the

least of which is that we really were not sure how to eliminate it. Another is

that many of us are uncomfortable and/or unfamiliar with spiritual

considerations in psychotherapy.

Callahan pointed the way for the technical process of treating

unforgiveness. He deserves much credit for this finding. Still, he did not seem

to recognize and/or acknowledge the enormity of the negative effects of

unforgiveness on the human soul and spirit.

I am convinced that unforgiveness and related attitudes of resentment and

bitterness are among the deadliest dynamics in the human psyche. Hence this

discourse. I hope to alert we energy therapists to the opportunity and the

obligation to use our elegant techniques to free our clients of this severely

restrictive psychological and spiritual problem.

Here are just some of the inevitable costs to you and me whenever we hold onto

unforgiveness. They are all in operation, continuously, in every unforgiveness,

whether we consciously recognize them or not. These consequences happen within

everyone every time that we get entrapped in unresolved unforgiveness. We have

all paid these high costs in our lives over and over again. We probably still do

pay them in many unhealed areas of our psyches and our spirits.

Consider these consequences of judgment, criticism and unforgiveness.

1. We continue to feel the psychological pain of the perceived offense.

2. We block healthy communication and potential reconciliation with the

" offender " .

3. We perceive similar offenses by others who remind us of the offender.

4. We attract similar situations, people and injuries to ourselves.

5. We give up our personal power to others to determine how we will feel and

respond (actually, we " react " ) in similar situations.

6. We render ourselves incapable of ever really knowing, and learning from, the

full truth about the event that damaged the relationship.

7. We take added toxic negativity into our present relationships.

8. We isolate/prevent/avoid/limit ourselves from having new, more healthy, and

more fulfilling relationships.

9. We become vulnerable to becoming spiteful, resentful and bitter.

10. We disrespect, distrust and devalue ourselves at deep levels of our psyches.

11. We block ourselves spiritually from receiving help and healing from our

Higher Source.

12. Our own spirits and souls " shrivel up " (contract) more and more.

Most counselors could probably add several more items to this " dirty dozen "

price list. That is a very expensive set of costs to pay for self-righteous

unforgiveness, isn't it? Yet, most of us have some of these attitudes buried

deep within our subconscious minds. I have not seen a client yet who does not

have numerous unresolved hurts and other emotional injuries, always with

judgment, criticism, unforgiveness and related negative attitudes attached.

Fortunately, we now have the tools and the therapeutic support no longer to be

victimized in all of these ways by the devastation of anger and unforgiveness.

We can readily neutralize and eliminate all of the psychological, but not the

spiritual, costs of unforgiveness simply by treating ourselves with BSFF.

Here is how:

Resolving Anger and Unforgiveness

With BSFF-Be Set Free Fast

Whenever you finish a session of any energy therapy treatments, remember to

treat for anger and unforgiveness toward yourself or anyone else, including God

if that is an issue, for every problem you have just treated. Do this after

every session of BSFF treatments, whether you have just done one or a 101

treatments in that session.

You can do just one treatment for all angers combined for each person you were

angry at, one treatment for all angers toward God, and one treatment for all

angers toward yourself. You do not have to treat anger for each incident,

although you may choose to in some instances. Just make sure that you treat

separately for every person that you were angry at in the session of BSFF

treatments you have just completed.

Always be sure to treat angers before going to unforgiveness. Remember that

anger gives rise to judgment, criticism and related hurtful attitudes and these

give rise to unforgiveness. So treat them in that order.

The most important reason for doing this work at the end of a session of

treatments is to set ourselves free of the terrible effects of judgment,

criticism, and any other related attitudes such as vengeance, wanting to harm or

cause pain to someone, or to put ourselves in a one-up position with someone

else.

Taking such a superior attitude with the intention of causing harm or loss to

someone, including oneself, is a major spiritual problem as well as a

psychological problem. Consider this. When I take a judgmental, critical,

punitive, vengeful or withholding position toward someone, including myself,

what am I doing spiritually? Well, I am playing God!

I am putting myself up as the judge, jury and executioner. I am, therefore,

violating the First Commandment! That means that God cannot even help me with my

unforgiveness dilemma. I'm on my own with my suffering and the terrible costs of

my own unforgiveness.

Whether you view this violation from another religious or philosophical

perspective or not, it still boils down to making myself the power and the

center of the universe. That is a very dangerous position to be in because none

of us has that power or authority in ourselves. It is reserved to our Higher

Power. So, this is a losing battle for us--with all of the terrible costs

described above.

So, always treat the angers first. This will also eliminate the judgment,

criticalness and related negative attitudes that lead to unforgiveness. Then do

the unforgiveness step. Notice that, If you try to do unforgiveness without

eliminating the anger first, these negative attitudes will draw you back into

the unforgiveness, sometimes almost immediately. So you are still on precarious

ground.

You must treat anger at each person separately, but you may simultaneously treat

all anger toward any specific person for all perceived hurts, offenses or

failures that you addressed in that session by using just one BSFF sequence at

the end of the session. Likewise, you can combine in one treatment all the

unforgiveness toward any one person for everything you have just treated about

that person during that session.

Be sure to always treat anger at self last. If you do not do so, you will have

to treat yourself again for anger at yourself for the related problems of anger,

judgment, criticism and unforgiveness that you treat after you forgave yourself

the first time in the session. No percentage in that is there? In other words,

treat yourself last, so you will have covered all of your anger at self for all

of the problems that you have just treated.

The marvelous payoff for doing this forgiveness work is that you completely

eradicate all of the terrible costs in less than 15 seconds! Forgive everyone

and enjoy the blessings of the wonderful new freedom you will have!