10 months post band. . . my thoughts

[Guest guest]

Well, hey all. Im out of the country in FRIGID Denmark right now.

A few things have been bouncing around in my head the last couple

days,thought Id share.

My official post band weight is 180. I had my band loosened before

I left, so I wont have problems while traveling. I suspect Ive

gained weight, 5 or 8 lbs. Im far from freaked out about it, as I

know the trusty band is there to help me get it off when Im home.

Besides, its all CHOCOLATE weight, damn the chocolate in Europe. It

is SO much better than in the US. Also, I left my supersize bag of

splenda in the US, I was in a hurry when I was packing, and the cold

weather calls for constant tea drinking. Iraqi tea, is pretty sweet

(to counteract the blackness of it). Besides, I did a detour for a

week through Amsterdam to visit a very old friend from middle

school. Anyone who knows anything about Amsterdam, understands why

I was suddenly compelled to munch all the time while there.

So, that said, Im sure Ive gained a bit of weight back. Its

strictly head weight, though. The kind of weight that the band wont

keep off, chocolate, liquid, etc. Ive been eating anything I dang

well please. I dont have a scale, so couldnt tell you how much I

might have gained. In a little over a week, Ill be back at my

brother in laws, and they do have a scale, though it is metric.

I see it in my thighs, actually in the thigh area of my jeans. So,

the old me is back chatting in my brain, that Im a big cow again,

see how fat I am, see how those jeans that were loose now fit, etc.

Part of my brain is quite certain that the only reason that any of

the clothing Im wearing still fits my big fat body, is that it is

cut big.

LOL. Well, even if that is the case, I went shopping at Burlington

for a coat to wear here. I ended up buying (drumroll) a size 10.

AND, I bought that coat with the knowledge that I would likely have

three layers or more under it at times, so it is loose enough to

handle that.

All of my clothing is a size L from America. By the way, all obese

people should move here. I wear a medium here, and the lady Im

staying with right now, who in the US is most certainly a xxxl,

wears a size XL in Denmark. AND, there is clothing for big people,

in every store Ive gone to, even the small stores!

But that is all besides the point. Even IF every single article of

clothing I happen to have with me is " cut big " , I'm still wearing a

size L. Ten months ago, I dont care how big it was cut, I wasnt

able to stuff my butt into a size L pajamas from Walmart. Which I

do, and they are actually not skin tight, they fit just right.

AND, after nearly a solid month of eating freely, I still fit quite

well into all my size L clothing. The " terrors " Im having from my

thighs, come from wearing size 17 jeans from walmart (a month ago I

could wear 15 easily, squeeze into 13). Mind you, Im wearing those

dang size 17s with a pair of pajamas UNDER them to keep from

freezing, and still need a belt to keep them up on my hips, so they

dont fall to the top of my ass.

Ten months ago, I could NOT have squeezed into a size 22 jeans from

Walmart, or even a 24, if I had planned to wear pajamas under them!

Now, Im griping because when I wear pajamas under my 17s, they seem

to fit a bit snug in the thigh. Sigh. Mind you, the reason I

brought the 17s was that they actually fit me TIGHTER than the size

16s I have from old navy, I thought it would be better since they

are snugger in the thighs. Will I ever be happy?

I think that the answer to that, is yes. I am ALREADY happy. I go

out walking with the lady Im staying with, we bundle up the kids and

ourselves, and go out to walk to the stores. We probably walk at

least a mile, maybe 1.5, to the stores, depending on which store.

So we walk to the store-mall, walk around the stores, walk home.

Any my only complaint about all that walking, is that the cuff of my

jeans gets fithy from the muddy snowy crap on the ground. The

walking itself? I could do that again and again, without being

tired. I don't huff and puff, don't get at all sweaty (which she

does, and I remember doing when I was 250 lbs, getting all sweaty

from walking, even in freezing weather). I could literally walk ALL

DAY LONG, and have done so at disneyland, for days in a row, and it

doesn't faze me.

I dont worry every time I pass people on the sidewalk, that Im

taking up all the space. I dont worry about whether or not my

thighs will fit in that stupid wheel thing at the door of some

stores, that you have to wheel your body through to get inside. I

dont worry about being too big for any of the rides. Hell, I went

on KIDDIE rides at a FAIR, the stupid elephant things that go in a

circle and up in the air. THey wouldnt let my 18 month old on with

his sister, so I rode WITH both of them, all 3 of us in one seat,

and I didnt even worry about whether or not we would all fit! God,

ten months ago I wouldnt have ridden the damn thing by myself, much

less with BOTH my kids.

The seats in the airplane seem positively gargantuan, and there is a

good 8 or ten inches left, at the end of the seatbelt, after I

tighten it. I remember having it loosened all the way, and

squeezing it shut, being miserable with it cutting into my thighs.

Meanwhile, my thighs used to make it impossible to be comfortable on

an airplane, the little armrest thing kept getting pushed up by

them, and they would squish over into the seats next to me, mashing

the people next to me. Best case scenario, was Id have a window

seat, those are a bit roomier since you can mash up against the

wall, to try to get away from the person in the middle. Now? I

prefer an aisle, so I can get up if I need to. I NEVER wanted an

aisle before, it was so humiliating to always have the people

walking in the aisles brushing me as they passed, because I took up

not only my space, but AISLE space as well.

I dont have a B.O. problem anymore. Im sure everyone knows what Im

talking about. No matter how often I showered (daily), or how much

deoderant, or where (under my belly, by my thighs, etc) it seemed

that within a couple of hours of a shower, certain parts of me had

BO. (Again, the lady Im staying with is a reminder of that past.)

Now, even the day after I shower, I dont have that same odor. Ive

gone several days without showering, without noticing that old

problem. I sure FEEL icky, sans shower, but I dont smell.

FYI, though Im eating freely, the band is still helping. I had .7

withdrawn, so Im at 2.2. The band still keeps me from wolfing down

food, though, because if I eat too fast, I dont chew at all well,

and it will get stuck. And, it keeps me from eating bread all the

time, same thing, it gets stuck. I may not PB, but waiting for the

stuck stuff to go through is HORRIBLY uncomfortable, and although

not actually painful, pretty close!

Well, this is LONG now. I just wanted to share!

Wilks'

Re Born! March 9, 2005

started at 270, now180ish