The Truth

[Guest guest]

*THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT*

*by Terry Bisson*

* " They're made out of meat. " *

* " Meat? " *

* " Meat. They're made out of meat. " *

* " Meat? " *

* " There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts

of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all

the way through. They're completely meat. " *

* " That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the

stars? " *

* " They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from

them. The signals come from machines. " *

* " So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact. " *

* " _They_ made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat

made the machines. " *

* " That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to

believe in sentient meat. " *

* " I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only

sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat. " *

* " Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence

that goes through a meat stage. " *

* " Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for

several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any

idea what's the life span of meat? " *

* " Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the

weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside. " *

* " Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the

weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way

through. " *

* " No brain? " *

* " Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is _made out

of meat_! That's what I've been trying to tell you. " *

* " So ... what does the thinking? " *

* " You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what

I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat. " *

* " Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat! " *

* " Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The

meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I

have to start all over? " *

* " Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat. " *

* " Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And

they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of

their years. " *

* " Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind? " *

* " First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the

Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual. " *

* " We're supposed to talk to meat. " *

* " That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio.

'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing. " *

* " They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts? "

" Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat. " *

* " I thought you just told me they used radio. " *

* " They do, but what do you think is _on_ the radio? Meat sounds. You

know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by

flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air

through their meat. " *

* " Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you

advise? " *

* " Officially or unofficially? " *

* " Both. " *

* " Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and

all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe,

without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase

the records and forget the whole thing. " *

* " I was hoping you would say that. " *

* " It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make

contact with meat? " *

* " I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's

it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here? " *

* " Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat

containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only

travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and

makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim.

Infinitesimal, in fact. " *

* " So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe. " *

* " That's it. " *

* " Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones

who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they

won't remember? " *

* " They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads

and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them. " *

* " A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's

dream. " *

* " And we marked the entire sector _unoccupied_. " *

* " Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others?

Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy? " *

* " Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a

class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago,

wants to be friendly again. " *

* " They always come around. " *

* " And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the

Universe would be if one were all alone ... " *

* *

* *the end**