Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 I hate being down in the dumps, especially at this time of year so I am just gonna vent here for a second *close your eyes*! My mother in-law moved up here about 4-5 years ago (I’ve lost track I am so stressed out). She has two sons, my husband and his older half brother. The half brother cut off all contact with her just before she decided to move up here. My husband dropped everything and flew down to California to pack her up and drive her here. He spent days down there just trying to get rid of all the stuff she’s accumulated over the years. She doesn’t like to let anything go – even old food items. As an example: He used 6 large outdoor-type garbage cans just to dump the rotten food in her refrigerator. So after much arguing and some downsizing they took off for up here. We offered to go in with her on some land with two houses on it so she could be close enough for us to help her but still have her privacy. She said no. We found an apartment in our complex. She said no. She bought a 3-bedroom house just for herself 10 miles away. She bought a brand new car, but didn’t get a driver’s license. She has glaucoma, macular degeneration, diabetes mellitus type II, and coronary artery disease. Last week she informed us she has dementia and I WASN’T AT ALL SURPRISED! My husband and I have been doing everything humanly possible to take care of her and our 3 kids on her terms. He got so angry on the phone with her yesterday that he yelled in frustration after hanging up on her and my 8 year old daughter wants to know why. The sad thing is she has always been a bad mother, the dementia just adds to the already nutty package. I am debating on whether to cut all contact with her now, to save mine and my husband’s sanity, not to mention my children’s innocence. Frustrated in Oregon, Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Sometimes you have to do things you hate.... if you can't talk to your MIL and explain this is how you and live your life and raise your kids and if she does not like it then that is her problem... Dementia is hard. It sounds like you have done all you can. Pray for guidance and strength. We're all here for you Janet.Janet Hamilton <dragonhealing@...> wrote: I hate being down in the dumps, especially at this time of year so I am just gonna vent here for a second *close your eyes*! My mother in-law moved up here about 4-5 years ago (I’ve lost track I am so stressed out). She has two sons, my husband and his older half brother. The half brother cut off all contact with her just before she decided to move up here. My husband dropped everything and flew down to California to pack her up and drive her here. He spent days down there just trying to get rid of all the stuff she’s accumulated over the years. She doesn’t like to let anything go – even old food items. As an example: He used 6 large outdoor-type garbage cans just to dump the rotten food in her refrigerator. So after much arguing and some downsizing they took off for up here. We offered to go in with her on some land with two houses on it so she could be close enough for us to help her but still have her privacy. She said no. We found an apartment in our complex. She said no. She bought a 3-bedroom house just for herself 10 miles away. She bought a brand new car, but didn’t get a driver’s license. She has glaucoma, macular degeneration, diabetes mellitus type II, and coronary artery disease. Last week she informed us she has dementia and I WASN’T AT ALL SURPRISED! My husband and I have been doing everything humanly possible to take care of her and our 3 kids on her terms. He got so angry on the phone with her yesterday that he yelled in frustration after hanging up on her and my 8 year old daughter wants to know why. The sad thing is she has always been a bad mother, the dementia just adds to the already nutty package. I am debating on whether to cut all contact with her now, to save mine and my husband’s sanity, not to mention my children’s innocence. Frustrated in Oregon, Need a quick answer? Get one in minutes from people who know. Ask your question on Answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Whew! You surely do have an overflowing glass. I think it will be impossible to cut all contact, especially living close. Is there a way to get some kind of help for her, so you are not shouldered with such a big burden? Gayla Always Enough RanchAcampo, Californiahttp://bouncinghoofs.com/alwaysenough.htmlBill Barnhill is our Inspiration! Go Bill!!!aeranch@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2006 Report Share Posted December 5, 2006 Janet, You may see if there is a support group for these Demented folks that you can pick their brain in order to see clearer on what to do. 10 miiles away is not a far ride, but if she needs support and the weather is bad, it is. Your hubby has done his son duties for long enough. You have stood by. She can't tell you how to live and has not right, nor do you need to buy into her thinking. Hang in. We're here for you and respect your decision. I suppose you are saying "enough is enough." Get a great night's sleep. Hang in. Keep your health--your family needs you. Us too! Hugs, carolgSuzanne <suziesgoats@...> wrote: Sometimes you have to do things you hate.... if you can't talk to your MIL and explain this is how you and live your life and raise your kids and if she does not like it then that is her problem... Dementia is hard. It sounds like you have done all you can. Pray for guidance and strength. We're all here for you Janet.Janet Hamilton <dragonhealing@...> wrote: I hate being down in the dumps, especially at this time of year so I am just gonna vent here for a second *close your eyes*! My mother in-law moved up here about 4-5 years ago (I’ve lost track I am so stressed out). She has two sons, my husband and his older half brother. The half brother cut off all contact with her just before she decided to move up here. My husband dropped everything and flew down to California to pack her up and drive her here. He spent days down there just trying to get rid of all the stuff she’s accumulated over the years. She doesn’t like to let anything go – even old food items. As an example: He used 6 large outdoor-type garbage cans just to dump the rotten food in her refrigerator. So after much arguing and some downsizing they took off for up here. We offered to go in with her on some land with two houses on it so she could be close enough for us to help her but still have her privacy. She said no. We found an apartment in our complex. She said no. She bought a 3-bedroom house just for herself 10 miles away. She bought a brand new car, but didn’t get a driver’s license. She has glaucoma, macular degeneration, diabetes mellitus type II, and coronary artery disease. Last week she informed us she has dementia and I WASN’T AT ALL SURPRISED! My husband and I have been doing everything humanly possible to take care of her and our 3 kids on her terms. He got so angry on the phone with her yesterday that he yelled in frustration after hanging up on her and my 8 year old daughter wants to know why. The sad thing is she has always been a bad mother, the dementia just adds to the already nutty package. I am debating on whether to cut all contact with her now, to save mine and my husband’s sanity, not to mention my children’s innocence. Frustrated in Oregon, Want to start your own business? Learn how on Small Business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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