Re: Marry your own kind, kinda not really

January 7, 2009

Look folks, it all boils down to this: marry who you love regardless

of size, race, etc. Ignore those people in society who hold on the

" birds of a feather " belief.

>

> I wanted to respond to recent threads regarding inter and intra-group

> relationships and preferences and attitudes thereof. To begin with, I

> have been in significant relationships with both average sized women

> and how you say " little women " , although I have a good picker and all

> of them were far from average. I must say that I am a pragmatist with

> preferences. I do know many affinity groups have a natural instinct

> towards intra-group marriage. This instinct is how cohesiveness and

> tradition are passed on through the generations. This is how the group

> identity lives on in its descendants. Groups bound together by

> religion, ethnicity or other bonds, i.e. Japanese, Blacks, Jews,

> Hindus, and Muslims historically have had their own contentious

> debates on the question of marrying and having children with

> outsiders. This instinct makes sense to me. To apply this instinct

> towards little's as a group and to feel that instinct as a member of

> that group is problematic, but understandable. We, as a group, are not

> bound by a language, a faith, an alphabet, favorite foods, or a common

> ancestor. In fact, I have heard that are a dozen dozen causes of

> dwarfism; we are not bound by that either, I suppose. We have a bond

> from none of those things but one of common experience. Unfortunately,

> for us little's, there is no such thing as tiny town. For us, there is

> no Osaka, no Mumbai, or Ashkelon. No homelands to return to or to have

> our parents arrange marriages from. But, perhaps it's a good thing at

> that. Imagine an annual convention that never ended!

> In the past, when I have seen AP/LP couples around the way, I have

> most definitely had those twinges of jealousy/envy/trespass. But, I

> have been there now, and after you deal with the " how do we make out "

> issue, the relationship has all the pleasures and pitfalls of any

> other.

> We play the cards we are dealt, as best as we are able. The reality is

> that we little people are confronted with low population density and

> wide geographic disbursement. My preference is to date women my size

> for the common bond of living in an ill-fitting world and the obvious

> physical compatibility. But, there are not that many of us. Finding a

> compatible partner in temperament, humor, faith practices, cultural

> tastes, and chemistry is that much harder (and expensive) for us. Then

> you add in the aspect of geography and just where do you meet in the

> first place? " Forget about it! " , as Lefty Ruggiero says to Donnie

> Brasco in the eponymous movie.

> So, with all that, it's a hard knock life out there. Take love where

> you can find it.

>

> PS I hesitate to mention the specter of neo-eugenicists hawking

> dwarfism gene detection kits to the with-child to allow them the

> chance of breeding us out of the gene pool entirely. Oy! Maybe tiny

> town isn't such a bad idea after all.

>

> Thanks for listening,

> Eugene

> eugeneowens@...

>

January 7, 2009

This was beautifully said- thank you.

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. To limit it in ANY way

seems to diminish our power, don't you think?

Marcia

-- Marry your own kind, kinda not really

I wanted to respond to recent threads regarding inter and intra-group

relationships and preferences and attitudes thereof. To begin with, I

have been in significant relationships with both average sized women

and how you say " little women " , although I have a good picker and all

of them were far from average. I must say that I am a pragmatist with

preferences. I do know many affinity groups have a natural instinct

towards intra-group marriage. This instinct is how cohesiveness and

tradition are passed on through the generations. This is how the group

identity lives on in its descendants. Groups bound together by

religion, ethnicity or other bonds, i.e. Japanese, Blacks, Jews,

Hindus, and Muslims historically have had their own contentious

debates on the question of marrying and having children with

outsiders. This instinct makes sense to me. To apply this instinct

towards little's as a group and to feel that instinct as a member of

that group is problematic, but understandable. We, as a group, are not

bound by a language, a faith, an alphabet, favorite foods, or a common

ancestor. In fact, I have heard that are a dozen dozen causes of

dwarfism; we are not bound by that either, I suppose. We have a bond

from none of those things but one of common experience. Unfortunately,

for us little's, there is no such thing as tiny town. For us, there is

no Osaka, no Mumbai, or Ashkelon. No homelands to return to or to have

our parents arrange marriages from. But, perhaps it's a good thing at

that. Imagine an annual convention that never ended!

In the past, when I have seen AP/LP couples around the way, I have

most definitely had those twinges of jealousy/envy/trespass. But, I

have been there now, and after you deal with the " how do we make out "

issue, the relationship has all the pleasures and pitfalls of any

other.

We play the cards we are dealt, as best as we are able. The reality is

that we little people are confronted with low population density and

wide geographic disbursement. My preference is to date women my size

for the common bond of living in an ill-fitting world and the obvious

physical compatibility. But, there are not that many of us. Finding a

compatible partner in temperament, humor, faith practices, cultural

tastes, and chemistry is that much harder (and expensive) for us. Then

you add in the aspect of geography and just where do you meet in the

first place? " Forget about it! " , as Lefty Ruggiero says to Donnie

Brasco in the eponymous movie.

So, with all that, it's a hard knock life out there. Take love where

you can find it.

PS I hesitate to mention the specter of neo-eugenicists hawking

dwarfism gene detection kits to the with-child to allow them the

chance of breeding us out of the gene pool entirely. Oy! Maybe tiny

town isn't such a bad idea after all.

Thanks for listening,

Eugene

eugeneowens@...

January 7, 2009

IMO, This is actually a brilliant post - and true - in that certain

races tend to marry within their race for traditions and what ever

other reasons... But, with dwarfism, it's not fussy about the race,

religion, or gender of the person affected, so, in actual fact, LP's

are looking at more characteristics first in a partner - height - in

addition to perhaps race, religion or gender. It does narrow the field

somewhat!

Also, I think what makes it hard is that it's human nature to

pre-judge someone upon appearance (not even intentionally

sometimes).... even though someone's appearance doesn't really

necessarily have anything to do with one's personality (no matter the

difference - not just dwarfism - any difference), and people tend to

equate size with age, and assume all disabilities (even if just

physical) have mental impairment as well. Which of course, we all know

is not the case.

I don't really know what I'm getting at any more, but I personally

find that " marry your own kind " line offensive. I'd like to think

that my LP son has the " pick of the bunch " when he's old enough to be

dating, not limited because of others judgements. OK - there's

probably some wishful thinking on my part - but I think my son is a

great kid, with an awesome sense of humour, he's good looking, he has

a few clues etc, and is happy in his skin (for the most part).... but

why shouldn't he have as much of a choice in partner as either of his

older AH brothers?

Thinking out loud.....

Caela

Mum to , 10, achon, NZ

Editor/Liaison Officer for LPNZ