Re: Confessions of a Star Patient

January 10, 2009

HI, I never post, always read. I had my MGB in August 2003 by Dr.

Rutledge in NC. I live in CT but feel like I could have written your

letter. I lost 140, got preggers gained back 25, lost 10 and am

stable at 160-165, size 12-14, down from 270, 26/28. It will happen

for you. I'm still addicted to food. When I was losing I replaced my

food addiction with an exercise addiction. I'm still searching how to

treat the addiction and not the substance of the the addiction. Once

medicine figures that out they will truly have the magic pill. You

are not alone. I feel better when I eat healthy, but I push the

limits like a toddler. Totally noncompliant with meds and vits. Had

an ulcer this past summer. had to have iron infusions but I feel OK.

Who knows what's next but I am ultimately responsible for what happens

to me. You'll get through.

On Jan 8, 2009, at 3:26 PM, pegiwalker wrote:

> My surgery, on 12/22, followed the course I've so often read on

> these boards. It was a BREEZE. I flew from the LeftCoast to Orlando

> the night before and woke excited, grateful, so sure of this plan of

> action...a feeling which left only briefly when I was gowned and

> capped (no Pomp and Circumstance) and fear bit me with " WHAT the

> @#$!% are you DOING??? " . But then I was asleep before I ever met the

> Anesthesiologist.

> I woke with no pain, only a sense of fullness - knowing my belly had

> been in the sure surgical care of Dr. P. I began walking the minute

> my bed was secured in my room and continued through the night at two

> hour intervals. I took pain meds once to get in a nap (almost 4

> sequential hours) since I hadn't slept much before the surgery. What

> I remember most is those wonderful amazing nurses congratulating me

> and repeating how PROUD Dr. P was going to be of me! That's a tonic

> that made me not only walk but dance! Ask the nurses, they'll verify.

> I don't know about anyone else out there, but among the many reasons

> for having this surgery was my keen awareness that I cannot trust

> myself with food. I've tried, believe me. I'm even a Health Food

> type, but in a contest between me and sugar or refined carbs...I'm

> defeated. I was sure that battle would be over once the MGB was done.

> Here's one confession. The food still calls to me.

> The support of my family was amazing. I had a room to be alone in,

> but other than that was surrounded by loving sibs, neices and nephews

> for the entire 2 weeks I was in Orlando and Atlanta. But it was the

> holidays, and food was EVERYwhere!!! I found myself tasting bits of

> this, bites of that, chewing copiously hoping that the shame of not

> following directives would go down as easily as the bits of chocolate,

> rare grilled steak, pumpkin custard and such did. Alas, the shame

> that has always attached itself to my addictive struggles with food is

> still here.

> I'm back home in Oregon now, legally at Phase 2 (though I never

> rightly followed Phase 1) and I'm being much more careful and aware.

> In go the vitamins, calcium citrate and tummy protectors. I drink

> non-fat non-flavored yogurt mixed with whey protein in smoothies, eat

> it with applesauce and flax meal. I'm always sipping from my

> electrolyte " Heart of Florida Medical Center " mug. I keep crackers

> and pretzels with salt at hand and puree soups and veggies with

> chicken stock. Still, bits of emotional panic nip at me. I wasn't

> compliant. Hell, I'm a radical nonconformist type who's NEVER been

> compliant. But I was so SURE I would be this time. And now those

> niggling voices are saying " that's it! you really screwed this

> up...17K for a surgery and you didn't follow orders...you'll be lucky

> if you lose 30lbs " . I've chosen this journey to grow healthier, not

> only physically but emotionally and spiritually. I want to trust

> myself, even with food. As I now face the unemployment and lack of

> benefits put on pause to prioritize this surgery, I want to experience

> success in moving forward vocationally too.

> Thank you all for slogging through this with me. I know it's been a

> long post, but the primary question is this. Has anyone else

> experienced these struggles, felt like you're going to fail with this

> tool too? If so, thank you for being present with me in your honesty

> and support. Yes, I wanted to make Dr. P proud! He is an amazing

> surgeon and overall fabulous Italian guy! But moreso I want to be

> proud of me. This is my confession and prayer, that, even with all my

> foibles and struggles, I will find my way to a healthier, happier,

> Pegi!

>

> Happy New Year...full of blessings and possibilities!

>

January 10, 2009

Hi Peggy-

You are not alone! I'm almost two years out and still struggle with my head

thinking I want food - all the time - just like before the surgery

My stomach isn't hungry - my head is

I've gained ten pounds back from my low and now I'm starting to " mentally feel "

fat again with all the self-negative thoughts that go with it

I don't know what the answer is, but hopefully being aware of the problem will

help me/us solve it

Anyone else have this problem? Suggested solutions?

Diane

Dr R

5/29/07

236/168/135

________________________________

From: pegiwalker <pegiwalker@...>

Sent: Thursday, January 8, 2009 12:26:50 PM

Subject: Confessions of a " Star " Patient

My surgery, on 12/22, followed the course I've so often read on

these boards. It was a BREEZE. I flew from the LeftCoast to Orlando

the night before and woke excited, grateful, so sure of this plan of

action...a feeling which left only briefly when I was gowned and

capped (no Pomp and Circumstance) and fear bit me with " WHAT the

@#$!% are you DOING??? " . But then I was asleep before I ever met the

Anesthesiologist..

I woke with no pain, only a sense of fullness - knowing my belly had

been in the sure surgical care of Dr. P. I began walking the minute

my bed was secured in my room and continued through the night at two

hour intervals. I took pain meds once to get in a nap (almost 4

sequential hours) since I hadn't slept much before the surgery. What

I remember most is those wonderful amazing nurses congratulating me

and repeating how PROUD Dr. P was going to be of me! That's a tonic

that made me not only walk but dance! Ask the nurses, they'll verify.

I don't know about anyone else out there, but among the many reasons

for having this surgery was my keen awareness that I cannot trust

myself with food. I've tried, believe me. I'm even a Health Food

type, but in a contest between me and sugar or refined carbs...I'm

defeated. I was sure that battle would be over once the MGB was done.

Here's one confession. The food still calls to me.

The support of my family was amazing. I had a room to be alone in,

but other than that was surrounded by loving sibs, neices and nephews

for the entire 2 weeks I was in Orlando and Atlanta. But it was the

holidays, and food was EVERYwhere!! ! I found myself tasting bits of

this, bites of that, chewing copiously hoping that the shame of not

following directives would go down as easily as the bits of chocolate,

rare grilled steak, pumpkin custard and such did. Alas, the shame

that has always attached itself to my addictive struggles with food is

still here.

I'm back home in Oregon now, legally at Phase 2 (though I never

rightly followed Phase 1) and I'm being much more careful and aware.

In go the vitamins, calcium citrate and tummy protectors. I drink

non-fat non-flavored yogurt mixed with whey protein in smoothies, eat

it with applesauce and flax meal. I'm always sipping from my

electrolyte " Heart of Florida Medical Center " mug. I keep crackers

and pretzels with salt at hand and puree soups and veggies with

chicken stock. Still, bits of emotional panic nip at me. I wasn't

compliant. Hell, I'm a radical nonconformist type who's NEVER been

compliant. But I was so SURE I would be this time. And now those

niggling voices are saying " that's it! you really screwed this

up...17K for a surgery and you didn't follow orders...you' ll be lucky

if you lose 30lbs " . I've chosen this journey to grow healthier, not

only physically but emotionally and spiritually. I want to trust

myself, even with food. As I now face the unemployment and lack of

benefits put on pause to prioritize this surgery, I want to experience

success in moving forward vocationally too.

Thank you all for slogging through this with me. I know it's been a

long post, but the primary question is this. Has anyone else

experienced these struggles, felt like you're going to fail with this

tool too? If so, thank you for being present with me in your honesty

and support. Yes, I wanted to make Dr.. P proud! He is an amazing

surgeon and overall fabulous Italian guy! But moreso I want to be

proud of me. This is my confession and prayer, that, even with all my

foibles and struggles, I will find my way to a healthier, happier, Pegi!

Happy New Year...full of blessings and possibilities!

January 11, 2009

Hi there,

Food addictions and eating disorders are slowly coming to the surface

among wls patients and professionals. This is an area that is

normally not addressed in the journey to good health. There is

hope. There are people who can help. The sad thing is, there are not

enough professionals who can help a wls patient with this issue. I

worked in an eating disorder center and saw some startling

similarities in their behavior and the wls patient. Much of their

therapy and battle is done at the table. Eating appropriate foods in

the appropriate amounts. With us, we can't do that. We can't eat

what is considered normal amounts. So we have to use different tools

to overcome the triggers that cause us to eat inappropriately. There

is so much out there that we can have access to. If you want to talk

more, email me. Huuuugzzz, you are not alone!

a

MGB 5/00

>

> Hi Peggy-

> You are not alone! I'm almost two years out and still struggle

with my head thinking I want food - all the time - just like before

the surgery

> My stomach isn't hungry - my head is

> I've gained ten pounds back from my low and now I'm starting

to " mentally feel " fat again with all the self-negative thoughts that

go with it

> I don't know what the answer is, but hopefully being aware of the

problem will help me/us solve it

> Anyone else have this problem? Suggested solutions?

> Diane

> Dr R

> 5/29/07

> 236/168/135

>

> ________________________________

> From: pegiwalker <pegiwalker@...>

>

> Sent: Thursday, January 8, 2009 12:26:50 PM

> Subject: Confessions of a " Star " Patient

>

> My surgery, on 12/22, followed the course I've so often read on

> these boards. It was a BREEZE. I flew from the LeftCoast to Orlando

> the night before and woke excited, grateful, so sure of this plan of

> action...a feeling which left only briefly when I was gowned and

> capped (no Pomp and Circumstance) and fear bit me with " WHAT the

> @#$!% are you DOING??? " . But then I was asleep before I ever met the

> Anesthesiologist..

> I woke with no pain, only a sense of fullness - knowing my belly had

> been in the sure surgical care of Dr. P. I began walking the minute

> my bed was secured in my room and continued through the night at two

> hour intervals. I took pain meds once to get in a nap (almost 4

> sequential hours) since I hadn't slept much before the surgery. What

> I remember most is those wonderful amazing nurses congratulating me

> and repeating how PROUD Dr. P was going to be of me! That's a tonic

> that made me not only walk but dance! Ask the nurses, they'll

verify.

> I don't know about anyone else out there, but among the many reasons

> for having this surgery was my keen awareness that I cannot trust

> myself with food. I've tried, believe me. I'm even a Health Food

> type, but in a contest between me and sugar or refined carbs...I'm

> defeated. I was sure that battle would be over once the MGB was

done.

> Here's one confession. The food still calls to me.

> The support of my family was amazing. I had a room to be alone in,

> but other than that was surrounded by loving sibs, neices and

nephews

> for the entire 2 weeks I was in Orlando and Atlanta. But it was the

> holidays, and food was EVERYwhere!! ! I found myself tasting bits of

> this, bites of that, chewing copiously hoping that the shame of not

> following directives would go down as easily as the bits of

chocolate,

> rare grilled steak, pumpkin custard and such did. Alas, the shame

> that has always attached itself to my addictive struggles with food

is

> still here.

> I'm back home in Oregon now, legally at Phase 2 (though I never

> rightly followed Phase 1) and I'm being much more careful and aware.

> In go the vitamins, calcium citrate and tummy protectors. I drink

> non-fat non-flavored yogurt mixed with whey protein in smoothies,

eat

> it with applesauce and flax meal. I'm always sipping from my

> electrolyte " Heart of Florida Medical Center " mug. I keep crackers

> and pretzels with salt at hand and puree soups and veggies with

> chicken stock. Still, bits of emotional panic nip at me. I wasn't

> compliant. Hell, I'm a radical nonconformist type who's NEVER been

> compliant. But I was so SURE I would be this time. And now those

> niggling voices are saying " that's it! you really screwed this

> up...17K for a surgery and you didn't follow orders...you' ll be

lucky

> if you lose 30lbs " . I've chosen this journey to grow healthier, not

> only physically but emotionally and spiritually. I want to trust

> myself, even with food. As I now face the unemployment and lack of

> benefits put on pause to prioritize this surgery, I want to

experience

> success in moving forward vocationally too.

> Thank you all for slogging through this with me. I know it's been a

> long post, but the primary question is this. Has anyone else

> experienced these struggles, felt like you're going to fail with

this

> tool too? If so, thank you for being present with me in your honesty

> and support. Yes, I wanted to make Dr.. P proud! He is an amazing

> surgeon and overall fabulous Italian guy! But moreso I want to be

> proud of me. This is my confession and prayer, that, even with all

my

> foibles and struggles, I will find my way to a healthier, happier,

Pegi!

>

> Happy New Year...full of blessings and possibilities!

>

January 11, 2009

Every day Diane! It doesn't help that I have saggy skin and can grab handfuls

of it. Makes me feel really fat - every day - regardless of the fact that I can

move like a butterfly and eat like a bird! Taking your measurements help. I

have kept a chart of my measurements on my anniversary date each month. Since

my weight has leveled at 160 lbs, I have been very concerned that I will ever

reach my goal. People tell me I look fine and can't possibly want to lose any

more but I see myself naked and it ain't pretty. Someday I'll have a tummy tuck

and arm lift to get rid of some of it. Until then, it's exercise for toning to

see if I can lose some more inches. Keep the faith Diane. We are certainly

better off than we were!

Elinor R.

Florida

Dr. P

Post-Op (4/20/07)

5' 1 "

53 min./7' bypass

Surgery/Now/Goal

278/160/120-125 Make this plateau go away!!!!

Reynolds-Family-Elinor.blogspot.com

Live, love and LAUGH!!!!