Re: Only a bandster can understand the hospital experience

[Guest guest]

Oh, mybipley:

That was truely the FUNNIEST read!!!! What a talent you have!!!

What a way to start my Saturday morning...with quite a few laughs.

That is exactly how it was in Mexicali with the experience and LOVED,

LOVED, LOVED your " spin " on it. VERY FUNNY!!

Thanks

Eileen in Seattle

>

> What I have learned about Lap Band surgery:

>

> When Dr. Campos asks if you are doing your trippy little breathing

> exercises, telling him you are is of little value when you can't

> quite recall what you did with the machine. He will find it for

you

> and watch you actually use it.

>

> Ditto on the breathing machine with Dr. Aceves.

>

> Feeling pride - to the point of boastful - of your Spanish skills

> when telling the nurse you would love nothing more than to run

> outside for a cigarette actually translates into: I just smoked a

> cigarette inside the hospital and I'd like another, please. At

least

> that is how they understand it. I'm quite sure my Spanish is

better

> than those from Mexico.

>

> Pointing to your stomach and saying, " Ouch ouch ouch, " is medical

> lingo for " May I have pain meds, please? " Clutching your gut and

> gagging is medical lingo for, " I'm gonna hurl, may I have something

> for nausea? "

>

> Pain meds do not taste like candy. Nurses fib.

>

> Feeling pride that you finished your crushed tablet and water is

> short lived. Nurses belong to the clean plate club. They will

look

> and see there is tablet residue on the bottom of the cup and pour

> more water in there so you can enjoy it a 2nd time around. Having

> the expression of a 4 year old that just ate spinach while drinking

> crushed tablets and water will make the nurse laugh.

>

> Quality doctor/patient time is done by sneaking outside the

hospital

> to grab a quick cigarette. You see, Dr. Aceves finds smoking most

> annoying and this behavior leads to a variety of lectures ranging

> from slow healing, health issues, etc,

>

> Trying to explain going outside by telling any of the medical staff

> that you are merely trying to get some exercise is fruitless. They

> won't buy it.

>

> When you wash your hands and accidentally drop the paper towel you

> used to dry them, you naturally bend over to pick it up and throw

it

> in the garbage. When you get halfway down to pick up the paper

towel

> you discover it is much easier to kick it in a corner.

>

> Feeling guilty about kicking the paper towel in the corner leads

you

> to kick it over to the couch like a dodge ball, sit down, and

SLOWLY

> bend over to pick it up. Of course, this means you must stand up

> again and walk to the garbage. Since your suit case is on the

couch

> within reach you throw it in there and decide to put it in the

trash

> when you get home.

>

> Sleeping on your side is tricky business. It takes a few moments

to

> slowly turn to your side while muttering damn damn damn due to

> discomfort. You finally lay on your side, clutching the pillow to

> your stomach. You are blissfully comfortable, sigh a sigh of

relief,

> and without fail Dr. Campos will walk in and want to see your

> incisions. This is guaranteed to happen 100% of the time. Matter

of

> fact, I am convinced this is how to get Dr. Campos to come to your

> room. If you have a question and would like to see him there is no

> need to request a nurse contact him. Merely take the time to turn

on

> your side, mutter damn damn damn due to discomfort, get *really*

> comfortable, and within minutes he will come to your room and you

can

> ask your question.

>

> As soon as he leaves you slowly repeat the process. Turn to your

> side, mutter damn damn damn, get comfy and will come in

> wanting to see your sutures.

>

> When the folks that had surgery the day before you come in to check

> on you, don't mess with them because I am here to tell you, these

> people mean business. Before you know it the gauze version of TEDS

> hose on your lower legs is suddenly removed and you discover your

> butt is hauled out of bed and you are doing laps up and down the

> hallway dragging your IV pole with you. The day old bandsters will

> cheer you on. Just remember, tomorrow it will be your turn to

> play " day old drill sergeant bandster, " to the newbies.

>

> Your first poop will hurt. Deal with it.

>

> Experience is a wonderful teacher. When it's time for your 2nd

poop

> you think it through and decide you can wait for another day.

>

> When you accidentally bust open and clot off your IV in front of

Dr.

> Aceves - suggesting to him that you, the patient, remove the IV it

is

> not an option. When he suggests having a nurse remove the IV ...

> reminding him you ARE a nurse is of little value. It is very

> frustrating being a nurse that suddenly turned patient and in a

> hospital.

>

> When the real newbies are there the day before their surgery for

> labs, xrays, etc., it's a fun time to show off your incisions.

They

> actually WANT to see them unlike the rest of the free world.

>

> The idea of broth and orange jello for breakfast is something met

> with anticipation. It almost boarders with excitement when you see

> the nice lady from the kitchen with your tray.

>

> If you thought you had a Buddha belly before surgery, check it out

> after surgery. The gas they use to blow up your belly is still

> there. You actually wonder, when you finally start burping will it

> sound like you just inhaled helium as you speak?

>

> When Dr. Campos asks you if you are passing gas it is a toss up

> trying to decide if you should remind him that is not a question

one

> asks a lady or if you beg to know when you actually WILL burp up a

> storm. Your gut looks like if you get near a sharp pointy thing it

> will pop like a balloon.

>

> Glue is a funny thing. The medical staff will tell you that they

put

> a plastic film (much like saran wrap) on your stomach before

> surgery. It's a 'clean' issue. They are not telling you the

truth.

> When you are having surgery they pour apoxy all over your stomach

and

> later, when you shower you realize it will never come off. It is

> there for life and you question if it will tan with the rest of

your

> skin the next time you lay in the sun or if it will be blotchy and

> yicky.

>

> I double dawg dare you to lean against something with the apoxy on

> your stomach. You'll be stuck to what you are leaning to like

strong

> velcro. Prying your apoxy covered gut off the counter you just

> leaned against to wash your hands is similar to prying apart two of

> the strongest magnets that you have ever experienced. Much weight

> loss is accomplished this way as your skin is still stuck to the

> counter. I estimate 4 pounds.

>

> The day after surgery - if you discover the apoxy on your stomach

has

> formed mini glue balls under your breasts you realize it's time for

a

> breast lift.

>

> Much bottled water, ice, broth, tea, Jello, juice, and IV fluids.

> Guess where you will be spending time between laps through the

halls

> and naps?

>

[Guest guest]

Eileen... Well, I just had surgery Wednesday so the entire hospital experience is still fresh in my mind. Now that I am home and experiencing life with a band, I'm learning even more! If Nina isn't too upset with my "experiences" I'm tempted to write part II. Note to newbies that haven't had surgery yet, if you have to have surgery this is the one to have, Mexicali is the place to have it, and Dr. A is the doc to do the procedure. I'm just having a little fun with my own personal experiences. Matter of fact I asked if in the future if I have to have some procedure that is not urgent (gall bladder, etc.) can I come back and have it done there? He said yes, absolutely. That is exactly what I plan to do. My insurance has a $5K deductable anyway so if I am going to spend the bucks I'd rather Dr. A do the surgery vs. ANY doc in the

US. He treats each and every patient as though they are his absolute favorite patient. He has a great sense of humor, he is sincerely a kind individual and top that off with being an excellent surgeon, he's the guy to go to. So take what I write with a grain of salt. It's not a horrible experience to have a lap band. If it was horrible I wouldn't consider going back for any potential future procedure.Eileen <eileenrpr@...> wrote: Oh, mybipley:That was truely the FUNNIEST read!!!!

What a talent you have!!! What a way to start my Saturday morning...with quite a few laughs. That is exactly how it was in Mexicali with the experience and LOVED, LOVED, LOVED your "spin" on it. VERY FUNNY!!ThanksEileen in Seattle>> What I have learned about Lap Band surgery:> > When Dr. Campos asks if you are doing your trippy little breathing > exercises, telling him you are is of little value when you can't > quite recall what you did with the machine. He will find it for you > and watch you actually use it.> > Ditto on the breathing machine with Dr. Aceves.> > Feeling pride - to the point of boastful - of your Spanish skills > when telling the nurse you would love nothing more than to run >

outside for a cigarette actually translates into: I just smoked a > cigarette inside the hospital and I'd like another, please. At least > that is how they understand it. I'm quite sure my Spanish is better > than those from Mexico.> > Pointing to your stomach and saying, "Ouch ouch ouch," is medical > lingo for "May I have pain meds, please?" Clutching your gut and > gagging is medical lingo for, "I'm gonna hurl, may I have something > for nausea?"> > Pain meds do not taste like candy. Nurses fib.> > Feeling pride that you finished your crushed tablet and water is > short lived. Nurses belong to the clean plate club. They will look > and see there is tablet residue on the bottom of the cup and pour > more water in there so you can enjoy it a 2nd time around. Having > the expression of a 4 year old that just ate spinach while drinking > crushed

tablets and water will make the nurse laugh.> > Quality doctor/patient time is done by sneaking outside the hospital > to grab a quick cigarette. You see, Dr. Aceves finds smoking most > annoying and this behavior leads to a variety of lectures ranging > from slow healing, health issues, etc, > > Trying to explain going outside by telling any of the medical staff > that you are merely trying to get some exercise is fruitless. They > won't buy it.> > When you wash your hands and accidentally drop the paper towel you > used to dry them, you naturally bend over to pick it up and throw it > in the garbage. When you get halfway down to pick up the paper towel > you discover it is much easier to kick it in a corner.> > Feeling guilty about kicking the paper towel in the corner leads you > to kick it over to the couch like a dodge ball, sit down,

and SLOWLY > bend over to pick it up. Of course, this means you must stand up > again and walk to the garbage. Since your suit case is on the couch > within reach you throw it in there and decide to put it in the trash > when you get home.> > Sleeping on your side is tricky business. It takes a few moments to > slowly turn to your side while muttering damn damn damn due to > discomfort. You finally lay on your side, clutching the pillow to > your stomach. You are blissfully comfortable, sigh a sigh of relief, > and without fail Dr. Campos will walk in and want to see your > incisions. This is guaranteed to happen 100% of the time. Matter of > fact, I am convinced this is how to get Dr. Campos to come to your > room. If you have a question and would like to see him there is no > need to request a nurse contact him. Merely take the time to turn on

> your side, mutter damn damn damn due to discomfort, get *really* > comfortable, and within minutes he will come to your room and you can > ask your question.> > As soon as he leaves you slowly repeat the process. Turn to your > side, mutter damn damn damn, get comfy and will come in > wanting to see your sutures.> > When the folks that had surgery the day before you come in to check > on you, don't mess with them because I am here to tell you, these > people mean business. Before you know it the gauze version of TEDS > hose on your lower legs is suddenly removed and you discover your > butt is hauled out of bed and you are doing laps up and down the > hallway dragging your IV pole with you. The day old bandsters will > cheer you on. Just remember, tomorrow it will be your turn to > play "day old drill sergeant bandster," to the newbies.>

> Your first poop will hurt. Deal with it.> > Experience is a wonderful teacher. When it's time for your 2nd poop > you think it through and decide you can wait for another day.> > When you accidentally bust open and clot off your IV in front of Dr. > Aceves - suggesting to him that you, the patient, remove the IV it is > not an option. When he suggests having a nurse remove the IV ... > reminding him you ARE a nurse is of little value. It is very > frustrating being a nurse that suddenly turned patient and in a > hospital.> > When the real newbies are there the day before their surgery for > labs, xrays, etc., it's a fun time to show off your incisions. They > actually WANT to see them unlike the rest of the free world.> > The idea of broth and orange jello for breakfast is something met > with anticipation. It almost boarders with

excitement when you see > the nice lady from the kitchen with your tray.> > If you thought you had a Buddha belly before surgery, check it out > after surgery. The gas they use to blow up your belly is still > there. You actually wonder, when you finally start burping will it > sound like you just inhaled helium as you speak?> > When Dr. Campos asks you if you are passing gas it is a toss up > trying to decide if you should remind him that is not a question one > asks a lady or if you beg to know when you actually WILL burp up a > storm. Your gut looks like if you get near a sharp pointy thing it > will pop like a balloon.> > Glue is a funny thing. The medical staff will tell you that they put > a plastic film (much like saran wrap) on your stomach before > surgery. It's a 'clean' issue. They are not telling you the truth. > When you are having

surgery they pour apoxy all over your stomach and > later, when you shower you realize it will never come off. It is > there for life and you question if it will tan with the rest of your > skin the next time you lay in the sun or if it will be blotchy and > yicky.> > I double dawg dare you to lean against something with the apoxy on > your stomach. You'll be stuck to what you are leaning to like strong > velcro. Prying your apoxy covered gut off the counter you just > leaned against to wash your hands is similar to prying apart two of > the strongest magnets that you have ever experienced. Much weight > loss is accomplished this way as your skin is still stuck to the > counter. I estimate 4 pounds.> > The day after surgery - if you discover the apoxy on your stomach has > formed mini glue balls under your breasts you realize it's time for a >

breast lift.> > Much bottled water, ice, broth, tea, Jello, juice, and IV fluids. > Guess where you will be spending time between laps through the halls > and naps?> __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

What an incredible account! You really need to send this to Dr. Aceves' email account so he can be sure and read it. He would surely get a kick out of it. Keep us posted on your progress and Good Luck! Jenni Curriemybipley <mybipley@...> wrote: What I have learned about Lap Band surgery:When Dr. Campos asks if you are doing your trippy little breathing exercises, telling him you are is of little value when you can't quite

recall what you did with the machine. He will find it for you and watch you actually use it.Ditto on the breathing machine with Dr. Aceves.Feeling pride - to the point of boastful - of your Spanish skills when telling the nurse you would love nothing more than to run outside for a cigarette actually translates into: I just smoked a cigarette inside the hospital and I'd like another, please. At least that is how they understand it. I'm quite sure my Spanish is better than those from Mexico.Pointing to your stomach and saying, "Ouch ouch ouch," is medical lingo for "May I have pain meds, please?" Clutching your gut and gagging is medical lingo for, "I'm gonna hurl, may I have something for nausea?"Pain meds do not taste like candy. Nurses fib.Feeling pride that you finished your crushed tablet and water is short lived. Nurses belong to the clean plate club. They will look and see there is

tablet residue on the bottom of the cup and pour more water in there so you can enjoy it a 2nd time around. Having the expression of a 4 year old that just ate spinach while drinking crushed tablets and water will make the nurse laugh.Quality doctor/patient time is done by sneaking outside the hospital to grab a quick cigarette. You see, Dr. Aceves finds smoking most annoying and this behavior leads to a variety of lectures ranging from slow healing, health issues, etc, Trying to explain going outside by telling any of the medical staff that you are merely trying to get some exercise is fruitless. They won't buy it.When you wash your hands and accidentally drop the paper towel you used to dry them, you naturally bend over to pick it up and throw it in the garbage. When you get halfway down to pick up the paper towel you discover it is much easier to kick it in a corner.Feeling guilty about kicking

the paper towel in the corner leads you to kick it over to the couch like a dodge ball, sit down, and SLOWLY bend over to pick it up. Of course, this means you must stand up again and walk to the garbage. Since your suit case is on the couch within reach you throw it in there and decide to put it in the trash when you get home.Sleeping on your side is tricky business. It takes a few moments to slowly turn to your side while muttering damn damn damn due to discomfort. You finally lay on your side, clutching the pillow to your stomach. You are blissfully comfortable, sigh a sigh of relief, and without fail Dr. Campos will walk in and want to see your incisions. This is guaranteed to happen 100% of the time. Matter of fact, I am convinced this is how to get Dr. Campos to come to your room. If you have a question and would like to see him there is no need to request a nurse contact him. Merely take the time to turn on

your side, mutter damn damn damn due to discomfort, get *really* comfortable, and within minutes he will come to your room and you can ask your question.As soon as he leaves you slowly repeat the process. Turn to your side, mutter damn damn damn, get comfy and will come in wanting to see your sutures.When the folks that had surgery the day before you come in to check on you, don't mess with them because I am here to tell you, these people mean business. Before you know it the gauze version of TEDS hose on your lower legs is suddenly removed and you discover your butt is hauled out of bed and you are doing laps up and down the hallway dragging your IV pole with you. The day old bandsters will cheer you on. Just remember, tomorrow it will be your turn to play "day old drill sergeant bandster," to the newbies.Your first poop will hurt. Deal with it.Experience is a wonderful teacher. When

it's time for your 2nd poop you think it through and decide you can wait for another day.When you accidentally bust open and clot off your IV in front of Dr. Aceves - suggesting to him that you, the patient, remove the IV it is not an option. When he suggests having a nurse remove the IV ... reminding him you ARE a nurse is of little value. It is very frustrating being a nurse that suddenly turned patient and in a hospital.When the real newbies are there the day before their surgery for labs, xrays, etc., it's a fun time to show off your incisions. They actually WANT to see them unlike the rest of the free world.The idea of broth and orange jello for breakfast is something met with anticipation. It almost boarders with excitement when you see the nice lady from the kitchen with your tray.If you thought you had a Buddha belly before surgery, check it out after surgery. The gas they use to blow up

your belly is still there. You actually wonder, when you finally start burping will it sound like you just inhaled helium as you speak?When Dr. Campos asks you if you are passing gas it is a toss up trying to decide if you should remind him that is not a question one asks a lady or if you beg to know when you actually WILL burp up a storm. Your gut looks like if you get near a sharp pointy thing it will pop like a balloon.Glue is a funny thing. The medical staff will tell you that they put a plastic film (much like saran wrap) on your stomach before surgery. It's a 'clean' issue. They are not telling you the truth. When you are having surgery they pour apoxy all over your stomach and later, when you shower you realize it will never come off. It is there for life and you question if it will tan with the rest of your skin the next time you lay in the sun or if it will be blotchy and yicky.I double

dawg dare you to lean against something with the apoxy on your stomach. You'll be stuck to what you are leaning to like strong velcro. Prying your apoxy covered gut off the counter you just leaned against to wash your hands is similar to prying apart two of the strongest magnets that you have ever experienced. Much weight loss is accomplished this way as your skin is still stuck to the counter. I estimate 4 pounds.The day after surgery - if you discover the apoxy on your stomach has formed mini glue balls under your breasts you realize it's time for a breast lift.Much bottled water, ice, broth, tea, Jello, juice, and IV fluids. Guess where you will be spending time between laps through the halls and naps?

Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

[Guest guest]

OMG I LAUGHED SO HARD!!!!!! reading this story...it is awesome!!! It

is so true in a way....are they not all just so wonderful though in

Mexicali??? I recommend Dr. Aceves and the gang to everyone!! I

wish they also did tummy tucks!!! he he! Hi Nina and Dr. Aceves,

and Dr. Campos and , and Yolanda!!!!! And All of you other

wonderful people!

> What I have learned about Lap Band surgery:

>

> When Dr. Campos asks if you are doing your trippy little breathing

> exercises, telling him you are is of little value when you can't

> quite recall what you did with the machine. He will find it for you

> and watch you actually use it.

>

> Ditto on the breathing machine with Dr. Aceves.

>

> Feeling pride - to the point of boastful - of your Spanish skills

> when telling the nurse you would love nothing more than to run

> outside for a cigarette actually translates into: I just smoked a

> cigarette inside the hospital and I'd like another, please. At

least

> that is how they understand it. I'm quite sure my Spanish is better

> than those from Mexico.

>

> Pointing to your stomach and saying, " Ouch ouch ouch, " is medical

> lingo for " May I have pain meds, please? " Clutching your gut and

> gagging is medical lingo for, " I'm gonna hurl, may I have something

> for nausea? "

>

> Pain meds do not taste like candy. Nurses fib.

>

> Feeling pride that you finished your crushed tablet and water is

> short lived. Nurses belong to the clean plate club. They will look

> and see there is tablet residue on the bottom of the cup and pour

> more water in there so you can enjoy it a 2nd time around. Having

> the expression of a 4 year old that just ate spinach while drinking

> crushed tablets and water will make the nurse laugh.

>

> Quality doctor/patient time is done by sneaking outside the

hospital

> to grab a quick cigarette. You see, Dr. Aceves finds smoking most

> annoying and this behavior leads to a variety of lectures ranging

> from slow healing, health issues, etc,

>

> Trying to explain going outside by telling any of the medical staff

> that you are merely trying to get some exercise is fruitless. They

> won't buy it.

>

> When you wash your hands and accidentally drop the paper towel you

> used to dry them, you naturally bend over to pick it up and throw

it

> in the garbage. When you get halfway down to pick up the paper

towel

> you discover it is much easier to kick it in a corner.

>

> Feeling guilty about kicking the paper towel in the corner leads

you

> to kick it over to the couch like a dodge ball, sit down, and

SLOWLY

> bend over to pick it up. Of course, this means you must stand up

> again and walk to the garbage. Since your suit case is on the couch

> within reach you throw it in there and decide to put it in the

trash

> when you get home.

>

> Sleeping on your side is tricky business. It takes a few moments to

> slowly turn to your side while muttering damn damn damn due to

> discomfort. You finally lay on your side, clutching the pillow to

> your stomach. You are blissfully comfortable, sigh a sigh of

relief,

> and without fail Dr. Campos will walk in and want to see your

> incisions. This is guaranteed to happen 100% of the time. Matter of

> fact, I am convinced this is how to get Dr. Campos to come to your

> room. If you have a question and would like to see him there is no

> need to request a nurse contact him. Merely take the time to turn

on

> your side, mutter damn damn damn due to discomfort, get *really*

> comfortable, and within minutes he will come to your room and you

can

> ask your question.

>

> As soon as he leaves you slowly repeat the process. Turn to your

> side, mutter damn damn damn, get comfy and will come in

> wanting to see your sutures.

>

> When the folks that had surgery the day before you come in to check

> on you, don't mess with them because I am here to tell you, these

> people mean business. Before you know it the gauze version of TEDS

> hose on your lower legs is suddenly removed and you discover your

> butt is hauled out of bed and you are doing laps up and down the

> hallway dragging your IV pole with you. The day old bandsters will

> cheer you on. Just remember, tomorrow it will be your turn to

> play " day old drill sergeant bandster, " to the newbies.

>

> Your first poop will hurt. Deal with it.

>

> Experience is a wonderful teacher. When it's time for your 2nd poop

> you think it through and decide you can wait for another day.

>

> When you accidentally bust open and clot off your IV in front of

Dr.

> Aceves - suggesting to him that you, the patient, remove the IV it

is

> not an option. When he suggests having a nurse remove the IV ...

> reminding him you ARE a nurse is of little value. It is very

> frustrating being a nurse that suddenly turned patient and in a

> hospital.

>

> When the real newbies are there the day before their surgery for

> labs, xrays, etc., it's a fun time to show off your incisions. They

> actually WANT to see them unlike the rest of the free world.

>

> The idea of broth and orange jello for breakfast is something met

> with anticipation. It almost boarders with excitement when you see

> the nice lady from the kitchen with your tray.

>

> If you thought you had a Buddha belly before surgery, check it out

> after surgery. The gas they use to blow up your belly is still

> there. You actually wonder, when you finally start burping will it

> sound like you just inhaled helium as you speak?

>

> When Dr. Campos asks you if you are passing gas it is a toss up

> trying to decide if you should remind him that is not a question

one

> asks a lady or if you beg to know when you actually WILL burp up a

> storm. Your gut looks like if you get near a sharp pointy thing it

> will pop like a balloon.

>

> Glue is a funny thing. The medical staff will tell you that they

put

> a plastic film (much like saran wrap) on your stomach before

> surgery. It's a 'clean' issue. They are not telling you the truth.

> When you are having surgery they pour apoxy all over your stomach

and

> later, when you shower you realize it will never come off. It is

> there for life and you question if it will tan with the rest of

your

> skin the next time you lay in the sun or if it will be blotchy and

> yicky.

>

> I double dawg dare you to lean against something with the apoxy on

> your stomach. You'll be stuck to what you are leaning to like

strong

> velcro. Prying your apoxy covered gut off the counter you just

> leaned against to wash your hands is similar to prying apart two of

> the strongest magnets that you have ever experienced. Much weight

> loss is accomplished this way as your skin is still stuck to the

> counter. I estimate 4 pounds.

>

> The day after surgery - if you discover the apoxy on your stomach

has

> formed mini glue balls under your breasts you realize it's time for

a

> breast lift.

>

> Much bottled water, ice, broth, tea, Jello, juice, and IV fluids.

> Guess where you will be spending time between laps through the

halls

> and naps?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

>

[Guest guest]

Hey , They do do tummy tucks in Mexicalli!!..Nina sent me info on 2 plastic surgeons that have privilages at Almater. I think it was around 4-5,000?? some where around that! My only concern would be the travel home to the east coast!! I thought the trip home from the lap-band was bad....I can only imagine it after having my stomach sliced from "hip to hip"!!lol...A friend of mine just had a tummy tuck 8 weeks ago here in land. She paid over 10,000 with a little lipo on her flanks & thighs. She looks great, and "wash board ab's" well..she got 'em for sure!!! I think if I decide on a tummy-tuck it will probably be local. My friend went back to work (hairdresser) after 5 weeks and is doing great. She said the 1st week was the worst and then it got better everyday!...Dana

-------------- Original message -------------- From: "peaceseeker5555" <peaceseeker5555@...>

OMG I LAUGHED SO HARD!!!!!! reading this story...it is awesome!!! It is so true in a way....are they not all just so wonderful though in Mexicali??? I recommend Dr. Aceves and the gang to everyone!! I wish they also did tummy tucks!!! he he! Hi Nina and Dr. Aceves, and Dr. Campos and , and Yolanda!!!!! And All of you other wonderful people!> What I have learned about Lap Band surgery:> > When Dr. Campos asks if you are doing your trippy little breathing > exercises, telling him you are is of little value when you can't > quite recall what you did with the machine. He will find it for you > and watch you actually use it.> > Ditto on the breathing machine with Dr. Aceves.> > Feeling pride - to the point of boastful - of your Spanish skills > when telling the nurse you would love nothing more than to run > outside for a cigarette actually translates into: I just smoked a > cigarette inside the hospital and I'd like another, please. At least > that is how they understand it. I'm quite sure my Spanish is better > than those from Mexico.> > Pointing to your stomach and saying, "Ouch ouch ouch," is medical > lingo for "May I have pain meds, please?" Clutching your gut and > gagging is medical lingo for, "I'm gonna hurl, may I have something > for nausea?"> > Pain meds do not

taste like candy. Nurses fib.> > Feeling pride that you finished your crushed tablet and water is > short lived. Nurses belong to the clean plate club. They will look > and see there is tablet residue on the bottom of the cup and pour > more water in there so you can enjoy it a 2nd time around. Having > the expression of a 4 year old that just ate spinach while drinking > crushed tablets and water will make the nurse laugh.> > Quality doctor/patient time is done by sneaking outside the hospital > to grab a quick cigarette. You see, Dr. Aceves finds smoking most > annoying and this behavior leads to a variety of lectures ranging > from slow healing, health issues, etc, > > Trying to explain going outside by telling any of the medical staff > that you are merely trying to get some exercise is fruitless. They > won't buy it.> > When you wash your hands and

accidentally drop the paper towel you > used to dry them, you naturally bend over to pick it up and throw it > in the garbage. When you get halfway down to pick up the paper towel > you discover it is much easier to kick it in a corner.> > Feeling guilty about kicking the paper towel in the corner leads you > to kick it over to the couch like a dodge ball, sit down, and SLOWLY > bend over to pick it up. Of course, this means you must stand up > again and walk to the garbage. Since your suit case is on the couch > within reach you throw it in there and decide to put it in the trash > when you get home.> > Sleeping on your side is tricky business. It takes a few moments to > slowly turn to your side while muttering damn damn damn due to > discomfort. You finally lay on your side, clutching the pillow to > your stomach. You are blissfully comfortable, sigh a si

gh of relief, > and without fail Dr. Campos will walk in and want to see your > incisions. This is guaranteed to happen 100% of the time. Matter of > fact, I am convinced this is how to get Dr. Campos to come to your > room. If you have a question and would like to see him there is no > need to request a nurse contact him. Merely take the time to turn on > your side, mutter damn damn damn due to discomfort, get *really* > comfortable, and within minutes he will come to your room and you can > ask your question.> > As soon as he leaves you slowly repeat the process. Turn to your > side, mutter damn damn damn, get comfy and will come in > wanting to see your sutures.> > When the folks that had surgery the day before you come in to check > on you, don't mess with them because I am here to tell you, these > people mean business. Before you know it the gauze

version of TEDS > hose on your lower legs is suddenly removed and you discover your > butt is hauled out of bed and you are doing laps up and down the > hallway dragging your IV pole with you. The day old bandsters will > cheer you on. Just remember, tomorrow it will be your turn to > play "day old drill sergeant bandster," to the newbies.> > Your first poop will hurt. Deal with it.> > Experience is a wonderful teacher. When it's time for your 2nd poop > you think it through and decide you can wait for another day.> > When you accidentally bust open and clot off your IV in front of Dr. > Aceves - suggesting to him that you, the patient, remove the IV it is > not an option. When he suggests having a nurse remove the IV ... > reminding him you ARE a nurse is of little value. It is very > frustrating being a nurse that suddenly turned patient and in a > hospi

tal.> > When the real newbies are there the day before their surgery for > labs, xrays, etc., it's a fun time to show off your incisions. They > actually WANT to see them unlike the rest of the free world.> > The idea of broth and orange jello for breakfast is something met > with anticipation. It almost boarders with excitement when you see > the nice lady from the kitchen with your tray.> > If you thought you had a Buddha belly before surgery, check it out > after surgery. The gas they use to blow up your belly is still > there. You actually wonder, when you finally start burping will it > sound like you just inhaled helium as you speak?> > When Dr. Campos asks you if you are passing gas it is a toss up > trying to decide if you should remind him that is not a question one > asks a lady or if you beg to know when you actually WILL burp up a > storm. Yo

ur gut looks like if you get near a sharp pointy thing it > will pop like a balloon.> > Glue is a funny thing. The medical staff will tell you that they put > a plastic film (much like saran wrap) on your stomach before > surgery. It's a 'clean' issue. They are not telling you the truth. > When you are having surgery they pour apoxy all over your stomach and > later, when you shower you realize it will never come off. It is > there for life and you question if it will tan with the rest of your > skin the next time you lay in the sun or if it will be blotchy and > yicky.> > I double dawg dare you to lean against something with the apoxy on > your stomach. You'll be stuck to what you are leaning to like strong > velcro. Prying your apoxy covered gut off the counter you just > leaned against to wash your hands is similar to prying apart two of > the strongest

magnets that you have ever experienced. Much weight > loss is accomplished this way as your skin is still stuck to the > counter. I estimate 4 pounds.> > The day after surgery - if you discover the apoxy on your stomach has > formed mini glue balls under your breasts you realize it's time for a > breast lift.> > Much bottled water, ice, broth, tea, Jello, juice, and IV fluids. > Guess where you will be spending time between laps through the halls > and naps?> > > > > > > ---------------------------------> Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.>

[Guest guest]

5 weeks of not being able to work! I DON'T know if I can afford that!!! Oh

well I still have

alot of time! Thanks!

> > What I have learned about Lap Band surgery:

> >

> > When Dr. Campos asks if you are doing your trippy little breathing

> > exercises, telling him you are is of little value when you can't

> > quite recall what you did with the machine. He will find it for you

> > and watch you actually use it.

> >

> > Ditto on the breathing machine with Dr. Aceves.

> >

> > Feeling pride - to the point of boastful - of your Spanish skills

> > when telling the nurse you would love nothing more than to run

> > outside for a cigarette actually translates into: I just smoked a

> > cigarette inside the hospital and I'd like another, please. At

> least

> > that is how they understand it. I'm quite sure my Spanish is better

> > than those from Mexico.

> >

> > Pointing to your stomach and saying, " Ouch ouch ouch, " is medical

> > lingo for " May I have pain meds, please? " Clutching your gut and

> > gagging is medical lingo for, " I'm gonna hurl, may I have something

> > for nausea? "

> >

> > Pain meds do not taste like candy. Nurses fib.

> >

> > Feeling pride that you finished your crushed tablet and water is

> > short lived. Nurses belong to the clean plate club. They will look

> > and see there is tablet residue on the bottom of the cup and pour

> > more water in there so you can enjoy it a 2nd time around. Having

> > the expression of a 4 year old that just ate spinach while drinking

> > crushed tablets and water will make the nurse laugh.

> >

> > Quality doctor/patient time is done by sneaking outside the

> hospital

> > to grab a quick cigarette. You see, Dr. Aceves finds smoking most

> > annoying and this behavior leads to a variety of lectures ranging

> > from slow healing, health issues, etc,

> >

> > Trying to explain going outside by telling any of the medical staff

> > that you are merely trying to get some exercise is fruitless. They

> > won't buy it.

> >

> > When you wash your hands and accidentally drop the paper towel you

> > used to dry them, you naturally bend over to pick it up and throw

> it

> > in the garbage. When you get halfway down to pick up the paper

> towel

> > you discover it is much easier to kick it in a corner.

> >

> > Feeling guilty about kicking the paper towel in the corner leads

> you

> > to kick it over to the couch like a dodge ball, sit down, and

> SLOWLY

> > bend over to pick it up. Of course, this means you must stand up

> > again and walk to the garbage. Since your suit case is on the couch

> > within reach you throw it in there and decide to put it in the

> trash

> > when you get home.

> >

> > Sleeping on your side is tricky business. It takes a few moments to

> > slowly turn to your side while muttering damn damn damn due to

> > discomfort. You finally lay on your side, clutching the pillow to

> > your stomach. You are blissfully comfortable, sigh a sigh of

> relief,

> > and without fail Dr. Campos will walk in and want to see your

> > incisions. This is guaranteed to happen 100% of the time. Matter of

> > fact, I am convinced this is how to get Dr. Campos to come to your

> > room. If you have a question and would like to see him there is no

> > need to request a nurse contact him. Merely take the time to turn

> on

> > your side, mutter damn damn damn due to discomfort, get *really*

> > comfortable, and within minutes he will come to your room and you

> can

> > ask your question.

> >

> > As soon as he leaves you slowly repeat the process. Turn to your

> > side, mutter damn damn damn, get comfy and will come in

> > wanting to see your sutures.

> >

> > When the folks that had surgery the day before you come in to check

> > on you, don't mess with them because I am here to tell you, these

> > people mean business. Before you know it the gauze version of TEDS

> > hose on your lower legs is suddenly removed and you discover your

> > butt is hauled out of bed and you are doing laps up and down the

> > hallway dragging your IV pole with you. The day old bandsters will

> > cheer you on. Just remember, tomorrow it will be your turn to

> > play " day old drill sergeant bandster, " to the newbies.

> >

> > Your first poop will hurt. Deal with it.

> >

> > Experience is a wonderful teacher. When it's time for your 2nd poop

> > you think it through and decide you can wait for another day.

> >

> > When you accidentally bust open and clot off your IV in front of

> Dr.

> > Aceves - suggesting to him that you, the patient, remove the IV it

> is

> > not an option. When he suggests having a nurse remove the IV ...

> > reminding him you ARE a nurse is of little value. It is very

> > frustrating being a nurse that suddenly turned patient and in a

> > hospital.

> >

> > When the real newbies are there the day before their surgery for

> > labs, xrays, etc., it's a fun time to show off your incisions. They

> > actually WANT to see them unlike the rest of the free world.

> >

> > The idea of broth and orange jello for breakfast is something met

> > with anticipation. It almost boarders with excitement when you see

> > the nice lady from the kitchen with your tray.

> >

> > If you thought you had a Buddha belly before surgery, check it out

> > after surgery. The gas they use to blow up your belly is still

> > there. You actually wonder, when you finally start burping will it

> > sound like you just inhaled helium as you speak?

> >

> > When Dr. Campos asks you if you are passing gas it is a toss up

> > trying to decide if you should remind him that is not a question

> one

> > asks a lady or if you beg to know when you actually WILL burp up a

> > storm. Your gut looks like if you get near a sharp pointy thing it

> > will pop like a balloon.

> >

> > Glue is a funny thing. The medical staff will tell you that they

> put

> > a plastic film (much like saran wrap) on your stomach before

> > surgery. It's a 'clean' issue. They are not telling you the truth.

> > When you are having surgery they pour apoxy all over your stomach

> and

> > later, when you shower you realize it will never come off. It is

> > there for life and you question if it will tan with the rest of

> your

> > skin the next time you lay in the sun or if it will be blotchy and

> > yicky.

> >

> > I double dawg dare you to lean against something with the apoxy on

> > your stomach. You'll be stuck to what you are leaning to like

> strong

> > velcro. Prying your apoxy covered gut off the counter you just

> > leaned against to wash your hands is similar to prying apart two of

> > the strongest magnets that you have ever experienced. Much weight

> > loss is accomplished this way as your skin is still stuck to the

> > counter. I estimate 4 pounds.

> >

> > The day after surgery - if you discover the apoxy on your stomach

> has

> > formed mini glue balls under your breasts you realize it's time for

> a

> > breast lift.

> >

> > Much bottled water, ice, broth, tea, Jello, juice, and IV fluids.

> > Guess where you will be spending time between laps through the

> halls

> > and naps?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

hey would you pass that list on to me on plastic surgeons. I'm hoping no tummy tuck but my arms and legs will need some serious work, plus I know I will need at least a mini face life and some extra skin removal from my eyes if I don't want to look 90 at 51.

[Guest guest]

>Could you also pass the list to me as well?? My daughter is looking

to get some stuff done in near5 future.Thanks, Cheryl

> hey would you pass that list on to me on plastic surgeons.

I'm hoping no tummy tuck but my arms and legs will need some serious

work, plus I know I will need at least a mini face life and some extra

skin removal from my eyes if I don't want to look 90 at 51.

>

[Guest guest]

It will be a Looooong time before I even look for one...I was just banded Nov. 7

:-)

>

> hey would you pass that list on to me on plastic surgeons. I'm hoping

no tummy

tuck but my arms and legs will need some serious work, plus I know I will need

at least a

mini face life and some extra skin removal from my eyes if I don't want to look

90 at 51.

>

[Guest guest]

Peacekeeper

It will be a while for me too, I wouldn't even consider it until a year out, then begin doing my references and getting questions and cost. You cost are always good to know. Plus, I don't believe it that growing old gracefully stuff. I won't to give the funeral man a good looking corsep, of course he's my old boyfriend, I used to say, when ever he ask why I wouldn't let him bury me, was because if I wasn't going to let him play with my body at 13, why in the world would I let him play with it when it was old and ugly.

but we will see.

[Guest guest]

LOL!!! That is so funny! I will grow old gracefully....but with a tummy

tuck!!! Wrinkles are

a sign of wisdom.... a sagging stomach...that is just not pretty at all!

>

> Peacekeeper

>

> It will be a while for me too, I wouldn't even consider it until a year out,

then begin

doing my references and getting questions and cost. You cost are always good to

know.

Plus, I don't believe it that growing old gracefully stuff. I won't to give the

funeral man a

good looking corsep, of course he's my old boyfriend, I used to say, when ever

he ask why

I wouldn't let him bury me, was because if I wasn't going to let him play with

my body at

13, why in the world would I let him play with it when it was old and ugly.

>

> but we will see.

>

[Guest guest]

not me man, I want a mini face life, I want my eyes to stop looking so tried and sleepy even though I'm wide awake, I want my bat wings taken off forever, the all that loose skin in my inner thigh, and if my boobs are saggy I want some new ones. And the rest of the fat that just want go by dieting sucked right out. I'm gonna be a new woman, LOL, by the time I get all this done his x-wife will be claiming he married me as a trophy wife (now remember we've been married 10 years) and they were divorced 9 before I ever met him.