Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE

[Guest guest]

I would also appreciate hearing about the chat room. tammy irish <tammyntod@...> wrote: Hi Kelli, I was reading your post and you mentioned something about a chat room on Friday? This si the first time I have heard about it. Is it every Friday at 7pm? And also is it through this website or another one? Thanks, Tammy IrishKelli <psichikel@...> wrote: Hi Ken, welcome to the group. Glad to see that coming here has helped you decide on getting the lapband. Dr. Aceves and his team are wonderful, they really put your needs as top priority. You'll enjoy your stay there and I am sure once get you get banded you'll enjoy

seeing those lbs drop off. I know I have, and I look forward to losing more as I get my first fill in April Be sure to come into the chat room on Fridays 7 (PST), we have a great time in there and it's a way to ask all kinds of questions about the surgery, and what to stock up on prior to coming home. I look forward to meeting you sometime in the chat room...take care and good luck! Kelli>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!>

[Guest guest]

YOU MAY BE RIGHT,I HOPE NOT BECAUSE THE REALITY OF IT IS THAT I FEEL THAT I AM NOT ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH FOR HER NOW AND GETTING MY WEIGHT OFF WILL GET HER BACK THE KIND OF MAN SHE DESERVES!!!! Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE Ok now, this is coming from an insecure lady......so keep that in mind...but maybe she is worried that when you lose the weight, you'll be looking so good that she feels she may lose you also? Is she overweight also? just a thought.....

[Guest guest]

Welcome Ken,

--- kennethhart3 <KENNETHHART@...> wrote:

> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR

> MESSAGES AND THE MORE I

> READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK

> THIS COULD BE ME!!

> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED

> TO SAY HI!!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

Love isn't finding a perfect person, It's seeing an imperfect person

perfectly.

Sincerely,

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I HAVE DEFINENTLY MADE UP MY MIND,IAM HAVING THIS SURGERY,THE ONLY THING THAT COULD STOP ME NOW IS THE FINANCIAL END!!!IAM TIRED OF FEELING MY LIFE IS ON HOLD Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE

well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck

jess <susanbattelle@...> wrote:

Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!>

Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

THANKS TAMMY!!! ALOT OF WHAT YOU WROTE REALLY HITS HOME.IAM JUST ABOUT AT THE POINT TO WHERE I AM GOING TO DO THIS WITH OR WITHOUT HER,ONE THING THAT DOES WEIGH ON MY MIND IS IF SHE DOES NOT SUPPORT ME THROUGH THIS,I CANT HELP BUT FEEL RESENTMENT TOWARDS HER.HERE I AM ABOUT TO GO THROUGH A SURGICAL PROCEDURE FAR AWAY AND SHE WONT BE BY MYSIDE!!!NO MATTER WHAT IT WAS(EXCLUDING SOME SORT OF GENDER TRANSFORMATION,HA HA)I WOULD BE THERE FOR HER,WOULD NOT CARE ABOUT MONEY OR ANYTHING ELSE!!!

THANKS,KENNETH HART Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE

well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck

jess <susanbattelle@...> wrote:

Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!>

Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

Hi Ken,

Go For it, the best money you will pay will be

repaided back to you with your health and future

life... Good luck..

DOB. 3/6/06

340/314/200

--- KENNETH HART <KENNETHHART@...> wrote:

---------------------------------

I HAVE DEFINENTLY MADE UP MY MIND,IAM HAVING THIS

SURGERY,THE ONLY THING THAT COULD STOP ME NOW IS THE

FINANCIAL END!!!IAM TIRED OF FEELING MY LIFE IS ON

HOLD

Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND

HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE

well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part

of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol

good luck

jess

<susanbattelle@...> wrote:

Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice

to have a man

in here for a change!!!!

DOB: 3-7-06

265/256/140

>

> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR

MESSAGES AND THE MORE I

> READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK

THIS COULD BE

ME!!

> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED

TO SAY HI!!!

>

---------------------------------

Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a

breeze.

[Guest guest]

Hey Ken

I really hope you do not harbor resentment against your wife for not being

totally

supportive, as that will just make matters worse. Have you told her in your

kindest and

sincerest way that her support means so much to you, that you want to have this

surgery

in the hopes that it will increase your life span and also your years of

marriage to one

another?

She has a reason, and I still think it is insecurity that she will lose you.

Have you talked

about this with her? If not, tell her you will NOT leave the marriage just cuz

you might

start looking better. Maybe one or 2 visits to a marriage therapist is in order.

This is what I would want to hear.

[Guest guest]

Congratulations! I know that " holding " pattern, believe me! Let us

know your b-day so we can keep you in our thoughts and prayers!

Vivian

To-be-banded 04/12

Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW

LIFE

well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men

lose faster then us old women lolol good luck

jess

<susanbattelle@...> wrote:

Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man

in here for a change!!!!

DOB: 3-7-06

265/256/140

>

> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I

> READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE

ME!!

> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!

>

--------

Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

HELLO EVERYONE, I HAVE BEEN READING ALL YOUR E-MAILS. I AM A 32 YR OLD FEMALE AND I SERIOUSLY WANT TO HAVE THIS SURGERY DONE. I AM A NURSE AND ALL MY CO-WORKERS THINK I AM CRAZY TO EVEN THINK OF DOING THIS (THERE ALL THIN) --ESPECIALLY IN MEXICO. I HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT THIS SITE AND THEY ALL THINK IT IS REHURSED. I GUESS I DO HAVE SOME CONCERNS ABOUT IT DONE IN MEXICO BUT FOR FINANCIAL REASONS IT IS THE ONLY WAY POSSIBLE. JUST TO EASE MY MIND CAN SOMEONE RE-ASSURE ME IT IS CLEAN AND STERILE AND UP TO DATE. THANKS! SHELLY FROM NEBRASKA.KENNETH HART <KENNETHHART@...> wrote: I HAVE DEFINENTLY MADE UP MY MIND,IAM HAVING THIS SURGERY,THE ONLY THING THAT COULD STOP ME NOW IS THE FINANCIAL END!!!IAM TIRED OF FEELING MY LIFE IS ON HOLD Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck jess <susanbattelle@...> wrote: Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

Go for it Ken...........we will be here for you!!!! VirginiaKENNETH HART <KENNETHHART@...> wrote: I HAVE DEFINENTLY MADE UP MY MIND,IAM HAVING THIS SURGERY,THE ONLY THING THAT COULD STOP ME NOW IS THE FINANCIAL END!!!IAM TIRED OF FEELING MY LIFE IS ON HOLD Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck jess <susanbattelle@...> wrote: Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED

TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

good for you your wife will come aroundKENNETH HART <KENNETHHART@...> wrote: I HAVE DEFINENTLY MADE UP MY MIND,IAM HAVING THIS SURGERY,THE ONLY THING THAT COULD STOP ME NOW IS THE FINANCIAL END!!!IAM TIRED OF FEELING MY LIFE IS ON HOLD Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck jess <susanbattelle@...> wrote: Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE

WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

Hi , That was funny, your comment about the gender transformation!! I dont think Dr. A is certified for that!! LOL You know it is so hard to want something so bad and feel torn about doing it. Our situations are so similar. But for me after throwing it out there a few times and really not getting the feedback that I wanted to hear from him I just made the decision to do it and sent off my deposit check to . Then I told him the day I chose and I made it for 2 months later so it wouldnt be like it was going to financially break us. He now says that I am obsessing about it. I tell him that it has nothing to do with obsession. It has to do with finally being able to see the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel that I have been standing in most of my life. People that have never had a problem with their weight just dont get it. Even my Dad knows how unhappy I am right now because of my

weight and he tells me," you just need to watch what you eat Tammy." Then he goes into what he eats and tells me that I can do it. Okay, I know that I didnt get to be this size from eating fruits and veggies. I dont need to be told what not to eat. It is so much deeper than that. Anyways Ken, I hope everything works out for you. She will come around. By the way, I cant remember if you have a banding date or are you still thinking about it? Talk To you Soon! Tammy Irish KENNETH HART <KENNETHHART@...> wrote: THANKS TAMMY!!! ALOT OF WHAT YOU WROTE REALLY HITS HOME.IAM JUST ABOUT AT THE POINT TO WHERE I AM GOING TO DO

THIS WITH OR WITHOUT HER,ONE THING THAT DOES WEIGH ON MY MIND IS IF SHE DOES NOT SUPPORT ME THROUGH THIS,I CANT HELP BUT FEEL RESENTMENT TOWARDS HER.HERE I AM ABOUT TO GO THROUGH A SURGICAL PROCEDURE FAR AWAY AND SHE WONT BE BY MYSIDE!!!NO MATTER WHAT IT WAS(EXCLUDING SOME SORT OF GENDER TRANSFORMATION,HA HA)I WOULD BE THERE FOR HER,WOULD NOT CARE ABOUT MONEY OR ANYTHING ELSE!!! THANKS,KENNETH HART Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck jess

<susanbattelle@...> wrote: Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

SHELLEY IT IS MORE CLEAN THE ANY HOSPITAL IVE BEEN IN IN THE US IT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE NOT EVEN LOOKING LIKE HOSPITA;L ROOM THE STAFF ARE AWESOME IT QUICK AND LITTLE PAIN GO FOR IT ITS FUNNY HOW EVERY ONE THING MEXICO AND OLD DIRT FLOOORD LOL BUT THEN AGAIN IF YUO BEEN READING THE COST OF US PRICES THATS WHY THEY RATHER MILK US DRY THE DIFFERENCE IS THE MONEY FACTOR THATS ALL THE CARE IS ABOVE AND BEYOND USA CARE YOU CANT GO WRONG JESSIE Aldana <shellyaldana@...> wrote: HELLO EVERYONE, I HAVE BEEN READING ALL YOUR E-MAILS. I AM A 32 YR OLD FEMALE AND I SERIOUSLY WANT TO HAVE THIS SURGERY DONE. I AM A NURSE AND ALL MY CO-WORKERS THINK I AM CRAZY TO EVEN THINK OF DOING THIS (THERE ALL THIN) --ESPECIALLY IN MEXICO. I HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT THIS SITE AND THEY ALL THINK IT IS

REHURSED. I GUESS I DO HAVE SOME CONCERNS ABOUT IT DONE IN MEXICO BUT FOR FINANCIAL REASONS IT IS THE ONLY WAY POSSIBLE. JUST TO EASE MY MIND CAN SOMEONE RE-ASSURE ME IT IS CLEAN AND STERILE AND UP TO DATE. THANKS! SHELLY FROM NEBRASKA.KENNETH HART <KENNETHHART@...> wrote: I HAVE DEFINENTLY MADE UP MY MIND,IAM HAVING THIS SURGERY,THE ONLY THING THAT COULD STOP ME NOW IS THE FINANCIAL END!!!IAM TIRED OF FEELING MY LIFE IS ON HOLD Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck jess <susanbattelle@...> wrote: Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

YOU ARE RIGHT!!! I HAVE NOT SET A DATE YET,WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING AND WE SOLD OUR HOUSE.I ALSO HAVE TO HAVE KNEE SURGERY ON 03/28 SO IAM TRYING TO GET PAST SOME OF THESE THINGS TO BE ABLE TO SET A DATE I CAN KEEP!!! I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND I DONT CARE HOW MUCH IT COSTS BECAUSE TO ME AND IT SHOULD MEAN THE SAME WAY TO MY WIFE IS THAT $8,200 IS A DROP IN THE BUCKET COMPARED TO THE REST OF OUR LIVES

THANKS,KENNETH HART Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE

well hello ken oh yes it can be you and the best part of it is you men lose faster then us old women lolol good luck

jess <susanbattelle@...> wrote:

Hi Ken!!!! Welcome to our friendly group and it's nice to have a man in here for a change!!!!DOB: 3-7-06265/256/140>> HEY ALL!! I'VE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THE MORE I > READ THE MORE I GET OVERWHELMED AND EXCITED TO THINK THIS COULD BE ME!!> I'AM A 31 YEAR OLD MALE WEIGH 340LBS!! JUST WANTED TO SAY HI!!!>

Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

[Guest guest]

,

Please feel totally reassured! My husband will tell

you he watched the cleaning staff continually clean

floors, bathroom, doorknobs bannisters,etc. the whole

time I was in surgery. It is ultra clean(more so than

the hospitals I have been in in the US). Also I think

Dr. Aceves is a caring, skilled, Dr. who has a great

deal of experience doing this surgery. The hospital

seems very modern and up to date to me. There is no

way any of us have " rehearsed " what we say on this

board. We are just speaking from our own experiences

and no one has asked us or paid us to say anything.

To be truthful with you, I had a much better

experience in Mexico than I have had in the US and

would go back for other surgery with Dr. A if I needed

it!

Penny

Penny Manville

Walden, Colorado

DOB 9/26/05

230/185/135

1st fill 12/9/05 1cc

2nd fill 1/27/06 0.5 cc 1.5 cc total

5'4 "

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

IAM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS ROOM,EVERYONE IS SO SUPPORTIVE! IN RESPONSE SUSAN I HAVE DIRECTLY ASKED HER IF THATS HER ISSUE AND SHE SAYS IT IS NOT AND THAT THE ISSUE IS IF "I REALLY TRIED" TO LOSE THE WEIGHT WE COULD SAVE THE $8200 DOLLARS. WHAT SHE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND IS WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE 5'8" AND CARRY 343LBS AROUND,MY BODY IS GIVING OUT THIS SURGERY IS MY TOOL TO A HEALTHY LIFE!! YOU CAN PUSH A CAR AROUND TOWN,BUT ITS ALOT EASIER WHEN IT HAS A MOTOR....LOL....I THINK THAT ANALOGY WORKS...MAYBE

Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE Hey KenI really hope you do not harbor resentment against your wife for not being totally supportive, as that will just make matters worse. Have you told her in your kindest and sincerest way that her support means so much to you, that you want to have this surgery in the hopes that it will increase your life span and also your years of marriage to one another? She has a reason, and I still think it is insecurity that she will lose you. Have you talked about this with her? If not, tell her you will NOT leave the marriage just cuz you might start looking better. Maybe one or 2 visits to a marriage therapist is in order. This is what I would want to hear.

[Guest guest]

Hello, I don't think it's a matter of not being able to lose the weight. I have lost lots of weight....many times over. The point for me having the band surgery was to keep the weight off and stay healthy for the remainder of my life.

[Guest guest]

Hi Ken, I've been trying to catch up on all the messages on the board here. I am doing my thesis on bariatric surgeries and this is a topic that is often mentioned in the articles that I read, about family members having difficulty with change. It seems as like with everyone else's comment that change is scarey, especially for a spouse. Perhaps the best thing now, is to get her articles about the surgery let her read them as well as allow her to be a part of the process, even if she resists being a part at least make the attempt.

There is an excellent site called Obesityhelp.com and they have a forum just for spouses of bariatric patients. I think you go into Forums, then choose Other and scroll down to where they have spouses. I'd really think this may be an avenue for her, she can post her concerns with other spouses that had the same attitude prior to surgery. Also, getting some books about the Lapband procedure may shed some light on what you are about to do, Weightloss Surgery for Dummies is great, it highlights all the surgeries but also has some information about what is going to occur. Also, counseling is great both for marriage and for eating problems (which your's truly needs to visit my counselor on this subject). $8,200.00 is alot of money believe me I know by having to use my scholarship money and money saved to pay for teh surgery, it was tough but it was so worth it. I am 55lbs lighter and I know I can lose more in the future, I will save thousands of $$$ by not being diabetic, or having joint problems, arthrititis, heart problems, increased vulnerablity of colon cancer, liver failure and sleep apnea. All these co-morbidities cost alot more than the surgery itself. If you need some help finding articles let me know, I think I have a few I can send your way as pdfs or I can direct you where you can get them through a library.

The best way to fight of resistance to the surgery is to educate the person doing the resisting. Allow them to see how your lives togehter will benefit from you being healthy. One quick question if I may...is she overweight herself? Dynamics in the family are really tested when one decides they want to lose weight and the other is not wanting to. Believe me, my family is having a tough time cause now I'll be the thinner one and the next obese person in line will be the one everyone will focus on...so that made that person in my family sorta resent me for doing the surgery. I also have friends that are overweight, they hate to hear about my progress cause they know in time I'll be thinner than them an that bothers them cause their the next fat one in line. Be patient, be considerate as hard as it may be when she is obstinate but do know she is worried. Another idea maybe to introduce her to this group, this way she can talk to us who have had the surgery...sometimes my bf gets upset I am on here cause it's like having something on the side that he is not a part of, so I've showed him the sites I go to and allow him to look around...now he is okay with it. You may want to check out to see if there are any informational seminars going on in your area, even if you do not get it done with that surgeon you can still go they are often open to the public and it's good for patients and their spouses to get information together.

I wish you the best of luck with your journey, do give her time and try to give information in a calm way that won't stir up resenting feelings.

Kelli

[Guest guest]

,,, I am curious,,,is your wife overweight??......Does

she smoke or drink????.......and exactly what does she consider “”really

trying””….this is a mental issue also not just a physical………I

was walking 3 miles a day and lost 46 pds……I didn’t change my

food intake(didn’t start eating more) and guess what yea I gained it back

And I was “””really trying”

not to gain it back….I just didn’t have the TIME to walk any longer

I married a man with 2 kids…adding my own to what we now have ages 14,15,16

and started driving 2 hours a day to “live” with him at his house with

his kids.(I pass my own)..I work 60 miles away….so I am really wondering what

she considers “really trying”…

THANK

YOU

VICTORIA

SPENCE

BUSINESS

OFFICE

PHONE:

337-462-7325

Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE

Hey

Ken

I really hope you do not harbor resentment against

your wife for not being totally

supportive, as that will just make matters

worse. Have you told her in your kindest and

sincerest way that her support means so much to

you, that you want to have this surgery

in the hopes that it will increase your life span

and also your years of marriage to one

another?

She has a reason, and I still think it is

insecurity that she will lose you. Have you talked

about this with her? If not, tell her you

will NOT leave the marriage just cuz you might

start looking better. Maybe one or 2 visits to a

marriage therapist is in order.

This is what I would want to hear.

[Guest guest]

Then it is pretty clear that she does not view obesity as a disease. She needs

some

education on this BIG TIME! Geez, if it were that easy to just eat right,

exercise and we'd

lose weight, then NOBODY would be fat! But for us obese people, we are addicts

and we

need help. I wonder if you let her read all these posts if she could see

another side

besides her own. Tell her for me if it were that easy to lose weight and keep

it off, I'd have

done it. We all would have.

And let me tell you, money is not everything. It really should not be a factor

here. Your

health should be the priority.

[Guest guest]

Keli,

You're the BOMB!!! I can only imagine what a fantastic group leader

you're going to be!

Liz

>

>

> Hi Ken, I've been trying to catch up on all the messages on the

board

> here. I am doing my thesis on bariatric surgeries and this is a

topic

> that is often mentioned in the articles that I read, about family

> members having difficulty with change. It seems as like with

everyone

> else's comment that change is scarey, especially for a spouse.

Perhaps

> the best thing now, is to get her articles about the surgery let

her

> read them as well as allow her to be a part of the process, even

if she

> resists being a part at least make the attempt.

>

> There is an excellent site called Obesityhelp.com and they have a

forum

> just for spouses of bariatric patients. I think you go into

Forums, then

> choose Other and scroll down to where they have spouses. I'd really

> think this may be an avenue for her, she can post her concerns with

> other spouses that had the same attitude prior to surgery. Also,

getting

> some books about the Lapband procedure may shed some light on what

you

> are about to do, Weightloss Surgery for Dummies is great, it

highlights

> all the surgeries but also has some information about what is

going to

> occur. Also, counseling is great both for marriage and for eating

> problems (which your's truly needs to visit my counselor on this

> subject). $8,200.00 is alot of money believe me I know by having

to use

> my scholarship money and money saved to pay for teh surgery, it was

> tough but it was so worth it. I am 55lbs lighter and I know I can

lose

> more in the future, I will save thousands of $$$ by not being

diabetic,

> or having joint problems, arthrititis, heart problems, increased

> vulnerablity of colon cancer, liver failure and sleep apnea. All

these

> co-morbidities cost alot more than the surgery itself. If you need

some

> help finding articles let me know, I think I have a few I can send

your

> way as pdfs or I can direct you where you can get them through a

> library.

>

> The best way to fight of resistance to the surgery is to educate

the

> person doing the resisting. Allow them to see how your lives

togehter

> will benefit from you being healthy. One quick question if I

may...is

> she overweight herself? Dynamics in the family are really tested

when

> one decides they want to lose weight and the other is not wanting

to.

> Believe me, my family is having a tough time cause now I'll be the

> thinner one and the next obese person in line will be the one

everyone

> will focus on...so that made that person in my family sorta resent

me

> for doing the surgery. I also have friends that are overweight,

they

> hate to hear about my progress cause they know in time I'll be

thinner

> than them an that bothers them cause their the next fat one in

line. Be

> patient, be considerate as hard as it may be when she is obstinate

but

> do know she is worried. Another idea maybe to introduce her to this

> group, this way she can talk to us who have had the

surgery...sometimes

> my bf gets upset I am on here cause it's like having something on

the

> side that he is not a part of, so I've showed him the sites I go

to and

> allow him to look around...now he is okay with it. You may want to

check

> out to see if there are any informational seminars going on in your

> area, even if you do not get it done with that surgeon you can

still go

> they are often open to the public and it's good for patients and

their

> spouses to get information together.

>

> I wish you the best of luck with your journey, do give her time

and try

> to give information in a calm way that won't stir up resenting

feelings.

>

> Kelli

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome to the group.

//ALL MY CO-WORKERS THINK I AM CRAZY TO EVEN THINK OF DOING THIS

(THERE ALL THIN) --ESPECIALLY IN MEXICO. //

Your co workers must not be overweight. If they were, they would

understand what you are going through. I don't think anyone here

had a positive reaction when they said they were going to Mexico.

It doesn't matter what other people say. The only thing that

matters is what you want to do.

//I HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT THIS SITE AND THEY ALL THINK IT IS

REHURSED.//

This site has almost 8000 posts! How long would it take them to

post 8000 emails with questions, replies and before moderating,

arguments between members? You should go back and read as many

posts as you can. You can also email and/or call almost anyone on

this board to ask questions.

//CAN SOMEONE RE-ASSURE ME IT IS CLEAN AND STERILE AND UP TO DATE. //

We can all assure you the hospital is clean and up to date. No

matter what we say here, you will still be worried until you go and

see for yourself. The hospital has a web site so you can see the

equipment for yourself. Since you are a nurse, you will know

whether or not it is up to date.

7/18/05

280/198/140

[Guest guest]

Debby,

I agree 100%. How many of us haven't been yo-yo-ing for years (each

time gaining more weight). I'm ready to get off this particular roller

coaster!

Go for it, Ken!

Vivian

Re: Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW

LIFE

Hello,

I don't think it's a matter of not being able to lose the weight. I

have lost lots of weight....many times over. The point for me having

the band surgery was to keep the weight off and stay healthy for the

remainder of my life.

[Guest guest]

Ken,

I'm glad you have decided to do this. Yes, the money is a big

consideration. My family and I won't be going to my niece's wedding (in

Spain) or my sister's wedding (in Hawaii) because we just can't afford

to go and for me to have the surgery. We talked about it long and hard,

and frankly it was my husband that said my life is more important. Your

life is more important.

Congratulations on making the choice for your health.

Vivian

Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE

Then it is pretty clear that she does not view obesity as a disease.

She needs

some

education on this BIG TIME! Geez, if it were that easy to just eat

right,

exercise and we'd

lose weight, then NOBODY would be fat! But for us obese people, we are

addicts

and we

need help. I wonder if you let her read all these posts if she could

see

another side

besides her own. Tell her for me if it were that easy to lose weight

and keep

it off, I'd have

done it. We all would have.

And let me tell you, money is not everything. It really should not be

a factor

here. Your

health should be the priority.

[Guest guest]

I DONT KNOW I'VE TRIED MEDS WITH MY DOCTOR,WEIGHT WATCHERS,ETC.I HAVE GONE TO THE GYM SPENT THOUSANDS ON PERSONAL TRAINER LOST WEIGHT AND OF COURSE GAINED IT ALL BACK.AND WHAT REALLY KIND OF MAKES ME MAD IS THAT WHEN WE HAD CIGNA INSURANCE(NOW HAVE BLUECROSS)AND THEY COVERED THE RNY PROCEDURE SHE WAS SUPPORTIVE ALL THREE TIMES I APPLIED AND APPEALED AND GOT DENIED,NOW IT SEEMS ALL OF A SUDDEN THAT THE MONEY WILL BE COMING OUT OF OUR POCKETS......WHOA HOLD ON NOW THINGS ARE DIFFERNT.....WHO KNOWS????? Re: HOPING BEYOND HOPE FOR A NEW LIFE Hey KenI really hope you do not harbor resentment against your wife for not being totally supportive, as that will just make matters worse. Have you told her in your kindest and sincerest way that her support means so much to you, that you want to have this surgery in the hopes that it will increase your life span and also your years of marriage to one another? She has a reason, and I still think it is insecurity that she will lose you. Have you talked about this with her? If not, tell her you will NOT leave the marriage just cuz you might start looking better. Maybe one or 2 visits to a marriage therapist is in order. This is what I would want to hear.