To ....

June 25, 2005

Hi Ellen,

Thanks for the idea. I don't really know much about AS other than my

son had a classmate in 3rd grade who was in the gifted classroom

(pull-out program) with him who also had AS. He was very, very

bright but often had trouble discerning social cues from the other

students - I assume that was due to the AS, but he was amazingly

intelligent - and my son often spoke of this boy's intelligence.

Distraction does work occasionally with my son, but when he was

having the worst symptoms of his OCD, the intrusive thoughts were so

frequent, it was difficult for him to push them away - even with

distraction. It is so hard to watch him be so insightful about many

things (even things of faith - I have listened to him talk about

faith issues that clearly speak to his understanding of spiritual

matters far beyond his years), only to see him succumb to the OCD

when the questioning thoughts enter his head. It is a good thing you

understand the symptoms of both - I think we overlooked the OCD for

too long due to a lack of understanding on our part that things had

gotten out of hand. We just didn't see until he started with some

avoidance and other compulsions which quickly spiraled out of

control.

I do sometimes, but distraction works much better.

> What he has done at nighttime is designed his own island. Each

night

> when he is worried, we think about something new on the island,

whether

> it be a new building, the elavator in it, a schoool, train,

whatever.

> We imagine it in full detail, and I tell him to think about this as

he

> is going to sleep. It really works. AND, he doesn't forget all

about

> his island. Maybe one day he will write a series of books.

> Just an idea for your son. I say, use his strengths to try to

overcome

> the fears or weaknesses. Good luck! Ellen

September 17, 2009

,

As a woman (even though I haven't gone through that, thank God!), I can

understand how it would be very upsetting for a rape victim to hear

someone (especially a MAN!!!) telling her to " get over it " . No matter

how good your intentions, that phrase appears very insensitive and

dismissive of the person's pain. And in written form, even if the

intent was " positive " , because a person cannot see the expression of

your face or intonation of your voice there's lots of room for

misinterpretation. After years of being in groups, I've learned that I

can't always type what comes to my mind, more often than not I edit my

posts before hitting " Send " to avoid offending someone unnecessarily

(but and because of the many personality types that's not even a

guarantee). There's many ways in which things can be interpreted so I

believe you could've sent your message of " moving on " in a kinder and

encouraging way.

Raquel

>

> This is totally off topic feel free to dismiss this message but I just

got banned from a pathetic diabetes group. Well the reason I

joined was because my mother is diabetic and she near kidney failure.

I'm in the medical field and I used to work at a Diabetes clinic where I

witnessed first hand all the shadyness that went on with altering meds

to STABALIZE a condition not CURE. And way like I do on this group I

went there looking for advise and I was completley ridiculed by the

moderators. Just imagine 4 Nazi's ganging up on you and tell you " your

mother is sick because of poor diabetic control and her failing to take

care of herself etc.... " they said all this crap and when I tried to

defend myself they wouldn't approve my messages. Total BS my mom

listend to her doctors, watched what she ate, took her METFORMIN which

on the long run it was the Metformin that damaged her Kidneys! Doctors

know this and they don't tell their

> patients. There's a recall on Avandia right now because it has caused

heart problems and killed a few people. Some of the moderators in this

group even sent me racist comments privately. Just look at the rules

they send you when you first join....all this for a group? :LOL!

they're pathetic!... . .......

>

> Hello Members,

> This is a monthly generated posting for all members in this group.

Please don't take this as a personal post to you.

>

> We want to keep this group a support group, therefore these rules will

be followed or you will be put on moderated status and/or removed from

the group.

>

> 1. No flaming of members or the moderators. If you have something to

say about another member or the moderators, send a private message to

the group moderators Bernie, , Eunice, or .

>

> 2. No harassing any of the members privately. DO NOT CONTACT ANOTHER

MEMBER TO PROMOTE A PRODUCT OF ANY KIND. If a member asks you not to

contact them privately, obey their request.

>

> 3. When the moderators send a special message to the group it will

have " Admin Notice " as the subject. Please do not ignore our messages

sent to the group or sent to an individual privately.

>

> 4. Do not give medical advice. I don't know if we have doctors in

the group, but even if we do, they are not to give medical advice. We

don't know anything about the member other than what he/she has told us.

We can make suggestions and/or let them know what works for us. This

also includes food plans. What works for one person may or may not work

for another.

>

> 5. Don't bad mouth any member's doctor. It is okay to say, " you may

want to see another doctor, or get another opinion. "

>

> 6. It is okay to post recipes that you have tried. No forwarding

recipes from other groups. If someone wants a certain recipe, it is

okay to request that. Bear in mind, though, that this is not a recipe

group. Posting what we had for a particular meal is okay once in

awhile. I enjoy seeing what other people are eating.

>

> 7. Off topic is allowed occasionally. Watch your language.

>

> 8. Attachments are not allowed to prevent viruses. If you think you

have sent a virus, do not notify the group. Also, don't send any virus

warnings to the group. Notify the group Owner/moderators privately.

>

> 9. You are not to use the group for advertising or fund-raising.

Don't send messages about " miracle cures " . Any member desiring to post

their group address in the Diabetes Group should send their request to

the moderators Bernie, , Enuice, or for approval or

rejection. Don't send messages inviting the group to visit your webpage.

It is okay to put the link for your webpage in your signature line as

long as it is appropriate. Also, when you find an interesting article

on the web or receive a newsletter that you think will be beneficial to

others, send only the link and not the entire article.

>

> 10. If you are unsure about a message you would like to send, send it

to Bernie for approval.

>

> 11. Please keep control of your Inbox when receiving postings from

this group. If you are overwhelmed with messages, you can elect to

receive them via daily digest or read them from the website.

>

> 12. Remember, to empty your inbox often. Once it is full, you will no

longer receive messages until it has been emptied.

>

> 13. When replying to a message, send only one or two sentences of that

message. We don't need the entire message to be repeated. If you refuse

to trim your reply messages, you will be placed on moderated status

until you start trimming. Remember to change the subject line to reflect

the topic.

>

> 14. SPAMMERS will be BANNED from this group

>

> 15. Facebook sites and Grouply sites are not allowed to be posted in

this group and members who who break this rule will be " BANNED " from the

group.

>

> These rules are subject to change by Bernie, , Eunice, or .

>

> Thanks

> Bernie - List Owner/Co-moderator

> - Co-moderator

> Eunice - Co-moderator

>

September 17, 2009

the thing about the phrase " get over it " ----getting over it is an

INDIVIDUAL thing, a life process..........some things can be gotten over fairly

quickly, without much thought---other things need time, stages, steps,

whatever to get over---I'm thinking of grief, trauma, etc.........

Individual personal emotional makeup has something to do with the process

also---some of us are really good at moving forward after such events, not

looking back or dwelling.........some of us have more of a challenge at

that......

the phrase " get over it " should be the ideal to strive for, but

understanding is what is called for, I think " empathy " is a great understanding

word.........

Blessings, Margaret

" We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past but by the

love we're not extending in the present. "

nne on

September 17, 2009

Raquel,

What I didn't mention was that I initially mentioned the " get over it " in

relation to how it helped. And yes, it can be a little terse but

misinterpretation is up to the reader.

To further clarify my intent, I asked the moderator to look at the tone of all

the emails (before having a cow) that I had contributed previously to show that

my intentions have always been nurturing. At the very least, they have never

shown any insensitivity, callousness, etc.

Therefore, any misinterpretation is on the moderator/audience, & only if they

choose to take it that way. That was not the way that it was given & that was

stated, too. Again, tried to clarify that!

(She would not verify the nature of my contributions. She had already decided to

judge everything by her paranoia! )

Remember, she actually thinks that I'm the one that she's had bad experiences

with! I've never met her or been in the same room as her! Never! She thinks that

I've adopted some sort of e-alias! (How do you do that, anyway?)

She doesn't know me & didn't want to. Judging me right there was enough for her.

Again, she made her decision based on assumptions & ignorance.

That may be good enough for her, but not for me.

The moderator was not open to Listening, just Reacting to what she hasn't dealt

with. Making the addage even more pertinent to her recovery.

It was the universe delivering what she Needed, not what she Wanted to hear. I

was only the messenger & she didn't like what she was misinterpreting. I came in

peace & left in peices.

Now how's that behaviour from a victim to another? Is that O.K. to tear into

someone who's telling you that you got the message wrong? How does that justify

trying to hurt me for a hurt that someone else caused?

Uh-uh, as a moderator, her behaviour should be above that.

She did me wrong in blindness & in blindness she wants to stay. I shouldn't be

bleeding for it. And doing wrong to others because she's been a victim don't

make it right. As a victim, she should have grown better. Instead, she's

spreading her sickness around.

I got a taste of it & I didn't like it. She doesn't have the right to violate

me!

So what if the message from a man? If she doesn't want to hear the message

because she assumes so much (again, incorrectly) about the gender of the

messenger, then she's out of line & of course, incorrect. Her decision-making

process is flawed, does not serve her or others well. (And it looks like she's

happy with that 'cause she's not trying to improve it!)

And talk about gender-bias!

If someone made the same assumptions about her because of her gender, she

wouldn't like hearing, " Oh well, she's a woman on her period! Don't pay

attention to her rants or be suprized at her temper! " . Oh yea, she'd really like

having done to her what she's done to me! Just like I'm not thrilled at her

incorrect assesment of me!

Naw, sorry, I can see the " why " , but it isn't right or justified. Its still

wrong. She may feel justified, but I know better.

She's a victim living in her victimhood making other victims. No thank you. (As

Dr. Phil would say, " How's that working out for you? " . I'd say, " Not too

good! " .)

She really knows how to make someone sorry for trying to help.

What she did was neither in Love or Light. And she doesn't choose to recognize

when someone else is in Love & Light.

But enough, its over with & was mentioned only in light of Don's experience.

Otherwise, it wouldn't have been worth sharing.

I'm done with it & no longer contaminated by the contact.

Thank you for your feedback. This incident on another group should have never

been misinterpreted nor did it ever justify the consequences. The phrase

was less dismissive/insensitive than the moderator's behaviour.

And forgetting that men can be rape victims, not just by men, but by women, too?

How aware is that?

-richard- ;-{)