EVERYONE'S FEEDBACK

[Guest guest]

Without my boring everyone with my whole history

again, since I have been VERY isolated from other LP's

all my life, and have been blessed to make many

wonderful friendships online only since last December,

my only relationships with LP's have been since then.

So if I ask questions here which may seem redundant to many of you, please be

patient.

Being able to learn from YOU all ways of dealing with

the sheer rudeness we forever encounter, has been such

a gift to ME! And just knowing I am NOT alone out there,

has made such a difference, believe me.

I could be wrong, but do male LP's tend to get ridiculed

and treated more rudely than we female LP's do? That is

the impression I am getting, so I was wondering.

Also, a wheelchair bound AP told me years ago, that if

I were in a wheelchair/scooter, I would encounter far less

ridicule, following, and gawking. At the time, I was

fighting to learn how to walk again following a devastating

spine surgery, and the person was like " why bother?!! "

But we won't go there. However, for all our amazing wheelchair/scooter

LP's, do you all think there is ANY truth to this at all? What are your

thoughts?

Finally, many of you astound me---how do you all NOT

allow the stuff we encounter to get inside of you and tear

you apart? How do you keep from feeling belittled?

I am sure the fact that my parents instilled in ME, a

sense of shame about myself, which often has a tendancy

to surface during those moments of " in your face " ridicule,

doesn't exactly help, but let me tell you, I have come a

long, LONG ways, learning how NOT to give such hurtful

words the power TO hurt me. Still though, at times there ARE those moments,

when that monster of " shame " takes me right down---hard!

OUCH.

Anyway, what are your thoughts about these

things?

Adelaide

[Guest guest]

I have to say as a person with dwarfism I tend to use a wheelchair

or Canadian Crutches once in a while and most of the time I don't

use any mobility devices.

In my personal experiences people tend to stare or gawk at me more

often when I am walking, more when I use crutches. People tend to

gawk at me a WHOLE lot less when I use my wheelchair.

Why? Because people in society are more accepting on disability

issues and towards people with disabilities. However people are

still ignorant (lack of a better word) to the point where they still

only see people with disabilities are people who use wheelchairs.

This is not true, but it takes time to educate others. It's better

than 20-30 years ago, but we still have a long way to go.

Men and women have different experiences. My father had more

difficulty as a person with dwarfism in many areas than I did.

Although as a female there are areas I've had more difficulty than

my father. Although in community theatre he has a better shot at

being onstage than I do. This goes with the media's view on what a

sterotypical female should look like and many women face this, but

as a person with dwafism I face it more than a woman who is a little

over-weight.

a

>

> Without my boring everyone with my whole history

> again, since I have been VERY isolated from other LP's

> all my life, and have been blessed to make many

> wonderful friendships online only since last December,

> my only relationships with LP's have been since then.

> So if I ask questions here which may seem redundant to many of

you, please be

> patient.

> Being able to learn from YOU all ways of dealing with

> the sheer rudeness we forever encounter, has been such

> a gift to ME! And just knowing I am NOT alone out there,

> has made such a difference, believe me.

> I could be wrong, but do male LP's tend to get ridiculed

> and treated more rudely than we female LP's do? That is

> the impression I am getting, so I was wondering.

> Also, a wheelchair bound AP told me years ago, that if

> I were in a wheelchair/scooter, I would encounter far less

> ridicule, following, and gawking. At the time, I was

> fighting to learn how to walk again following a devastating

> spine surgery, and the person was like " why bother?!! "

> But we won't go there. However, for all our amazing

wheelchair/scooter

> LP's, do you all think there is ANY truth to this at all? What

are your thoughts?

> Finally, many of you astound me---how do you all NOT

> allow the stuff we encounter to get inside of you and tear

> you apart? How do you keep from feeling belittled?

> I am sure the fact that my parents instilled in ME, a

> sense of shame about myself, which often has a tendancy

> to surface during those moments of " in your face " ridicule,

> doesn't exactly help, but let me tell you, I have come a

> long, LONG ways, learning how NOT to give such hurtful

> words the power TO hurt me. Still though, at times there ARE

those moments,

> when that monster of " shame " takes me right down---hard!

> OUCH.

> Anyway, what are your thoughts about these

> things?

>

> Adelaide

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> So if I ask questions here which may seem redundant to many of you,

please be patient.<

And everytime a question is answered we all learn new things.

>And just knowing I am NOT alone out there, has made such a

difference, believe me.<

I'm so happy to hear that the community has served as a resource. It's

amazing how lonely we can all feel at times.

>I could be wrong, but do male LP's tend to get ridiculed and treated

more rudely than we female LP's do? That is the impression I am

getting, so I was wondering.<

LOL, I'm sure each gender answers this differently. I think our

personal expectations factor into how we view this. Our life

experiences also. Does society have different physical expectations

for each gender? A woman losing her hair (I would think) is a greater

personal tragedy than a man in the same circumstances. Look at the

career longevity for a male actor vs a female actor. And we forgive a

few pounds here and there for a man, but not so much on a woman. (or

so I think) I'm sure if we each told our stories of rejection by the

opposite sex we'd be neck in neck in that race. While machismo and the

association between height and our expectations for male attributes do

correlate, there is also a pattern set for female beauty. I do wonder

if this has a good final answer, but doubt it. Wouldn't this be a fun

'after' friendly discussion over some delightful drinks?

>Also, a wheelchair bound AP told me years ago, that if I were in a

wheelchair/scooter, I would encounter far less ridicule, following,

and gawking.<

Hmmm, I've been on both sides, mobile and in need of mobility unit and

each brings it's own type of attention. I think for children the

mini-scooters are as much a fascination as the dwarf riding them. I'm

not quite sure which makes their eyes grow bigger.

With adults both register, but of course the scooter opens up more

conversations, especially with today's growing longer living aging

population.

>Finally, many of you astound me---how do you all NOT allow the stuff

we encounter to get inside of you and tear you apart? How do you

keep from feeling belittled?<

Some days easier than others

As I've aged I've found it easier to deal with negative comments,

can't change the world but only so much. But, as I age I find a lot of

things slide off of me easier than they used to, not only regarding my

dwarfism. (actually I handle it better than women's rights and women's

role in religious communities, let's not go there) Enough exposure

also builds tolerance. I do still have moments when I avoid some

encounters. I've driven to another 7/11 (or any convenience store) for

example, if I drive up and find the establishment is a hangout for

teenagers. It's never an emergency visit and in my area there is

always some other place to go for the same. Honestly at times I just

don't want the irritation of dealing with the comments and why subject

myself if not necessary? I don't always feel like grabbing the

'educate them' hat and everyone takes it so poorly if I grab the

'stupid stick' instead.

Kids I have a great tolerance for, sometimes 'not so much' their

parents. Kids are only curious and 95% of the time the attention is

harmless, just plain curiosity.

Quick story: the other day I was off-loading my scooter from the trunk

of my car. Up walks this woman and asks if she can help (dang thing

was out and on the ground already!), I politely thank her and attempt

to finish packing up the lift back into the trunk as I am already late

for the opening of a play. She persists on talking to me, insisting

she doesn't mind helping. I try a polite 'no thanks', but dang if she

isn't in a chatty mood and dying to tell me why she can help. She

proceeds to tell me she is a student (I was back at work and always

remember that 'here' I represent not only me, those with a disability

as well as dwarfism, but also the institution I work for) and she is

in the teacher of special education track/program. Then I have to hear

the 'wonders of people with disability' speech, how astounding we are.

I was trying to be polite, while in the back of my head I debated how

far I wanted to get into the 'wrong attitude for a potention Sp. Ed.

teacher' speech. I knew I was holding up my theatre companions, so I

decided it would have to wait for another day and just politely

explained I've been very independant my entire life and it's nothing

different for me. When this didn't cut her off, I just had to say I

was late and had to go. Off I rode *sighing* & wondering if she would

be in one of the teachers of special education classes I visit every

semester, actually hoping she will be.

Oy vey! dealing with her was harder than any kid's comments. I detest

this 'super' handicap attitude people create about us. We're just

handling daily life, if not in a different manner.

> but let me tell you, I have come a long, LONG ways, learning how

NOT to give such hurtful words the power TO hurt me. Still though,

at times there ARE those moments, when that monster of " shame " takes

me right down---hard! OUCH.<

Time, experiences and patience helps. It also helps to know we don't

always have to keep a stiff upper lip. I've had charming moments when

I've either flipped someone a finger or threw out a winning comment. I

do find the times are less and further in between now. I can say the

same for encountering idiot drivers. I don't even bother blowing the

horn anymore, the noise bothers me more than it does them.

I honestly only remember being brought to tears maybe twice in my

entire life, make it 3; I just remembered a male/female encounter that

still bites. I have been frustrated at times, probably more times than

I remember. At other times I've allowed it too much thought and slowly

gotten irritated at not having a good or snappy reply.

Always nice hearing from you Adelaide.

[Guest guest]

EVERYONE'S FEEDBACK

Without my boring everyone with my whole history

again, since I have been VERY isolated from other LP's

all my life, and have been blessed to make many

wonderful friendships online only since last December,

my only relationships with LP's have been since then.

So if I ask questions here which may seem redundant to many of you, please be

patient.

Being able to learn from YOU all ways of dealing with

the sheer rudeness we forever encounter, has been such

a gift to ME! And just knowing I am NOT alone out there,

has made such a difference, believe me.

I could be wrong, but do male LP's tend to get ridiculed

and treated more rudely than we female LP's do? That is

the impression I am getting, so I was wondering.

Also, a wheelchair bound AP told me years ago, that if

I were in a wheelchair/scooter, I would encounter far less

ridicule, following, and gawking. At the time, I was

fighting to learn how to walk again following a devastating

spine surgery, and the person was like " why bother?!! "

But we won't go there. However, for all our amazing wheelchair/scooter

LP's, do you all think there is ANY truth to this at all? What are your

thoughts?

Finally, many of you astound me---how do you all NOT

allow the stuff we encounter to get inside of you and tear

you apart? How do you keep from feeling belittled?

I am sure the fact that my parents instilled in ME, a

sense of shame about myself, which often has a tendancy

to surface during those moments of " in your face " ridicule,

doesn't exactly help, but let me tell you, I have come a

long, LONG ways, learning how NOT to give such hurtful

words the power TO hurt me. Still though, at times there ARE those moments,

when that monster of " shame " takes me right down---hard!

OUCH.

Anyway, what are your thoughts about these

things?

Adelaide