RE: Has this happened to you?

[Guest guest]

I have had several people call me Bridgett( my name is Sara) and for the

longest time I couldn't figure out who they were talking about..Well one

of my more wild lifestyled friends figured it out!!! Apparently

" Bridgett " is an Adult Entertainer that has movies for rent!! (if you

know what I mean) At first I was just too embarrassed for words and I

have learned to laugh about it!! (sort of) I really don't know whether to

take it as a compliment or not since I have never seen " Bridgett " for

myself..oh well...

Sara

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[Guest guest]

Hi Sara,

I'm AH, and my oldest daughter is 24. We have been mistaken for friends or

sisters several times..... she finds it a bit offensive - I don't. <grins>

So it's not always due to being in a chair or anything - people just make

assumptions!

Regards

Caela

Mum to , 12, achon, New Zealand

Liaison Officer & Editor for LPNZ

>

> I don't often post here, because I have OI type III/IV and use a

> wheelchair for mobility, so many of the medical/social issues discussed

> aren't relevant to my situation.

>

> However, I've been dealing with something that's kind of...strange...and

> I'm wondering if other LP's have been in the same situation.

>

> My 14 year old daughter also has OI type III/IV, and she uses a

> wheelchair as well. We are about the same size. I was an " older " mother,

> so there is quite an age difference between us.

>

> Three times in the past couple of weeks I have been out and about alone

> (my daughter in school), and a person has asked me " Where is your

> friend? " (The question has come from cashiers and clerks at the stores I

> frequent).

>

> Playing dumb (because that can be fun), I've replied " Friend??? " with a

> quizzical look on my face.

>

> " Yes...that blond girl you're always with. "

>

> " Blond girl?? Oh! You mean my DAUGHTER? "

>

> Long pause. Wait as shocked look passes across their face and they

> collect themselves.

>

> " .....That's...your...daughter??? " they ask.

>

> " Oh yes. She's at school right now, so I'm flying solo today. "

>

> Have any of you who have children who are also LP's been in this

> situation? You see, I can't figure out if it's coming from:

>

> 1) I have a disability, and naturally people with disabilities don't

> have sex, ergo I couldn't POSSIBLY have a child, or

> 2) People don't " see " us beyond our wheelchairs, so the OBVIOUS age

> difference isn't noticed - ergo, two people using wheelchairs who are

> together could ONLY be friends (after all, birds of a feather MUST flock

> together).

>

> Yeah, I look good for my age. I can easily pass for a good ten years

> younger than I actually am. But even THAT doesn't put me even in the

> same ballpark as a 14 year old!

>

> I'd love to hear your comments!

>

> TG

>

> --

> Twirly Girly: Champion of the Misquoted and Misunderstood (cape not included)

>

> THIS message and any attachments are CONFIDENTIAL and may be privileged.

> They are intended ONLY for the individual or entity named.

> Copying or forwarding this message, or the thoughts contained herein, in whole

or in part to any other mailbox - without permission of the author - is

forbidden.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi TG,

I have mosaic turners and my daughter is short. We're still mistaken for

sisters all the time. :-)

Hugs!

Zen Cat

[Guest guest]

<Caela wrote>

I'm AH, and my oldest daughter is 24. We have been mistaken for friends

or sisters several times..... she finds it a bit offensive - I don't.

<grins>

So it's not always due to being in a chair or anything - people just

make assumptions!

<TG replies>

H-m-m-m. I'm not so sure. There is a much bigger difference in

appearance between a 14-year old and someone who is middle-aged, versus

a woman in her mid-twenties and perhaps a woman in her 40's (guessing

here - you didn't say how old you are).

OTOH, my interpretation may be colored a bit by an experience we had on

the public bus last month...we were sitting in the back, and the woman

sitting across from us said quite loudly " You know, they just want to be

treated like NORMAL people... " and a few minutes later, when my daughter

and I just happened to pull out our cell phones simultaneously to check

the time, said " Oh look! They have cell phones just like NORMAL people,

too!! "

Oh, the retorts that were running through my mind.......

--

Twirly Girly: Champion of the Misquoted and Misunderstood (cape not included)

THIS message and any attachments are CONFIDENTIAL and may be privileged.

They are intended ONLY for the individual or entity named.

Copying or forwarding this message, or the thoughts contained herein, in whole

or in part to any other mailbox - without permission of the author - is

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[Guest guest]

My hat's off to you, TG for not going off on the woman. I'm afraid I

couldn't have held back and would have verbally blasted her into the

middle of next week. My tongue would have cut her three ways -- deep,

wide and frequently. :-)

Hugs!

Zen Cat

Verbal Gladiator

On 10/4/10 6:54 PM, Twirly Girly wrote:

> <TG replies>

>

> .OTOH, my interpretation may be colored a bit by an experience we had on

> the public bus last month...we were sitting in the back, and the woman

> sitting across from us said quite loudly " You know, they just want to be

> treated like NORMAL people... " and a few minutes later, when my daughter

> and I just happened to pull out our cell phones simultaneously to check

> the time, said " Oh look! They have cell phones just like NORMAL people,

> too!! "

>

> Oh, the retorts that were running through my mind.......

>

[Guest guest]

<ZenCatShadow wrote>

I have mosaic turners and my daughter is short. We're still mistaken for

sisters all the time.

<TG replies>

It's not unusual for mothers and daughters to be mistaken for sisters in

the AB world....I have many friends who have had that experience. There

can be quite a difference in ages between sisters - my own sister is 11

years older than I.

I think I'm having a problem with people assuming we're " friends "

because that term implies a *peer* relationship. It should be obvious to

anyone giving us more than a cursory glance that we are NOT peers. NEVER

has anyone asked if my daughter and I are sisters, or mother/daughter.

When they ask at all, it's " friends " - as if that is the only paradigm

we fit in their minds.

On another note...I worked for American Airlines for 22 years. In my

office (which consisted of several hundred employees), there was only

one other woman who used a wheelchair. She was at least 20 years older

than I, and heavier. Other than the fact that we were both female and

wheelchair users of approximately the same size (she had spina bifida,

not OI), we had no other physical attributes in common.

However, it was quite a common experience for people to call me by her

name, and on several occasions, people came up to me (people I did not

know) and began talking to me about things that obviously were related

to a previous conversation they'd had with HER.

The first couple of times it happened, it took me awhile to get it

figured out....I thought maybe I was losing my memory! I'd say something

like " I'm sorry, I really have no idea what you're talking about. Would

you refresh my memory? " And they'd say " Well, when we were talking

yesterday, you were telling me about XYZ.... " when I had never spoken to

them before in my life. A couple of times, I heard " But (the other

woman's name), don't you remember we were blah, blah, blah " and I

realized they thought they were talking to HER. Look, I do understand

getting people mixed up, but if you could see a picture of this woman

and I side-by-side, you'd realize how difficult it would be for anyone

who saw past the wheelchairs AT ALL to make that mistake. We were THAT

different in appearance. Heck, even the way we dressed was on opposite

ends of the fashion spectrum.

So, I think this all relates to the point I was pondering in my first

post....people may look at us, but do they really SEE us? Is what they

remember " a woman in a wheelchair " or " a female dwarf " - or do they ever

see and remember " that cute redhead with blue eyes that uses a

wheelchair, " or " that blond-haired, brown-eyed doll* who is a dwarf " ???

*Using the term " doll " as in " you gorgeous doll "

TG

--

Twirly Girly: Champion of the Misquoted and Misunderstood (cape not included)

THIS message and any attachments are CONFIDENTIAL and may be privileged.

They are intended ONLY for the individual or entity named.

Copying or forwarding this message, or the thoughts contained herein, in whole

or in part to any other mailbox - without permission of the author - is

forbidden.

[Guest guest]

There is only 18 years between my mother and myself and for years we were

thought to be friends, and my aunts have regularly mistaken me for my mother

when they would call.  Seems we sound identical over the phone.  Our baby

pictures were nearly identical, as well.  I guess in some aspects the apple

doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

(((hugs)))

~Nan~

________________________________

From: Twirly Girly <TwirlyGirly1@...>

dwarfism

Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 7:28:38 PM

Subject: Re: Has this happened to you?

 

<ZenCatShadow wrote>

I have mosaic turners and my daughter is short. We're still mistaken for

sisters all the time.

<TG replies>

It's not unusual for mothers and daughters to be mistaken for sisters in

the AB world....I have many friends who have had that experience. There

can be quite a difference in ages between sisters - my own sister is 11

years older than I.

I think I'm having a problem with people assuming we're " friends "

because that term implies a *peer* relationship. It should be obvious to

anyone giving us more than a cursory glance that we are NOT peers. NEVER

has anyone asked if my daughter and I are sisters, or mother/daughter.

When they ask at all, it's " friends " - as if that is the only paradigm

we fit in their minds.

On another note...I worked for American Airlines for 22 years. In my

office (which consisted of several hundred employees), there was only

one other woman who used a wheelchair. She was at least 20 years older

than I, and heavier. Other than the fact that we were both female and

wheelchair users of approximately the same size (she had spina bifida,

not OI), we had no other physical attributes in common.

However, it was quite a common experience for people to call me by her

name, and on several occasions, people came up to me (people I did not

know) and began talking to me about things that obviously were related

to a previous conversation they'd had with HER.

The first couple of times it happened, it took me awhile to get it

figured out....I thought maybe I was losing my memory! I'd say something

like " I'm sorry, I really have no idea what you're talking about. Would

you refresh my memory? " And they'd say " Well, when we were talking

yesterday, you were telling me about XYZ.... " when I had never spoken to

them before in my life. A couple of times, I heard " But (the other

woman's name), don't you remember we were blah, blah, blah " and I

realized they thought they were talking to HER. Look, I do understand

getting people mixed up, but if you could see a picture of this woman

and I side-by-side, you'd realize how difficult it would be for anyone

who saw past the wheelchairs AT ALL to make that mistake. We were THAT

different in appearance. Heck, even the way we dressed was on opposite

ends of the fashion spectrum.

So, I think this all relates to the point I was pondering in my first

post....people may look at us, but do they really SEE us? Is what they

remember " a woman in a wheelchair " or " a female dwarf " - or do they ever

see and remember " that cute redhead with blue eyes that uses a

wheelchair, " or " that blond-haired, brown-eyed doll* who is a dwarf " ???

*Using the term " doll " as in " you gorgeous doll "

TG

--

Twirly Girly: Champion of the Misquoted and Misunderstood (cape not included)

THIS message and any attachments are CONFIDENTIAL and may be privileged.

They are intended ONLY for the individual or entity named.

Copying or forwarding this message, or the thoughts contained herein, in whole

or in part to any other mailbox - without permission of the author - is

forbidden.

[Guest guest]

I agree ZenCat -

That is just rude, ignorant and offensive.

Caela

> > <TG replies>

> >

> > .OTOH, my interpretation may be colored a bit by an experience we had on

> > the public bus last month...we were sitting in the back, and the woman

> > sitting across from us said quite loudly " You know, they just want to be

> > treated like NORMAL people... " and a few minutes later, when my daughter

> > and I just happened to pull out our cell phones simultaneously to check

> > the time, said " Oh look! They have cell phones just like NORMAL people,

> > too!! "

> >

> > Oh, the retorts that were running through my mind.......

> >

>

[Guest guest]

<ZenCatShadow wrote>

My hat's off to you, TG for not going off on the woman. I'm afraid I

couldn't have held back and would have verbally blasted her into the

middle of next week. My tongue would have cut her three ways -- deep,

wide and frequently. :-)

<TG wrote>

I wanted to.

I rarely do.

I've been trying to analyze why it is so difficult for me to put people

like this in their place. (Been thinking about this for years, actually,

as I have *never* been able to). Part of it, I think, is because I don't

want to make others feel as badly as they've made me feel. If I

embarrass someone, or say something that hurts their feelings, am I

really any better than they are? OTOH, by staying silent, might my

refusal to address their behavior be seen as condoning their actions? I

don't know. In that situation on the bus, the woman making the comments

was obese. I wondered at the time (had she *not* said those things), how

people would have reacted had *I* begun discussing obesity with my

daughter and said " Fat people just want to be treated like NORMAL

people " in a voice loud enough for her (and most of the rest of the

travelers) to overhear. Would another rider have stepped in and told me

I was being rude? I suspect someone would have. Yet no one on that bus

told that women her comments were rude and inappropriate.

The other aspect that plays a role in my reluctance to speak up comes

from my middle to high school years, when I was being tormented

regularly by a group of students. When I tried to get my parents to

intervene, my father said flat-out that I *must* be doing something to

those students to cause them to treat me that way, because *no one*

would treat someone like that without provocation> He said if I wanted

to *have* friends, I had to begin by *being* a friend. Well, that set up

a terrible conflict in my mind. On the one hand, I *knew* I wasn't doing

anything to justify their behavior towards me, but on the other hand, I

needed to believe my father loved me, wanted the best for me, and would

never give me bad advice.

It wasn't until decades later I realized the real issue was with him. He

couldn't bear the idea there might be people in the world who would be

cruel to me, rude, or treat me with disrespect for something neither he

nor I could control: the fact I had been born with a disability. It hurt

him too much. It was EASIER for him to believe I had somehow caused the

bullying, because that put the situation into the realm of something

that could be eradicated now, and prevented in the future.

Now realizing these things IS the first step. Overcoming them is the

second through tenth, and I'm not sure how to get there!

For the record, my daughter (who is 14) *wants* me to speak up. Usually

after one of these events occurs she asks me why I didn't say anything.

*She* doesn't say anything because I taught her to respect adults

(although she certainly has my permission and encouragement to stand up

for herself with her peers), and while this could be considered an

exception to the rule, I don't think most kids her age are mature enough

to be depended on to evaluate situations with adults in terms of

" exceptions " appropriately. Furthermore, as a parent with a disability I

am always mindful of the fact that my parenting skills are under a

microscope at ALL times, so the last thing I need is people accusing me

of being a bad parent because my kid is telling off adults.

--

Twirly Girly: Champion of the Misquoted and Misunderstood (cape not included)

THIS message and any attachments are CONFIDENTIAL and may be privileged.

They are intended ONLY for the individual or entity named.

Copying or forwarding this message, or the thoughts contained herein, in whole

or in part to any other mailbox - without permission of the author - is

forbidden.

[Guest guest]

I'm often 'mistaken' for another little person someone has met elsewhere, or

seen in a movie.  I've been asked if I was Dinklage several times! Or if

I was in " Willow " .  Usually by complete strangers, and for as long as I can

remember.  Apparently we all look alike.  

More strangely, my musician friend Brush ( " The Krooked Cowboy " ) and I both

frequent the same Cafe.  He plays guitar and sings, I drink a beer and enjoy

the music.  

has Morquios Syndrome, I have achondroplasia. gets around in a

wheelchair, I ride a bicycle.   wheels up to the stage and sits in a chair

to perform, after a few beers they call me 'Ricochet.'

Grady has posted some of vids here before.  He's truly " one of the finest

performers of bluegrass, folk, and country music you will ever have the good

fortune to hear. " (http://www.shawnbrush.com)

Anyway, you wouldn't believe how many times people come up to me (while I'm

still standing up) and congratulate me on my musicianship, my songwriting and my

vocals!  And yes, even on the same night where has just finished a show!

 Granted we're about the same height, even when he's seated, but any morsel of

similarity ends right there!  Not even close in hair colour, facial features,

voice, laugh, body shape, nothing!  We have a good laugh after wards, sometimes

he's right around the corner, eavesdropping on the conversation and busting a

gut laughing.

So a very good question indeed TG, what

do people see when they look at us?  And of course it's not always pleasant as

you can see reading about other people's experiences here.  Hopefully the ones

we can laugh about make up for the rude or obnoxious people we encounter in some

small way.  

Cheers,

Mark

From: Nan Rodgers <misscatitude2002@...>

Subject: Re: Re: Has this happened to you?

" Twirly Girly " <TwirlyGirly1@...>, dwarfism

Date: Monday, October 4, 2010, 5:50 PM

 

There is only 18 years between my mother and myself and for years we were

thought to be friends, and my aunts have regularly mistaken me for my mother

when they would call.  Seems we sound identical over the phone.  Our baby

pictures were nearly identical, as well.  I guess in some aspects the apple

doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

(((hugs)))

~Nan~

________________________________

From: Twirly Girly <TwirlyGirly1@...>

dwarfism

Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 7:28:38 PM

Subject: Re: Has this happened to you?

 

<ZenCatShadow wrote>

I have mosaic turners and my daughter is short. We're still mistaken for

sisters all the time.

<TG replies>

It's not unusual for mothers and daughters to be mistaken for sisters in

the AB world....I have many friends who have had that experience. There

can be quite a difference in ages between sisters - my own sister is 11

years older than I.

I think I'm having a problem with people assuming we're " friends "

because that term implies a *peer* relationship. It should be obvious to

anyone giving us more than a cursory glance that we are NOT peers. NEVER

has anyone asked if my daughter and I are sisters, or mother/daughter.

When they ask at all, it's " friends " - as if that is the only paradigm

we fit in their minds.

On another note...I worked for American Airlines for 22 years. In my

office (which consisted of several hundred employees), there was only

one other woman who used a wheelchair. She was at least 20 years older

than I, and heavier. Other than the fact that we were both female and

wheelchair users of approximately the same size (she had spina bifida,

not OI), we had no other physical attributes in common.

However, it was quite a common experience for people to call me by her

name, and on several occasions, people came up to me (people I did not

know) and began talking to me about things that obviously were related

to a previous conversation they'd had with HER.

The first couple of times it happened, it took me awhile to get it

figured out....I thought maybe I was losing my memory! I'd say something

like " I'm sorry, I really have no idea what you're talking about. Would

you refresh my memory? " And they'd say " Well, when we were talking

yesterday, you were telling me about XYZ.... " when I had never spoken to

them before in my life. A couple of times, I heard " But (the other

woman's name), don't you remember we were blah, blah, blah " and I

realized they thought they were talking to HER. Look, I do understand

getting people mixed up, but if you could see a picture of this woman

and I side-by-side, you'd realize how difficult it would be for anyone

who saw past the wheelchairs AT ALL to make that mistake. We were THAT

different in appearance. Heck, even the way we dressed was on opposite

ends of the fashion spectrum.

So, I think this all relates to the point I was pondering in my first

post....people may look at us, but do they really SEE us? Is what they

remember " a woman in a wheelchair " or " a female dwarf " - or do they ever

see and remember " that cute redhead with blue eyes that uses a

wheelchair, " or " that blond-haired, brown-eyed doll* who is a dwarf " ???

*Using the term " doll " as in " you gorgeous doll "

TG

--

Twirly Girly: Champion of the Misquoted and Misunderstood (cape not included)

THIS message and any attachments are CONFIDENTIAL and may be privileged.

They are intended ONLY for the individual or entity named.

Copying or forwarding this message, or the thoughts contained herein, in whole

or in part to any other mailbox - without permission of the author - is

forbidden.

[Guest guest]

<Lenette wrote>

For one thing, I don't think people can look past the 'disability' to

even consider what age we might be. They don't really 'look' at our

faces. That's one reason at conventions they stress the bartenders

check on ages of drinkers.

<TG replies>

My thought exactly. It's also probably why I was able to get into bars

when I was only 16. I think the doorman was more worried about either

insulting me or embarrassing himself, so I was *never* carded!

(I never drank alcohol when I went to bars at that age , though. Just a

coke - I used to go with friends to listen to the music).

--

Twirly Girly: Champion of the Misquoted and Misunderstood (cape not included)

THIS message and any attachments are CONFIDENTIAL and may be privileged.

They are intended ONLY for the individual or entity named.

Copying or forwarding this message, or the thoughts contained herein, in whole

or in part to any other mailbox - without permission of the author - is

forbidden.