To tell, or not to tell, THAT is the question!

[Guest guest]

My niece and her husband invited us to a dinner party recently.

She told us later that one guest had been speaking to her later, and

mentioned that she didn't know her uncle and aunt were dwarf. My niece

replied that she never ever gave it a thought, but at the same time, thought

she had, at some time, mentioned to this friend about us being so.

As it happens, I was wondering why this particular guest was rather quiet

towards us until much later in the evening (when the booze had begun to have

an effect :-))) ). Interestingly, that self same person went down on her

knees and gave me a wonderful 'hug' as we were leaving:-) I obviously

reciprocated, but given the shortness of my arms, I have to admit, I found

her 'cushions', divine!

So, the question is begged, do friends warn people who have never met us,

(but are about to meet us), about our dwarfism, in advance, or not?

Now, before the politically vociferous amongst us begin beating their drum

of rage and fury, I really am asking out of the shear pleasure of the

discussion, NOT from a politically correct point of view.

Personally, I generally don't care a dam if they are warned or not. Besides,

I swear I can tell from the first look on their faces whether or not they

have been:-)

I used to feel sorry for kids starting my class part way through an

education year. They would be shoved into this strange environment of a new

school, then (having been told their new teachers name is Mr. Short) into a

new classroom, only to be confronted by a teacher their size, or smaller! I

was never sure who got the greater shock, the kid or it's parent:-)

To tell, or not to tell, what do you think?

[Guest guest]

Fred,this is an interesting question.

My daughter, who is average sized, has arranged for a friend to assist me.

When the friend came and helped me, the first time, nothing was said about

my size. She had spoke to my daughter, later, about it and my daughter told

her that she never thinks of me as being little.

After people know us for a while, we are no different than anyone else.

Living in a home that with the kitchen and bathroom floor raised, I didn't

think about my size until the floor was removed as the place is up for sale.

the first time I went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and couldn't

reach the faucet, I felt like a dwarf again.

After my vision loss and before I could return to work I needed mobility

training. My supervisor arranged the training for me. The trainer appeared

at my door and came in to my dining room where he was taking information

about me. He presented me with a white cane that was taller than me and was

a bit embarrassed. He said no one had told him that I was a dwarf. He said

he would bring a shorter cane back the next visit.

Later, I was given further training by a different man, who had spoke to the

first gentleman and learned I was a dwarf before he got to my house.

Now when I have someone coming to repair something in my house, I feel it is

more important to tell them ahead of time that I am blind and never mention

that I am LP. I miss not seeing their reaction.

To tell, or not to tell, THAT is the question!

> My niece and her husband invited us to a dinner party recently.

>

> She told us later that one guest had been speaking to her later, and

> mentioned that she didn't know her uncle and aunt were dwarf. My niece

> replied that she never ever gave it a thought, but at the same time,

thought

> she had, at some time, mentioned to this friend about us being so.

>

> As it happens, I was wondering why this particular guest was rather quiet

> towards us until much later in the evening (when the booze had begun to

have

> an effect :-))) ). Interestingly, that self same person went down on her

> knees and gave me a wonderful 'hug' as we were leaving:-) I obviously

> reciprocated, but given the shortness of my arms, I have to admit, I found

> her 'cushions', divine!

>

> So, the question is begged, do friends warn people who have never met us,

> (but are about to meet us), about our dwarfism, in advance, or not?

>

> Now, before the politically vociferous amongst us begin beating their drum

> of rage and fury, I really am asking out of the shear pleasure of the

> discussion, NOT from a politically correct point of view.

>

> Personally, I generally don't care a dam if they are warned or not.

Besides,

> I swear I can tell from the first look on their faces whether or not they

> have been:-)

>

> I used to feel sorry for kids starting my class part way through an

> education year. They would be shoved into this strange environment of a

new

> school, then (having been told their new teachers name is Mr. Short) into

a

> new classroom, only to be confronted by a teacher their size, or smaller!

I

> was never sure who got the greater shock, the kid or it's parent:-)

>

> To tell, or not to tell, what do you think?

>

>

>

>

> ===

>

[Guest guest]

Fred,

Being a 'people watcher' I also believe I can tell when people have

been told and when they haven't. It's all said in their eyes, at

times followed by a slight (physically visible) gasp and a 'hmmmmm'.

It's rare that I get to hear someone describe me. Around 7 years ago

the former President of our University gave me a temporary (in

University lingo this turned out to be a year) assignment

coordinating two Vice-Presidential searches. I was in her office while

she spoke with a contact of hers (a realtor) setting up a meeting with

me to take a candidate 'house shopping'. The woman was picking me up

at the campus and evidently asked the President how would she

recognize me, since my height was never an issue (for us this was

usually a non-conversation), for a 2 second period she didn't know

what to say. She just covered the phone, turns to me and says " What do

you like to be called, " dwarf or little person " ? I think it took me

longer to decide what to say than it took her to ask (mostly because I

got carried away thinking " so this is what its like for them " ), but

settled for a shrug followed by " either will do " . LOL, I have to

laugh sometimes at how people forget the height things, during this

same period I was saying something to her about wishing my car was

parked closer.....I had been shuffling candidates between 2

campuses.....and she reached on her desk for her keys and said " here,

use mine " evidently she had never thought about how I manage this feat

;-)

I find the faculty and staff usually don't mention my height to

others (as I said I can tell by the surprised looks) but I know the

kids do ;-) When they send their peers to me for help-advice-favors

there rarely is even a moment of the 'surprise look'.

What makes me wonder is why some people get over it in a second or

two and some people have such a difficult time. I've had people who's

eyes wandered all over the place in an effort not to stare at me.

These I spend wayyyyy too much time trying to make comfortable. I'm

one of those people who enjoys eye contact and the avoidance drives me

crazy. Oye vey! During those 2 searches I met around 30 candidates

that came to the area for interviews, we had had extensive phone

contact, I could almost tell from that first look what their

experience was going to be like with us (it is a widely diverse

campus). I don't feel a need to tell people what to expect so their

level of " coolness " when I picked them up a the hotel said a whole

lot.

(who looks forward to giving Fred a friendly cushioned hug one day)

> My niece and her husband invited us to a dinner party recently.

>

> She told us later that one guest had been speaking to her later, and

> mentioned that she didn't know her uncle and aunt were dwarf. My

niece

> replied that she never ever gave it a thought, but at the same

time,

thought

> she had, at some time, mentioned to this friend about us being so.

>

> As it happens, I was wondering why this particular guest was rather

quiet

> towards us until much later in the evening (when the booze had

begun

to have

> an effect :-))) ). Interestingly, that self same person went down

on her

> knees and gave me a wonderful 'hug' as we were leaving:-) I

obviously

> reciprocated, but given the shortness of my arms, I have to admit,

I

found

> her 'cushions', divine!

>

> So, the question is begged, do friends warn people who have never

met us,

> (but are about to meet us), about our dwarfism, in advance, or not?

>

> Now, before the politically vociferous amongst us begin beating

their drum

> of rage and fury, I really am asking out of the shear pleasure of

the

> discussion, NOT from a politically correct point of view.

>

> Personally, I generally don't care a dam if they are warned or not.

Besides,

> I swear I can tell from the first look on their faces whether or

not

they

> have been:-)

>

> I used to feel sorry for kids starting my class part way through an

> education year. They would be shoved into this strange environment

of a new

> school, then (having been told their new teachers name is Mr.

Short)

into a

> new classroom, only to be confronted by a teacher their size, or

smaller! I

> was never sure who got the greater shock, the kid or it's parent:-)

>

> To tell, or not to tell, what do you think?

[Guest guest]

My average size girlfriend didn't tell her friends that I was a dwarf when we

first started dating. I kinda wish she would have though. My first encounter

with one of her closest friends was at a dance club/bar. The lady that owned

it was the best friend to my gf. When she first saw me, she thought I was a

kid in the club and she approached me to ask me where my parents were and all

that, but then something made her decide not to ask. Guess she realized I

didn't really look like a kid once she got closer. Later she asked my gf if I

was there and she said " Yea, I'll introduce you later when the bar closes.. "

Soooo.. once the bar closed, there I was, approaching this woman, with my gf

at my side. Her eyes got the size of watermelons. It was actually quite

funny.. She had told my gf about the " kid " she saw, and obviously my gf knew

she was talking about me, but didn't say anything to the lady about it.

Needless to say my gf got treated GREAT the next couple weeks, because the

lady felt so bad about what had happened. I must say it did make things a bit

weird for a while because everyone would say to my gf, " You didn't tell me

she was SHORT "

My gf CLAIMS, at that time, that she didn't think anything of my size, so she

didn't feel it necessary to tell everyone.. However, I later ended the

relationship because she had issues with the size difference between us, but

that's a whole diff. story..

Ames

[Guest guest]

I always forget to tell people, and I also forget to tell them that even

though i use a wheelchair I can walk. It has caused some great surprises

but I do honestly forget to tell people!

Danette Baker

Spokane, WA

scraps-of-joy@...

http://www.geocities.com/hotsprings/villa/9405

Snap In A Scrap Consultant # 10434

Pages in 2002: 6

Swaps in 2002: 9

My disability is not a handicap

***********************************

I'll be standing in the gap for you

Just remember someone, somewhere

Is praying for you

Calling out your name

Praying for your strength

I'll be standing in the gap for you

~ Babbie Mason ~

-- To tell, or not to tell, THAT is the question!

My niece and her husband invited us to a dinner party recently.

She told us later that one guest had been speaking to her later, and

mentioned that she didn't know her uncle and aunt were dwarf. My niece

replied that she never ever gave it a thought, but at the same time, thought

she had, at some time, mentioned to this friend about us being so.

As it happens, I was wondering why this particular guest was rather quiet

towards us until much later in the evening (when the booze had begun to have

an effect :-))) ). Interestingly, that self same person went down on her

knees and gave me a wonderful 'hug' as we were leaving:-) I obviously

reciprocated, but given the shortness of my arms, I have to admit, I found

her 'cushions', divine!

So, the question is begged, do friends warn people who have never met us,

(but are about to meet us), about our dwarfism, in advance, or not?

Now, before the politically vociferous amongst us begin beating their drum

of rage and fury, I really am asking out of the shear pleasure of the

discussion, NOT from a politically correct point of view.

Personally, I generally don't care a dam if they are warned or not. Besides,

I swear I can tell from the first look on their faces whether or not they

have been:-)

I used to feel sorry for kids starting my class part way through an

education year. They would be shoved into this strange environment of a new

school, then (having been told their new teachers name is Mr. Short) into a

new classroom, only to be confronted by a teacher their size, or smaller! I

was never sure who got the greater shock, the kid or it's parent:-)

To tell, or not to tell, what do you think?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/2/02 2:54:25 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

mail@... writes:

<< To tell, or not to tell, what do you think?

>>

Okay dear Fred, I can answer this because I know you won't get angry with me

no matter what I say, and I love having that confidence to treat you as I

would anyone else, and give you an honest reply.

Probably, I would tell my friend. Some of which can be really good at

speaking without thinking. It would be more for their protection from

embarrassment. Of course that would depend on the friend also. I have some

that are much more capable of social manners then others, so there you go.

BTW, I really am formulating that other reply I owe you. :-)

Willow

[Guest guest]

List,

Matt is absolutely correct in this discussion. It is fascinating and

I have given it some thought most of my life - especially in

employment issues.

I believe the question should be re-posed: When do you tell and when

do you not tell?

I never tell anyone prior to an interview. They'll see me soon

enough. When I have told someone prior to a meeting, they tend to

get anxious and worry about it for an extended period before we

meet. The outcome of those meetings has been disasterous. When I

have not them, then the outcome is much better because they don't

have time to worry about all the possible ramifications.

Sometimes, though, as in Kathy's case, people have to know so that

they can make the appropriate adjustments.

JMHO

Randy Bradford

[Guest guest]

I'm embarassed to mention this, but up to the

beginning of last month, I too was blind to the

wheelchair / scooter situation many LP's have.

I myself am a achon, and with SLC being my first LPA

event, my first thought when I saw so many LP's using

scooters or wheelchairs were " can't they walk " ? This

though was just ignorance and lack of education on my

part. A day at the convention corrected this misnomer

in a hurry!

SLC was an eye opener for me on many levels, and I

received quite an education to the various forms of

dwarfism.

It's just that I've always associated a scooter and

wheelchair with someone who can't walk instead of

someone who needs just mobility assistance from time

to time, on various levels.

Education is key.

Knowledge is strength

Joe...

--- Danette <scraps-of-joy@...> wrote:

> I always forget to tell people, and I also forget to

> tell them that even

> though i use a wheelchair I can walk. It has caused

> some great surprises

> but I do honestly forget to tell people!

>

> Danette Baker

> Spokane, WA

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

From: <Willow4real@...>

> Okay dear Fred, I can answer this because I know you won't get angry with

me

> no matter what I say,

WOW!!!!!! Such confidence!!!!!

>and I love having that confidence to treat you as I would anyone else,

You mean, you treat me as you would anyone else, EVEN THOUGH, you consider

me different???? :-)))))

>and give you an honest reply.

Wow, that will be a first:-))))

>

> Probably, I would tell my friend. Some of which can be really good at

> speaking without thinking.

Actually, those are the type I love the best. Far better than those who

spend ages thinking before they speak, cos then you can be ten lines ahead

of them.

>It would be more for their protection from embarrassment.

YOUR friends would be embarrassed, or you think I would be? If the latter

then you don't know me as well as I thought you did, if the former, then I

would ask the source of the embarrassment.

>Of course that would depend on the friend also. I have some

> that are much more capable of social manners then others, so there you go.

Do these 'friends' have better social manners towards 'ordinary folk' than

they do us 'different folk'?

> BTW, I really am formulating that other reply I owe you. :-)

I know darling, can't wait :-*******

Loves yer

Fred, stirring the pot:-)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/3/02 2:26:46 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

mail@... writes:

<< WOW!!!!!! Such confidence!!!!!

Okay, I had confidence but now...well, I am not so sure.:-))

<< You mean, you treat me as you would anyone else, EVEN THOUGH, you consider

me different???? :-)))))

You throw me sometimes. You are only different in that you are my best

Cyber-friend, and you have a great sense of humor. You are the same in every

other way, except for that man thing.

>and give you an honest reply.

<< Wow, that will be a first:-))))

Impugning my honor will not help you dear! :-)

> Probably, I would tell my friend. Some of which can be really good at

> speaking without thinking.

<<Actually, those are the type I love the best. Far better than those who

spend ages thinking before they speak, cos then you can be ten lines ahead

of them.

I see.

>It would be more for their protection from embarrassment.

<<YOUR friends would be embarrassed, or you think I would be? If the latter

then you don't know me as well as I thought you did, if the former, then I

would ask the source of the embarrassment.

Never would I think you would be embarrassed! It would be for their (her,

actually) protection. And not really just a friend, but specifically, my

sister. She tends to think everything and almost everyone is " Cute! " and I

know how you hate that word. She would be warned against that. Even though

you are, in a handsome sort of way.

;-)

>Of course that would depend on the friend also. I have some

> that are much more capable of social manners then others, so there you go.

<< Do these 'friends' have better social manners towards 'ordinary folk' than

they do us 'different folk'?

No. Unfortunately they just don't have much toward anything. I am weeding

them out though.

<<Fred, stirring the pot:-)

Which you do really well, a disturbing trait! :-)

Lovies,

Willow