Re: Jeannette-More Upsetting News

[Guest guest]

Dear Jeannette:

You don't know me, my name is Colletti. I read all the emails from RA

Support group, but I hardly write. I read your letter tonight and I felt I

had to write. I am sorry you are so upset. I am sorry your Mom and Dad have

been sick and that you are so terribly upset about them. It is very hard to

face these things but it is something we all must do, sooner or later. My

Mom passed away in 1979, my Dad is still here with me. He is 87. She was 62

when she died. I never thought I could live through it because we were so

close, but I did. It was very difficult. However, my family and friends

were so helpful.

I am 52 and have been sick since I was 16. I always thought I would be the

first to die because I have so many things wrong with me. However, God works

in mysterios ways. My only brother died at 49 in 1991. He was never sick,

until one day they discovered he had Leukemia and he died 2 days later. We

were in shock. So it is just my Dad and me and 6 cats.

I don't know why I am telling you all this. I just wanted to write to you

and try to ease your distress. If there was something I could do to help

you, I would. I know it is not easy, I surely know that. I do pray that God

will help you through this difficulty and that you have happier days in the

future. I hope your parents recover and are with you for many years yet.

Sincerely, J. Colletti

Anjillah@...

[Guest guest]

Jeanette-

I can identify completely. It is a difficult time of

life. I am 46. My dad died of pneumonia - a complication

of leukemia 12 years ago. I had had some arthritis

problems before but it was 6 months after his death and

right after his brother, my uncle's, death, that they

finally got a positive rheumatoid factor in my blood

work. Then it seemed like the entire generation

" emptied " out. Besides my dad,from 1988 until 1999- I

lost 6 aunts, 2 uncles and the little son of a first

cousin ( the count does not even begin to include

friends or parents of friends.) We are a very close

family. They say the average American experiences a

funeral once every 7 years - I felt my family was

breaking a record.

This may sound cliched but prayer does really help -

maybe not immediately - but it can begin to help us put

things into perspective. Letting go is always so hard.

But when you loosen the grip you learn to cherish each

day and the love of each person and then realize it is

all gift.

Example- I went to a family bridal shower yesterday and

it was somewhat bittersweet - there seemed to be too

many people missing but there were alot of new people

there also. The bride is expecting ( boy times are

changing - once that was spoken of in whispers) - and in

this case both grandmas seemed pretty happy! - so there

was a great deal of joy there too. ( Let me put this

into perspective - it was the bride's older brother who

died of heart valve problems at age 13 - 11 years ago.)

There was a lot of cumulative courage in that room - a

lot of joy made even sweeter because it had the kind of

depth known only by people who have known grief - and I

think focusing on those things helps us put one foot

forward when it feels like we can't.

I am Catholic - not necessarily an evangelist- not our

tradition- but I really believe it is the people who

have known the most Death and Resurrection- and can

identify it as such- in their lives that are the most

loving and most flexible and who teach us how to walk

forward. We find our Higher Power ( Jesus or however

else we name that power) in them. God knows, with the

life altering illnesses you and I and many of the people

have known here - we have known many little Deaths and

Resurrections- and they invite us to become stronger and

become part of that greater mystery. I don't believe

that happens over night.

None of this is to say you can't feel grief or fear or

anger - it is legitimate. ( I personally try to remember

Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus and in his last night

in the Garden, Jesus knew palpable fear and the anger

one feels in being forsaken - his real humanity.) My mom

is one of my best friends and I worry about her, have

seen her fear going through a couple of breast biopsies,

and I would be devastated to lose her. I am just saying

that faith gives us a place " where " we can hand over

that fear and anger and grief when we are ready- and the

more often we do that - the more peace we can find. I

hope this isn't too cliched. It is awkward to

explain/share - because it is so personal.

You are held in my prayers in this struggle.

[Guest guest]

thinking of you jeannette and keeping you and your family in my prayers.

shelly

[Guest guest]

Jeannette,

You've really been put to the test this year. I'm so sorry to hear about

your mother. I will keep you and her in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in

there, you will get through this, one way or the other. Tery - FL

[Guest guest]

Jeannette,

I'm sorry that you are upset that your parents are so very ill. Your fear of

losing them is a very natural one to have and incredibly difficult to deal

with. I hope you can find the peace and courage to meet this challenge.

----- Original Message -----

From: <ednettieolson@...>

< egroups>

Sent: Monday, November 06, 2000 9:16 PM

Subject: [ ] Jeannette-More Upsetting News

> Late this afternoon we found out the results of some tests my mother had.

> Her heart is enlarged, she is leaking blood from a valve and is considered

to

> be in congestive heart failure. She has not been feeling well and has

been

> very exhausted. I thought it was because she has been doing too much nice

my

> father's stroke a year ago this month. Well, I never expected those

results.

> I am an emotional mess. Between my health problems, my father almost

dieing

> twice last year and now my mom being sick, I am a mess. I cannot stop

> crying. I thought things would lighten up after my surgery. Wrong. I am

so

> scared you can't imagine it, or maybe you can. I am so scared every day

of

> losing my parents. They have been such a large part of my life, my entire

> life, and they are both 83 years old and ill. I have lost numerous aunts

and

> uncles over the past several years. It is a difficult time of life. I

want

> them to be here forever but know they won't. I just cannot stop crying.

My

> husband went to watch a Packer game. I couldn't go. Life doesn't get

> easier, it gets harder the older you get. I am not even concerned with my

> own pain and problems as much as I am theirs. My brother and I are not

close

> at all so we deal with this on our own. Funny, he's a minister and can't

> even get close to his sister. I am sorry for dumping but I am beside

myself

> right now.

>

> It is also funny because last night I woke up at 12:30 with the most

severe

> pain in my chest you can imagine. My husband and I had a difficult time

> determining if I was having a heart attack or it was acid reflux. When I

> would lay down, the pain would become more severe than when I sat up. I

then

> took some antiacids and it began to improve. Finally after awhile I was

able

> to lay down again and go to sleep. It was almost like a preminision of

what

> was to be. I cannot even pray because it may be getting close to their

time

> as God would will it to be. But it is hard to face the inevitable.

>

> Jeannette

[Guest guest]

Jeannette,

I am so sorry that things are going so badly for you. I understand the fear

you have of losing your parents. My fater died in Feb. 1992 very suddenly and

I miss him and think of him everyday. Thank God I still have my mom...she is

my rock...my very best friend, and I really think that it would destroy me if

anything happened to her. I will pray that things get better for you and I

wish you the very best.

Sincerely,

Sharon

[Guest guest]

Jeanette,

I am sorry to hear about your mother. It is understandable that you are an

emotional mess. It is very difficult to watch your parents age and their

health start to deteriorate. My prayers are with you and your parents.

a

[Guest guest]

Jeanette,

So very sorry to hear about all that you and your parents are going

through. Please hang in there. I will say a prayer for all of you

guys and gals.

Regards,

Sylvia

> Late this afternoon we found out the results of some tests my

mother had.

> Her heart is enlarged, she is leaking blood from a valve and is

considered to

> be in congestive heart failure. She has not been feeling well and

has been

> very exhausted. I thought it was because she has been doing too

much nice my

> father's stroke a year ago this month. Well, I never expected

those results.

> I am an emotional mess. Between my health problems, my father

almost dieing

> twice last year and now my mom being sick, I am a mess. I cannot

stop

> crying. I thought things would lighten up after my surgery.

Wrong. I am so

> scared you can't imagine it, or maybe you can. I am so scared

every day of

> losing my parents. They have been such a large part of my life, my

entire

> life, and they are both 83 years old and ill. I have lost numerous

aunts and

> uncles over the past several years. It is a difficult time of

life. I want

> them to be here forever but know they won't. I just cannot stop

crying. My

> husband went to watch a Packer game. I couldn't go. Life doesn't

get

> easier, it gets harder the older you get. I am not even concerned

with my

> own pain and problems as much as I am theirs. My brother and I are

not close

> at all so we deal with this on our own. Funny, he's a minister and

can't

> even get close to his sister. I am sorry for dumping but I am

beside myself

> right now.

>

> It is also funny because last night I woke up at 12:30 with the

most severe

> pain in my chest you can imagine. My husband and I had a difficult

time

> determining if I was having a heart attack or it was acid reflux.

When I

> would lay down, the pain would become more severe than when I sat

up. I then

> took some antiacids and it began to improve. Finally after awhile

I was able

> to lay down again and go to sleep. It was almost like a

preminision of what

> was to be. I cannot even pray because it may be getting close to

their time

> as God would will it to be. But it is hard to face the inevitable.

>

> Jeannette