] I am the Newbie that previously posted, RE: 40 hour computer job

[Guest guest]

At 08:40 PM 8/28/07, you wrote:

> I sure feel lazy....any ideas to get rid of that feeling? I think

> the guilt I

>feel is almost worse than the pain at times....

I've been there, done that. Luckily I am blessed with a spouse who

understands. Though.... the understanding did not come

overnight. We had a business together for 15 years. I used to kid

that she was selectively understanding, or worse, I would get upset

that she spoke out of both sides of her mouth. On one hand she would

say, you need to take care of yourself, no one else can do that for

you, then on the other hand, she was mad because I wasn't putting in

the 110% she was used to. For us we at first made adjustments, then

when it was obvious I couldn't go on, we had to close the business.

She found other employment and I filed for SSDI. SSDI is not a quick

process, but it allows you to bring in some income to help your

family, while really taking care of yourself. As far as the guilt, I

went through it real bad, I still do, and I got SSDI after a 3 year

battle. It takes time, and talking it out with your Pastor, Rabbi,

Priest, a trained counselor, HERE !, and with your husband and

family. I saw a counselor for 2 years for depression. The Man is

supposed to be the bread winner. It killed me to see my Wife get up

at 6:30am, while I lay in bed because I didn't sleep all night. I

was also able to find a counselor through our church who worked on a

sliding scale, as little as $15 for a session.

Perhaps you could do as I did for awhile, try selling things on

E-bay. That way your making income, but doing it on your

schedule. The prime buying / selling season is right around the

corner. I would go with my Wife to yard sales, Thrift stores, the

basement, attic etc. Just make sure you sell things that are not

heavy or large to pack. I made that mistake. If you CAN'T Work, you

may be eligible for assistance / food stamps. Any little bit

helps. Sometimes, ok a lot of times it takes swallowing your

pride. You need to accept that you are not as healthy / productive

as you used to be, and possibly never will be.

Yourself and your husband may be causing both yourselves more harm

than good. I did anything to bring in money when our studio was

slow. I worked through the pain. I drove all night long as a

courier for overnight delivery. By the time I was driving home from

my destination, often 150 miles away, I was so twisted in pain in the

car, because it was excruciating to press the gas pedal and sit in

the car. I later found out that the Dura, or outer lining, sheath of

my spine was torn. This allowed the spinal cord to rub up against my

vertebrae and back. I Could have paralyzed myself, for $7.50 an

hour. Then what good would I have been to my family? One last

thought on that. I would often beat up on myself when I saw someone

in a wheelchair, or with no legs etc, and they were working. Well we

all have different situations and tolerances to pain. They may in

some cases look so much more worse off than you or me, and they may

be. But... they may also be challenged, but not in much physical

pain. Or some people can just be stubborn. My father worked for 4

days on a broken leg once, because he was afraid to tell my mom. Hows

that for bull headed or stinkin thinkin? Having gone through the

depression, my Father's work ethic was you don't work, you don't

eat. And he had a good job with benefits, rest his soul.

There are no easy answers . What most of us go through here is a

Life changing event. When you tell someone you suffer from back

pain, they ALL say " So do I " , " Everybody has back pain " But there is

a big difference between an ache of pain that some rest and Tylenol

will fix, and Chronic pain from bulging/ruptured disks or

worse. Well I just got up to quiet the cat, but your posting hit a

nerve, so you got my best 20 minutes of the day We all have

different relationships with God. But what I've always done in times

like these, when I needed to have a real tough discussion with my

Wife, or Daughter, or anyone else for that matter is Pray for God to

put the right Words in my mouth, because I / we alone can't have all

the right answers.

I hope this helps, I'm sure others have much to Care / Share

also. There are almost 300 member reading this somewhere. Blessing

to you and your husband and all who suffer in silence.

Dave in PA

[Guest guest]

At 08:40 PM 8/28/07, you wrote:

> I sure feel lazy....any ideas to get rid of that feeling? I think

> the guilt I

>feel is almost worse than the pain at times....

I've been there, done that. Luckily I am blessed with a spouse who

understands. Though.... the understanding did not come

overnight. We had a business together for 15 years. I used to kid

that she was selectively understanding, or worse, I would get upset

that she spoke out of both sides of her mouth. On one hand she would

say, you need to take care of yourself, no one else can do that for

you, then on the other hand, she was mad because I wasn't putting in

the 110% she was used to. For us we at first made adjustments, then

when it was obvious I couldn't go on, we had to close the business.

She found other employment and I filed for SSDI. SSDI is not a quick

process, but it allows you to bring in some income to help your

family, while really taking care of yourself. As far as the guilt, I

went through it real bad, I still do, and I got SSDI after a 3 year

battle. It takes time, and talking it out with your Pastor, Rabbi,

Priest, a trained counselor, HERE !, and with your husband and

family. I saw a counselor for 2 years for depression. The Man is

supposed to be the bread winner. It killed me to see my Wife get up

at 6:30am, while I lay in bed because I didn't sleep all night. I

was also able to find a counselor through our church who worked on a

sliding scale, as little as $15 for a session.

Perhaps you could do as I did for awhile, try selling things on

E-bay. That way your making income, but doing it on your

schedule. The prime buying / selling season is right around the

corner. I would go with my Wife to yard sales, Thrift stores, the

basement, attic etc. Just make sure you sell things that are not

heavy or large to pack. I made that mistake. If you CAN'T Work, you

may be eligible for assistance / food stamps. Any little bit

helps. Sometimes, ok a lot of times it takes swallowing your

pride. You need to accept that you are not as healthy / productive

as you used to be, and possibly never will be.

Yourself and your husband may be causing both yourselves more harm

than good. I did anything to bring in money when our studio was

slow. I worked through the pain. I drove all night long as a

courier for overnight delivery. By the time I was driving home from

my destination, often 150 miles away, I was so twisted in pain in the

car, because it was excruciating to press the gas pedal and sit in

the car. I later found out that the Dura, or outer lining, sheath of

my spine was torn. This allowed the spinal cord to rub up against my

vertebrae and back. I Could have paralyzed myself, for $7.50 an

hour. Then what good would I have been to my family? One last

thought on that. I would often beat up on myself when I saw someone

in a wheelchair, or with no legs etc, and they were working. Well we

all have different situations and tolerances to pain. They may in

some cases look so much more worse off than you or me, and they may

be. But... they may also be challenged, but not in much physical

pain. Or some people can just be stubborn. My father worked for 4

days on a broken leg once, because he was afraid to tell my mom. Hows

that for bull headed or stinkin thinkin? Having gone through the

depression, my Father's work ethic was you don't work, you don't

eat. And he had a good job with benefits, rest his soul.

There are no easy answers . What most of us go through here is a

Life changing event. When you tell someone you suffer from back

pain, they ALL say " So do I " , " Everybody has back pain " But there is

a big difference between an ache of pain that some rest and Tylenol

will fix, and Chronic pain from bulging/ruptured disks or

worse. Well I just got up to quiet the cat, but your posting hit a

nerve, so you got my best 20 minutes of the day We all have

different relationships with God. But what I've always done in times

like these, when I needed to have a real tough discussion with my

Wife, or Daughter, or anyone else for that matter is Pray for God to

put the right Words in my mouth, because I / we alone can't have all

the right answers.

I hope this helps, I'm sure others have much to Care / Share

also. There are almost 300 member reading this somewhere. Blessing

to you and your husband and all who suffer in silence.

Dave in PA

[Guest guest]

Dave, Thank you so very much! I am still crying. I know that I need to admit

that my pain is never going to go away and I need to deal with it. I go to

therapy for depression and it does help but as you know, its expensive and I am

almost out of visits. I need to get back to church, I used to go more often, it

does help if I can make myself get up in the morning.

I applied for the position that I know I cannot do. I told my husband I

applied and he was so happy. I don't know how to tell him that I don't think I

can do it. Nothing hurts me worse than seeing the disapointment in my husbands

eyes. He works so hard...I sometimes have nightmares that he will leave me over

my health. It scares me to death. Well, now I have worked myself into a full

out cry.....I had better go. Hoping you all have a good day.

Cruikshank <d.cruikshank@...> wrote:

At 08:40 PM 8/28/07, you wrote:

> I sure feel lazy....any ideas to get rid of that feeling? I think

> the guilt I

>feel is almost worse than the pain at times....

I've been there, done that. Luckily I am blessed with a spouse who

understands. Though.... the understanding did not come

overnight. We had a business together for 15 years. I used to kid

that she was selectively understanding, or worse, I would get upset

that she spoke out of both sides of her mouth. On one hand she would

say, you need to take care of yourself, no one else can do that for

you, then on the other hand, she was mad because I wasn't putting in

the 110% she was used to. For us we at first made adjustments, then

when it was obvious I couldn't go on, we had to close the business.

She found other employment and I filed for SSDI. SSDI is not a quick

process, but it allows you to bring in some income to help your

family, while really taking care of yourself. As far as the guilt, I

went through it real bad, I still do, and I got SSDI after a 3 year

battle. It takes time, and talking it out with your Pastor, Rabbi,

Priest, a trained counselor, HERE !, and with your husband and

family. I saw a counselor for 2 years for depression. The Man is

supposed to be the bread winner. It killed me to see my Wife get up

at 6:30am, while I lay in bed because I didn't sleep all night. I

was also able to find a counselor through our church who worked on a

sliding scale, as little as $15 for a session.

Perhaps you could do as I did for awhile, try selling things on

E-bay. That way your making income, but doing it on your

schedule. The prime buying / selling season is right around the

corner. I would go with my Wife to yard sales, Thrift stores, the

basement, attic etc. Just make sure you sell things that are not

heavy or large to pack. I made that mistake. If you CAN'T Work, you

may be eligible for assistance / food stamps. Any little bit

helps. Sometimes, ok a lot of times it takes swallowing your

pride. You need to accept that you are not as healthy / productive

as you used to be, and possibly never will be.

Yourself and your husband may be causing both yourselves more harm

than good. I did anything to bring in money when our studio was

slow. I worked through the pain. I drove all night long as a

courier for overnight delivery. By the time I was driving home from

my destination, often 150 miles away, I was so twisted in pain in the

car, because it was excruciating to press the gas pedal and sit in

the car. I later found out that the Dura, or outer lining, sheath of

my spine was torn. This allowed the spinal cord to rub up against my

vertebrae and back. I Could have paralyzed myself, for $7.50 an

hour. Then what good would I have been to my family? One last

thought on that. I would often beat up on myself when I saw someone

in a wheelchair, or with no legs etc, and they were working. Well we

all have different situations and tolerances to pain. They may in

some cases look so much more worse off than you or me, and they may

be. But... they may also be challenged, but not in much physical

pain. Or some people can just be stubborn. My father worked for 4

days on a broken leg once, because he was afraid to tell my mom. Hows

that for bull headed or stinkin thinkin? Having gone through the

depression, my Father's work ethic was you don't work, you don't

eat. And he had a good job with benefits, rest his soul.

There are no easy answers . What most of us go through here is a

Life changing event. When you tell someone you suffer from back

pain, they ALL say " So do I " , " Everybody has back pain " But there is

a big difference between an ache of pain that some rest and Tylenol

will fix, and Chronic pain from bulging/ruptured disks or

worse. Well I just got up to quiet the cat, but your posting hit a

nerve, so you got my best 20 minutes of the day We all have

different relationships with God. But what I've always done in times

like these, when I needed to have a real tough discussion with my

Wife, or Daughter, or anyone else for that matter is Pray for God to

put the right Words in my mouth, because I / we alone can't have all

the right answers.

I hope this helps, I'm sure others have much to Care / Share

also. There are almost 300 member reading this somewhere. Blessing

to you and your husband and all who suffer in silence.

Dave in PA

---------------------------------

Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story.

Play Sims Stories at Games.

[Guest guest]

Dave, Thank you so very much! I am still crying. I know that I need to admit

that my pain is never going to go away and I need to deal with it. I go to

therapy for depression and it does help but as you know, its expensive and I am

almost out of visits. I need to get back to church, I used to go more often, it

does help if I can make myself get up in the morning.

I applied for the position that I know I cannot do. I told my husband I

applied and he was so happy. I don't know how to tell him that I don't think I

can do it. Nothing hurts me worse than seeing the disapointment in my husbands

eyes. He works so hard...I sometimes have nightmares that he will leave me over

my health. It scares me to death. Well, now I have worked myself into a full

out cry.....I had better go. Hoping you all have a good day.

Cruikshank <d.cruikshank@...> wrote:

At 08:40 PM 8/28/07, you wrote:

> I sure feel lazy....any ideas to get rid of that feeling? I think

> the guilt I

>feel is almost worse than the pain at times....

I've been there, done that. Luckily I am blessed with a spouse who

understands. Though.... the understanding did not come

overnight. We had a business together for 15 years. I used to kid

that she was selectively understanding, or worse, I would get upset

that she spoke out of both sides of her mouth. On one hand she would

say, you need to take care of yourself, no one else can do that for

you, then on the other hand, she was mad because I wasn't putting in

the 110% she was used to. For us we at first made adjustments, then

when it was obvious I couldn't go on, we had to close the business.

She found other employment and I filed for SSDI. SSDI is not a quick

process, but it allows you to bring in some income to help your

family, while really taking care of yourself. As far as the guilt, I

went through it real bad, I still do, and I got SSDI after a 3 year

battle. It takes time, and talking it out with your Pastor, Rabbi,

Priest, a trained counselor, HERE !, and with your husband and

family. I saw a counselor for 2 years for depression. The Man is

supposed to be the bread winner. It killed me to see my Wife get up

at 6:30am, while I lay in bed because I didn't sleep all night. I

was also able to find a counselor through our church who worked on a

sliding scale, as little as $15 for a session.

Perhaps you could do as I did for awhile, try selling things on

E-bay. That way your making income, but doing it on your

schedule. The prime buying / selling season is right around the

corner. I would go with my Wife to yard sales, Thrift stores, the

basement, attic etc. Just make sure you sell things that are not

heavy or large to pack. I made that mistake. If you CAN'T Work, you

may be eligible for assistance / food stamps. Any little bit

helps. Sometimes, ok a lot of times it takes swallowing your

pride. You need to accept that you are not as healthy / productive

as you used to be, and possibly never will be.

Yourself and your husband may be causing both yourselves more harm

than good. I did anything to bring in money when our studio was

slow. I worked through the pain. I drove all night long as a

courier for overnight delivery. By the time I was driving home from

my destination, often 150 miles away, I was so twisted in pain in the

car, because it was excruciating to press the gas pedal and sit in

the car. I later found out that the Dura, or outer lining, sheath of

my spine was torn. This allowed the spinal cord to rub up against my

vertebrae and back. I Could have paralyzed myself, for $7.50 an

hour. Then what good would I have been to my family? One last

thought on that. I would often beat up on myself when I saw someone

in a wheelchair, or with no legs etc, and they were working. Well we

all have different situations and tolerances to pain. They may in

some cases look so much more worse off than you or me, and they may

be. But... they may also be challenged, but not in much physical

pain. Or some people can just be stubborn. My father worked for 4

days on a broken leg once, because he was afraid to tell my mom. Hows

that for bull headed or stinkin thinkin? Having gone through the

depression, my Father's work ethic was you don't work, you don't

eat. And he had a good job with benefits, rest his soul.

There are no easy answers . What most of us go through here is a

Life changing event. When you tell someone you suffer from back

pain, they ALL say " So do I " , " Everybody has back pain " But there is

a big difference between an ache of pain that some rest and Tylenol

will fix, and Chronic pain from bulging/ruptured disks or

worse. Well I just got up to quiet the cat, but your posting hit a

nerve, so you got my best 20 minutes of the day We all have

different relationships with God. But what I've always done in times

like these, when I needed to have a real tough discussion with my

Wife, or Daughter, or anyone else for that matter is Pray for God to

put the right Words in my mouth, because I / we alone can't have all

the right answers.

I hope this helps, I'm sure others have much to Care / Share

also. There are almost 300 member reading this somewhere. Blessing

to you and your husband and all who suffer in silence.

Dave in PA

---------------------------------

Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story.

Play Sims Stories at Games.

[Guest guest]

At 12:11 PM 8/29/2007, you wrote:

>Dave, Thank you so very much! I am still crying.

Hi, didn't mean to make you cry, hope I wasn't too blunt. Every now

and then, actually alot I feel guilty and if I'm having a good day I

think I should be doing something, I should be working. But then my

pain never fails to show me reality. I've spent the last 2 weeks

pretty much going from my bed to the recliner, and back. I've had a

bad bout of nausea/ vertigo / plus migraines and pain. So then I

realize NO WAY could I ever commit to any regularly scheduled job.

I'm just fooling myself. Another reality check that you could share

with family and friends is this. " I can no longer do things I

ENJOY " If I felt good I would allow myself some pleasure. I loved

to play drums, haven't touched them in 2.5 years. Then I was doing

something less challenging Model Railroading. Well the last two

weeks I can't do that. I left my friend who I was working with in a

lurch. We started a club, but it turned out the club was him, me and

his son. There's another member but he was just awarded SSI. He was

a mechanic and a car fell on him! So he rarely can come. We are a

sad lot :'( These last to weeks with my vertigo / nausea I can't

even do my last holdout of pleasure, the web and reading. More than

a few minutes and I dizzy. So if you can't do things you want to,

how can you work?

As far as getting up for church. I can rarely do that. What we do,

when we can is go to a Saturday night service, or our church holds

a service at 11:00 am which is better. Our congregation is so

wonderful and supportive that we drive 45 minutes to go to our old

church, until we find a similar group where we live. It's a very

loose, loving praise service with a come as you are attitude. Most

are in blue jeans, some are in suits. It's whatever gets you there.

Well I'll put you in my prayers. Dave

[Guest guest]

At 12:11 PM 8/29/2007, you wrote:

>Dave, Thank you so very much! I am still crying.

Hi, didn't mean to make you cry, hope I wasn't too blunt. Every now

and then, actually alot I feel guilty and if I'm having a good day I

think I should be doing something, I should be working. But then my

pain never fails to show me reality. I've spent the last 2 weeks

pretty much going from my bed to the recliner, and back. I've had a

bad bout of nausea/ vertigo / plus migraines and pain. So then I

realize NO WAY could I ever commit to any regularly scheduled job.

I'm just fooling myself. Another reality check that you could share

with family and friends is this. " I can no longer do things I

ENJOY " If I felt good I would allow myself some pleasure. I loved

to play drums, haven't touched them in 2.5 years. Then I was doing

something less challenging Model Railroading. Well the last two

weeks I can't do that. I left my friend who I was working with in a

lurch. We started a club, but it turned out the club was him, me and

his son. There's another member but he was just awarded SSI. He was

a mechanic and a car fell on him! So he rarely can come. We are a

sad lot :'( These last to weeks with my vertigo / nausea I can't

even do my last holdout of pleasure, the web and reading. More than

a few minutes and I dizzy. So if you can't do things you want to,

how can you work?

As far as getting up for church. I can rarely do that. What we do,

when we can is go to a Saturday night service, or our church holds

a service at 11:00 am which is better. Our congregation is so

wonderful and supportive that we drive 45 minutes to go to our old

church, until we find a similar group where we live. It's a very

loose, loving praise service with a come as you are attitude. Most

are in blue jeans, some are in suits. It's whatever gets you there.

Well I'll put you in my prayers. Dave

[Guest guest]

At 12:45 PM 8/28/07, you wrote:

>Hi my name is ,

>My husband really wants me to

>take this full time job that would require 2 hours of travel and 40+

>hours on a computer. I know this will be really hard on me and will

>cause me a great deal of pain.

It all depends on your type of back/neck condition but I think most

everyone here will agree that 2 hours in a car and 40 hours on a

computer will really aggravate your condition. Most back doctors /

PT people will tell you that computer work while it seems like really

lite duty to most people, is one of the worst jobs for people with

bad necks and backs. I'm not saying you can't work that's up to you,

God and SSI , but this would not be a good match.

Dave in PA

[Guest guest]

At 12:45 PM 8/28/07, you wrote:

>Hi my name is ,

>My husband really wants me to

>take this full time job that would require 2 hours of travel and 40+

>hours on a computer. I know this will be really hard on me and will

>cause me a great deal of pain.

It all depends on your type of back/neck condition but I think most

everyone here will agree that 2 hours in a car and 40 hours on a

computer will really aggravate your condition. Most back doctors /

PT people will tell you that computer work while it seems like really

lite duty to most people, is one of the worst jobs for people with

bad necks and backs. I'm not saying you can't work that's up to you,

God and SSI , but this would not be a good match.

Dave in PA