Depression

January 10, 2009

Barbara,

I am very sorry that your husband's abuse of you continues. He may not

be in his right mind.

I hope you'll be safe and happy with your son and his family very soon.

Not an MD

On Sat, Jan 10, 2009 at 8:40 AM, Barbara <bcreedon@...> wrote:

>

> Hi Lorna:

>

> I do know how you are feeling, and it is not fun. I have gone through

> several bouts of depression, and thought for sure I was losing my mind.

> I have a very loving, supportive family, and wonderful caring, and

> loving friends. I did talk with all of them so they knew what I was

> going through. It really helped me through those terrible times. I

> too, did not want to take anymore pills. But, I did talk with my dr.

> and did take some meds. for a short time. That got me through the worst

> of it.

>

> Just remember, you are not alone, although you might feel that way. It

> helps to talk about whatever is bothering you. Sharing makes all the

> difference in the world. I use to feel I was in a big, dark, hole, and

> slowly sinking, and I couldn't get out. Those were terrible days for

> me, and I thank God, that part of my life is over.

>

> Right now I am going through a painful divorce, I didn't want it, and it

> is tearing me apart. I am 68, making a life change and it is so hard.

> I never thought anything like this would happen to me. It has been so

> rough, and I have spent too many days crying my heart out. Last Tuesday

> was the breaking time for me. My husband was relentless with his mouth,

> ugly words, and such a verbal assault, that I thought I would die from

> it all. After 27 years of marriage, it has come down to this. I made

> up my mind that day, I was done, and could take no more.

>

> I am drawing strength from myself, and going froward to my new life.

>

> I am moving out of all this insanity soon, and going to live with my son

> and his family. I am excited about all this. I need time to heal from

> all this. I thought I would lose my mind due to all this stress and

> strife.

>

> I hope this letter helps you Lorna. It is always darkest, before it

> gets brighter. I pray you will feel better soon, and talk with your dr.

> about what you are feeling. You are not alone. Just remember, we have

> all been through depression at some time in our lives. I pray you will

> get help, so you can start to heal. Remember, I care, and God Bless you

> always.

>

> Feel free to write to me anytime.

>

> Hugs,

>

> Barbara

January 10, 2009

Lorna;

I am so sorry to hear you are depressed. I have had depression many times over

the years. Talking to a doctor about it may turn out better than you would have

believed.

Medication for depression is no different than someone taking insulin for

diabetes. I am a diabetic and I take 2 pills a day for it and my diabetes is

under control.

Depression medicine can do the same thing. Take a pill a day and in a month or

so you will think wow I feel OK. Many people think cause they feel better they

don't need their depression medicine and quit it.

Many medications can not be stopped all at once. For example prednisone has to

be gradually stopped. That is how depression medicine is stopped, gradually.

One can cause a serious reaction from quitting many meds. So do what your

doctor says, he knows what he is doing.

I take 1 effexxor a day for depression and I feel so much better. I quit it

once and within a few months I was back to my old depressed self.

Some people only need depression for a short period. If so the doctor will tell

one the right way to go off of it.

I hope you feel better and talking about it is a good start. God bless and take

care.

Gentle hugs

Clora

*****************************************

From: lornadrury50 <lornakobus@...>

Subject: [ ] Depression

Date: Saturday, January 10, 2009, 7:38 AM

Please Help

With the new year came another problem that I am not sure if can handle

Maybe someone can tell me hw to handle depression. Usally I cope very

well but for some reason it is some thing that I can't cope with at

this stage.I am not on any pills at this stage and would prefer not to

use pills for this as well I am just sick of pills.

At this stage I think I need a shoulder or two to cry on

Thanks for reading this

January 10, 2009

Talking with others is probably one of the best things to do. I went through a

period of depression myself. I had so many things going on in my life that

stressed me out to the max, I lost my home in a house fire, being displaced

after 22 years and having my life turned up side down, taking care of an elderly

sick parent. Dealing with my siblings stabbing me in the back. Talk to someone,

it helps. Most of all look for positive things in your life, sometime a little

bit of spirituality helps also. Do something to be out and about with friends

and family. Call a old friend up, go treasure hunting in the second hand stores,

spend some volunteer time with people that are less fortunite than yourself, it

will make you feel good doing something for others. Look in the mirror and smile

at your self, and tell your self how beautiful you are. Spend time on you,

exercise helps, go have your hair done or treat yourself to something special.

Be positive, you can

really change how you feel about yourself and things with self determination,

rahter than taking a pill for it. If you want to talk here is my email:

pebonejosh@... Nettleton

From: lornadrury50 <lornakobus@...>

Subject: [ ] Depression

Date: Saturday, January 10, 2009, 7:38 AM

Please Help

With the new year came another problem that I am not sure if can handle

Maybe someone can tell me hw to handle depression. Usally I cope very

well but for some reason it is some thing that I can't cope with at

this stage.I am not on any pills at this stage and would prefer not to

use pills for this as well I am just sick of pills.

At this stage I think I need a shoulder or two to cry on

Thanks for reading this

January 10, 2009

Hi lornadury

Well hun I have shoulders a linebacker would die for. So feel free to cry,

vent, yell or rant. my shoulders can take it. Feel free to email me on my

reg email if you don't want to post. I have been where you are and it does

help to talk it out.

Heidibug

On Sat, Jan 10, 2009 at 7:38 AM, lornadrury50 <lornakobus@...>wrote:

> Please Help

> With the new year came another problem that I am not sure if can handle

> Maybe someone can tell me hw to handle depression. Usally I cope very

> well but for some reason it is some thing that I can't cope with at

> this stage.I am not on any pills at this stage and would prefer not to

> use pills for this as well I am just sick of pills.

> At this stage I think I need a shoulder or two to cry on

> Thanks for reading this

>

January 10, 2009

I'm really sorry to hear that your depressed. If I were you, I'd talk with

somebody. I'd also try to focus on the good aspects of your life. If you are a

person of faith, use that in your time of need.I know where your coming from

when you say that your sick of pills - I cringe when the doctors bring out those

prescription pads. But, if you do end up needing something, at least you'd be

getting some help. Always remember that you can vent here too!

Lori

http://home.comcast.net/~queenstitcher/

http://stitchingqueen.multiply.com

January 10, 2009

and group;

Them are really great ideas. I couldn't have thought of them. Sometimes the

depression is a chemical imbalance.

I think if one can try all that first and if things don't get better the

medication don't have bad side effects as a lot of meds do. Unless one is just

allergic to it.

I have severe depression. I didn't even have the will to do something new. A

lot of it also has to do with some diseases cause Chronic fatigue syndrome in my

case also.

I like the things you said. I think I will go and get a hair cut. Fixing

ourselves up sometimes makes one feel so good. My meds help me a lot.. I gave

up on going off them cause when I do the depression comes back. I know most

people will only need them temporarily.

gentle hugs

Clora

From: lornadrury50 <lornakobus@telkomsa .net>

Subject: [ ] Depression

@gro ups.com

Date: Saturday, January 10, 2009, 7:38 AM

Please Help

With the new year came another problem that I am not sure if can handle

Maybe someone can tell me hw to handle depression. Usally I cope very

well but for some reason it is some thing that I can't cope with at

this stage.I am not on any pills at this stage and would prefer not to

use pills for this as well I am just sick of pills.

At this stage I think I need a shoulder or two to cry on

Thanks for reading this

January 10, 2009

Hi...

To quote my GP recently " loss of health can and does result in severe

depression. " I personally think a little more so with Rheumatoid Arthitis (or

any chronic or progressive desease) because we have to be dealing with it all

the time. When you're not taking the meds you have to deal with the flare-ups

and when you are not dealing with the flare-ups you're dealing with the aches or

then you have be thinking about taking the meds. Just reading this is

depressing! My doc put me on a very mild anti-depressant and I have found that

it does help. The dose is so little that I haven't noticed any side effects at

all (although I really do hate taking another pill). I also know in my

experience that RA results in a lot of fatique which doesn't help with

depression at all. Having dealt with some depression before having the RA I can

tell you getting enough sleep is very important. In fact it is a primary

consideration. A lot of people think that when you are depressed you sleep a lot

which i

s completely untrue. Clinical depression generally leads to sleep depravation

and that's when you start going over the edge. Of course, with RA you can have

episodes which interfer with sleep so that doesn't help either. In my case, I

try to stay on a tight schedule for bed time and physical activity and I have

found it helps a great deal.

And of course, the people in this group literally have a wealth of information

to share on all the aspects of managing RA and all of it's realted issues. I

don't respond to a lot of the posts but I read most of them and I am often

amazed and grateful for all the information here. The Group has been a major

contribution to my ability to cope with and manage my condition and not be

depressed!

Hope this helps,

Stan

January 10, 2009

Someone posted this on another group that I belong to and I think it

fits this discussion pretty good. We all get overwhelmed with the

things that are going wrong in our lives. Sometimes its situational,

sometimes chemical. I take Celexa every day and it helps with my

depression/anxiety. This article helps with everything " In Between " .

Doreen

*THE DAYS IN BETWEEN*

Sometimes I need to see my life differently. Like stepping outside it

and seeing it from a different angle. Maybe walking around it,

underneath it or climbing on top.

Better yet, through the eyes of a child. There is nothing complex

about what I am about to share with you. In fact, the beauty of it

lies in the simplicity.

I was talking to a friend about all the things I've been going through

lately. We were sitting at a table in an open coffee shop located in

the center of a mall.

I love coffee and I love conversation.

Just as we began speaking a woman with two teenage girls took the

table just behind us. They were rowdy and unsettled as they were

talking about all the shopping they were doing. Mom reminded them to

sit quietly while she placed their order at the counter.

Remarkably, they quieted down immediately.

" All I want to do is to get through it, " I said as we continued our chat.

" I know what you mean, " my friend replied.

Then I said, " When I look back over my life all I see is me dealing

with a problem and sooner or later another one pops up. "

Without hesitation I heard, " What about all the days in between? "

I looked at my friend and he shook his head as he said, " I didn't say

that. "

" I did! " a young voice replied.

Then from behind him one of the girls turned around, smiled, and

repeated, " What about all the days in between? "

I smiled. I thought it wonderful that she felt she had something to

offer us.

" Explain. " I said.

" Well, this is just my opinion, but people always think about their

problems. What about all those days in between? Those days we throw

away worrying about what happened and what might happen, " she said.

" Those days are good days, probably more of those than the bad ones! "

the other girl added.

Just then the woman returned. " Are they bothering you? " she asked.

" No, they helped me see my life differently " , I said. " Now I see the

days in between. "

" More of those than the bad ones! " my friend added.

What do you see?

January 10, 2009

Hi Lorna,

I am sorry to hear that you are suffering from depression. I am not an MD, but

there is always that period after the holidays that is kind of depressing for

me. Also, everything that is taking place in the world is enough to make anyone

depressed. I understand that you do not want to take additional meds, but it is

always good practice to ask your physician for advice or treatment. Talk

therapy, at times, can provide you with all the assistance you require.

Professional therapy has been necessary for me at several points in my life, but

I always put it off. After putting the therapy off, I discovered that my issues

were resolved with a couple of visits. It always made me feel better to talk to

someone who was not familiar with me or my family and receive an opinion of

someone who was not a personal acquaintance. At any rate, your doctor can

probably provide you with a good resolution, if not, there are plenty of

individuals here who will listen and lend you a shoulder to cry on.

Cohen

blondie10@...

January 10, 2009

I don't have advice or anything but I'll be a shoulder you can cry on

if you need me.

>

> Please Help

> With the new year came another problem that I am not sure if can handle

> Maybe someone can tell me hw to handle depression. Usally I cope very

> well but for some reason it is some thing that I can't cope with at

> this stage.I am not on any pills at this stage and would prefer not to

> use pills for this as well I am just sick of pills.

> At this stage I think I need a shoulder or two to cry on

> Thanks for reading this

>

January 10, 2009

Hi :

Thanks for your nice post to me. I have had enough, and am so looking

forward to my new " life " , beginning.

I don't think my husband is in his right mind, but the doctors and tests

say otherwise.

Wishing you pain free days, and God Bless you.

Hugs,

Barbara

> >

> > Hi Lorna:

> >

> > I do know how you are feeling, and it is not fun. I have gone

through

> > several bouts of depression, and thought for sure I was losing my

mind.

> > I have a very loving, supportive family, and wonderful caring, and

> > loving friends. I did talk with all of them so they knew what I was

> > going through. It really helped me through those terrible times. I

> > too, did not want to take anymore pills. But, I did talk with my dr.

> > and did take some meds. for a short time. That got me through the

worst

> > of it.

> >

> > Just remember, you are not alone, although you might feel that way.

It

> > helps to talk about whatever is bothering you. Sharing makes all the

> > difference in the world. I use to feel I was in a big, dark, hole,

and

> > slowly sinking, and I couldn't get out. Those were terrible days for

> > me, and I thank God, that part of my life is over.

> >

> > Right now I am going through a painful divorce, I didn't want it,

and it

> > is tearing me apart. I am 68, making a life change and it is so

hard.

> > I never thought anything like this would happen to me. It has been

so

> > rough, and I have spent too many days crying my heart out. Last

Tuesday

> > was the breaking time for me. My husband was relentless with his

mouth,

> > ugly words, and such a verbal assault, that I thought I would die

from

> > it all. After 27 years of marriage, it has come down to this. I made

> > up my mind that day, I was done, and could take no more.

> >

> > I am drawing strength from myself, and going froward to my new life.

> >

> > I am moving out of all this insanity soon, and going to live with my

son

> > and his family. I am excited about all this. I need time to heal

from

> > all this. I thought I would lose my mind due to all this stress and

> > strife.

> >

> > I hope this letter helps you Lorna. It is always darkest, before it

> > gets brighter. I pray you will feel better soon, and talk with your

dr.

> > about what you are feeling. You are not alone. Just remember, we

have

> > all been through depression at some time in our lives. I pray you

will

> > get help, so you can start to heal. Remember, I care, and God Bless

you

> > always.

> >

> > Feel free to write to me anytime.

> >

> > Hugs,

> >

> > Barbara

>

January 10, 2009

I'm glad that your getting away from your husband Barbara. Nobody deserves to

be treated that way and I hope that your time with your son gives you some

peace.

Lori

http://home.comcast.net/~queenstitcher/

http://stitchingqueen.multiply.com

January 10, 2009

I deal with depression also- myself and my husband. Mine is a

chemical imbalance. I keep an even keel with Paxil. In the winter it

gets worse but instead of taking a higher dose I use a Light Therapy

Box. It puts out 10,000 lumens of light. I sit in front of it for 20

minutes and it stimulates the seratonin maker part of my brain. 20

minutes is equal to being outside without sunglasses for 4-5 hours.

Talking helps tremendously regardless of whether you are on meds and

I highly recommend getting out for a walk every day that weather

permits. I do this as best I can. Rheumatoid has really been an

obstacle that I'm working on mentally, too. I'm not a good Christian

but I remind myself of a very short Bible verse: It came to pass.

Don't know what book it's in but it applies. This flare, cold,

personal situation, etc. will change and pass. It's my mantra.

Dalanne

Clora wrote: (edited)

> I have severe depression. I didn't even have the will to do

something new. A lot of it also has to do with some diseases cause

Chronic fatigue syndrome in my case also.

>

> I like the things you said. I think I will go and get a hair cut.

Fixing ourselves up sometimes makes one feel so good. My meds help

me a lot.. I gave up on going off them cause when I do the

depression comes back. I know most people will only need them

temporarily.

>

> gentle hugs

> Clora

>

> From: lornadrury50 <lornakobus@telkomsa .net>

> Subject: [ ] Depression

> @gro ups.com

> Date: Saturday, January 10, 2009, 7:38 AM

>

> Please Help

> With the new year came another problem that I am not sure if can

handle

> Maybe someone can tell me hw to handle depression. Usally I cope

very

> well but for some reason it is some thing that I can't cope with at

> this stage.I am not on any pills at this stage and would prefer not

to

> use pills for this as well I am just sick of pills.

> At this stage I think I need a shoulder or two to cry on

> Thanks for reading this

>

January 11, 2009

Hi Lori:

It sure has been an awful time here. I can't believe all this has

happened to me.

I so need to be in a peaceful, calm, and loving enviroment. I can't

wait to move into my son's new home, and begin my new life.

I do know it will take me some time to recover from all this. Life does

go on no matter what. I am busy planning on how I will decorate my new

bedroom, and pick the color paint for the walls. I bought a new bed

set, 4 pcs. with a soft yellow color with deep green palm fronds here

and there. Very restful. I have lots of country/beachy things, so that

will be good for me. I am an ocean girl!!!

Wishing you pain free days, and thanks for your post to me.

Hugs,

Barbara

--- In , " Stitching Queen " <queenstitcher@...>

wrote:

>

> I'm glad that your getting away from your husband Barbara. Nobody

deserves to be treated that way and I hope that your time with your son

gives you some peace.

> Lori

> http://home.comcast.net/~queenstitcher/

> http://stitchingqueen.multiply.com

>

January 11, 2009

Barbara,

Leaving my marriage after 26 years was devestating. I was surprised the sun

kept rising and other than financial nightmares, life became much sweeter.

I will miss you the next few weeks. I will pray for a smooth transition for you.

Blessings, love and light....

Raniolo

From: Stitching Queen <queenstitcher@...>

Subject: Re: [ ] Re: Depression

Date: Sunday, January 11, 2009, 12:07 AM

I'm glad that your getting away from your husband Barbara. Nobody deserves to be

treated that way and I hope that your time with your son gives you some peace.

Lori

http://home. comcast.net/ ~queenstitcher/

http://stitchingque en.multiply. com

January 11, 2009

Sounds like you have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) if your

depression is worse in winter. Since I have that I tend to get very

sad in January after the holidays. I do go outside even in the winter

to get sunlight which helps me. Can't afford to get that light box

though. Also listen to music to help perk me up.

Debbie L

--- In , " Dalanne " <tombstone1968@...>

wrote:

>

> I deal with depression also- myself and my husband. Mine is a

> chemical imbalance. I keep an even keel with Paxil. In the winter

it

> gets worse but instead of taking a higher dose I use a Light

Therapy

> Box. It puts out 10,000 lumens of light. I sit in front of it for

20

> minutes and it stimulates the seratonin maker part of my brain. 20

> minutes is equal to being outside without sunglasses for 4-5 hours.

>

> >> >

January 12, 2009

Debbie, yes, I have SAD. If I'm not on antidepressants then in Oct I

will start getting surly, negative, barely sleep, and begin hurting all

over. I think the chemical imbalance was aiding and abeting my RA. From

Oct thru March I literally couldn't do my housework and my kids tell me

I wouldn't talk to anyone but just lay in bed. Mine is really bad.

My light box is a portable one that was $125 plus shipping. It helps me

a lot. I'm guilty of, when I'm done using it properly, of putting my

hands on the front of the light to warm them.

Dalanne

>

> Sounds like you have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) if your

> depression is worse in winter. Since I have that I tend to get very

> sad in January after the holidays. I do go outside even in the winter

> to get sunlight which helps me. Can't afford to get that light box

> though. Also listen to music to help perk me up.

> Debbie L

>

January 12, 2009

Thanks Dalanne for telling me how much your light box cost. Probably

can't afford that yet. We do live in central Texas where we get sunny

skies most of the year. That's why I can go outside often when I am

depressed. Did have major depression like yours in the mid 1990's and

was on Prozac for several years till I weaned myself off it. Do take

amitriptyline at night which is an antidepressant to help my mood.

I use alternate heat sources to warm my hands also.

Debbie L

--- In , " Dalanne " <tombstone1968@...>

wrote:

>

> Debbie, yes, I have SAD. If I'm not on antidepressants then in Oct

I

> will start getting surly, negative, barely sleep, and begin hurting

all

> over. I think the chemical imbalance was aiding and abeting my RA.

From

> Oct thru March I literally couldn't do my housework and my kids

tell me

> I wouldn't talk to anyone but just lay in bed. Mine is really bad.

>

> My light box is a portable one that was $125 plus shipping. It

helps me

> a lot. I'm guilty of, when I'm done using it properly, of putting

my

> hands on the front of the light to warm them.

>

> Dalanne

January 13, 2009

Dallane and group;

Yes you're right sunshine has a lot to do with depression. I don't

get much sunlight. Also sunlight is a vitamin D source. If I

remember correctly. Talking really helps a lot I have learned over

the years. My husband has depression also, but he won't get help for

it. He thinks he is smarter than the doctors haaaaaaa.

I think Jesus is the one that said to the rich man " Why thou callest

me good there is none good but the father. " In fact I am sure of it.

So none of us are truly good. It helps to keep trying I believe.

Thanks so much for the reply. God bless and take care.

gentle hugs

Clora

***************************************************

>

> I deal with depression also- myself and my husband. Mine is a

> chemical imbalance. I keep an even keel with Paxil. In the winter

it

> gets worse but instead of taking a higher dose I use a Light

Therapy

> Box. It puts out 10,000 lumens of light. I sit in front of it for

20

> minutes and it stimulates the seratonin maker part of my brain. 20

> minutes is equal to being outside without sunglasses for 4-5 hours.

>

> Talking helps tremendously regardless of whether you are on meds

and

> I highly recommend getting out for a walk every day that weather

> permits. I do this as best I can. Rheumatoid has really been an

> obstacle that I'm working on mentally, too. I'm not a good

Christian

> but I remind myself of a very short Bible verse: It came to pass.

> Don't know what book it's in but it applies. This flare, cold,

> personal situation, etc. will change and pass. It's my mantra.

>

> Dalanne

>

February 13, 2009

Hi Sharon,

It's good for you to vent here. You do need to be there for your daughter.

I know how she must be feeling, not being able to do the things she used to,

but once she's on the right medications, she will gain back some of what she

lost. There are no guarantees, but the meds do help. As for her friends,

perhaps they need to be educated as to what your daughter has. Teenagers, or

tweens are tough, but I firmly believe her real friends are not going to

leave her. The last thing your daughter needs is to feel isolated. If you cry

every time you see her, or act nervous, etc...she will feed off of you and

maybe start to think she can't do anything. With RA, you learn to do things in

smaller steps. You can have a life, but you do need to make some

adjustments. Please stay positive.............your daughter needs that. Let

the

medications work. We're here to listen, so let it out!

Hugs to you...

Heidi in Mass.

In a message dated 2/13/2009 3:05:33 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

alley5@... writes:

I'm just wondering if folks here have any tips or thoughts on how to deal

with this? Perhaps it is different for me, since it's my daughter not

myself that is dealing with this disease, not sure how that might effect

coping mechanisms. I'm finding this is truly the hardest thing I've ever

had to deal with emotionally (and it's not like I've never had rough stuff

to deal with before, I have been through a lot) and I must admit I am NOT

dealing with it very well at all. I can't go to sleep at night because all

I can think is my daughter is in pain and there is nothing I can do about

it, and then I do not want to get up in the morning because I don't want to

face the reality that my daughter is in severe pain and there is nothing I

can do about it. It was less than a year ago I was watching my daughter

climb up a very tall tree and I had to turn my back and walk away from her

because while I knew she would be cautious as her mom I worry she might get

hurt, so my instinct is to have her feet firmly planted on the ground and to

never take any risks. now I watch my daughter struggle to make it up the

sidewalk, or cross the floor without falling, and I have to turn away

because I am so scared for her just doing the normal 'safe' things and it

breaks my heart! She has been dancing ballet since she was 4 and had been

doing pointe work for a few years before this struck and so many times I

would worry about that, she would be so sore and dancing on bloody toes,

etc., but the joy I saw on her face every day after two hours of practice

and it wasn't enough, and especially the happiness she found in performing,

I felt she was so blessed to have found her passion, I've never had that,

known exactly what I wanted to do and what made me happy and she many times

told me how incredibly fortunate she was she got to live her dream of

dancing and she also enjoyed acting and sparring, she would get so bruised

up and never minded the pain, so I know this arthritis must be really bad,

but it just kills me because she has always been so physical and now she

can't even turn a door knob by herself and can barely walk. it doesn't seem

fair to have this all taken away from her. Her friends have stopped

calling. they would always be asking, " are you better, yet? Can you come

play again? " .all the things they did involved a great deal of physical

activity because that's what she enjoyed, she's never been a sit still kind

of girl. We kept thinking this is something that would just go away soon we

just had to get through this but more and more we are starting to think

maybe it won't go away. the first time I even realized that was a

possibility was after going to see the pediatric rheumatologist and after

that visit I spent a week and a half crying in my room. I mean this is just

terrible, I can't even imagine how hard this must be for my daughter and I'm

sure the last thing she needs is an absent mother who can't even get it

together enough to make breakfast for her and her siblings! I talked myself

out of that, but I feel it coming on again and we keep trying new things and

it all feels so hopeless. I need to be better and stronger, but all I do is

try not to cry. I find myself actually *avoiding* my daughter because it

hurts so much to see her fingers so swollen, her joints are bigger than her

father's, and to see her sitting there all the time and then watch her

struggle in excruciating pain just to get up or rearrange herself and I

know she is bored out of her mind and I need to find things for her to do

but I CAN'T FACE IT! She deserves better. I find myself grateful for the

cold because with the long sleeves and long legs I don't have to see her

swollen elbows, knees and ankles. seeing her come out of the shower is pure

torture, I just want to scream at the world. I just can't accept this

reality, and I know I need to.

So, I don't know, is this something that will just always come and go, or is

it just so terrible right now as we come up against the realities of the

situation and it will eventually get easier to deal with? I wonder too about

letting my daughter know how I feel or putting up a front. initially when

this all first started I made very light of it while all the time I was

completely freaking out and she later said how nice it was to have her pain

and symptoms validated once we saw the specialist and so I felt bad that

maybe in my efforts to make her feel this was nothing to worry about I may

have made her feel I wasn't taking her seriously. Maybe now she thinks I

don't care? But I feel if I let her know how much this tears me up she will

have a harder time dealing with it herself. I know that I find great help in

my husband's strength and when he gets upset I feel completely lost. It's

hard to know the right thing, and it's even harder to feel maybe there is no

right thing, it all just feels wrong.

Anyways, thanks for 'listening', if anyone has any thou_ghts I'd appreciate

it. I don't know if I need a shoulder to cry on or a good reality slap to

get over myself. I know there is so much in the world I can't control, I

can do nothing about, but I always thought I could at least be there for my

children and make their lives great, but now?....

Sharon

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

**************The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the

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February 13, 2009

best wishes.

In a message dated 2/13/2009 5:47:51 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

alley5@... writes:

Thank you, Heidi, this is very helpful. her friends are all very considerate

and supportive, it's just that her relationships were very much activity

based and she can't do those activities so it doesn't really make sense to

hang out. she's never been a just hang out person, she's always needed to be

very active and so those were the friends she sought out and enjoyed. She's

always welcome to go watch her friends doing all the things she can no

longer do, but it's not exactly something she wants to do and she doesn't

really have much else to relate to with them. hanging out with people

because they feel sorry for you when they would really rather be doing

something else isn't very fun for her either (she's been offered this and

passed. of course if not for her RA she would not be interested in hanging

out with folks that wanted to just sit around herself). true, we have

discovered a fa_ir weather friend or two, but for the most part it isn't

about that, it's just all her friends are just as busy doing all the things

she used to be just as busy doing and the rest is coming more from her not

really be interested at this time.

At any rate, I appreciate your comments, I just really want to know that she

can be happy and ways I can help with that, it helps to know I can do

something for her.

Sharon

_____

From:

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_ @groRA-SUPP_ (mailto: ) _ [mailto:_

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Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 12:42 PM

_ (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/barackobam409128.html)

_ @groRA-SUPP_ (mailto: )

Subject: Re: [ ] Depression

Hi Sharon,

It's good for you to vent here. You do need to be there for your daughter.

I know how she must be feeling, not being able to do the things she used to,

but once she's on the right medications, she will gain back some of what she

lost. There are no guarantees, but the meds do help. As for her friends,

perhaps they need to be educated as to what your daughter has. Teenagers, or

tweens are tough, but I firmly believe her real friends are not going to

leave her. The last thing your daughter needs is to feel isolated. If you

cry

every time you see her, or act nervous, etc...she will feed off of you and

maybe start to think she can't do anything. With RA, you learn to do things

in

smaller steps. You can have a life, but you do need to make some

adjustments. Please stay positive....adjustmenadjustments. Please stay

the

medications work. We're here to listen, so let it out!

Hugs to you...

Heidi in Mass.

[Non-text portions of this me_ssage have been removed]

_ (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/barackobam409128.html)

**************The year's hottest artists on the red carpet at the Grammy

Awards. AOL Music takes you there.

(http://music.aol.com/grammys?ncid=emlcntusmusi00000004)

February 13, 2009

You're her mother, she needs you. The last thing you should be doing is

avoiding her and making her feel more isolated, she has enough to deal with.

Talk with her Dr about different treatment options, something will help her. I

am on Enbrel, and it is working great, knowing the pain your daughter is going

through, it would break my heart if my mother wasn't there for me. Sorry to be

harsh, but toughen up, you need to be strong for your daughter and fight for

her.

________________________________

From: Alleys <alley5@...>

Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 2:02:52 PM