Why I refuse mammograms... (a little off topic humor). Sorry guys- Just had to!

[Guest guest]

Cassandra Dawn Casey

A.S.P.I.R.E.

http://www.aspire.us

" Achieving acceptable drug safety evaluation standards is perfectly

feasible, it's a matter of political will to put the public health first,

commercial considerations second. " ~Vera Sharav, AHRP

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, " Hi! I'm Belinda! "

This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one

side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee,

strip to the waist, and thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? "

I'm thinking, " Belinda! Try decaf. This ain't rocket science. "

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a

perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60

seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything

nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold

4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and

said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can

get everything? "

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use

the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob

wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt

a zap! Complete darkness and the power

went off!

" What? " I yelled.

" Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. " Belinda headed for the

door.

" Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you? " I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy, the door's wide open so

you'll have the emergency hall lights.

I'll be righttttt backkkk!!! "

Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found

me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other

part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite " Hi, how's it going "

type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I

knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible.

" Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. "

" You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been

standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said..

" Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you!

And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset? "

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the

clamps........

[Guest guest]

I laugh with tears in my eyes.

Yes, those things are horrible, and degrading. I got one twenty years ago, and

I'll never get another one.

Cassandra Casey <israelswarrior@...> wrote:

Cassandra Dawn Casey

A.S.P.I.R.E.

http://www.aspire.us

" Achieving acceptable drug safety evaluation standards is perfectly

feasible, it's a matter of political will to put the public health first,

commercial considerations second. " ~Vera Sharav, AHRP

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, " Hi! I'm Belinda! "

This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one

side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee,

strip to the waist, and thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? "

I'm thinking, " Belinda! Try decaf. This ain't rocket science. "

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a

perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60

seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything

nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold

4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and

said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can

get everything? "

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use

the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob

wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt

a zap! Complete darkness and the power

went off!

" What? " I yelled.

" Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. " Belinda headed for the

door.

" Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you? " I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy, the door's wide open so

you'll have the emergency hall lights.

I'll be righttttt backkkk!!! "

Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found

me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other

part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite " Hi, how's it going "

type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I

knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible.

" Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. "

" You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been

standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said..

" Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you!

And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset? "

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the

clamps........

[Guest guest]

I laugh with tears in my eyes.

Yes, those things are horrible, and degrading. I got one twenty years ago, and

I'll never get another one.

Cassandra Casey <israelswarrior@...> wrote:

Cassandra Dawn Casey

A.S.P.I.R.E.

http://www.aspire.us

" Achieving acceptable drug safety evaluation standards is perfectly

feasible, it's a matter of political will to put the public health first,

commercial considerations second. " ~Vera Sharav, AHRP

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, " Hi! I'm Belinda! "

This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one

side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee,

strip to the waist, and thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? "

I'm thinking, " Belinda! Try decaf. This ain't rocket science. "

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a

perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60

seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything

nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold

4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and

said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can

get everything? "

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use

the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob

wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt

a zap! Complete darkness and the power

went off!

" What? " I yelled.

" Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. " Belinda headed for the

door.

" Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you? " I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy, the door's wide open so

you'll have the emergency hall lights.

I'll be righttttt backkkk!!! "

Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found

me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other

part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite " Hi, how's it going "

type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I

knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible.

" Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. "

" You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been

standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said..

" Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you!

And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset? "

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the

clamps........

[Guest guest]

I really enjoed the way this story ended and got a

good chuckle.

I have had many women tell me about the horrors of a

mammogram.

There is no doubt in my mind, that the machine was

designed by a male psychiatrist.

Sincerely,

john

--- Cassandra Casey <israelswarrior@...>

wrote:

>

> Cassandra Dawn Casey

>

> A.S.P.I.R.E.

> http://www.aspire.us

>

> " Achieving acceptable drug safety evaluation

> standards is perfectly

> feasible, it's a matter of political will to put the

> public health first,

> commercial considerations second. " ~Vera Sharav,

> AHRP

>

>

>

> I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met

> with, " Hi! I'm Belinda! "

> This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear,

> tilted her head to one

> side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into

> this room right hereee,

> strip to the waist, and thennnn slip on this gown.

> Everything clearrrr? "

>

> I'm thinking, " Belinda! Try decaf. This ain't rocket

> science. "

>

> Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of

> horrors.

>

> Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this

> machine. It takes a

> perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG

> in less than 60

> seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice

> and everything

> nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled

> and twisted over a cold

> 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into

> shape.

>

> With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me

> (literally) to the left and

> said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and

> lean in a tad so we can

> get everything? "

>

> Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out

> of air, so why not use

> the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and

> finish me off?

>

> My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity

> (with my other boob

> wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square glass)

> when we heard, then felt

> a zap! Complete darkness and the power

> went off!

>

> " What? " I yelled.

>

> " Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. "

> Belinda headed for the

> door.

>

> " Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise

> alone, are you? " I shouted.

>

> Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy,

> the door's wide open so

> you'll have the emergency hall lights.

>

> I'll be righttttt backkkk!!! "

>

> Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared.

>

> And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance

> men extraordinaire, found

> me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws

> of Life and the other

> part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite

> " Hi, how's it going "

> type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to

> my utter disbelief, if I

> knew the power was off.

>

> Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as

> much calmness as possible.

> " Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. "

>

> " You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved

> good-bye as though I'd been

> standing in the line at the grocery store.

>

> Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a

> sheepish grin and making no

> attempt to suppress her amusement, she said..

>

> " Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I

> totally forgot about you!

> And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset? "

>

> And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended

> up between the

> clamps........

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I really enjoed the way this story ended and got a

good chuckle.

I have had many women tell me about the horrors of a

mammogram.

There is no doubt in my mind, that the machine was

designed by a male psychiatrist.

Sincerely,

john

--- Cassandra Casey <israelswarrior@...>

wrote:

>

> Cassandra Dawn Casey

>

> A.S.P.I.R.E.

> http://www.aspire.us

>

> " Achieving acceptable drug safety evaluation

> standards is perfectly

> feasible, it's a matter of political will to put the

> public health first,

> commercial considerations second. " ~Vera Sharav,

> AHRP

>

>

>

> I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met

> with, " Hi! I'm Belinda! "

> This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear,

> tilted her head to one

> side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into

> this room right hereee,

> strip to the waist, and thennnn slip on this gown.

> Everything clearrrr? "

>

> I'm thinking, " Belinda! Try decaf. This ain't rocket

> science. "

>

> Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of

> horrors.

>

> Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this

> machine. It takes a

> perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG

> in less than 60

> seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice

> and everything

> nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled

> and twisted over a cold

> 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into

> shape.

>

> With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me

> (literally) to the left and

> said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and

> lean in a tad so we can

> get everything? "

>

> Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out

> of air, so why not use

> the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and

> finish me off?

>

> My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity

> (with my other boob

> wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square glass)

> when we heard, then felt

> a zap! Complete darkness and the power

> went off!

>

> " What? " I yelled.

>

> " Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. "

> Belinda headed for the

> door.

>

> " Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise

> alone, are you? " I shouted.

>

> Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy,

> the door's wide open so

> you'll have the emergency hall lights.

>

> I'll be righttttt backkkk!!! "

>

> Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared.

>

> And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance

> men extraordinaire, found

> me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws

> of Life and the other

> part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite

> " Hi, how's it going "

> type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to

> my utter disbelief, if I

> knew the power was off.

>

> Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as

> much calmness as possible.

> " Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. "

>

> " You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved

> good-bye as though I'd been

> standing in the line at the grocery store.

>

> Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a

> sheepish grin and making no

> attempt to suppress her amusement, she said..

>

> " Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I

> totally forgot about you!

> And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset? "

>

> And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended

> up between the

> clamps........

>

>

>

>

>