Re: Blame it on the Parents - Bipolar III

[Guest guest]

Sara <Sara_at_home911@...> wrote:

" And I refuse to accept

that my parenting skills are so inferior to my peers that I have

caused my son's problems. I do think that my parenting skills and

concern in this day and age propelled me to take my child to get

" profession help " for something I should have just ignored as normal teen angst.

We have been taught to see pathology where it doesn't

really exist. "

AMEN TO THAT, SARA!!!! I know that my parenting skills are not inferior to

those of my peers. I was totally involved in both of my kids lives at school

and at home. We lived a fairly frugal life by today's standards, so I could be

a stay-at-home mom - but our kids wore the " right " clothes and got well-used

cars at 18 years old. I was team mom for football, cheerleading, basketball and

track. I provided the transportation for the entire cross country and track

team (a total of 5 kids - small rural school) for 2 seasons to 18 track meets

and 24 road races so we could keep the team afloat with no school funding. We

talked about EVERYTHING - sex, drugs, rock & roll, etc, etc. Our house was the

house other kids came to just to hang out and when things got rought with their

parents. We would try to help the kids figure out how to communicate with their

parents. Many times, our kids and their friends have bragged about how we don't

have a " generation gap " like their friends did with

their parents. But we were NOT our kids' friends! We were fairly strict

disciplinarians and did not put up with any BS. Our kids knew the rules and,

according to our kids, we caught them almost every time they tried to break the

rules and dealt out appropriate punishment. Having been " children of the 70's, "

my husband and I had already tried everything and got away with most of it

because our parents were too busy to notice. However, as our son began to

struggle, I also became convinced that our son " needed professional help. " The

media's portrayal of what emotions, actions and reactions are outside the norm

for people to experience seemed to fit the way he was acting. It appeared that

my son's mood swings were too broad; his ups too high and his lows too low; his

anger too easily provoked. He was under a lot of stress due to being a part-time

college student, working a full-time job and maintaining a household with his

fiancee who was also working full-time and going to

college part-time. He was a high-achiever and anything less than perfection

had always freaked him out. I now realise that these character traits/coping

mechanisms were probably fine prior to the Spring of 2003 when he was working

with the county road department clearing out undergrowth alongside the road and

was exposed to poison ivy/oak. He was COVERED from head-to-toe and got pretty

sick with fever, hives and aches and pains. He went to the doctor and was given

a double-round of steroids (dose packs of dexamethasone or prednisone?) over a

20-day course and began talking about feeling like crap all the time and having

no energy. This was an athletic young man who ran 20+ miles/week but suddenly

quit. His mood swings became more and more drastic, he became dark and moody.

We picked on him about having PMS - 24/7/365. He would be fine one minute and

ready to cry/argue/scream the next. So, thinking I was doing what I should, I

pushed him toward his death. If only...

Terry