Sunday - (parenthood)

[Guest guest]

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their

own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached

spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, " It's their life, " and

feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors

to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, " When do you stop worrying? "

A nurse said, " When they get out of the accident stage. "

My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard

how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was

headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher

said, " Don't worry. They all go through this stage, and then you can sit

back, relax, and enjoy them. " My mother listened and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring,

the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, " They're trying

to find themselves. In a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be

adults. "

By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being vulnerable, I was still

worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I

could do about it.

But I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their

frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that

when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted

to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's wan smile and her

occasional, " You look pale. Are you all right? " " Call me the minute you get

home. " " Are you depressed about something? "

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for

one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties

and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse? Or is it a virtue that

elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, " Where were

you? I've been calling for three days, and no one answered. I was worried. " I

smiled a wan smile.

The torch has been passed.

NOT written by

Kat

Seattle USA