Re: what about our loved ones?

May 27, 2004

Hi ! I've been pretty busy lately, so I've just been lurking on the list.

Didn't do it before, but welcome to the group, there are some great people here.

What does having Hep C have to do with him marrying you or not? He'll stick

with you thick and thin, but doesn't want to marry you? I would feel the same

as you, that he thought I was damaged or not good enough. Maybe you would feel

better if you flipped it around and asked yourself if he has enough character to

be someone *you* would want to marry? The vows do say " in sickness and in

health " . How would he feel if he developed cancer? Would he want you to stick

through it with him, and yet not understand if you didn't want to marry him? It

sounds like some marriage counseling might be needed. JMHO, but people who

really love each other don't put strings on that love.

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm coming off to strong about this. I contracted Hep

C from blood transfusions I got as a child, maybe 10 or 12 years old. I'm 56

now and found out I had Hep C just over 2 years ago. I had symptoms here and

there, but never thought anything of it - everybody gets tired sometimes and

everybody gets spacey now and then. I'm 1B, and my liver biopsy was in normal

range. Neither my husband or my children contracted it from me. That was a big

worry about my children, because I got Hep C years before I ever was pregnant

with them. So here I am, an old bag, and this thing hasn't gotten me yet.

Chances are, you'll be able to say the same thing in a few decades!

If you have time, read through some of the older posts on this list. The gift

that these wonderful people gave me was to help me not define my life through my

virus. When I got my diagnosis, I was just horrified - I thought I heard my

death sentence, and I thought I was going to instantly get sick. My doctor was

really pushing treatment, and I was scared to death. The people on this list

helped me to realize I am still the same person I always was, who, oh, by the

way, found out I was carrying a virus. Reading the older posts may help you,

too.

Maybe finding out you have this virus will clarify a lot of things in your life.

I know it has for a lot of us. I've heard so many people say it made them see

who their real friends were, and who really cared about them, and no longer have

time for the others in their lives. I wish a lot of them would come out of

lurkdom, you would love to meet them.

Maybe you could see if the hospitals around you have a Hep C support group. The

only ones I've seen are sponsored by the Liver Foundation, and are primarily to

help people going through treatment. I may never need treatment, but went to a

lot of them at the beginning. It is so great to put faces to this virus. They

come from all walks of life - I was in awe as I looked at them, thinking they

look so " normal " . Turns out they *are* all normal, just like you and me and

anyone else who has it. With the staggering number of people who have this

virus, your boyfriend probably is among a lot of people with it, he just doesn't

know it.

Sorry to go on, but it just breaks my heart to see you feeling so badly about

yourself. You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are, I wish he could

look past his fear and see it.

Hugs,

Marilyn

what about our loved ones?

Yesterday my boyfriend told me that he loves me and worries

constantly about my having Hep C and how it may affect me. He also

said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and if it

weren't for the fact that I have this disease he would ask me to

marry him today. I understand his fears but it really hurt me and

made me wonder. He promises he would be there for me no matter what

and that if I do wind up going through treatment that he would stick

by me, but it really hurts my feelings every time something like

this happens. It seems so unfair because this is something I have no

control over. I am a good person and very loyal and giving. I am

also very sensitive and wonder if anyone else has had similar things

happen. It almost makes me want to pull away from him because what

if I do get ill? or what if I do get treatment and it doesn't work?

For all we know I may never get ill. I love him very much and we

have the same values as far as our goals in life are concerned. We

could have a very good life together, working together, but this

really hurt me. It almost made me feel as if I weren't good enough

or something. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone and if so,

how did you deal with this?

May 27, 2004

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond...you are absolutely right. I

am going to print out what you have written and take it home with me tonight so

I can really think about it. I don't talk to anybody about these things because

I hate to get people I know involved in my problems, especially when it has to

do with my relationship with my boyfriend but there is a down side to that. At

times I just wonder if I am being unreasonable and often doubt the legitimacy of

my feelings. Thank you for reaffirming what in my heart I knew was

justified...my feeling of rejection. In fact...I will probably wind up

discussing this with him in a few days once I've had a little time to heal hurt

feelings and most definitely bring up the scenario you have given me regarding

cancer as an example. I will let you know how it goes...thanks again.

Marilyn Wilkinson <MarilynWilkinson@...> wrote: