Update

[Guest guest]

*Hi everyone-

I don't have a whole lot to report over here. I feel like my life is

virtualy stagnant and it shouldn't be this way but things are just mentally

overwhelming to me.

My back is getting better but overall pain in it is much more worse than it

was before this injury took place. I hope it doesn't stay at this level.

It's hard for me to stand straight many times and the stiffness is quite

serious. My doctor didn't have all that much to say except that he wanted

the ER records before we proceed. What could I say??? I feel like.. well

great.. Moooooore time to waste to me but that's the nature of my health

care.

In terms of my thumb/hand issue, he looked at it, pushed on it and diagnosed

it as 'tendonitis'.... which I know is really not saying much. I could have

said that... well in fact I had been saying for the longest that the I

believe the tendons are inflamed because well... around my palm near my

thumb is puffy and between the thumb and wrist joint is painful.... and

those are ligaments.. geee.... duh. He didn't give any suggestions for

helping it but one o fmy friends said that often doctors will just kinda

blow stuff like this off until it becomes disabling. Gee, thanks.

The one piece of good news that I got was that my Ha1c test which basicaly

keeps tabs on how serious my diabetes is was a lot lower than it has been.

It's a lot closer to normal and I'm happy about this. So that was helpful.

We discussed antiinflammatories but I have been on sooo many and my stomach

isn't a fan so we decided to hold off on any daily ones. I can take

Ibuprofen as needed (ugh). He added vicoden for break through pain in

between the MS contin controlled release doses that I take every 12 hours so

now I'm on TWO narcotic drugs. I DON'T like that. I have been okay and

functioning better with the MS Contin but I don't like to take more than

that however the break through pain can be very bad at times especialy the

nerve pain stuff but still, this is NOT the direction that I feel very

comfortable with. *

*

My sleep has been very erratic and it's interacting with my mood. While I

don't share it often, I also deal with Complex PTSD (post traumatic stress

disorder). It's from long ago trauma issues but the consequences never

really went away. It's maneagable and goes into hiding as I say but at

times, I still get flashbacks and triggered. It's really hard for me to deal

with and this has been happening more lately for no reason I can come up

with. My therapist says she feels it's because first off... the downer

effect of the narcotics, my erratic sleep schedule and those increasing mood

issues also makes my brain much more vulnerable to having the flashbacks. So

I'm supposed to work super hard on my sleep routines (as I sit here at 5am

typing this... ).... blah.

I think for me, right now, the pain is a big deal but mostly frustrated

because I have a lot of goals and things I want to do but feel like I'm not

able to do them at this time or hardly anything without feeing overwhelmed.

well I shared more than I expected so there.

Issadora*

--

" Life- Like the flutter of wings... feel your hollow wings rushing... " (AFI-

Silver and Cold).

my Flight in life is a metamorphsis of growth and this flutter of wings is

within me awaiting to find a space to find it's flow...