Guest guest Posted May 10, 2005 Report Share Posted May 10, 2005 In a message dated 5/10/2005 9:32:07 AM Pacific Daylight Time, melbiscuit5@... writes: (((((((((((((Sandy)))))))))))))))))))) I too am codependent to my son's moods. It's seems impossible not to be. I'm so sorry things aren't better with Bre. I will say a prayer for you both. If nothing else, the people in this group can relate to the roller coaster ride that having a child with ocd can be. So even if you can't find all the answers or solutions here, you can certainly find empathy and understanding. BJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2005 Report Share Posted May 10, 2005 In a message dated 5/10/2005 9:32:07 AM Pacific Daylight Time, melbiscuit5@... writes: (((((((((((((Sandy)))))))))))))))))))) I too am codependent to my son's moods. It's seems impossible not to be. I'm so sorry things aren't better with Bre. I will say a prayer for you both. If nothing else, the people in this group can relate to the roller coaster ride that having a child with ocd can be. So even if you can't find all the answers or solutions here, you can certainly find empathy and understanding. BJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2005 Report Share Posted May 10, 2005 Sandy, I understand the helpless feelings.....for the past few weeks helpless is a mild term for what I have felt. Do you think this was triggered by Friday's therapy appointment or PMS stuff? If it is PMS then maybe she could take something for those symptoms to help her deal with the discomforts that could be impacting her mood. Teenage issues can raise havoc on all young girls and it is so much more difficult for those struggling with mental illnesses. Give me a few years and I am sure I will be posting similar posts about the hormones and how it impacts our lives. Take care, Amy. _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Sandy Sent: Tuesday, May 10, 2005 12:26 PM Subject: helpless I feel so helpless at times. Bre came home from school yesterday, went straight to bed and wouldn't talk. Later she told me she was depressed. Isn't the luvox suppose to help with depression? She seemed so down and it brought me down. Even this morning she was grumpy and unhappy. I sure hope this passes soon. Having a hormonal daughter is not easy. Sandy Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at: / . Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... .. _____ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2005 Report Share Posted May 10, 2005 Amy, I don't think it was Friday's appt. Lori did the c-boc test and Bre was down to 12 twelve out of 40. That made Bre happy. She has been lowering the number over the months. I think it is because she is on her period and her hormones are raging and everything is blown way out because of her ocd. It is hard to even talk to her when she is like that. We are both sensitive and I feel her pain and frustration. I just hate seeing her so down. Sandy -- In , " Amy Kosinski " <akosinski1@t...> wrote: > Sandy, > > I understand the helpless feelings.....for the past few weeks helpless is a > mild term for what I have felt. Do you think this was triggered by Friday's > therapy appointment or PMS stuff? If it is PMS then maybe she could take > something for those symptoms to help her deal with the discomforts that > could be impacting her mood. Teenage issues can raise havoc on all young > girls and it is so much more difficult for those struggling with mental > illnesses. Give me a few years and I am sure I will be posting similar > posts about the hormones and how it impacts our lives. > > Take care, > Amy. > > _____ > > From: > [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Sandy > Sent: Tuesday, May 10, 2005 12:26 PM > > Subject: helpless > > > I feel so helpless at times. Bre came home from school yesterday, went > straight to bed and wouldn't talk. Later she told me she was > depressed. Isn't the luvox suppose to help with depression? She seemed > so down and it brought me down. Even this morning she was grumpy and > unhappy. I sure hope this passes soon. Having a hormonal daughter is > not easy. Sandy > > > > > Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at: > / . > Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.( > http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., > ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are > Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy > Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues or > suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at > louisharkins@y... , louisharkins@h... , louisharkins@g... > . > > > > > > _____ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2005 Report Share Posted May 11, 2005 dear sandy, we too are dealing with a teenage son who has ocd, the ups and downs are so sad for the whole family. i hope and pray some day we will have some sense of normalcy, whatever that is. sincerely,lee > > From: " Sandy " <melbiscuit5@...> > Date: 2005/05/10 Tue PM 12:26:11 EDT > > Subject: helpless > > I feel so helpless at times. Bre came home from school yesterday, went > straight to bed and wouldn't talk. Later she told me she was > depressed. Isn't the luvox suppose to help with depression? She seemed > so down and it brought me down. Even this morning she was grumpy and > unhappy. I sure hope this passes soon. Having a hormonal daughter is > not easy. Sandy > > > > > > Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at: / . > Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.( http://www.worrywisekids.org ), Dan Geller, M.D.,Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., ( http://www.lighthouse-press.com ). Our list moderators are Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy Mac, Gail Pesses, and Kathy . Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Oh Hun! Just take one day at a time. Relax, what's that? I don't know how to relax...lol Your hubby needs to talk about things with you. Maybe you can set some time aside after your dd goes to bed where you both and sit and discuss what's going on and your feelings. That's is a major stress reliever right there. He may just be one of those that bottles things. My hubby and my son have RA so he's more then willing to hear about things. And if that doesn't work you always have us. We are hear for you, to vent, to ask for support, to ask questions, even to cry on our shoulders. {{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}} Good luck with hubby! ~Lorilee~ Ken (Poly) ,Kayla (Systemic) -- Helpless Hi, I havent posted in awhile,my little girl is 7 now and she has her up and downs,She had a MRI done tuesday,and I got so worried about her test that I threw up a lot and had to sleep, Id rather think I was sick then helpless,my husband took her instead of me,which was good cause I always go with her to her appt. she has a lot of headaches I hope the test come back normal, Im not real good about handleing her problems I fake like Im brave but inside me im falling.anyway what to all of you do to be strong? And how do you find time to relax? I really feel helpless and my husband doesn't seem to want to talk about these things. well sorry for rambling on I hope I can sleep its almost one 1:oo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Relax, hummmmm, not something that I have figured out yet. I am a single mom with three kids at home (17, 15, & 12). The oldest has his own car so I do not have to tote him places but I do have to go to plenty of things he is involved with. My middle daughter just started learning to drive and she likes to help me out by driving everywhere we go, kind of nerve racking but certainly not relaxing. Just take one day at a time and somedays you will need to break that down to taking one hour or minute at a time. I tried to hide in my bathroom but my cats come to find me there. I am a coffee lover and I drink way more then my share each day. That is the one thing that I do for me, and I am a several pot a day drinker. Chocolate sometimes helps but then that just tends to add pounds. I know that I have to be brave for and can not fall apart. Her dad is not much help, he just complains about having to pay child support and thinks I should be able to pay all her medical bills because he pays his part in the child support. Stress and worry are normal for you when you have a chld with a illness that you can not just fix. No one wants to see their child or any other child hurting. Hopefully someone else will have a better idea for you on how to relax. And know that it is good for you to cry and let your feeling out, but it sure does help to have someone around sometimes to discuss how you are feeling with. I pray you have someone close that you can share your insides with. Veri & Jaye 12 Poly Helpless Hi, I havent posted in awhile,my little girl is 7 now and she has her up and downs,She had a MRI done tuesday,and I got so worried about her test that I threw up a lot and had to sleep, Id rather think I was sick then helpless,my husband took her instead of me,which was good cause I always go with her to her appt. she has a lot of headaches I hope the test come back normal, Im not real good about handleing her problems I fake like Im brave but inside me im falling.anyway what to all of you do to be strong? And how do you find time to relax? I really feel helpless and my husband doesn't seem to want to talk about these things. well sorry for rambling on I hope I can sleep its almost one 1:oo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2006 Report Share Posted March 10, 2006 Hi, . Coming to this list has been one of the best things I have done since Chris' diagnosis. It is a great place to share my fears and vents, especially when his disease was very active. My hubby is not one to want to talk about these things much either. He will listen but he does not try to educate himself much on the disease. He leaves that to me. I let him know what is going on, and he is a big help in talking to especially now that he is older, he seems to listen to Dad more than me. Believe me, we all " fake brave " at times. In order to relax, you need to have something to do just for you. For me, I love to go out with some girlfriends once or twice a month to dinner. We sit and catch up with each others lives and vent about what is going on. I have two separate groups that I do this with. I like all of them for different reasons. You need to find something that is just for you - perhaps a class like yoga might help. Or even just a day once in awhile where you get your hair or nails done, or even just taking a walk by yourself just to clear your head. Make that time for you and you will have more to give the loved ones in your life. When it comes to dealing with the disease, learn all you can about it. That may make things a bit less scary. Each test or procedure is another step in controlling the disease. It is good your husband took her - nothing wrong with Dad stepping in. Hopefully her headaches will be under control soon. My daughters suffer from migraines - my oldest since she was quite young. Hers are caused by stress - she needs to relax too. Take a deep breath, and take care of yourself! Hugs, Michele ( 18, spondy) Helpless Hi, I havent posted in awhile,my little girl is 7 now and she has her up and downs,She had a MRI done tuesday,and I got so worried about her test that I threw up a lot and had to sleep, Id rather think I was sick then helpless,my husband took her instead of me,which was good cause I always go with her to her appt. she has a lot of headaches I hope the test come back normal, Im not real good about handleing her problems I fake like Im brave but inside me im falling.anyway what to all of you do to be strong? And how do you find time to relax? I really feel helpless and my husband doesn't seem to want to talk about these things. well sorry for rambling on I hope I can sleep its almost one 1:oo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2006 Report Share Posted April 8, 2006 In a message dated 4/8/2006 1:12:36 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, lynnovale@... writes: He would just be so helpless if on his own all the sudden. Is it because he's a doted on only child or because he's a 14 y/o silly guy or because he has OCD? Lynn This sounds like an early post of mine -- worrying so much about what would happen to my daughter if something ever happened to me -- because she's SO dependant on me right now with the OCD issues she's having. It might be a combination of everything you mention. It sure is easy to spoil an only child, I'm sure (with regard to just doing things for them instead of having them do for themselves). Why don't you make it a point over the summer, while he's home more, to teach him some things that you feel will make him more self-sufficient? Would he like to learn how to cook some of his favorite meals? Or maybe bake a favorite dessert? Does he already get an allowance? If no, you could ask if he'd like to earn extra spending money over the summer by helping with some household chores & you'll pay him - you can teach him how to clean mirrors and other small chores around the house. Just an idea.... LT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2006 Report Share Posted April 8, 2006 Most definitely. My son is just 7, but my 5 year old does a better job caring for herself. e seems to be too distracted. I have to watch who he plays with and crossing the street even with me has proved dangerous many times. All I can do is keep reminding him. I can't tell you how many hats and gloves we've lost this past winter. I know that is normal to an extent, but it was ridiculous. What I did was ....each day that he came out of the school I would ask him to show me the hat and gloves (non-punitively) and if he didn't have it, I would make him go back in - that worked. Routines help them keep on track a lot I find. Having him stop before we go out the door and ask him if he has everything that he needs helps a little. It's tough I know Bonnie > > Anybody feel like their kids have a general problem > with knowing how to do everyday common things to take > care of themselves. Things even that aren't directly > related to OCD fears. Like I've never shown my ds how > to start a new roll of TP (when it's all stuck). I > probly would have if I thought he would actually watch > and learn but I think I don't think he would so I've > just gotten used to doing those kind of things so he > doesn't have to. Is it enabling or spoiling. > > I guess they are kind of the same and I've probly > answered my own question. Obviously I've enabled him > to not learn it. > > He would just be so helpless if on his own all the > sudden. Is it because he's a doted on only child or > because he's a 14 y/o silly guy or because he has OCD? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2006 Report Share Posted April 9, 2006 Oy, I don't know if it's the ocd or not....I do know that with my ocd boy I have to keep it 'kind'. Cody, would you please get your clothes out of the bathroom? Cody, your clothes are in the bathroom, come get them. Cody, there are clothes in the bathroom. over and over and over and over and over. punishment has never worked with him - star charts showing progress have never worked - long talks about this or that have never worked - I threw away the books long ago because it didn't matter how many I read about 'how to discipline kids' - they didn't work. Now that I'm trying to raise a 3 year old who seems to respond to all those things I read long ago . . . wish I hadn't thrown away all the books Cody doesn't and never did respond to the usual discipline tricks . . . but! he does respond poorly to anger and yelling and a sharp tongue in general - all those things I could say with certain tones of voice (and surely I have over the years) ring and play through his head for years and years - THAT'S ocd! though it plays back through his head as 'bad thoughts' he still doesn't do whatever it was I was trying to get him to do. I use lots of repition - lots of patience - lots of 'oh, well, he's a really nice guy' (I say to myself) - he just isn't ever going to be one of THOSE kids . . . I do see as he gets older that he 'grasps' things. He's 15 now and he keeps track of cash (in a kind of responsible way) and he doesn't lose things nearly as often . . . But, I haven't gone a school year yet where I didn't have to order a copy of a school text book so he could get his homework done! He loses them. Oy. p.s. his step-dad is very slowly cathing on - he himself has a 12 year old son who is steadfast and true and reliable and a future engineer as well as an 11 year old daughter who (if possible) is even more 'on another planet' than Cody . . . so, he sees that they're just born that way!!! > > Anybody feel like their kids have a general problem > with knowing how to do everyday common things to take > care of themselves. Things even that aren't directly > related to OCD fears. Like I've never shown my ds how > to start a new roll of TP (when it's all stuck). I > probly would have if I thought he would actually watch > and learn but I think I don't think he would so I've > just gotten used to doing those kind of things so he > doesn't have to. Is it enabling or spoiling. > > I guess they are kind of the same and I've probly > answered my own question. Obviously I've enabled him > to not learn it. > > He would just be so helpless if on his own all the > sudden. Is it because he's a doted on only child or > because he's a 14 y/o silly guy or because he has OCD? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2006 Report Share Posted April 9, 2006 Message: 12 Date: Fri, 7 Apr 2006 22:12:00 -0700 (PDT) ynnelle <lynnovale@...> wrote: Anybody feel like their kids have a general problem with knowing how to do everyday common things to take care of themselves. Hi Lynelle, My daughter is able to care for herself and do many chores around the house, but she's not helping out much now because of her depression. I'm asking her to do a lot less these days because she has more school work and activities. It's hard for me to know what she can do. Sometimes I feel like she's wasting time. I do think its important for kids to know basic household chores, have some responsibilities to gain a sense of competence and independence. If you haven't asked them to do things before, it could be hard, but I think it would be good to try something small and regular and see what happens. If they really can't contribute and the OCD isn't clearly blocking them, then I would wonder what else is wrong. Blessings, Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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