Re: OK bare with me ladies

[Guest guest]

, hon, the only reason I was upset was because I was afraid you sounded suicidal. I wouldn't want to see you sink that low over your chest parts. I like that fact that you've been so open and honest with what you've been going thru. This truly will help me in the long run to prepare myself for my final acceptance. I can only imagine how sick you were with the implants. I know you loved them and I do too and so do all the rest of the women who have them or have had them. We're all in the same boat to some degree. Never apologize for ranting and raving because to me that is what a support group is for. You have to get all those feelings out and somehow telling someone face to face that has breasts doesn't seem very fitting. I'm not sure they would understand as well as anyone of us who has walked in similar shoes as yours.

LOL - ok freak, your not alone there either. I too, look at breasts and have done so all my life as I had very small breasts as a young girl and after having 2 babies I didn't have anything desirable to look at in my opinion. I always felt so inadequate in that department. Now I really wish I had learned to love and accept myself back then. I too, have alot of ugly stretch marks but I do realize there is nothing I can do about them.

, give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to put right what was causing the wrong. That took alot of courage that not all of us have. I didn't tell the full story yesterday when I posted about my visit with my PS. He has agreed to take them out which is good. Because I was so small before the implants, he really doesn't think a breast lift would be a good idea for me. He said it could actually make me look smaller which I thought was near impossible. I was flat chested before the implants. I walked out of there feeling at odds with my decision to have them out. I looked my husband in the eyes last night and said I don't think I can live without breasts. Now how silly is that. Not silly at all I guess when I actually think about it. Breasts are a very real sexual part of our being. I feel sexy having breasts. I love looking proportioned. I love feeling them rest against my arm when I leaning on something. I love every aspect of them. I also love the feel and the sensations I get while making love. I know this is leading to a more personal note but bare with me. Before I had the implants, my nipple sensation was incredible. Very sexual. I lost a good portion of that when the implants were put in. My left breast has no feelings at all except around my monthly and then it becomes tender. My right breast still has sensation but nothing near what I had. If he cuts me open to remove the implants, I'm so afraid I will lose all sensation and have no breasts to boot. That thought alone made me start thinking, "I'll live with this sickness before I give up that pleasure" I can't imagine sex without the nipple sensation.

With the mastoplexy out, the only other option is saline implants and I know I would be jumping from the pit into the fire, not to mention the $4700. it would cost. Yikes!! To me my options are very limited. I still believe in my heart that the implants have to come out and stay out but man oh man this is really a tough decision. I used to sleep like a log at night and for the past week I have not slept that well. My nerves have been frayed and that is probably why I felt so awful for the past week. I can't think about anything else and I know I need to. I returned to work today and felt great. In fact, I walk every day at lunch because we work next to the river with a great walking path. The amount of women who are asking if they can join our little group that walks has been so inspiring that I know it will help push me in the direction I want to go in.

I do have dreams of becoming fit and picking up the weights again and as you mentioned in an earlier post , building up my chest muscles to look like I have cleavage. I know it won't give me back my breasts and will definately make them smaller but at least it will make me feel good and my chest will look nice. I'm hoping I can gear that way and keep that mental image in my mind thru the toughest part cause I know I'm going to need something. Gotta go to bed now as 5am comes too darned early in my books. Take care and I am really happy you are feeling better today. Take care, jackie

----- Original Message -----

From:

egroups

Sent: Wednesday, January 17, 2001 5:58 PM

Subject: OK bare with me ladies

I apologize to the group for my post and if I upset anyone. I had a much better day today and I guess I just have to be patient. Ok, no my breasts don['t look that bad Jackie, but I don't look like I did with implants and people do need to be prepared for this! I guess I had allot of unrealistic expectations, and NO Patty, you never led me to think this would be easy. I know my mind plays tricks on me big time, because if I stop and think back or read some of my journals or my posts in July I was allot sicker than I am now. Though I do get some really bad days. I went out on Monday night and had a decaf cappucino, I don't know if that had anything to do with my feeling so crappy Tuesday, or if it was the depression or what. I do know that today I felt allot better though of course not perfect. I will try not to get so impatient and I realize that I will have problems for awhile. Sorry you guys for my ranting and raving, this has been such a hard thing.Ok so Jackie my breasts are perky, and the scars aren't bad, but I had allot of stretch marks on top of my breasts (I am a small person not much fat) 5'4" tall 120 pounds, so of course now I can see all the stretch marks and this is more upsetting to me than the actual shape or even size of my breasts...but amazingly enough I got this water bra and it looks good, I wore it today and I can actually even make a bit of cleavage, so all is not bad...like I said the stretch marks bug me more than anything else...but they seem to run in my family. Blah...I am an emotional wreck right now, but happy that at least today my head felt really clear and almost normal....and yes Dr.Feng said it would be a long hall anywhere from 6 weeks to a year to see the symptoms fade, and I have seen improvement...I just thought that I would be lucky and some miracle would occur and I would be different and that as soon as the implants were gone I would feel great HA! ok not very realistic of me, and then I must admit too, I do miss the dam things. I can't deny it. But I also know when I am fully recovered I won't care that much. The other thing I think that depresses me is my obsession with boobs..everywhere I go I am looking at boobs, I never used to be like this, now I am a freak (lol) and tv gets me pretty depressed too, when it seems like they all have implants or at least they appear to ! AH crazy

[Guest guest]

-

,

Okay - this is a happier message from you and you sound better!! I

can relate to what you said about " boob obession " .. we probably have

all been there at one time or another

Think of it this way also. You are in better shape than others in

many ways ! I am 5'6 " and 120. I have not much fatty tissue left in

there either but was a saggy 34 B before surgery.

My wish is that I would be JUST small after I get my explant, only

the reality is that I will look like a very , very bad picture in

National Geographic. (big grin) You all know the ones I am talking

about , right? If I don't learn to laugh about this it will be the

end of me. I am more than BOOBS. saggy, wrinkly whatever I get left

with, I will take back my life with HEALTH (and those inserts you put

in your bra!) LOL

xoxo

R

[Guest guest]

Hi ...

No Need for Apoligies.. You Vent Girl.. Thats what we are here for! My

Prayers are with you and the Rest of my Silicone Sisters who are

effected by the poision of Silicone... GOD BLESS YOU ALL

Sincerely;

Debe

> I apologize to the group for my post and if I upset anyone. I had a

> much better day today and I guess I just have to be patient. Ok, no

> my breasts don['t look that bad Jackie, but I don't look like I did

> with implants and people do need to be prepared for this! I guess I

> had allot of unrealistic expectations, and NO Patty, you never led

me

> to think this would be easy. I know my mind plays tricks on me big

> time, because if I stop and think back or read some of my journals

or

> my posts in July I was allot sicker than I am now. Though I do get

> some really bad days. I went out on Monday night and had a decaf

> cappucino, I don't know if that had anything to do with my feeling

so

> crappy Tuesday, or if it was the depression or what. I do know that

> today I felt allot better though of course not perfect. I will try

> not to get so impatient and I realize that I will have problems for

> awhile. Sorry you guys for my ranting and raving, this has been such

> a hard thing.

>

> Ok so Jackie my breasts are perky, and the scars aren't bad, but I

> had allot of stretch marks on top of my breasts (I am a small person

> not much fat) 5'4 " tall 120 pounds, so of course now I can see all

> the stretch marks and this is more upsetting to me than the actual

> shape or even size of my breasts...but amazingly enough I got this

> water bra and it looks good, I wore it today and I can actually even

> make a bit of cleavage, so all is not bad...like I said the stretch

> marks bug me more than anything else...but they seem to run in my

> family. Blah...I am an emotional wreck right now, but happy that at

> least today my head felt really clear and almost normal....and yes

> Dr.Feng said it would be a long hall anywhere from 6 weeks to a year

> to see the symptoms fade, and I have seen improvement...I just

> thought that I would be lucky and some miracle would occur and I

> would be different and that as soon as the implants were gone I

would

> feel great HA! ok not very realistic of me, and then I must admit

> too, I do miss the dam things. I can't deny it. But I also know when

> I am fully recovered I won't care that much. The other thing I think

> that depresses me is my obsession with boobs..everywhere I go I am

> looking at boobs, I never used to be like this, now I am a freak

> (lol) and tv gets me pretty depressed too, when it seems like they

> all have implants or at least they appear to ! AH crazy