worry, fear, regrest and doubts

December 17, 2009

Dear Bee,

While meditating this morning, it occurred to me that my biggest problems have

been worry, fear, doubt, fear and so on. That was before my troubles blossomed

in 2008.

I would worry and fret about the foods I put into my mouth, nothing " unclean "

ever passed my lips. I mainly ate the foods of the Jews, while still following

the American Diabetic diet. My Belove's family is full of diabetics so I wanted

them to be able to come and enjoy the foods I prepared without fear. Sadly, I

feared more for their health than they did.

I would fear toxins in the air. I like to burn clean, USA made candles. Not

cheap, China made candles.

I (once) regretted the past and the mistakes I feel I have made. Especially with

my eldest daughter, 8 and then again nearly 3 years ago.

I was a people pleaser. I would stay awake 24 hours several days, if needed.

I worried about the government and what they were doing behind closed doors.

I worried about the health and welfare of my neighbors, friends and family. I

was very very focused especially on my little beloved families' health.

I guess I am wondering today if I ought not to blame " candida overgrowth " for my

dis-eased body...but rather call it what it is?

Because until 2008, though not the healthiest gal on the block, I had no major

foods/smells/skin issues. If they did cause a problem, I avoided it like the

plague.

All of the worry, stress, doubts, fears, etc, etc. caused my body to become

overwhelmed and the bad bacteria saw me as a walking dead woman. Or at least

that is what I continued to hear day after day, like a whisper over my shoulder,

" Dead Woman Walking. "

Just curious.

Hope you have a lovely and warm day.

Curious, a

PS. I am sorry this was so long. I was reading this morning Psalm 103, and it

really caused this avalanche of wonder and curiosity.

I thank you in advance for your patience. (~PC)

December 17, 2009

<snip>

> I worried about the health and welfare of my neighbors, friends and family. I

was very very focused especially on my little beloved families' health.

>

> I guess I am wondering today if I ought not to blame " candida overgrowth " for

my dis-eased body...but rather call it what it is?

>

> Because until 2008, though not the healthiest gal on the block, I had no major

foods/smells/skin issues. If they did cause a problem, I avoided it like the

plague.

>

> All of the worry, stress, doubts, fears, etc, etc. caused my body to become

overwhelmed and the bad bacteria saw me as a walking dead woman. Or at least

that is what I continued to hear day after day, like a whisper over my shoulder,

" Dead Woman Walking. "

+++Hi a. It is unlikely that only worry, stress, etc. caused your body to

develop candida. If your body were perfectly healthy it could withstand a lot

more stress and worry, so it wouldn't break down and become dis-eased.

I found this out when I had to move twice within a month a year ago last May.

It was a tremendous amount of stress, including being freezing cold in the first

place I moved into (my landlord, a " supposed friend " refused to provide enough

heat). I couldn't afford to stay in that city because the rents were so high.

So I was forced to drive 2,000 miles in my little Toyota Tercel, with only what

would fit into it, which included my computer off course. My family got me an

expensive apartment here, and the rest is history.

I wasn't always able to eat as well as I usually do, and even had an inordinate

amount of bad foods, yet I didn't get sick the whole time.

Also when your body is healthy mind issues and problems which cause

psychosomatic illnesses and symptoms, aren't as easily triggered.

I hope that helps.

Bee

December 17, 2009

Thanks Bee. Yes, it does help.

It is true that during Aug-Sept 2008, I wasn't able to eat, sleep or drink as

much as I should have. I was literally on my feet except for maybe 2-3 hours a

night. There was a negative voice without that kept repeating over and over

{sigh} about someone else looking like a holocaust victim and that I had

diabetes. I felt myself getting weaker day by day. Tired doesn't begin to

describe how I felt. Anyway,

I know that none of this changes things. My immune system failed me when I

needed it most. My adrenals got tired can't blame them. All this started a chain

reaction. My entire body began to shut down. I was dying. I am thankful to be

alive at this point, doing what it takes to be healed and restored to optimal

health.

Hanging on to Hope.

a